5.

It’s called almond milk because no one can say “nut juice” with a straight face.

Dice

C YDNEY

“Talk to me, silly girl. I know there’s something wrong, and it’s starting to worry me that you won’t share,” Amethyst said as she walked past my chair.

I wanted more than anything to tell her, but right now wasn’t the time. Amethyst was surfing the high of her newfound relationship, Zoey was still in the hospital - although she was doing much better, and Amethyst had the usual work stress which would be enough to make a weaker person fall to their knees. “You’ve got a lot going on right now, Amy. I’m fine. We’ll catch up when things calm down.”

“I don’t know that they will any time soon,” Amethyst admitted. “Everything’s been a whirlwind.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” I asked quietly.

“It’s been just over a month since we had our first kiss, and he’s moving in with me!” Amethyst said, a tinge of mania in her voice. “Am I crazy? I’m crazy. No, I’m not. Look at our parents.”

“They’d agree that you’ve always been at least a little bit crazy,” I said sarcastically.

“You know what I mean, Squid. I’m fully aware how wild it must seem when you look at my situation from the outside, but my parents' love story is legendary. Your parents' love story is just as nuts. We’ve watched and learned from them our entire lives, and their example shows us just how good things can turn out when you take a chance.”

“You’re right. My mom was a single parent and pregnant with Tad when she met my dad, and they’ve been happy together for years and years.”

“Exactly!” Amethyst agreed. “My mom had known my dad for a little while, but she moved in and started raising us within weeks of starting to talk to him.”

“That’s just crazy, but it worked, and they’re still so in love that the sweetness gives me a toothache every time I’m near them.”

“It can happen for me, and someday, it will happen for you too.”

“Yeah,” I said hesitantly. I thought about how my mom had met my dad, the man who had raised me, when I was just a little girl and wondered if I would land a man who could love me and my child like he had. “I just hope I get the same happy ending.”

“So, Tama’i’s moving in this weekend since his brother-in-law will be home on Tuesday, and he’s got friends coming in today who are bringing his things and staying for a week or so. I’m not ready at all!”

“What do you mean you’re not ready? Your house is always clean because you’re a germ freak who refuses to wear her work clothes further into the house than the laundry room.”

“I see some really gross stuff every day, and I don’t want to bring all of that in here. I’ll be thanking myself for that habit when me and Tama’i have kids.”

“Yep.”

I watched her face go blank and then her eyes went wide with shock before she said, “Holy shit. I just said it out loud.”

“That you and Tiny are going to have kids? Look at the man. Who wouldn’t want to birth his spawn?” I winced before I allowed, “Okay, maybe not because he’s a really big guy, and his genetics are probably off the charts.”

Amethyst sat down with a thump and said, “That’s terrifying.”

“Childbirth itself is terrifying, but with the size of that man, it would be a horror show. His kids are going to come out doing arm curls and bench pressing Buicks.”

“He’s so hot when he does that.”

“He bench presses Buicks?” I asked sarcastically.

“No, goober! I mean he’s hot when he’s working out and all sweaty. His muscles start to ripple and the veins pop out. He’s a phlebotomist’s wet dream.”

“Only someone in the medical profession would notice or say something like that.”

“True,” Amethyst conceded as she stood up again. “I need to check and make sure that the bedroom is cleared out before they get here.”

“Didn’t you already do that twice?” I asked before I took a sip of my tea. Even though I wasn’t really a hot tea drinker, Wren had suggested a blend that she thought might work along with the medication Spruce had prescribed to help my nausea. It wasn’t to my tastes at all, but it did seem to be working, so I was more than willing to choke it down.

“But I just want to . . .”

“You’re procrasticleaning.”

“What the hell is that?” Amethyst asked.

“It’s when you have to be up moving around doing shit that doesn’t need to be done because you’re trying not to think about whatever it is that’s upsetting you.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly. Get another cup of coffee and sit down before you wear a path in the hardwood.”

“Do you want a cup?” she asked as she looked at the mug of tea in front of me. “Since when do you drink tea? What are you, British?”

