Chapter 12

12

CARSON

I wake up to an empty bed. I don't like it. It's never felt empty before, but after falling asleep with my adorable Nikki in my arms, my world has changed forever.

Sitting up, I see that her pillow and one blanket are gone. I throw on shorts, brush my teeth and wash my face, then go to the living room. She's sitting quietly on the couch with a mug of tea.

"Good morning, kitten. Sorry, did I snore?"

"N-no." Her body language is stiff. Uncomfortable.

Dropping onto the sofa beside her, a cold, heavy stone settles in the pit of my stomach. If she regrets what we did last night, I'll never forgive myself. "Can you tell me what's up, kitten? I loved falling asleep with you in my arms."

Nikki looks up at me, her lovely brown eyes wide and worried. "Have you heard the rumors going around town about how your grandfather was a bit…odd?"

My chuckle doesn't seem to relax her. "Heck yes. When your family has been parked in one place as long as ours, there will always be gossip." I smile warmly, trying to think of anything that might have upset her. "Why? Did you hear something that made you uncomfortable?"

She's so sexy in nothing but panties and my t-shirt, and I hate that her fingers are twisting the hem of it nervously. "I heard some women talking about how your grandfather was always mailing out eight by ten envelopes. He wouldn't tell anyone what it was about. That's strange, right?"

"Kitten." My voice softens as I reach out to squeeze her knee gently. "I know all about that. I promise you it was something completely innocent."

"Can you tell me what it was?"

Leaning in, I drop my voice to a whisper. "It's an ancient family secret. Almost as dark and deep a secret as your special agent assignment. You promise not to tell a soul?"

"Of course." Finally a hint of a smile touches her eyes.

"I'm only telling you because I want to be included in your mission to control the flow of information in this town."

I brush her soft hair away from the shell of her ear before I lean in to whisper. "My grandfather knew half of the people on the mountain, because they all came to him to get their cars repaired. Sometimes he'd give people huge discounts or make up a story about how he happened to have a certain spare part back in his home garage, so there was no charge for it."

My fingers run along her collarbone as I murmur, "I think Grandpa may have felt a little guilty about our family having plenty, while certain other people didn't have nearly enough."

"That's sweet, but how does all the suspicious mail fit in?"

My grin finally makes her smile. "He would wrap up cash in newspaper and mail it to people who he knew were having a really tough time. He always included a note asking them to keep it a secret, and never tell a living soul."

Her mouth falls open. "So your grandpa is basically…Santa?"

I laugh loudly. "A bit, yeah. Thinking about it, he even had the beard for a while." My lips graze her temple. "I don't think he does it anymore, since he doesn't leave the house very often. He loved helping people, though. And I think he secretly loved the rumors that he was an oddball."

Nikki turns to me, biting her bottom lip. "So… I didn't mean to snoop. But I was getting a glass of water, and I saw a bunch of tape sticking out of a drawer and I wanted to fix it. And…all the mailing supplies. Do you send people cash as well?"

She asks so tentatively that it practically breaks my heart. I hate that she's so nervous around me, even still. My huge sigh of relief seems to confuse her. "Come with me, kitten. I need to show you something."

Taking her hand, I lead her down to the basement door. "I don't have the same kind of cash lying around that Grandpa apparently did. We do give deep discounts at the shop to people who really need their vehicle for work, and occasionally pull the same stunt saying we just happen to have that part on hand."

I open the door and snap on the light, and Nikki gasps. "But this is why I'm always mailing parcels."

She steps forward, fingers outstretched. "Wow. They're beautiful."

I've never shown a soul my workshop before. But the way her eyes glow when she sees the line of glossy, freshly painted vintage diecast metal cars makes me wonder if I should.

"I've always loved cars," I explain. "Then I found out there was a market for restoration and custom painting of the scale model ones. I have a really steady hand, and I thought this would be a great way to have a relaxing hobby that also earns money."

She twists her head to look up at me. "But you already have a good job. What do you need the extra money for?"

"The future." I lean against the wall. "Someday I might have a son or daughter who wants to go to technical school. Or university in Europe. I want to be sure all my bases are covered no matter what."

Nikki straightens up, turning to face me. "You never mentioned kids before. Do you want a huge family?"

"I don't know. And the thing is, I've met an incredible woman, but I don't know yet how many kids she's thinking about." I smile. "I was kind of assuming two, but that's negotiable."

Her fingers are still fussing with the edge of the shirt, and it finally clicks for me. "Is this why you didn't want to date, kitten? You've seen other men keeping secrets and the way that destroys relationships?"

She slumps onto my work stool. "Yeah. Mom had her life ruined. So did my sister. A couple of friends in university. They all jumped into relationships before they even knew the guy. Then once it was far too late, they found out that the guy was a gambler, or a hard drinker, or even worse." She shudders.

Dropping to my knees, I take her hands in mine. "Gambling – I buy a couple of charity raffle tickets whenever they're fundraising for something. Drinking – I like a glass of wine with dinner now and then, and probably average three beers a week over one or two nights out with the guys. I guess my only other secret is this." I nod to the enormous worktable. "I've never told anyone about my model painting. Figured it's nobody's business. Plus…" I wait until she's staring directly into my eyes. "I guess it is kind of weird. Maybe I didn't want the entire town knowing I have a childish hobby."

"It's not childish," she says softly. "These cars are beautiful, Carson."

"I want to share everything with you, kitten. No secrets. Nothing weird. Nothing scary." The way her teeth sink into her bottom lip is so sexy, yet I hate that she is still uncomfortable.

"I guess it all comes down to the fact that I still don't know you very well," she whispers.

The lurch of my heart confirms what I already know.

I'm in love with her.

I want to beg her to trust me. Tell her that I'm already positive that she's my person. But that wouldn't be smart. Walking away the first time I asked her out and she said no, that was smart.

"Okay." Standing up, I take her hand as we walk upstairs. "Breakfast. Dressed. I'll drive you to work. And you can ask me anything you want on the way. No holds barred."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. If you want to hear about the time I had an ingrown beard hair so deep that I had to get Jonah the town medic to dig it out for me, I'll give you all of the gory details, but I warn you, they're pretty gross."

Finally, she lets out a huge belly laugh.

"No time for laughing, Agent Nikki. We're on a mission to get you to work on time, and we need to feed you first."

My no-nonsense attitude breaks the tension, and Nikki starts behaving like herself again.

But I'm worried. I encouraged her to break a promise to herself.

Does that make me exactly the kind of untrustworthy man she is afraid of?