HARLEY
A ce’s eyes went dead and the thick vein on the side of his neck that had been bulging with anger this entire time was now completely still. He remained frozen in place as the seconds passed, each one feeling longer and longer, before I realized where his mind had gone.
“I didn’t kill him!” I cried out, smacking his shoulder with a little more force than intended. “Although, I used to wish that I had.”
My guy visibly relaxed and ran his hands through his shaggy hair. “Oh, shit Har… it just sounded like, I dunno… I’m sorry…” Ace was stuttering now.
He’d tried so hard to be non-judgmental this whole time, but this assumption had really thrown him. I couldn’t help it. I had to giggle. “Jeez Ace. Did you really just assume that I murdered my grandfather in cold blood? Not that I didn’t have a good reason to.” I pointed out. “You know that’s crazy, right?” I was laughing hysterically now. The stress and tension of it all coming out in the most insane way. If I hadn’t looked like a fucking psycho before, I was definitely did now.
“Okay, okay,” he laughed, visibly relaxing now. “So what happened, then?” Ace asked.
Sucking back more air, I went for it. “It stopped when I turned fourteen. I was home alone with him again, because of course, my parents were never around. He called to me from the top of the basement stairs, wanting me to join him down there. We argued, he grabbed me and tried to force me and I just.. I didn’t even think, I just pushed.”
Ace kept his arm around me and hugged me even closer. “I’m not scared, Harley, keep going,” he whispered.
“I watched as he tumbled down to the bottom. When he called for me to help him… I closed the door…” The guilt hit me like a ton of bricks, immediately making me sick to my stomach. Despite the nausea that was threatening to make an appearance, I wrapped my arms around my middle, I pressed on.
“Later, I called 911, and they came for him. I pretended that I’d found him like that when I came home from school. He’d broken a hip and was hospitalized for over a month. When he came back to live in our home, I just ignored him like he didn’t exist. He never told anyone what I did, and I never spoke of what he did, ever again. Not to each other, my parents or anyone ever.”
“Holy shit, H. That’s kind of badass of you…” he grinned.
“No, it’s awful, and I’m ashamed of what I did.” I mumbled quietly.
Ace immediately lifted my face up to meet his. “Harley, you were a child and a victim. You protected yourself. There was nothing wrong with that. You need to stop feeling guilty. He was the monster, not you.”
His words were like the warm blanket that I’d been looking for my whole life. “Thank you.” I whispered, sliding my arms around his neck and snuggling into his embrace.
“But me telling you this is not enough, baby. This thing… it still has a hold over you. You need to talk to a professional about it.”
“A professional what?” Harley scoffed.
“Uh, a therapist maybe?” I suggested. “I’m sure I could get a good recommendation from the rehab place. They must know someone who could help. You’re certainly not the first person to go through this.”
I watched as he processed his own thoughts. He seemed to be thinking out loud as he ran his fingers up and down my arm, gently stroking my skin again and again. It was a tiny movement, but one that had so much empathy behind it. A lump formed in my throat. “So you don’t look at me differently now?”
“Harley, I could never. I said it before, you didn’t do anything wrong. And even if you had, I’d still be on your side, baby.”
His words broke the dam and my tears came down like Niagara Falls. It was thick and heavy, but as it poured out of me; it was also cathartic. Had I ever really cried about it before? I couldn’t remember.
After a few minutes, Ace began to kiss away my tears. In doing so, it made me giggle in between sobs. “What are doing? Can’t you ever just let me be?” I shook my head.
“Nope.” he grinned back. “I care about you, baby, I want to be there for you. Even if it means kissing away your tears.”
Who was this crazy guy? His words filled me with a hope that I’d never felt before.
And the more I laughed, the more Ace smiled. “Crying feels good, doesn’t it?”
I nodded and wiped the last of my tears. “Actually, it really does.” I agreed. “I guess a physical release really does help.”
“You know what else is a good physical release?” Ace suggested, waggling his eyebrows at me.
Damn, he really could read my mind. “Maybe I do… but why don’t you show me?” I teased, the words barely leaving my lips before he jumped me.
Ace showered my face with kisses until we clung together, desperate to reclaim each other’s bodies. Soon, his capable hands were everywhere all at once. Squeezing and twisting my nipples until I cried out, caressing the curves of my body, cupping my ass and digging his fingers into my soft flesh. Ace’s touch made me whole, complete, safe and powerful even.
“I need you, baby. I need to be close to you and inside you every night. You are my everything and I will always protect you.” His words were coming out as quickly as his skilled fingers worked at the soft flesh between my legs. With the pad of his thumb firmly in place, I rode that circular motion until tremors filled my body with mind-blowing pleasure.
Limp and sated in his arms, he leaned over to kiss my lips as reality slowly crept back into my mind.
“Feel a little better?” He whispered in my ear.
I giggled. “I do… Orgasms work wonders like that. The break was good.” I winked at him.
“Break?” An eyebrow shot up.
“A break in my story. You wanted details and for the first time… I’m ready to give them.” I acknowledged.
We stayed in bed for hours as I replayed those early years of my life. Finally, allowing those memories to leave the mental prison that had held them captive for so long. Once I started, I just couldn’t stop. Couldn’t stop talking, crying, choking on those vile disgusting words as I described all the awful things he did to me. In my hardest moments, Ace held me and just let me cry it out. By the time the sun came up the next morning, I had purged intensely. But for the first time, I also felt lighter and happier than ever before. To his credit, Ace was probably the best person I could have unburdened myself to. He listened, supported me, cried with me and, most of all, he let me know that I no longer had to carry this alone.
“You’re so strong.” He told me when I was finally done. “It’s inspiring, actually. With everything stacked against you, you still managed to get out and create your own life far away from that mess. I’m so proud of my girl.”
I felt myself warming from his words, but he wasn’t finished.
“And I’m so proud… to tell you that you mean everything to me and I want the world to know that you’re my girlfriend. What do you say about going public?”
Girlfriend. It was the first time he’d said it to me. Sure, we were dating and sleeping together, but hearing the word for the first time was something else.
“So… I guess that makes you my boyfriend. I’ve never had one before.” I whispered back to him. The word sounded strange to my tongue. I’ve never really had a boyfriend before.
“Excuse me?” He looked surprised.
“I told you, I never usually date and I’ve literally never had a boyfriend before. Friends with benefits, sure. Working sexual relationships, there’s been a few, but not a… boyfriend.” His eyes clouded over, but to his credit, he remained unmoved, his lips tightly pursed together.
I paused, then smiled shyly. “But not anymore.”
“So, I’m really your first boyfriend?” He asked.
I nodded.
“Good. Because I plan on being your last.”