“I’m fine,” I lied.

Amethyst had already asked me what was going on three or four times, but I wanted to keep my news and worries close to the vest until I’d had time to process them.

“Did you ride over here?” Amethyst asked as she glanced out the front window. When she saw a box truck pulling up at the curb, she squealed. “Oh no! Tama’i’s not back, but his friends have already arrived. I need to call him. Will you get the door for me?”

“Sure,” I said as I pushed my chair back.

Amethyst was too busy looking at her phone to notice that I wobbled when I stood. I took a second to hold onto the edge of the table to get my bearings and then started walking toward the front door when I felt a little more balanced. By the time I got halfway across the living room, I was fighting with my stomach, the nausea rolling inside me enough to make me want to cry.

However, I fought it back like I’d been doing for the last few days and threw open the front door to greet Amethyst’s guests.

“Holy shit!” Kenny yelled in shock.

And that’s when I lost the battle with my stomach and threw up all over the man I’d been thinking about.

He jumped back to avoid the spray and bumped into his friend so hard that he fell backwards off the front porch. He hit the grass flat on his back and let out a long wheeze, but I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t do anything but heave.

Luckily, I was able to make it to the porch rail where I fertilized Amethyst’s prize rose bush with the tea I had been sipping just a few minutes ago, thinking the entire time that it apparently wasn’t the magic cure it was supposed to be.

“Are you okay?” Kenny asked.

I dry heaved again, so hard this time that I had to clutch at the porch rail to keep my balance because the edges of my vision were turning black. I was barely able to suck in a breath before another wave hit me, and I lost the battle.

Pregnancy was kicking my ass, and no amount of tea or medicine was going to help me, especially when my mysterious one-night stand appeared in front of me.

◆◆◆

DICE

“Oh, shit! Help me, Tank,” I yelled as I tried to keep Cydney from falling over the rail.

Tank rushed over but was hesitant to reach out and grab her. “If her head starts spinning, I’m fucking out of here, man.”

“Shut up and help me!”

Tank reached out and lifted her by the shoulders, prying the upper half of her body up to help me balance the lower half that I was trying to keep on the porch. When I approached Cydney to ask if she was okay, her body had started convulsing with her heaves. Luckily, I was able to grab the back of her shirt before she flipped over the porch rail into the rose bush. Once we had her upright, I was able to get her into my arms. Tank met me at the door Cydney had opened and then held it so I could walk through.

“Hi! What’s . . . um . . . Squid!” the gorgeous woman shouted as she rounded the corner and saw us there.

“She puked and then passed out,” I explained. I looked down at Cydney’s prone body and winced when I saw that my boots were covered in liquid that I had probably tracked across her floor. “Shit. I’m making a mess.”

“She threw up on you?” the woman asked.

“Yeah,” I said as I swallowed hard to keep my gorge down. I had always been a sympathetic puker, and right now, it was taking all the willpower I had not to throw up all over the woman in my arms.

“I need to call in some medicine for her. I’m sure she’s worried herself into an ulcer or at least the beginning of one,” the woman who had to be Amethyst, Tiny’s new girlfriend, said as she pulled a throw off the back of the couch. “Lay her down here and then I’ll show you to the bathroom so you can get cleaned up.”

“I can use the hose outside,” I told her before I swallowed hard.

I laid Cydney down and all but sprinted out of the house, knocking Tank into the wall on my way out the door. I vaulted over the porch rail and Cydney’s donation to the front yard aesthetics and made it to the corner of the house before I bent at the waist and heaved out what seemed like everything I’d eaten in the last month, maybe even the last six.

“You’re such a pussy,” I heard Tank say from somewhere beside me.

“Fuck off,” I growled as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Grab the hose and turn on the water, will you?”

“Done,” Tank said as he extended his arm in front of me. He had the end of the hose bent up to stop the water flow, and I carefully took it from him before I bent forward again to rinse my mouth. Once I’d swished the cold water in my mouth a few times, I sprayed my boots off and made sure to erase all of Cydney’s donation to the cause. I stopped what I was doing when Tank said, “I wonder how far along she is.”

