Chapter Eighteen

Ididn't realize at first how much I needed Alice. She was a friend suddenly turning into much more. I wanted to kiss her every moment I was in her presence, and even more when I was away from her. Every time she was in the room with me I needed to touch her, so our hands became permanently intertwined.

I didn't compare it to how I felt with Jake. It was different. They were different.

When we made it back from the trail I almost undressed her on the spot, but she asked me to wait.

"Why?" I asked, my hand still on her sweater. I could feel the heat of her skin just inches from my fingertips. I slowly rubbed my finger below her navel and she trembled in response.

"I don't want you to regret that it moves too fast. You still have time to decide if you want this, us," she said.

I found her eyes.

"I'll wait, okay, but only because you are asking me to. But you need to know, I have never, ever wanted something more than I want you now."

"You don't mean it," she said.

"I do."

And I tried to show it to her with my lips, and maybe she understood a fraction of what I was meaning, because minutes later she lay breathless on the couch, her chest heaving.

"Tea?" I asked.

* * *

We decided to spend New Year"s Eve together, and I knew that night she could say whatever she wanted about how we should wait. I didn't care. My dreams were haunted by her slipping away, vanishing into thin air. And Jake would be back home soon, meaning we had only a few nights left of the house to ourselves.

And I intended to use it.

It seemed Alice was thinking the same because when she opened the door she was wearing only white fluffy socks, a big white T-shirt, and panties.

I closed the front door quickly behind me because her skin was suddenly covered in goosebumps from the cold I had brought in with me.

"This is our dress code for tonight," Alice said, her voice calm.

I shrugged off my coat.

"Let me change, then. Just one thing I need to check, should I be wearing a bra?"

Before she could reply, I cupped her breast through the fabric, gently.

"No bra," I breathed.

"Yes."

I almost ran upstairs to change. I quickly undressed, folding my clothes neatly into a pile I left on Alice's bed.

I pulled the black T-shirt I used for sleeping from my bag, unhooked my bra, and slipped the T-shirt on.

My hair was a dark mess and my almost translucent panties left so little to the imagination that, as I turned and looked in the mirror, the reflection made my cheeks hot.

The black fabric only highlighted the outline of my breasts, my nipples clearly visible, my black nail polish glinting from the light of the bed lamp. My stomach flipped for a moment before I breathed in slowly, trying to calm myself.

I looked at myself and tried to understand what a girl like Alice could want to do with me. I was simple, far from beautiful, a girl battling with low self-esteem and trust issues. But when she looked at me, I knew she didn't care about any of it. She looked directly inside, into my core, and amazingly, she liked what she saw.

My heart started beating faster. I didn't actually know how it would work, what I should do. All I knew was that I wanted to lay my hands on every inch of her, kiss her everywhere, taste her. My imagination spiraled as I pictured her between my lips, under my tongue, moving.

I grabbed the door handle and took another deep breath.

Alice was waiting for me on the couch downstairs, sweet jazz piano music was playing and, instead of a usual tea set, two flutes of bubbling champagne stood on the table.

"It's a New Year's Eve," she said, her eyes hungrily moving down my T-shirt, pausing on my breasts, widening at my panties.

She patted the couch beside her, motioning for me to sit.

My legs were slightly shaking when I stepped closer and sat down by her side.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered, and tucked her hair behind her ear, kissing the skin under her cheekbone.

"Have you ever had sex with a woman?" Alice asked, quietly.

"You know I haven't," I replied, my lips so close to hers.

"Can I guide you today?" she asked, a hint of shyness in her voice.

"Of course," I replied, moving back slightly.

She picked up the glasses and gave one to me.

"I want you every day in my life next year. I want to see your face, to hold your hand, to be by your side. I want you to know that I need you. That I'm afraid of our idea even working, of a family of three, of two relationships for you. Oh, God. I hope it works, because it's a blessing if the three of us could pull it off, and even though I'm afraid, I see how pure it is. How all of us could be happy," Alice said and took a deep breath. "You are my life, Emily."

Only the sound of soft jazz could be heard while I looked at her, while I felt my heart swelling with joy and happiness, and love. All I said was:

"We would make it work. Both of you deserve so much better than me, but by some inexplicable magic you chose me, and I'll be by your side as long as you want me to be."

"Forever," Alice said.

"It's a long time."

"It's not long enough," she said, and my chest burst with the light when she leaned in to kiss me, slowly, her tongue caressing mine.

A new flame ignited inside me.

"Do you want to watch anything?" she asked.

"I want to watch you."

"Okay," Alice replied and put her champagne flute on the table. She slipped her white shirt over her head and looked at me. Her milky skin was like marble; the veins standing starkly against a background of white. Her stomach was flat, and her chest, oh my God. I stopped breathing when I looked at it. The size was perfect to fit in the palm, my palm. The darker skin around her nipples woke up some old instinct to suck on them. She breathed evenly as I watched her.

