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3. Raven

RAVEN

His eyes are wide and his jaw is slack as he gapes at me. I don’t know if blurting it out like that was the right idea, but fuck, how else am I supposed to say it? Besides, Brax isn’t really the kind to listen to me talk a load of bullshit in the lead-up to it, either. And as much as I want to lighten the mood, I don’t think humor would be a good alternative for him.

Hey, honey, you’re sucking on that air right now because I went crazy as fuck and used my necromancy abilities to kickstart your heart. You’re welcome.

It might have made me chuckle, potentially even Zane at least, but it’s not going to get me the desired effect from Brax, whose stare only seems to intensify as he leans forward again, bracing his arms on his thighs. “You did what?” The vein at his temple throbs like it’s about to burst at the absurd crap coming from my mouth.

I roll my eyes. “Don’t make me say it again.” I sigh. Whether I did a good job of explaining it or not, he knows exactly what I just said. Repeating it would be for his benefit alone.

“Brax—” Eldon states from behind me, but the grumpy gargoyle is quick to shake his head, cutting off whatever his friend is about to say.

“No. I want to hear it from her.” He doesn’t even glance away from me as he scoffs. “I would fucking know if I died.”

It’s my turn to huff. This man. This. Fucking. Man. I should not have expected any different, but it doesn’t mean I’m prepared for it.

Giving him a pointed look, I keep my mouth shut, continuing to say nothing as a frown slowly knits his brows together. His hooded gaze is still a turn-on, despite the circumstances, and I find myself shuffling from foot to foot as I try to tamp down the thought of a distraction.

Creed, Zane, and Eldon remain just as quiet, waiting for this mess to continue to unravel until Brax stretches, arching his back when a wince twists his lips. He lifts a hand to his side before running it over where he can touch his back, seeking out the wound we all know existed earlier.

He clears his throat, eyes dropping to the floor for a split second before they find mine again. “My back?” I nod, nibbling on my bottom lip as I watch the confusion continue to morph his face. “But…”

Zane takes a step forward, emotion swimming in his hazel pools. “You were gone, man. Like gone gone, sword and all. We would have likely all followed you too if Raven’s griffin—”

“Ari.”

“What?”

“My griffin, his name is Ari.”

Zane nods in response, thankfully not getting pissed at my ridiculous interruption, but I couldn’t help myself.

“We would have been just as dead, too, if Ari hadn’t shown up. Everything was a blur until I saw Raven drop down to her knees beside you, sobs wracking her entire frame. It quickly turned into screams or gurgles, fuck, whatever that noise was, and then… poof, your eyes opened.” The back of Zane’s hand grazes against my own as he looks down at me and I offer a weak half-smile in response.

I’m almost tempted to get to the bottom of what this sound is that I made, but that’s not what I should be focusing on right now. Brax is.

Another throat clearing from Brax draws my attention back to him and I’m startled to see worry in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

I glance around in confusion at first, but I quickly confirm he’s talking to me. “Am I okay?” He cocks a brow at me like I’m being dumb and I manage to refrain from rolling my eyes at him again. “Brax, I’m not the one who—”

He waves his hand, cutting me off. “I’m obviously fine. I’m right here in front of you, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?”

Give me strength with this man.

“I’m more than aware that things can look fine on the surface, but that doesn’t always mean the inside matches. I need to know that you’re okay in there, too,” I state, tapping my temple. His jaw ticks and I take a step toward him. “Complete honesty, please.”

He swipes a hand down his face and relief instantly rushes through me at the fact that he’s not trying to brush me off with a generic I’m fine statement, but this is still Brax, so I never know what I’m going to get. As much as I’m desperate for an answer and eager to push him along, I keep my mouth shut as he tries to process everything in front of us.

The second he starts rubbing at the back of his neck in irritation, I know it’s not good.

“Fuck. I don’t know, okay?” he bites, nostrils flaring as he pushes up on his knees to stand, immediately taking a step away from me. Followed by another and another until he’s standing in front of his bedroom door. “You all just need to give me a fucking minute.”

His door slamming shut behind him efficiently puts an end to the conversation.

Eldon moves first, but he barely gets two steps before Creed’s hand on his shoulder halts him in place. “No, let him have a minute. It’s not every day someone tells you that you just died.”

My heart clenches at his statement. “Or that someone brought you back to life,” I add, the words feeling foreign on my tongue.

“Shutting us out isn’t going to help,” Eldon says with a sigh as Zane cuts the remaining distance between us and comfortingly drapes his arm around my shoulders.

“And forcing him to communicate will only make it worse,” Creed protests, and as much as the truth has my insides tightening in knots, we have to give him a chance to handle this his way. To begin with, at least.