“What?” I asked as I looked over at him.

“I’ve seen that look on her face enough to know that’s morning sickness, man.”

“It’s the middle of the afternoon.”

“Do you think the baby she’s carrying owns a goddamn watch or something? Some women have morning sickness at bedtime. I haven’t known many who manage to keep it on a schedule.”

“How was I supposed to know that? How do you know that?” I asked.

“You’ve met my family, brother. I’m the resident expert on women,” he reminded me.

“And you think she’s pregnant?”

“I’d put money on it,” Tank assured me. “She’s awfully thin, so it’s probably early days, but yeah, that girl is pregnant.”

“Holy shit,” I whispered to myself. “She’s beautiful.”

“I mean, she’s hot, don't get me wrong, but she’s awfully pale and her color is off. Why? Did you just discover a new fetish or something?”

“What?” I asked.

“There’s a fetish some people have for pregnant women. I can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s a thing.”

“Pregnancy doesn’t have anything to do with it. I was just saying that she’s beautiful, that’s all.”

Tank started laughing. “Well, when you two fall in love and get married, I’ll make sure to stand up at the reception and tell the world how the two of you met. That’s gonna be one hell of a story.”

“Are you okay?” Amethyst called from behind me.

“He’s got a weak stomach, but he’s fine now,” Tank assured her as his voice faded off toward Amethyst’s. I heard him introduce himself as I bent forward at the waist and took another drink from the hose.

“Come in whenever you’re ready,” Amethyst called out. “Tama’i should be here in just a few minutes.”

◆◆◆

“Where did you stop on your way here from Las Vegas?” Amethyst asked. She leaned forward and stared at me as if she was trying to study my features. She’d been doing it since we arrived, and I wondered what she was looking for but didn’t want to call her out, so I ignored it. Finally, she said, “I’m sorry. I recognize you from somewhere, but I just can’t place where.”

“He was on the show with me,” Tiny said.

“I know, but it’s something else . . .” Amethyst shook her head and said, “It will come to me. Anyway, where did you spend the night?”

“We stopped to see our friend Rooster in Red River,” Tank explained.

“Tama’i has talked about him too,” Amethyst said cheerfully. “He sounds like a great guy.”

“He’s about as great as the rest of us,” I said flatly. Tank laughed, and Tiny just shook his head, but I couldn’t help but add, “Unless you’re a member of law enforcement. They seem to look at us differently.”

“Did you get enough to eat?” Amethyst asked as she nudged the bowl of fruit salad closer to me.

“Dinner was wonderful. Thank you,” Tank said as he served himself another portion.

When he tried to pass it to me, I shook my head. “I couldn’t if I wanted to. This is the best meal I’ve had in ages,” I said as I leaned back in my chair and patted my stomach. “I’m pretty sure I have a food baby.”

Cydney choked on the tea she’d been sipping all evening and started sputtering. Tank gently patted her on the back as he handed her a napkin to wipe her mouth. She gave him a weak smile and then excused herself and walked toward the bathroom. I steadily counted to sixty and then stood up and followed her.

It wasn’t difficult to sneak down the hall since I was walking around in my socks waiting on my puke-boots to dry. As much as I loved those boots, I’d never look at them the same again, but I’d still wear them if only to have another memory of Cydney.

I could hear the water running in the bathroom, but then I heard her start retching, and I felt my stomach churn. I could hear her gasping for air just like she had out on the porch, and without thinking, I opened the door and walked into the bathroom to find her sitting on the side of the tub with her arms resting on the toilet seat.

“I’m fine, Amy, it’s just something I ate.”

“We didn’t really think this through, did we?” I asked.

Cydney got completely still but didn’t look up at me. Instead, I saw her take a deep breath in through her nose and then swallow hard a few times before she said, “What are you talking about, Kenny?”

“Honestly, I thought about this moment many times, but I never imagined it would happen in a bathroom when you’re puking and I’m about to.”

