16. True Love

True Love

Dex

“ I t’s a four-count here, right?” Nicole asks, turning in place and pantomiming the arm movements for the complex around-the-neck arm movements she performs in perfect unison with Felix before a gorgeous spin.

She’s been practicing alone for me since Felix is at the studio teaching a waltz class to a busload of senior citizens we get every Wednesday afternoon from the local center. Surprisingly, practicing alone improves her hand and footwork sequences. I’ve never known that to happen since most dancers need a partner to set the rhythm. I did the right thing by trusting my instincts when I picked her up. She has natural talent she just needed to find, and Felix and I have molded her into a dancer .

Wanting to get up and dance with her, I sigh from my place on the couch and adjust the wrap on my knee. Felix always wraps it way too tight.

“You have that down. You have the whole thing down. It’s perfect, Nicole.”

She stops and slumps her shoulders forward.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Felix hates me. But even after all of that, I don’t want to disappoint him.”

“He doesn’t hate you. We’ve been over this. If he hated you, he wouldn’t have cared about your enjoyment when we were all together that one time and he wouldn’t speak civilly to you at work. He’s just…complicated.”

“He’s a dick sometimes, you know?”

“I see that, and I’m trying with him. I’m giving him space for things to happen on their own. I love you, Nicole.” It rolls off my tongue so naturally that I don’t even blink when I say it. She raises her head and looks at me. I hold my hands up. “Don’t say it back if you don’t mean it. I just wanted you to know how I feel because I want to keep you in my life. I love Felix so much, but I love you. I know I keep saying it, and I know it’s hard, but he doesn’t hate you. I can tell.”

Nicole walks to the couch and lifts the heating pad that’s nearby to check it’s on before placing it over my knee. “I’ve never been in love Dex. Is this what it is?”

“What do you feel for me?” I ask .

I’m fully aware of ripping my heart open and laying it bare for her to stomp on if she doesn’t feel the same way. If she’s going to stick around, I need to know her motivation. Does she do this because I’m her boss and she’s scared she’ll be fired if she doesn’t date me? The thought has been in the back of my mind since I started seeing something called sexual harassment cases on the news. The first case was brought a couple of years ago, but it just hit me that Nicole may feel coerced into sleeping with me after more cases have happened in Chicago.

After the heating pad is on my leg, she curls into my armpit and nestles her head under my chin. If she’s being coerced, she’s a damn good actress. “Is love when you’d do anything for someone?” she asks.

“Yes.”

“Like enter a dance contest?”

I laugh into her hair before kissing the crown of her head. “Yes.”

“Why do you love me, Dex?” Her voice is low when she asks it, and I strain my ears since the sound is muffled in my shirt.

“I thought you were the most innocent being I’ve ever met. I know you’re the kindest person in my world. You work so hard for us. You’re there when I need you, and you make me want to be there for all your needs. You give and then you let me give to you. You’re also beautiful, and I just feel like we click. It’s been that way for the last few months.”

“Like love at first sight?” she asks, running her hand up my leg in a way that gets my dick’s attention. “Does that exist? ”

“I loved Felix at first sight. He loved me at first sight. It does exist.” I run my hands through her hair as she traces her index finger over my hardening erection, and I smile at my innocent, little virgin now a minx when we’re alone. “But you asked how I know, and I know I love you because I don’t want to be away from you.”

“You like me working for you? I’m worried about that – that I spend too much time with you.”

“I come home from work and wish you were at dinner with me and Felix. When I go out with you, I wish Felix was there with his sarcastic comments and jaded commentary to counter your sunny disposition. I didn’t realize how much I need your sun to Felix’s rain until I met you. Now, I feel like the luckiest man alive because I get to have both of you in my life.” I kiss her forehead as she looks up at me with doe eyes. “If I could, I’d snap my fingers so that Felix would love you like I do, but I know he needs time. It can’t be instantaneous for everyone here. That’s not realistic.”