"You can touch me, if you want," she said.

Of course, I wanted to. It's all I wanted at that moment.

My fingers were trembling when I cupped her breast, my thumb scraping the silky skin of her nipple. I rubbed a little, and she closed her eyes for a moment, just to open them back and find mine. There was something sexy about my black nails on her white skin.

"Let me lie down," she said.

And before I could reply she lowered her head into my lap, lying down, her hair spilling on my bare legs. Alice lay at my side, open, my hand could reach any part of her, easily.

I slowly rubbed the skin under her breast, the tender part, before trapping the nipple between my fingers. She was breathing faster.

"I need you to touch me, Emily, because I'm burning," she rasped and took my hand in hers, our fingers intertwining in a familiar pattern before she lowered my hand into her panties. She was burning. "Touch me like you touch yourself, please."

I brushed my fingers against the warmth of her. She was so wet my finger easily slid inside. She moaned and arched her back. I knew what she was asking. I pulled out my hand and dragged the soft cotton of her panties down. She slid it down her legs, revealing herself to me. She was completely naked, her legs spread. My fingers were wet as I touched her breast again, slowly trailing down, down to where she needed me.

My fingers drew a slow circle.

And then faster, and faster. Alice touched her breasts, squeezing a little as she responded to my touch, rocking, as she whimpered like a kitten while I touched her, whimpers growing into cries as she was coming.

"A little slower, please," she sighed. And when I found the right pattern, she locked her eyes with mine, and as I stroked her she came with a violent shudder, a loud cry escaping her. My fingers were wet with her juices and I had an urge to lick them.

"Are you sure you've never touched another woman?" Alice said, her voice coming out in a rasp. "Because that was …"

"I practiced on myself," I replied and blushed.

"Later, I want to see it," she purred. "Now it's my turn."

And she lifted herself and found my lips, my reply hungrier, my teeth scraping her tongue. She grabbed the bottom of my shirt, tugging it up.

My breasts were bigger, messier than hers, everything about me was messier. But she paused and just watched me.

"I could only dream about this moment. You're gorgeous, Emily, you must know it."

When she touched my breast, the shock of want tugged at the bottom of my belly. Alice lowered me to the sofa, a soft leather sticking to my back. She kissed me for a moment before going down, her teeth scraping my collarbone, her soft lips wrapping around my nipple, as her hands rubbed my breasts. The sweet need built with each passing moment. She knew when I needed it most and rubbed her fingers over my panties, finally. A moan escaped my lips.

She slowly tugged down my underwear, moving my legs apart, lowering her face between them. Alice pressed her cheek to my inner thigh and painfully slowly dragged the finger up and down.

"You're so beautiful," she whispered as she slid her finger inside me and moved it.

My hips rolled in reply.

Alice brushed her lips over me, her tongue soft, but pressing into the place I yearned for it the most. I was dissolving in a moment, each cell of my body pulsing. She licked me, fingered me, as I was losing it. I guided her head just a little, her silky hair between my fingers. Soft sobs became moans, as she was moving faster, as I was climaxing under her tongue. I cried as it hit. Hard.

I was breathing heavily as she kissed me down there for the last time, licking her lips.

After a moment she guided my lips to hers. I tasted myself on her, and the thought was maddening, sensual.

"I want to do the same, to you," I whispered.

She nodded and stood up, draping a leg around me, going up "til she was hovering over my chest.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

Instead of replying I lifted her hips higher, so she was on the level of my mouth. Slowly, I licked her.

"Oh, God," she whimpered.

Alice was sweet, sweeter than anything I had tasted before. She melted under my tongue as she rubbed herself into my face. She rode me, a new experience, so deliciously pleasurable. My fingernails dug into the soft flesh of her bottom, wrapping her around me, tugging her even closer.

She came, panting, almost tumbling on top of me, hot liquid spreading on my lips. She clambered off my face, her lithe limbs shaking, and was soon kissing it away, slowly.

I wrapped my hands around her body, as she pressed closer, our skin connected everywhere. I lifted my phone from the table to check the time.

"Happy New Year," I said, joyfully.

She giggled. Somewhere between sweet delirium, when our bodies were intertwined, a new year came. I closed my eyes to imagine the year and what it would bring. I squeezed just a tiny bit more, pressing Alice into me. Her head lay in the crook of my shoulder.

"Do you want to sleep with me today? Like properly sleep, in bed?" Alice asked, propping her head up on her hand.

"Yes."

She smiled, a warmth lighting her features. She slowly circled the skin on my belly in a lazy caress.

It was new, the closeness. And I wanted to wrap that feeling in a warm blanket so it stayed forever.

That night was the first night I slept with her in her bed, falling into dreams right from her arms. In the morning she went down on me again, making me grab the sheets, and move, move under her tongue until I couldn't anymore.