Chapter Twenty-Seven

June

"You can do this, girlie." Smokey spoke low enough that the entire clearing couldn't hear him, though I knew many nearby still could.

I had opted for the black robe, tied tight around my middle.

We stood on the training field, where I couldn't go crazy in the middle of the village while I was half shifted. Smokey, naked as the day he was born, was imparting a little wolfish advice. A couple of teenagers were hanging around in case they started their shift too. So here I stood, with a couple of sixteen-year-old boys, ready to get naked and turn into a rabid wolf-woman. Fantastic.

"You feel her, don't you?" Smokey asked. "You feel her in there."

"I feel something," I said, my nerves very clearly making it into my voice. "She's pacing."

"Yes, b'y. She's gearing up to push her way out of you. Let her. Embrace it. It's gonna hurt like a bitch, though," Smokey said.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, so I keep hearing, thank you."

"Now, I don't wanna scare you, but we've got you kids down here for a reason," Smokey said a little louder, including the teenagers in his pep talk now. "If you get a little too rowdy, we've got warriors who will be trading off all night so this field will be guarded. Can't let you bust out of here and tear shit up, you hear? We'll let you out of here only if you've got control over yourself."

"Yes, Smokey," we said in tandem.

It was getting dark here at the training field, and the moon was going to rise soon. Yellow eyes peered at us through the trees. I shouldn't have been able to see them as clearly as I did, but the wolf coming out in me was changing my once completely normal human eyes.

It was happening. Finally happening, after weeks of agonizing over it.

"Now, I'll be shifting soon, and I can't do a damn thing about it," Smokey said. "So I can't talk to you unless you get that wolf out of ya and figure out how to mind link me. It ain't that hard, but some wolves just come out stupid. You'll have to figure it out on your own or wait 'til the moon releases us from her grasp in a few hours."

The view of the sky was so vivid here, nothing like back in Seattle. And the moon would be here all too soon.

My palms itched and I was growing increasingly warm under my skin, as though I was basking in a summer sunlight that wasn't there. I looked around to see the other two were uncomfortable as well, but they didn't seem as bothered by it.

A howl in the distance. One started, then another and another. I fidgeted with the tie of my robe. Smokey looked off in that direction and nodded.

"That'll be the run starting. Alpha will lead and the pack will follow through the mountains." He met my gaze head-on. "You can join 'em if you finish your shift this time. If you don't . . ."

The intense howls were either louder than normal or my ears were changing.

"All right, kids, sit by one of the posts here and we'll tether you down." Smokey jerked his head toward a set of logs set vertically in the ground, which more than likely were trees with the limbs hacked off. They were definitely bigger around than I was.

"We're getting tied up?" I asked.

"Not really. The logs will give you something to hold on to and a distraction for the beast if it comes out. Don't want anyone running off without supervision in that state, and this will buy those of us watching you enough time to get in here."

The warriors around the edges of the training field were keeping some distance, giving us some space. But still watching.

"Come on over and let's get you all situated," Smokey said.

We each stood by a post, but he made sure we were nice and spread out from each other. My throat was dry and my skin itchy. While I waited, someone brought over bowls of water and placed them within arm's reach of the potential shifters.

"Moon's blessings to you tonight," the water-carrier offered. "We'll be watching, and singing for your journey."

Smokey took some rope and looped it a couple of times around each of the teenagers. It was nice and loose, but it wouldn't be if they shifted. He came to me last, doing the same for me. When he was done winding it around me and the post, and was tying the ends together, he looked into my eyes and spoke low to me. Behind him, I could hear the low tones of singing from the tree line where the wolves watching us were sitting.

"You've got a big one in ya. I wasn't sure before but tonight I am. Let her do what she wants. Don't you dare fight her, June." Smokey knotted the rope and turned away.

The old wolf walked away, looked up at the sky, and crossed his arms. "Okay, kids, this is it. Get comfortable for the long haul."

Then he walked away to be near the warriors in the trees.

I took in slow breaths and let them back out again. Mind on the goal, push through. Just like Dom told me, I tried to put my focus into it like I used to before a big run. I sat down—something told me to save my energy. I leaned against the post and adjusted the thick rope in my lap.

