Chapter Thirteen

Icracked open my eyes; the bright light that sliced at my retinas made me groan. I covered my face with my hands, rubbing my eyes and my forehead. Every cell of my body screamed water, and my limbs were so reluctant to move. But I turned and looked around, against the better judgment of my aching body.

I was alone. The sun filled my room with light, and as I propped myself up on my elbow and looked outside, I saw that the world was covered in a thick layer of white. It glittered so vividly under the morning light.

Something colorful caught my eye as I turned away from the window. A small pile of boxes lay a few feet from my bed, each one wrapped in sparkling paper.

Alice must have dropped them there while I was out in my slumber. I groaned again as I remembered the details of the previous night. How immaturely I had reacted to her being kissed, how inappropriate it was for me to question her while we walked back to the car. And how indescribably relieved I was that she hadn't stayed there when I left.

I grabbed my phone. It was ten in the morning. There were already a few texts from Miranda. Had she slept at all that night?

Merry Christmas!!! Where did you disappear to last night? Brian says he's hoping you didn't make a mess, but he won't give me details. I hate when you two have secrets (mad emoji), but you know I'll find out (ROFL emoji)

I groaned and typed a message to Brian: I know where you live and who you love, stay quiet about your ideas, which are invalid by the way, or I'll find you. Merry Christmas, xoxo

His reply came seconds later. Yeah, totally invalid (winking emoji)

Brian was drunk and imagined things yesterday. Hope you had a good time, cough, hot time. Saw you two by the bedroom. Remind me to ignore you next time when you complain about your fifty-year relationship. I texted Miranda.

Miranda replied instantly. I don't know what you"re talking about (blushing emoji)

Right. I typed back. You two are hotter than any porn movie (heart emoji) Merry Christmas!

I scrolled down my contacts list and tapped on Jake's name, selecting the video icon.

He picked up after the third ring. Jake was smiling, his eyes fixed on the screen, his curly hair falling down his forehead. The image sent a jolt of longing through my heart. I missed him.

"Merry Christmas!" he said as a group of kids rushed around behind him, fighting with lightsabers.

"Hey, Merry Christmas," I replied. "I see you're teaching young Jedi."

"Oh, yes, I"ve been doing it since seven this morning. Alice texted me that you had had a rough night, something about Miranda trying to poison everyone she invited."

I grunted. "God, I'm feeling awful. I'm not sure I would have got home safely if Alice didn't drive me. I wanted to go by foot, and even though it's close I'm afraid you'd find my frozen body when spring came. And look," I said and switched the camera to show the pile of presents.

"The big blue one is from me," he said.

"Thank you, Jake. It truly means a lot that you two are close to me."

He nodded, his smile warming my heart.

"I miss you," I said quietly.

"I miss you too," he said, his eyes looking deep into mine, breaking through the miles between us.

The perfect moment was interrupted as a lightsaber was jammed into his side and a girl with bushy blonde hair demanded for Jake to give up his powers.

"Hey, Olivia, meet my friend. Her name is Emily," he said and the girl"s face appeared next to Jake's.

I waved. "Hi!"

"Is she your girlfriend?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," he said.

"She's pretty," she said.

"I'm not," I laughed. "I had a late night."

Her eyes sparked. "Did you see Santa?"

"You can't tell anyone, but actually I did!" I whispered excitedly. "There's no chimney in the place I live now, so he used a window to bring me presents. Look!" And I switched the camera again to show the colorful pile. "And just as I came home at night, I saw his red pants swinging down the window."

Olivia's eyes were the size of saucers, and she yelled: "Tom, Emily saw Santa tonight!"

And she disappeared from the screen.

Jake laughed. "It's time for you to open those presents. Merry Christmas, Emily."

After he disconnected I slid to the floor, tugging my blanket with me and wrapping it around my shoulders.

I took the blue one first, under the paper was a cream-colored sleeping gown. The silk flowed under my fingertips. So delicate.

There was a tea set from Alice, with small bags of leaves of different kinds: Tieguanyin, Oolong, Earl Grey, White tea. The golden paper revealed a dreamcatcher with white feathers. A note was attached to it: Handmade by me and a smiley face. Alice.

To a slim box wrapped in silver paper was pinned a note saying: From both of us. Merry Christmas!

As I slowly tore the paper it revealed the newest e-reader. The one I'd been saving for. A soft sob escaped my lips. I looked around at all the presents, chosen with care, for me. A light similar to the one shining outside shone within me. And I thanked anyone, real or divine, who brought those two people into my life.

I recorded a video saying thank you and sent it to Jake. I stood up, made my bed, took a shower, and dressed warmly, grabbing a bag with presents I had prepared. I marched outside, new purpose singing within me. I had to make Alice understand what they meant to me.

