15. Wyla

Chapter 15

"You did what?!" Waverley shrills in the middle of Crossroads.

"Waverley, volume! Dear lord, do you have to be so loud?" After mine and Jett's thing on the rocks yesterday, my brain has been all sorts of fucked up. After making out for probably another five minutes, my orgasm high mellowed out, we walked back. Jett didn't push for more or even ask.

When we got back to my place, he helped me get Stevie to bed then left. I know Anna was there with us so I understood him not slamming his tongue down my throat but all I got was a quick kiss to the forehead and a goodnight. No, "I had fun… we'll talk about this more…" Nothing.

I immediately called in an emergency breakfast at Crossroads and had Annabelle watch Stevie.

Waverley's jaw still hangs and she starts to slap my hand across the table. "Tell. Me. Everything."

"Hold on, let me tell the rest when Win gets back. I don't want to have to tell it twice." Winry usually takes Sundays off but Ivy texted her yesterday that she didn't think she could come in for a personal issue. Winry hasn't said too much about what's been going on with Ivy which has me curious. She was supposed to come with us to the beach yesterday but backed out.

"I don't care. Maybe I want to hear it twice." Waverley has always been the nosey one and always quick with a smart remark. "Miss No Orgasms For Us, still sticking to that one?"

I roll my eyes and reach for my coffee. "It just was an orgasm for me, actually, so the ‘for us' bit really hasn't changed."

"Nuh-uh, he was the one to give it to you," Waverley says as Winry sets down two plates of our favorite pastries on the table.

"Okay, I think the rush is over. Abigail should be able to cover the front for a bit." Winry takes the seat across from me and leans back. "Are we talking about Jett? What'd he give her? Catch me up."

I open my mouth to tell my side of the story but Waverley gives her lewd version. "Wyla was telling me about how she took Jett to our favorite spot on the rocks so he could fuck her silly."

"Oh my gosh, Wav. That's not what happened!"

It's not exactly what happened but it was kind of what I hoped for. It wasn't my first intention but when we made it to that hole in the pier, something in me snapped. We were completely alone. No distractions. No worries of being interrupted by Stevie. It almost felt as if I had been transported back to that hotel five years ago and I couldn't get the thought of him out of my mind. I needed to feel him.

"Well, consider me intrigued." Winry smirks. "Tell us, Wyla, what did happen?"

I quietly fill them in on how I kissed him and then one thing led to another and I ended up with the first orgasm in five years I didn't give to myself.

"This makes me so happy." Waverley beams.

"Well, I'm not happy. What am I supposed to do now? Part of me still thinks it's a bad idea for us to be together. He may even feel the same because all he said to me last night was goodnight." I push away my plate with a barely eaten muffin on it.

"What was he supposed to say?" Winry pushes my plate back like the mother she is, with a silent demand to eat it. "I mean, come on. You had both put your daughter to bed, his sister was there, and you have stood strong on the no-go front. He was probably wanting you to say something."

I get what they're saying, I do, but at the same time. "Couldn't he at least have said he enjoyed it or something?" I throw my hands up and probably say it a little too loud because my sisters are looking at me with wide eyes.

"I can assure you he did," an all-too-familiar male voice says behind me.

Fuck my life.

I squeeze my eyes shut like that would rewind time or possibly make him disappear, but I know that's not going to happen. I turn in my chair to meet him. Why does he always look so good? He's wearing dark wash jeans and a light blue t-shirt that complements his deep blue eyes. His honey blonde hair still seems a little damp as if he just took a shower. I bet one could inhale and I'd be able to smell his body wash.

"Hey, Jett."

A grin tugs at his lips. "Hey, Wy. Sorry, Owen told me you were here. Seems we had the same idea for a babysitter."

"You were going to ask Annabelle to babysit… why?" Is it hot in here? I think I'm sweating .

He takes a quick glance at my sisters then back to me. "I think we have some air to clear. I can wait if—"

"No, she's done," Waverley interrupts.

I shoot her a pointed look, but she doesn't care.

"Yeah, she actually told me I could have her muffin, so no reason to stay." Winry takes my plate back and shrugs.

"How about spending time with my sisters?" I ask through clenched teeth.