Cydney chuckled before she said, “I’ve always wanted to be unconventional.”

“You hide it well,” I muttered as I leaned over the sink to take a few sips of water, hoping to calm my stomach. “Were you going to tell me?”

Cydney leaned over the toilet and heaved a few more times and then wiped the back of her hand across her mouth before she said, “First of all, I’ve known for about three days, but in that time, I have discovered a bit of trivia that I bet you don’t know.”

“What’s that?”

“In the year you were born, the name Kenneth was the forty-seventh most popular boy name in America, and it ranks thirty-second as the most popular boy name of all time. There are approximately 415 people named Kenneth for every hundred thousand Americans”

“Okay,” I said uncertainly, not sure where she was going with this. “My legal name isn’t Kenneth, it’s Kenny. I was named after Kenny Rogers because of the role he played in The Gambler. ”

Cydney squeezed her eyes closed and rubbed her forehead for a second before she said, “I can’t remember the number of Kenneths in Nevada, but it’s in there somewhere.”

“Why do you know that, and why are you telling me this now?”

“I came across that information when I was figuring out how big of a haystack I’d be diving into by looking for a needle named Kenny.”

I burst out laughing, and when she glared at me, I asked, “So, you wanted to tell me?”

“I hadn’t decided yet.”

“So you didn’t?”

“What part of I hadn’t decided yet confuses you?” Cydney snapped. She shook her head and said, “Sorry. I’m a little cranky when my insides are trying their hardest to become outsides and my entire life is upside-down.”

“I wondered for a minute if you knew who I was that night but realized I didn’t really care.”

“I’m not really a reality television aficionado, so color me surprised when I saw your face on TV the other day.” Cydney smirked before she said, “I was so shocked that I passed out right there in the hospital waiting room.”

“Has the nausea been that bad? Have you seen a doctor?”

“Yes, I’ve seen a doctor, and yes, it sucks, but I think the fact that I haven’t been able to keep any food down for the last week or so might have had more to do with it.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“That I’m pregnant.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I’m talking about the fact that you can’t eat.”

“He gave me some medicine which has really been helping but . . .”

“If this is what happens when it’s helping, then I don’t even want to consider what you were like before you got the drugs.”

“I’m sorry I puked on you.”

“I have to ask this question, Cydney, so I don’t want you to get too angry with me, but . . .”

“Yes, the baby is yours.” When I started to say something, Cydney raised her hand and said, “I have no expectations about how much or how little you’d want to be involved, if at all, and I won’t try to pressure you into anything. I’m not going to come after you for money or even expect any of your time. This is a voluntary role on your part because it’s my decision to keep the baby no matter what your opinion might be.”

“I might be a shitty person who’d make a horrible father.”

“And I could very well be a horrible mother,” Cydney allowed.

“Do you think there’s some way we could work together to make sure neither of us fucks this kid up?” I asked honestly.

“How?” Cydney asked. “You’re there, and I’m here, and I’m honestly not sure how I’d ever be able to just ship my kid off to parts unknown for any length of time to be cared for by someone I barely know.”

“I think you’re missing the obvious, Cydney.”

“What’s that?”

I shrugged and said something that was completely out of character and definitely unplanned. “Marry me, and move to Las Vegas.”

Cydney bent forward and started heaving over the toilet again, and I tried not to consider that an answer. The second I started dry heaving and had to run out of the bathroom, I wondered if she’d think that’s what kind of father I’d be - the kind that would run at the first sign of stress.

As I stood in Amethyst’s living room trying to settle my stomach and catch my breath, I realized that everyone at the table was staring at me.

“What’s up, brother?” Tiny asked.

Amethyst’s eyes got wide, and she snatched her phone off the table. I knew the second she realized where she knew me from when she held it out toward me with the picture of my driver’s license on the screen and yelled, “You’re Kenny?”

“Yeah, and I’m also the reason she keeps puking,” I said as I looked back toward the bathroom.

Amethyst gasped and yelled, “Great googly moogly!”

I burst out laughing and said, “You took the words right out of my mouth.”