CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

PAYTON

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My bladder wakes mewith a start, and I climb out of bed and use the bathroom.

Damn Knox.

How dare he come over last night? As if I was just going to let him in and everything would be okay.

It’s not.

I can’t see or speak to him right now. Not after doing the test and seeing those little pink lines.

I’m terrified.

On Saturday I am moving home to my parents’ house, and I will have to tell them. Not immediately, but eventually.

I haven’t even told Molly.

The first question everyone will ask is, what are you going to do? I don’t have an answer for them. I am still in shock.

Pregnant, unemployed, rejected, and in enormous debt. This was not how I saw my life unfolding. What a complete and utter disaster.

It did occur to me that Dad would wipe the debt knowing I am having a baby, but I honestly don’t care right now. I just want to sleep for a year and pretend none of this is happening.

Tomorrow I will go to the doctor and find out how many weeks I am. Who knows when it happened? It could have been at any point.

On my way back to bed, I walk past the window and look out across the street to where Knox had parked last night—What in the hell?

His car is still there.

No way...I stride through the house and quietly unlatch the lock, then pull open the door.

Bang.

“Fuck!” Knox cries as his head hits the floor. “What the fuck, Payton?”

“Why the hell would you lean on the door?” I crouch and grab his arm. “Are you okay?”

I shouldn’t care, but I do.

That was a loud bang.

Maybe it will snap some sense into him, but I doubt it.

“No. That fucking hurt. I was waiting for you to open it and fell asleep.” He groans as he climbs to his feet.

With a wobble, as he rubs the back of his head, Knox reaches out his hand and I take it. Immediately, an electrical charge sparks between us and I snap back my hand.

Knox stares down at me.

God, I want him to pull me into his arms.

Emotion boils up inside me and my eyes well.

“Payton.” He reaches for me, but I step away.

“Please go. It’s three in the morning.” I shake my head.

“I’m going right back out there.” He points to the spot where he was sitting outside. “I’m not leaving.”

Why? Why did he take him a whole week to come to me?

I want to ask why he let me go at the venue instead of fighting for us.

Suddenly, it dawns on me.

I frown and his eyes narrow at me. We had unprotected sex twice. He wants to know if I’m pregnant.

An unwanted Montgomery baby - wouldn’t that be front page news?

Well, he’s about to get the fright of his life.

My heart splinters at the sadness of it all. This should be a happy time. There had been a moment where I truly thought he really liked me. More than liked me. Now we will be co-parenting this child as strangers.

If he even tries to tell me to get rid of it, I will hate him for eternity.

“What is that look?” Knox growls, taking a step forward, towering over me.

Which I used to love.

I still love it.

My eyes dip and the next minute Knox brushes the hair off my forehead and I’m glancing up at him.

“I was an idiot,” he says softly.

“That doesn’t fix anything.” I glance over at the boxes. His eyes follow mine and then turn dark as they return to me.

“You are leaving?”

“I don’t have a job. I have to go home to my parents,” I huff and walk back into the apartment.

I hear the door close and then feel him behind me as I stand, hugging myself.

“Where do your parents live?”

“An hour away. I’ll find something there,” I reply, knowing that at some point I will be in touch to tell him about the baby.

But not tonight.

“Why?”

I spin and drop my arms. “Because I can’t afford to stay here. The consequences of being with you have completely ruined my life.”

No, not you baby. I’m sure I will love you once you are born, but right now, I’m in shock.

I place my hand on my belly unconsciously and Knox’s eyes follow. Then lift to mine. Then back down.

Oh, shit.

“Payton,” he growls.

No, no, no, no, no.

I spin and walk into my bedroom and desperately think of a way to get out of this conversation.

I have a tummy bug.

I was checking my waistline as I’m doing a liver detox.

You give me butterflies.

“Payton,” Knox says again, glancing at my belly. “Ruined your life how?”

He’s standing in the doorway of my bedroom, taking up the entire space with his arms crossed.

“I lost my job. I’ve lost my home.” I throw out my arm. “I lost...”

“Me?” he says, dropping his arms and stalking toward me. “Because you haven’t.”

Please don’t say that.

“There was no us. You don’t date, remember?” I remind him.

He pulls me into his arms and cups my face. “I want to date you.”

I blink.

I wish I could say I’m stronger than this and kick him out, but I can’t. His beautiful steel-blue eyes are fixated on me. The hold on my face is so damn firm I know he will never let me go.

I feel the seed of our baby growing between us, and I need to hear what he has to say.

I swallow.

“I want to take you on dates. I want to wake up with you snoring. I want to have baths with you and wash every inch of you. Fuck, Payton, I want to buy you all the beautiful clothes and watch you get stoned and tell people completely ridiculous folk stories about the stars.”

My mouth parts.

What is he saying?

“I don’t snore,” I reply because I don’t know what else to say.

He grins at me, and the whole room lights up.

Knox is truly the most beautiful man I have ever seen. And he could break my heart into tiny little pieces if I let him.

My eyes drop.

“I can’t do this. I can’t let myself fall for you. We both know you don’t want a relationship, so please go home. I will call you in a few weeks.”

He deserves to know about the baby.

But I need time.

KNOX

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“I DON’T WANT a relationship,” I tell Payton, tightening my hold on her face. “But I fucking want you.”

She shakes her head. “Trust me, you don’t. You won’t.”

“Do you think I fall asleep in just anyone’s hallway until three in the morning?” I press. “Woman I sleep in one thousand thread Egyptian cotton and a bed that costs more than most people’s cars. I just slept on carpet, which I’m pretty sure has fleas.”

She shakes her pretty head at me.

“You are an idiot.”

On that, we both agree.

“Kiss me and tell me you don’t want me,” I say to her. Even in her ugly flannel pajamas and her tank top, which lord her hard nipples, she is beautiful.

“Knox.” Payton’s eyes fill, and my mouth lowers, gently taking hers.

Her body presses into mine, and I feel her hands scrunch my jacket. I whip it off and take her in my arms again.

My entire being relaxes knowing she’s with me, safe, protected... loved.

“I am not having sex.” She pulls back.

“Okay,” I say, running my thumb over her lips. “Then let’s talk. First, I need to use your bathroom before my damn bladder explodes.”

I kiss her mouth once more, pat her bottom. “Hop into bed and stay warm.”

“Knox.” She does more of that shaking head stuff as I walk into the bathroom.

I’m not leaving until she understands how I feel. But throwing out the L-word feels like a cheap move, so I’m going to take my time.

I unzip and aim into the bowl, considering my next move, when my eyes roam to the trash beside the toilet.

And my life changes.