28. Rin

28

Rin

Now that his hand is brushing the bottom of my breast, the only thing that's keeping me from turning around to see if he will let me kiss him is the unfortunate reality that learning this could save my life.

When he pulls me up against him, I almost give in anyway. It takes me a moment to remember that he is a lot taller than me, and then I register what I'm feeling between my shoulder blades. He's aroused… and big.

I'm panting as he takes me through different scenarios with his body, somehow still moving me gracefully through it despite how much smaller I am, but I force myself to focus. Even though his rough hands send shivers when they slide along the thin fabric of my black suit, or when his long braids brush against my face as he bends to rearrange my limbs.

It's easy to image how much my heart would beat in fear during an actual fight as it tries to gallop out of my chest with each new place he touches me.

By the time he stops and steps away from me I don't exactly feel like I know what I'm doing, but at least I have some idea of what to do. I'm no longer holding the knife like a complete amateur.

"That is much better, Nasrin. We will keep practicing."

I turn to him, just in time to see him rearranging himself, confirming that I didn't imagine that I made him just as hot and bothered as he did me.

It makes me even bolder than usual and I move toward him, closing the space between us again. His glowing eyes widen as I get close. I'm disappointed when I realize I would need a step ladder to try to kiss him. Instead, I reach forward, taking one of his braids in my hand, marveling at the difference in texture.

It reminds me of horse hair. Straight, thick, and even longer than the hair the genali gave me. I move my gaze back to his face. His eyes are locked on to where I have a hold of him.

"I like when you touch me, Kuret."

He takes in a shocked breath, eyes darting back to my face and his dark hairless brow furrowing. His marks are undulating and I'm convinced it means he likes what I just said. Really likes it.

He puts his hands on my shoulders and my heart leaps, hoping it means he is about to bend down and kiss me. Instead, he holds me in place as he takes a step back, then moves his arms back, tapping the back of his wrist with the fingers of his opposite hand.

"No, Nasrin. You are too young."

I narrow my eyes, then move my gaze down to where he is clearly trying to burst out of his pants. "I'm an adult. You want me, Kuret."

He taps harder this time. "No."

I open my mouth to ask why, but he whirls, his braids flying over my head, and he takes long strides away. If I didn't know better, I would swear he's the one afraid of me now.

A grin spreads across my face. His movements were saying one thing, but there was a question in his tone. As if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was me. He's being hardheaded, and it's… hot. I'm not used to thinking that about people, and it takes me by surprise, but I don't dislike it. Not in the least.

I let him stew, my lips stretching wider and wider as he walks around, moving things from one place to another, clearly off center, carefully not looking at me the whole time.

I settle next to the spring, practicing the slices and stabs he taught me, increasingly entertained by his antics. I've never had that effect on anyone before, and it makes me feel powerful. I just wish my eyes didn't ache so much so I could better appreciate it.

I keep practicing, deciding to give him space, while he fusses over Roshan, making sure he is comfortable and free of the harness for a while and packs and repacks our few supplies.

A sudden piercing light distracts me from my latest footwork practice and I wince. It's been steadily getting brighter, but the sun just now made its way through the canopy.

He must not be ignoring me after all, because he notices. "Are you hurt?"

"My eyes hurt. It's too bright."

"Really?"

There's a concern in his voice as he walks back over to me. There's another surge of pain and I double over, rubbing frantically at my eyes, then blinking rapidly, then rubbing again.

Then I feel his big hands cupping my face. "Let me see, Nasrin. You're going to harm yourself."

I groan as he tilts my head back, unable to open my eyes to look up at him. He gently feels around my face and as he does, the pain steadily lessens until I'm able to carefully open my eyes.

He slowly comes into focus. He's frozen, his big green eyes open wide, staring at my face.

My heart skips a beat. "What?" I ask as I raise my hands to feel for new patches of silver skin there.

"Your eyes changed."

My hands are shaking as I feel around for differences, but everything seems the same shape, though my face is wet with tears. "How?"