Time wore on. I was sure it felt longer for me than for the wolves out there running. They had all shifted and were following Evander through the mountains. I could hear them. And the warriors here watching us, they were antsy.

As the sun finally collapsed for the day, one by one they shifted, and their singing dropped away to more wolfish sounds. Some before moonrise, some after. I could smell them in the trees. First they took off any clothes they were wearing. Then they shifted into fur and their bones rearranged themselves. A few grunts accompanied that process. And finally, when they were fully in their wolf bodies, they would pace around the clearing.

Smokey was last. I saw it on his face before he even said anything.

"Sorry, kids, my time is up. Good luck."

He finally shifted. Much faster than the others; from what I gathered shifting was harder the weaker you were. I prayed I was strong enough that this wouldn't hurt much, or maybe not be so uncomfortable every month.

With Smokey gone, or at least I couldn't talk to him anymore, my distress started to rise. My itchy palms grew unbearable, and the tips of my fingers had an uncomfortable prickling feeling in them. I could both feel and hear my heartbeat rising, which was alarming in itself.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathe, focus, reach for the goal.

A mild, burning sensation met my skin down my back. I distracted myself by rubbing my itchy palms on the rough rope around my middle.

As the moon became more clear my discomfort intensified tenfold. I had to stand. I had to strain against something. I turned to face the pole I was tied to and pushed against it, trying to strain the muscles in my limbs because when they weren't being stretched, they were spasming.

My breath was heavy as I watched the moon overhead, and then the first wave of pain began.

I cried out as a bone in my foot snapped. The rope caught me as I fell to the ground. I panted, crying out as the bone shifted. The broken pieces elongated and fused in a new direction, more like a wolf's paw.

Smokey's wolf came out of the trees and sat some distance away. Watching.

A whimper escaped my throat as I looked at him helplessly. But he couldn't help me. No one could.

Don't fight it.

The echoes of all my new friends rang in my head. But how was I supposed to not fight this kind of pain? Tears streaked down my cheek as I gritted my teeth and twisted my body to better look at my leg.

I nearly threw up in my mouth, not ready to see a human's foot take such a shape. All my schooling was working against me as my own skeleton deformed itself.

Crack .

My shoulder tore itself apart as my bones moved on their own. I cried out again. It didn't take long for me to throw off my robe; I didn't want anything touching me if I could help it, and the rough bite of the rope was already enough to handle. I took a deep drink of water from the bowl while I still had hands to hold it.

A thin veil of sweat covered my forehead by the time my leg and shoulder had moved into the positions they were seeking. But as one joint would break or reposition, another was ready to do the same.

I sobbed as my fingers snapped. Knees. Elbows. Neck. Wrists. Everything had its turn. The sharp burn of my muscles as they pulled and bunched on their own was terrifying. To have my body jerked around without my consent was horrifying.

My breath came shallow and sharp, and once my body had contorted for the most part into a canine shape, my face began to turn. My teeth hurt as they reshaped. My jaw creaked as it elongated.

One of the worst moments was when long stretches of my skin would burst open like the seam of an overstuffed pillow. Stretched thin to bursting, and the muscles underneath would grow a new layer of skin and fur as I shed the bloody mess that was the old layer. Bruce had said something about growing new skin that was ready to adapt to fur since my old one wasn't. I hadn't known what he meant at the time, but I sure as hell did now.

The moon was now fully overhead. Every breath burned, and I writhed against the ropes. Just when I thought it wasn't going to hurt any worse, a horrid scream rang through my head as the fur began to prick through my skin.

No, not a scream, but a howl. There was a wolf here, and she was in agony.

She cried out, and I screamed. A disgusting sound as my throat wasn't entirely mine anymore, or even human.

Hurt .

I understood its feelings more than its words. I clawed against the ropes that bound us, growing tighter as I grew larger. I stood, or tried to, against the poll, in a grotesque shape of human and beast. The only part of me that hadn't cracked and broken yet was my actual spine, and it allowed me to sort of stand. Us, to stand. Because I felt everything she felt, and she felt me in return.

We were both panicking, I could tell that much. Somewhere in my reality, I began to struggle. Lash out. Since my hands now had claws, I dug them into the wood. Digging and pulling, hands and feet alike. My eyes roamed my body wildly, or at least what of it I could see. Black fur had sprouted and now pretty much covered everything. The same color and texture of my own human hair.

