40. Rin

40

Rin

People underestimate the power of a good cry and an even better hug, and I realize now how much I needed both. From landing on this planet, I have found the same thing to be true here as on Earth: that one never knows where their situation will take them.

This planet has forced me to change in so many ways and I haven't quite come to terms with it.

After my cry, Kuret leads the argila and me to a stream hidden away behind a small gathering of trees and I wash the dust off myself, checking my wounds, pleased that most of them have closed, then checking Kuret.

There's no longer any questioning between us, or that weird awkwardness after we had sex; we simply let our hands roam, both needing the reassurance. It isn't sexual, both of us too emotional over losing Olivia, but it is deeply soothing.

The water and his touch seem to wash away a lot of the worry that's been weighing on me, and for the first time since climbing into that sinkhole, I don't feel so terrible.

We drink and begin walking, with the argila trailing behind us.

The silence between Kuret and me is loud, both of us weighed down by heavy thoughts.

My mind keeps wondering how Olivia is and if she's even alive. The thing that took her, though colorful, did not sound friendly. Just remembering it sends chills down my spine and it all feels worse now, because I had started to really like spending time with her.

After that battle, going with Olivia to meet up with Ree and stay in whatever "cloister" Kuret has been going on about this whole time doesn't sound all that bad. Although, I'm starting to wonder if that's what Ree really has planned after all now that I've met Olivia, or if it's just a matter of cultural misunderstanding.

There's certainly been plenty of that since I woke up here… five thousand years ago. My bones ache with how tired I am, but we keep walking.

Did I really lose Olivia to that bright-colored monster forever?

No. I can't accept that.

On Earth, it seems like the more colorful an animal looks, the deadlier it can be.

I do my best to clear my mind of those thoughts and turn to Kuret. "How are we going to find Olivia? Because it seems to me that we are back on the same track to find Ree again."

He has had a strange look in his eyes the past few minutes and is acting shifty. I don't know why, but I will definitely find out.

He doesn't face me when he speaks. "That is because we are. I can't risk having your life in danger while trying to rescue someone else."

His voice is stoic—more than I have ever heard and I know he is serious.

"So we are leaving Olivia to the hands of fate and whatever intent that dangerous creature has for her?"

Kuret stops in his tracks and I wait for him to look me in the eye and say yes. To convince me he is as heartless as the guy I thought he was when I saw him rip Tehlmar to shreds in the blink of an eye. "Nasrin, you have seen for yourself how unpredictable this place is. I need you to be safe in the cloister, so I won't worry about killing two women at the same time."

A cloister really is starting to sound amazing.

I almost laugh at how quickly I changed my mind about the cloister as soon as Olivia said Ree's name, but instead I just argue. "You are so quick to think about putting me in some kind of confinement, Kuret. And I don't think I enjoy you making decisions for me." I cross my arms and strike a defiant pose.

"I am not making decisions for you, and it is not confinement at all. It is a cloister. For your own safety," he argues. "If you are right and the thing you saw take Oliva is a person—"

"I am right. It spoke and said she was his," I argue back.

I have had enough of people thinking they can just order me around. That has been my whole life. No more.

He opens his mouth, but I interrupt him by holding a hand up to his face.

He looks away from me and I take it as a sign of disbelief. He thinks Olivia is dead and I am crazy for hearing a monster speak.

Ya Allah . How am I still facing misogyny a million light years away from Earth?

I pin my lips together and turn around, walking away from him.

I hear him click his tongue and begin walking after me, the argila following behind us. "Why do you have such a problem with being in a cloister with others like you?"

I almost tell him my earlier realization that I changed my mind, but it's more expedient to just let it stand. Then I glance back and I can see his face is screwed up into a mask of frustration, his veins straining against his neck. As if my answer matters more than I could ever know.

I stop in my tracks because his question is a valid one. Why do I, a woman, have a problem with being confined? I don't know if I actually have an answer for him or if I am just pushing back for the sake of it, but something about all of this still just doesn't sit right with me. I'm vacillating between wanting safety at any cost and remembering the horror of growing up where every possible choice for women is curtailed.

Sure, I want to make it somewhere safe and be done with all this for good, but not in another prison.

He stops behind me and I turn around to face him. "I don't have a problem with being confined. I have a problem being thrown into confinement by a man."