The prickling cold kissed my cheeks once I was outside. The sun glinted on the white sheets of untouched snow. I closed my eyes for a second and listened to the quiet morning on campus. So many students went away for holidays, and those few who stayed were still huddled inside. I gripped the railing because no one had cleaned the stairs from the night before, my boots sinking in the white powder.

It took five minutes walking on a deserted road to be out of the campus. The Corner was open, it was open every day of the year, making it not only a nice place to buy coffee but a convenient one. I joined the queue, and when I reached the counter I ordered two cups of coffee with croissants to go. Bundling the bag they gave me in a scarf to try and keep the contents warm, I walked outside and headed east.

There, someone had cleared the streets, and as I walked through the residential areas, people shouted Merry Christmas to me. I watched happy families behind windows in every state of celebration. Couples bundled in front of TVs, groggy dog walkers yawned, kids showed off presents to the neighbors. I stopped in front of a small house with a yellow car, warm light kindled in the windows. As always, slow sweet jazz music played inside. The buzzer chimed and a shadow loomed behind the door, and when it opened I saw Alice, who smiled at me softly.

"Merry Christmas," I said.

"Come on in."

As I stepped through the threshold a sweet chocolate smell hit my nose, and a second after the door closed behind me, Alice wrapped her arms around me.

"Merry Christmas," she murmured and let go of me. She and Jake had that peculiar habit of hugging me. "How are you feeling after last night?"

"Better than one would think I should be, actually," I said as I unwrapped my scarf from the paper bag. "I hope it's still lukewarm, the idea was to bring hot coffee."

Alice took the bag and opened it, the luscious croissant smell wafting from the bag.

"It's still warm, perfect," Alice said and walked to the kitchen.

A small Christmas tree stood in the corner of the living room. It had so many ornaments its branches sagged under the weight. I kneeled in front of it and carefully added a few boxes to the small pile with Jake's name on it. And a few to the right, Alice's name on them.

I turned around and noticed how she stood and watched me, leaning on the counter.

"Are you my Santa today?" she asked.

I nodded, smiling.

"Let's drink coffee first, while it's warm," she said.

And I joined her on the sofa where she had the croissants placed on two plates.

"Thank you for the presents. They were perfect, honestly. You don't know how much that effort means to me," I said and she smiled. "And I'm sorry for last night, I didn't mean to drink so much. It's just …" that I couldn't stomach the idea of you being kissed by Mary, I wanted to say, but I didn't, my voice trailing away. "Thank you for taking me home."

Alice patted my knee. "It's okay. By the time we left not many people could stand on their own."

Mary could, I almost blurted out, but I bit my tongue on time. What did I want to hear? Alice already told me that she was not interested in her.

"I called Jake this morning," I said changing the subject. "He's been jabbed with lightsabers the whole morning."

"Yes, he's a saint with kids, and he's genuinely happy with them, you know. He's like that with family. He feels natural at these family gatherings."

I nodded as Alice studied my face, her eyes lighting up suddenly.

"Can I open my presents?" she asked. "I opened the ones from Jake this morning. He got me a pastel set of dumbbells and a matching yoga mat. I'm going to have such glamorous workouts now," Alice said and wiggled her eyebrows.

She slid to the floor and scooted along until she sat near the tree.

"It's nothing special," I murmured as she tore at the wrapping paper.

It was a white scarf. It had been so soft when my hands connected with its fabric in the store that I immediately thought of Alice. She wrapped it around her neck, and pressed her cheek into it, closing her eyes.

The next bit of wrapping hid a vintage photobook of still art prints. Alice's eyes went wide as she leafed through the pages.

"It's so beautiful," she whispered, her eyes glued to the pages.

"I'm glad you like it."

The last one was a small blue box, and my heart hammered as she opened it. A silver pendant of the moon lay on some silky cushioning.

She stared at it for a few seconds, stroking it with her finger. Alice lifted her grey eyes to me.

"You have something similar, right?" she asked.

"Yes. Well, identical actually."

And in a blur of movement, I was embraced again, her warm body pressing into mine. "Thank you," she whispered, her breath tingled in my ear.

I tried to laugh but couldn't. Instead, I lowered my head to her shoulder, resting it there. Her hands went slack in surprise but pulled me closer after a moment.

It was just for a few short moments, then I lifted my head, whispering, "You're welcome."

She dropped her hands into her lap, moving away, but she watched me all that time.

"Emily?" she said almost inaudibly, her lips barely moving.

I stood abruptly.

"Let's go for a walk," I said, breaking the spell that wrapped us.

"Yes, sure. Give me a sec to change," she said and disappeared upstairs.

I dropped my head into my hands taking a deep breath. What was happening? My heart pounded in my chest as I went to the door, pulled on my jacket, and walked outside, into the bright winter day.