Nicole nods. “When I was growing up, I was told I may not love my husband at first but I’d grow to love him. I was told I should look for someone who would be a good provider and was from a nice family. I don’t know why, but that made me not trust my feelings when I liked a boy.”

“Did you have a high school boyfriend?”

She shakes her head. “I liked someone once. His name was David. I wasn’t allowed to see him because his mother was a single mom. His dad had left as soon as his mother found out she was pregnant. There were lots of rumors about her. You know the type of things people say in small towns about single mothers.” I nod into her hair. “Anyway, I always liked talking to him, and he’d throw rocks at my window some nights. Just to talk. Nothing scandalous happened. I mean, obviously.” She waves her hand at her own crotch, probably reminding me she was a virgin until Felix and I took care of that.

“I’m invested in this. What happened?” I ask, propping my chin on my elbow and smiling that she’s talking about something in her past.

“Nothing. We talked. I’d pine to see him on days when he wasn’t at school. He worked a lot to help his mom, and he was too tired for school some days. Everyone looked down on him for it. He was great at art. I remember he’d draw me pictures. I think I still have some in a trunk under my bed.” She snorts through her nose a little. “But Mom disapproved, so I could never date him or explore my feelings. It’s such an old-fashioned idea to have now that I think about it. She said he would try to get me to do inappropriate things and wouldn’t be a good provider. She said he was like his father and would impregnate me and run off. Maybe that’s why I left town eventually. Mom was trying to set me up with her podiatrist’s son. He was getting ready to finish his own podiatry program and coming home to wife shop.”

“Nicole, I have a very serious question.” She looks up at me, eyebrows creased. “Are you going to leave me for a second-generation podiatrist? ”

She leans forward and kisses me on my chin. “Never. Because I think I love you, Dex Holden.”

“Really?” My heart pounds so hard I wonder if she hears it.

She pulls back and holds up her hand to tick items off. “I can’t wait to see you every single day. I can’t wait to tell you things that happen to me because I feel like we’re a team. I don’t like being away from you, either, and I think I can trust you with my thoughts and feelings. It’s like I can tell you anything. I also want to see where the future goes with you. That’s love, right?”

“Throw in a hell of a sex life, and I think you nailed it.”

“Sex life, huh?” she says, moving her attention back to my dick.

“And I have a theory about Felix. I’ve thought about it a lot, but I’ve never told him my thoughts.”

She raises her head a little, enough to turn her ear to hear me better, her interest piqued. “A theory?”

“He likes that you’re not easy for him.”

A grunt comes out of her, and it’s such an un-Nicole-like sound. “He likes that he hates me?”

“Like I said, he doesn’t hate you. He likes that it’s difficult with you. He’s never had that, so he’s confused. It’s the thrill of the chase for him, but he doesn’t recognize this as a chase. He wants it to be, but I delivered you to our apartment in the middle of the night on a silver platter. Maybe, deep down in his soul, Felix doesn’t want love at first sight the next time love comes for him. He wants growth. He wants to try. So far, he hasn’t had to try. ”

“That’s an interesting theory.” She rests her head back on my chest and moves back to fingering my cock through my pants. “But it’s also bullshit. Nothing I’ve seen from him indicates he wants to try at all with me.”

Nicole’s hand moves to the button on my pants and soon works it free, but I scoot to the edge of the couch. I take her hand in mine, and she knows that’s my hint for us to move to the bedroom. We’ve done this a few times now. I’m growing as comfortable with her body and tells as I am with Felix.

“I’m nervous about what Felix will think if I screw up in the contest.”

I sigh and roll my shoulders as I get up, letting Nicole help me to the bedroom without the crutches. My knee feels much better, and I don’t always need them if I can lean on Nicole or Felix a bit when walking short distances in the apartment. Nicole walks into my bedroom at my side and shuts off the lights for me after I settle on the bed.

Even though I have this amazing woman with me, and I know I’m going to make love to her – not just have sex – I can’t help but wish the other piece of my heart was here with us.