He opens his mouth to speak, but I wiggle my finger in his face.

"I am not finished, Kuret. If you know what it is like to be a woman in my world, you would understand exactly why I don't want to be in a cloister."

I am panting, my hand is shaking, and my heart is racing. Part of my mind is telling me that it's not the same, but the other part is overtaken by the fear. By memory.

Kuret looks at me with a firmness in his eyes, like he is going to argue, but then his face falls. "Tell me what it is like, then."

I can sense the sincerity in his words, so I try to calm down a little and prepare to tell the story. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I had been holding and swallow thickly. "Alright, I'll tell you."

I sigh again before I begin to speak.

His steely eyes hold mine with a familiar intensity as the story begins to flow freely from my lips.

"A few of my friends and classmates got kidnapped on their way back from protesting a ban against education. I should have been with them, but I wasn't available that day. It was a peaceful protest. They held their placards and boards and they called out to the government, begging to be allowed to learn and teach. Before the day ended, they were captured."

His brow is lower now and he looks confused, but he doesn't interrupt me.

"They were taken and held captive for over two months. When they returned, they were shadows of their former selves. People who were once extremely happy women were now skeletons with torn mouths and multiple injuries. They were confined, all because they wanted to learn. I wasn't allowed to see them for weeks because their families were told to watch over them. As if they moved from one jail cell to another."

"What is a jail cell?"

My eyebrows shoot up, but I remind myself that we come from different worlds. In his, it sounds like they just kill criminals.

"It's a cage. They are supposed to feed you, but for these women, they put glass in their food. They were beaten and some of them raped."

"And the males were not punished?"

"No, Kuret. The males were the ones punishing them."

"For what? No, it doesn't matter. Nothing would explain that."

"I wasn't allowed to see them after that. They were locked inside their homes. That is what a cloister is to me."

"No, that is confinement."

I shrug and wrap my hands around my body. "Confinement, cloister, they're all the same."

He just doesn't seem to get it.

"That is not what a cloister is like," Kuret says quietly. When he has my attention, he speaks again. "Cloisters are made by women and respected by men. On my planet, it is a great honor to guard and protect a cloister." Kuret makes the clicking sound again. "No. I can assure you that it will not be the same with Ree. I will make sure of it even," he promises.

Looking into his wide eyes, I see that he means every word that he says.

"I guarded a cloister. It was my life before I was taken, and I can help Ree make sure it is a fair place to live."

I let out a long groan and place both of my hands on my face. "I don't think you are getting this, Kuret. Why do women even need to live so closed off from men?"

He looks confused by my question. "To protect them."

I shoot him a look. "Whatever those hunters can do to me, they can do to you and women can also protect."

He does not seem to understand what I am saying, and I roll my eyes.

"My point is, why do we have to be in separate places to be safe? We are on a new planet. Why does there have to be segregation?"

Kuret looks completely dumbfounded by my talking. "Because it is safer for women," he maintains and I groan even longer.

"I don't see why you would disagree after what you said those males did to your friends."

I open my mouth to disagree, then close it. He has a point. But then I shake my head. "There have been males in my life who have not been like that. Ones I miss very much."

He doesn't respond. I sit with my thoughts, not sure how to explain this properly to him. Our conversation is getting circuitous and I am trying to make a serious point here.

The argila bray playfully behind us and I turn to look at them.

An idea sparks in my head. "Look at Roshan and Darya. They are male and female who spend time together and they are fine."

He turns to look at them and I see his face softening.

"Males and females do not have to live apart. They can be free together, everyone contributing to the life and what it entails."

He is still quiet, but his brow furrows in what I assume is confusion at the last part of my sentence. I suppose it was pretty vague.

"Do you understand? Instead of separation, there can be collaboration—people working together to build a better life because they're people, not because they're male or female. Females can bond with females. Males with males. Females with males. Or whatever they may consider themselves. All of those relationships can be healthy, and on my world, they all exist."

Kuret runs his tongue over his dark bottom lip and I look away, concentrating hard on the rocks in my path.

The arousal is always there, but sometimes it surges at the simplest things, and now is not the time to be jumping on him.

"We don't have to be apart. I trust you, Kuret."

My eyes open wide as I say it, especially when I realize it's true. Somewhere along the way, he gained something that no man has had since my bābā died. My mouth opens, then closes, then opens again, but there are no words.