The front door chimes, and Winry shoots up from her seat. "Oh, a customer, got to get back to work. Byeeeeeee."

Waverley stands from her chair also. "And my sister-meter is full. I'll talk to you later." She gives me a wink then she's out the door.

Jett chuckles then holds out a hand for me. "So, care to go for a walk?"

Jett and I decide to take our walk to the same walking track we took Stevie on the first day. It's not completely empty but it's not as crowded and public as walking through town. As we get to the back loop it seems like it's only us, so we sit on one of the benches in Stevie's flower garden.

"It's nice out again today," I mumble when the silence feels too much. I feel lame saying it but weather is the ultimate small talk go-to. I guess because it's so obvious and in your face, unlike my situation with Jett. I don't know what we are or where we go from here.

"Yeah, it is. Good company too." Jett gives me a soft smile then takes a deep breath. "I think we need to talk about yesterday."

I swallow hard. I could be imagining it but I sense regret in his voice and it breaks my heart already. "Yesterday was a mistake. It won't happen again."

Jett furrows his eyebrows, taken back by my words. "A mistake? That's what you're going with?"

"Well… wasn't it? You didn't say anything last night and there was clearly regret in your tone just now." Jett opens his mouth to speak but I don't want to hear anything else. "Don't worry about it, Jett. We're still fine to just be co-parents."

Jett scoffs and shakes his head. "Jesus, Wyla, I don't want to just be co-parents. I didn't say anything last night because I wanted to give you time to process. Clearly, that was the mistake of yesterday, not what happened."

"Jett…" I don't even know what to say. I want him too, yesterday definitely proved that, but it doesn't change anything. "It's not a good idea for us. "

"I don't know what it is that's holding you back. But I swore to myself that morning if I ever ran into you again, I wouldn't fuck it up. I won't. I can't." Jett moves closer and wills my eyes to him. "I want to be with you, Wyla." His face tells me he means every word, but that only makes the ache in my chest worse.

I feel the tears welling, but I hold them back, trying to keep my voice even. "No, you don't. I'm an obligation, Jett, and I don't want you to have to settle for this. You couldn't have wanted me more than just a one-night stand." I say the last sentence more for myself than for him. "Jett, I don't want to be wanted because I'm the mother of your child."

Which is true. I don't want love that way, and I feared that in the beginning, but I don't think Stevie is the reason he wants to be with me… and somehow, that fucks me up more.

"That's bullshit, Wyla. You know that's not true. How can I get it through your head that I want you because of you. Yeah, Stevie's a big fucking perk, but I wanted you then and I still want you now."

I open my mouth with my next lame excuse but he reads me like a book .

"Don't even start with the distance bullshit next. There's something else you're not telling me." Jett rests his forehead on mine. "Please, baby, talk to me."

I stand abruptly, needing space from him. "Those reasons are not bullshit! They are perfectly reasonable factors to not do this."

"They're not the reason, Wy."

"Yes, they are!" My resolve for holding my tears is starting to weaken. I let out a big breath to try to build that strength back up, but I'm about to crumble.

"Wyla." Jett stands and takes a step closer, but I match it with a step back. He sighs. "I don't know how else to say this, or if there's some magic words to get you to understand, but despite the distance. Despite my schedule. Despite the years apart. Despite it all, Wyla, I want to be with you."

That does it. Magic words said. The flood gates open. Tears stream down my cheeks and word vomit comes out my mouth. "I can't, Jett… I can't, because then it's my fault. It's my fault you lost out on four years of your daughter's life. It's my fault she didn't know you until now."

"Wy…" He tries to stop me, but he can't. I don't think anyone can .

"I knew in my gut when I got up I should have stayed or woken you up before I left." The tears continue, and my voice has no strength in its tone at all. "Something inside me was begging for me to stay, but I was terrified you would reject me and I knew that would crush me. So, no, Jett. I can't believe you wanted me back then. That if I had stayed we would have probably seen each other again. That I wouldn't have had to do all of it alone and you wouldn't have missed major milestones in your kid's life. I took those things from you, Jett. I took those away from Stevie… The guilt already eats me alive, because at the end of the day I walked out of that room first… not you."

There it is. My guilt, out in the open.

"You didn't fuck up five years ago, Jett. I did."