"They are fully black now instead of mostly white."

My stomach clenches, then I try to look up at the sky and hiss. "Is it brighter today? There seem to be far more colors and the light hurts."

Kuret glances up, the light clearly not affecting him. "No. It is still morning, so it is actually muted light."

I let out a huff of breath and rub at my newly sensitive eyes, longing for easy access to sunglasses, and annoyed with the reminder of how much harder everything is here.

How much I miss and might never see, touch, or taste again.

Tehlmar's eyes weren't like this, so I assume I'm changing because of that terrible creature who attacked Kuret.

It makes me feel sick. How can I have parts of such terrible people within me?

Kuret opens his mouth to say more, but we are both distracted by Roshan shifting uncomfortably, staring off into the trees.

"What—"

I don't get to say more before Kuret's hand is over my mouth. I instinctively squirm at first, but then stop myself. They both have better senses than I do and so I just relax into his arms, my heart beating for a much less pleasant reason than the last time I was in them.

He repositions himself so his wide mouth and sharp teeth are right next to my ear. "I can hear a hunter," he whispers. "The green one. Stay here."

I shake my head and point to where he left the gun near me. "Nasrin you—"

He doesn't get to whisper more because I deliver him a hard blow to the top of his thigh so he knows I mean it.

After a growl, he lets me go and I spin to face him. He's still bent over, so I position my mouth next to one of his three-spiked ears, my lips brushing against one of his many pieces of jewelry when I speak.

"They are as strong as you are, Kuret. We'll need a gun and you don't know how to use it yet."

I tip back, assuming he will whisper something in my ear now, but all he does is wipe a hand down the back of his other one. I'm surprised he agreed, but I don't say anything; I just move to scoop up the gun and follow behind him as soundlessly as I can. My hands are damp, but with a knife in one of them and a gun in the other, I can't wipe them off.

Roshan is shivering, his eyes wide and he doesn't follow us, which is another surprise, but also a relief. I hold my hands out to him, signaling for him to stay and feeling silly as I do it.

I'm not sure if it's the gesture I made or his own fear, but he doesn't move.

I follow Kuret as quietly as I can, periodically taking time to study the gun, wishing I had tested it when we first found it, though it seems to work the same as I expected. The shape is different, but not so much that I don't think I can use it.

Thoughts about how wrong it is that I'm even thinking about using it crowd my mind, but I keep following Kuret. He has his braids gathered in one hand and twisted so they don't make sound and a knife in his other one.

He stops periodically, tilting his ears for sounds I can't make out, then we keep stalking forward. Eventually, he motions for me to stop and then waves his hand downward, which I take to mean I should crouch. I want to protest when he keeps moving forward, but I bite down on my tongue.

He knows what he's doing. I hope.

A few minutes later, I hear the hunter. They are tramping along the underbrush, breaking sticks and muttering about insects and mud. I listen closely to anyone responding to them, but it only sounds like one person speaking.

Kuret moves through the underbrush and my heart leaps when I can't see him anymore, but I know I can't follow him. The sounds are much closer now. When I see a movement, I aim my gun, but it's so quick I can't be sure if it is the hunter or Kuret so I don't fire.

The gun is trembling in my hand and I'm holding my breath when I hear an undulating cry and a thumping sound.

After a moment frozen in position, I scramble toward the sounds of the fight, hearing a bunch of thumps and hissing curses in the alien's language.

When I push through a thorn bush to get to them, they are grappling, the thing's gun is on the ground and neither one has the advantage on the other. I raise the gun, but they are moving so much that I can't be sure I won't hit Kuret.

After a moment of indecision, I tell my black suit to make a pocket, pleased when it actually listens, and stuff the gun in it, moving the knife I was holding to my dominant hand.

Allah protect me , I mouth, then I run at them, knife held up as Kuret taught me, headed toward the creature's back. Kuret sees me, eyes wide, and he strains to hold the braceaaer in position.