When the first joint in my spine broke, I lost it.

I howled. My first real howl. It was loud and gruff, and it bounced around the clearing. I thrashed on the post. A part of the ropes snapped as my claws hit it, and I was quickly surrounded by half a dozen wolves. Big gray wolves, a white-faced wolf that was Smokey, and a couple of brown ones. They were the warriors; I had seen them each train on these very fields. But somehow, they weren't nearly as intimidating as they had been even a day ago.

Smokey gave me a sharp barking sound. He wanted my attention. I was panting at this point and still struggling, but the rope was quickly falling away now that it had broken. I tried to look him in the eyes.

Rage!

The wolf and I needed space!

I thrashed, snapping my new jaws at the closest warriors as they growled and backed away slightly.

Smokey lunged forward and bit my hip while I wasn't looking.

I snarled, turning on him.

He growled, snapping his teeth at me.

Back off!

The wolf was pissed, and in a moment of realization, I agreed with her. Something clicked, we merged, I was her and she was me. While we shared this form, we would share our minds.

Back off!

She insisted again. But it wasn't them she was insisting to, it was us. I lowered my body; as painful as this existence was right now, I listened. This was it, this was doing what she wanted. It only took me a few agonizing hours to realize it.

Smokey seemed to pick up on my new, less hostile posture. He backed up and the warriors took their cues from him.

Now it was just me and the wolf, but we were still in ferocious pain. Snap . Another joint in our back popped, beginning to shape how it needed to be so we could finally run on all fours.

Pain!

It broke my heart. I was in pain, too, but I felt sorry for the wolf that was emerging. Somehow, she had already captured my heart.

We snarled and snapped, writhing on the ground by our post as we continued to have our back snap painfully.

Finally, I could feel the pain lessening. The merge was almost done. Smokey got in our face as we panted, lying there on the ground. He was looking at me so intently, but I couldn't figure out what he wanted.

Speak , the wolf said.

I don't know how!

She hummed her agreement. We were far too tired just now to try. Smokey wanted to mind link with me, but he would have to let me catch my breath first.

One of the warriors from the side of the field dragged something over. The leg section of a deer. It was raw, but it smelled delicious.

Smokey made room for the warrior to drag it over to me. The wolf and I were so hungry, the moment it landed in the dirt we began to gobble it up. Tendons snapped between my teeth. Bones snapped. Blood coated my mouth by the time we were done.

When we were done eating, I found myself licking the blood around my lips and watching Smokey.

Better? he asked.

I heard him! He was in my head. If I hadn't been warned about this, I wouldn't have believed it. But there he was, talking in my own mind.

Y . . . es , I tried. I spoke!

My wolf was elated. She pushed us up on our paws for the first time. Shaky as we were, I tried to coordinate with her to take our first step.

Good, walk a little more . You're doin' okay, kid , Smokey encouraged me.

I took a step. And another. At first, I was tangling our legs up with my human one leg, two leg mentality of walking, but soon enough she set us straight. I kept looking down at our shiny black coat, our long wolf legs, the sharp claws at the end of our limbs.

All right, boys, announce our new wolf here , Smokey said.

I looked up at the warriors around me. They seemed . . . happy? I didn't know how I could tell, but my wolf surely knew wolf posturing enough that we were certain of it. They threw back their heads, Smokey, too, and howled to the skies.

We were excited. Yes! The pack needed to know about us. The pack! We needed to find our pack. Our whole pack.

I went up to Smokey, licked him once on the cheek, and then my wolf and I clumsily bounded off. Warriors from the field joined me. Smokey stayed to watch the others.

I wasn't going very fast, probably to be expected with these strange and fresh limbs. We were also pretty tired from everything. But surely I could make it to the running wolves, I could almost sense where they were, just a few short miles away.

The warriors on either side of me were full of energy. Excitement. Yay! A new wolf. Their excitement only raised my excitement even more.

We were just coming out of the trees when a tasty smell hit my nose. Delicious!

Follow? I asked.

Follow! my wolf said.

And we bounded off toward the enticing smell. Me and my wolf.

Finally together, finally shifted.