“So what do we do now?” Eldon looks at each of us for an answer, but we don’t have one that will make all our troubles and worries go away. We’ve got some things to think about.

When none of the others reply, I reach for Zane’s hand, squeezing for silent support. “We control what we can.”

“Which is what?” Creed asks, finally dropping his hand from his friend's shoulder.

“Getting this grime off our skin. Fresh bodies, fresh minds, fresh everything, then we can start addressing all of the fucking elephants in the room.”

* * *

Water beats down on me,every droplet discarding the reminder of what we just lived through, yet the scars are already burrowing themselves deep beneath the surface. This is exactly what I meant when I tried to explain everything to Brax.

On the surface, am I alive? Yes. Will I get through this? Yes. Will I stand tall, take on any challenge, and fight with every ounce of effort I have to survive? Yes. But will every image live rent-free in my mind? Yes. Will the reminder of the pain I felt at seeing Brax’s lifeless body live inside of me forever? Yes.

It’s a mind fuck. All of it. A mind fuck I could quite easily wallow in, or I can choose to focus on the one thing that’s kept me going in life so far: survival.

The latter will always be my first instinct, and that’s no different today. That doesn’t stop the dull ache in my bones or the tiredness that lingers in my every breath from consuming me. I’m exhausted.

I need to sleep, then I can actually focus on the revelations of my magic and let reality set in before I attempt to broach the subject with the guys. There are a lot of questions that I’m not ready to dive into until I’ve slept so hard I won’t remember my name when I wake.

Running my fingers through the length of my hair, I shut off the water and reach for the fluffy cream towel on the vanity. I hum in appreciation for the comfort the softness gives me as I wrap it around my body before re-entering my room.

I squeal, jumping back a step when I find Leila sprawled out on my bed. Her blond hair is splayed out around her as she lies on her back, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it.

“What the fuck, Leila?” I blurt, hand on my flushed chest as I gape at her, but she simply rolls over to look at me with a smile on her face.

“I’m glad to see you’re okay too.” She lifts herself so her legs dangle off the side of the bed, relief flashing in her eyes as she takes me in from head to toe.

The surprise quickly evaporates and I rush to her, tightly draping my arms around her shoulders. “I was so worried,” I murmur, reluctantly leaning back and grabbing onto the edge of the towel so I don’t lose it.

“I’m so sorry, Raven. My father dragged me out of there to safety despite my best efforts and pleas to find you.” She looks down at her lap, embarrassment staining her cheeks, and I quickly shake my head.

“Good.”

Her eyebrows pinch together as she stares at me. “No, not good, Raven. You were—”

“I’m fine, Leila. See, it’s all okay. Your father did the right thing,” I insist, interrupting her, and she gives me a glare.

A huff falls from her mouth as she twists her lips, trying to find a suitable retort, but she knows I’m right and eventually shakes her head, giving up.

“How bad was it?” she asks instead, my shoulders tensing as I fail to hide the wince on my face. There’s no point lying, though. She knows it couldn’t have ended well.

“It was bad. Like, really bad.” Keeping hold of the towel, I take a seat beside her. “Finn’s dead,” I add, recalling his lifeless body in the room. He wasn’t a close friend or even an ally, but he was one of the few people I didn’t completely despise outside of the Bishops and Leila. Leila’s eyes widen as she gasps, her hand lifting to her mouth with shock. “I don’t know about anyone else, but there was so much destruction everywhere, I can’t even begin to imagine,” I admit, and she nods in understanding.

“My father insisted things weren’t okay the moment they declared that the first years would also take part in the Gauntlet. It was too extreme, too fast, but he still doesn’t seem to understand what the threat is. Or if he does, he’s not willing to share it yet.”

If Leila’s father, Professor Fitch, is seemingly unaware of the bigger picture, what hope do we have? “Surely, after everything that just went down at Shadowmoor’s outpost, they have to give us something. A reason why lives have been lost.”

Leila runs her hand over the checkered school skirt she’s wearing and it slowly dawns on me that she’s still wearing her uniform. What time is it?

“Well, let’s hope that’s what they want us for.” I frown at Leila’s statement as she rises from the bed. “I’ll wait for you outside while you get dressed.”

“Get dressed? You say that like I have somewhere to be.” I’m wiped. I don’t have the energy for anything but sleep.

“You do.” She opens my bedroom door and offers me a weak smile.

“Please tell me you’re pranking me or something because I swear, all I want to do is collapse in this damn bed.” Her smile spreads but doesn’t actually get any stronger and I know I’m screwed. “Fine, hit me with it. What am I getting dressed for?”

“A gathering has been called. They’re going to officially confirm the casualties.”

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