I don't hesitate, taking three quick steps and bringing the knife down in an arc, striking the base of the alien's skull. The impact sends a stinging pain up my arm, but I don't let go. Instead, I pull it back and stab three more times in quick succession before stumbling back, suddenly realizing I'm covered in blood.

I'm not sure if it is already dead, or if Kuret kills it by taking advantage of its surprise by ramming his own knife up into its chest and dragging it until entrails pour out.

I stumble back farther, my mind screaming out at me for doing something so… terrible.

My heel hits a root and I fall backward, landing hard enough to knock the wind out of me. Once I get it back into my lungs, I keep breathing faster and faster. Then I notice the blood-covered knife still in my hands and I fling it away, frantically wiping at my body to get the blood off.

I flip over just in time to start heaving, then startle when I feel a pressure on my back.

"You did well, Nasrin. Your first kill is always the hardest."

He pulls my hair back, twisting it behind me, taking the time to carefully detangle it from around my limbs before twisting it so it stays out of my face. Then he rubs my back as the heaving subsides. Once I am calm, he pulls me into his arms, pressing me against his chest and tucking my head into his broad shoulder.

One arm holds the back of my head, the other runs down my back as he makes a hissing sound through his teeth. It's odd at first, but quickly starts to soothe me.

"He was a worthy foe. So small, but so strong. Just like you."

I laugh mirthlessly. "I'm not strong, Kuret," I tell him with a raw throat. "I just totally lost it."

"I'm not sure what you think you lost. All I saw was someone doing what had to be done. What you gained was even more of my respect than you already had."

I let out a long breath, my shaking starting to subside. He's right. It was what had to be done.

There's a braid next to my hand and I shift so I can hold on to it, using it to help ground my mind, much calmer by the time he speaks again.

His body is stiff now. "I held you like a brother comforts another. It is a loss of honor," he tells me as he starts to move me off him.

"What?" I protest. "No, it was exactly what I needed. You didn't lose any honor. I thought we had moved past that."

He doesn't listen, just keeps moving us until he can place me on my feet. Then he takes a step back and my heart drops. I don't understand him, but I'm still too rattled to try to work through where I lost the thread of what was going on.

He didn't do anything wrong.

I shake my head, wishing for the comfort of human companionship and things making sense.

Instead, I watch a glowing alien rummage around the pack of another alien I just killed. Or he killed. We killed. Ya Allah , this place is going to drive me insane.

My mind is still scattered when I follow him back to Roshan and the cave, this time at a near run, though, unlike Tehlmar, he is careful not to outpace me.

When we get back to Roshan, I breathe a sigh of relief that he is unharmed. He initially runs to greet me, but shies away when I hold out a blood-soaked hand.

It makes my stomach roil again and I head straight toward the stream, no longer caring about modesty. I lie down in it and tell my suit to recede, then frantically rub my hands all over my body, desperate to get the green blood off.

Once again, I feel Kuret's hands on me, this time pulling my own away from my face and positioning himself over me so he can hold up my head with one hand and use the other hand to gently wash my face and hair.

The stream is just deep enough that I can mostly submerge myself and I spend another few minutes rubbing my hands together as he finishes washing my hair. Finally, reason comes back, and I realize that I'm naked and he's stripped himself down to just some rough woven not-quite-pants, which are currently getting soaked so he can help me.

The pants are odd, not covering the outside of each thigh so I can see the thrumming patterns, and I'm distracted by the leather lacing down his calves that lead to his bare feet. Now that his boots are off, I can see why they are domed in the front. He has thick black claws on them.

He's barely clothed and I just stripped myself naked. I might be bold, but such a sudden loss of modesty is too much, even considering my plans to get him to take my virginity.

With a hiss, I rise from the water, the suit covering me as I do it, then turn to him. My mind is panicked over what he will think of me now, even as I tell myself I'm being ridiculous. I had already thrown away all the rules.