Chapter 16

"Kellen?" Brandle called.

I jolted in guilt and hurriedly set the book on the desk.

"Yes?" I returned, trying to fan the heat from my face.

"Can you still read without light? Perhaps you should bring the book to the fire."

I glanced at the book that had held my rapt attention, then grabbed the one beside it—the one about how a caster used energy to cast.

Brandle stood just outside the door as I emerged from the study. His gaze flicked to the book I held, then up to my red face. If he questioned my flush, he didn't do so aloud.

However, he didn't move out of the way as I approached.

"Am I not allowed to read this?" I asked, glancing at the book.

"You can read any book in Henry's study that you wish," he said. "The one you hold might help you understand what happens when you become overwhelmed."

"That is my hope."

Still, Brandle did not move aside.

"Is something troubling you?" I asked.

"It is. We washed, but we did not receive any welcoming embrace."

He wanted me to embrace him? Now? After reading about many other kinds of embraces?

The heat coloring my cheeks grew.

He watched me with a knowing glint in his eyes. Drat the man and his perception.

"Have you changed your mind?" he asked softly.

I understood he wished to know if I was intrigued or angry by what I read. They feared my anger would lead me to leave sooner, and they had made their stance on that quite clear. But he could plainly see I wasn't angry, couldn't he?

"I apologize," I said. "The oversight wasn't intentional, and I will be more mindful when you next return."

"Next return? This day is not yet done."

"You still wish for an embrace?"

"We do," he said.

He studied me as I tried to understand. He knew I wasn't angry. Was he trying to determine if I was intrigued? Why? Did they fear that I would grow too attached to one of them?

"What type of welcome do you wish to receive? And know that whatever you request, I will submit to your brothers. Equally."

He smiled brightly, his eyes dancing with delight. I felt a brief twinge of relief that I had answered in a way that calmed his fears.

"A kiss then," he said, robbing me of relief. "On the lips, please."

"That's very forward of you."

He shrugged. "It's the welcome we all desire."

That dratted word brought to mind the book I'd read, and another memory rose of the last dinner party Maeve had thrown and the wanton behavior of the men in attendance.

"I cannot kiss all of you on the lips," I said firmly.

"Why not?"

I sputtered for a moment.

"I am not some shameless woman, Brandle."

"Kissing us wouldn't make you shameless."

"What would it make me, then?"

"Reasonable," Darian called from his place by the fire.

A bolt of annoyance shot through me, and I felt the walls around the well move.

"For everyone's safety, I need you to be more reasonable."

Brandle ran a hand through his hair, showing his frustration.

I opened my mouth to make another suggestion but never made a sound. He moved faster than I thought possible, capturing the back of my head with his raised hand and crashing his mouth against mine. With my lips parted, his tongue met no resistance. It touched mine lightly. Teasing. Coaxing.

I lost the carefully controlled hold on my emotions. The book fell to the ground between us as I gripped his shoulders and tilted my head to grant him better access.

He groaned, and his other hand seized my waist, pressing me against his chest.

The need to possess everything he offered consumed me, and I felt that well inside of me demanding to be filled.

"You'll only prove her point if she notices our amulets, Brandle," Edmund said.

With a growl, Brandle tore his mouth from mine and dug into his tunic to pull out the brightly glowing amulet. Proof that my powers had run wild.

Yet, he looked unharmed. The amulet had protected him. From me.

"Breathe, Lamb," Daemon said. "Nothing terrible happened."

"But if you're still unsure, I would be happy to take Brandle's place," Darian said.

I heard someone cuff his head but didn't take my gaze from Brandle's glowing amulet. Focusing on the well, I slowly closed myself off from what Brandle had made me feel. The glow dimmed by increments. When the amulet finally went dark, my breathing had steadied, and my head had cleared.

"Never do that again," I said. I moved to take a step back and retreat into the cottage, but the arm locked around my waist wouldn't allow it.

Brandle lifted me with ease and turned so he blocked the door.

"You won't hurt us, Kitten. I trust you."

"Then you are a fool, Brandle, who will lead his brothers to an early death."

His jaw tensed.

"Release me."

"I think not."

He bent low and tossed me over his shoulder.

"Brandle! Set me down this instant." He didn't slow his stride.

My face bumped against his backside. The loose material covering his muscled ass filled my mouth as I bit down. His steps faltered as he let out a strangled curse. Another set of arms grabbed me. I found myself upright and staring at a smirking Eadric.

"You almost brought him low, Sparrow. Well done. If you're ever captured again, do that. It appeared quite effective." He turned to look over his shoulder at Edmund. "You should probably teach her how to roll when she hits the ground, though, as I believe any attacker will not restrain himself from throwing her as Brandle had."

I wiped the loose hair away from my forehead and scowled at Eadric.

"I don't want to learn how to fall."

"Then it would be best not to bite your attacker," Brandle said, visibly rubbing his backside.

"Did she break the skin?" Daemon asked.

"Are you offering to check?" Brandle asked.

"I wasn't the one to bite you."

Seven sets of eyes swung toward me.

"And I wasn't the one to toss an unwilling woman over his shoulder? Deal with your sore arse on your own."

Chuckles and laughter rang out around me.

"Here, Princess," Darian said, offering up the book I'd dropped. "Since you're out here, use the firelight to enjoy your book until it's time for bed."

I glanced at Brandle. The sharp rebuke about ruining his chance to sleep beside me died on my tongue at the look in his eyes—closed off yet hinting at anger. He expected rejection. Why did that make me want to comfort him? Perhaps because I understood how alone he felt. How alone they'd all felt out here with only their family to keep them company.

Turning my back on them, I made my way to the fire and opened the book.

Energy exists in everything. The land. The air. All creatures large and small, including humans. Those born with the gift of feeling energy may also have the ability to use energy. It must be said here, within these pages, that one must never use another living creature's energy. Especially not that of another person. To do so is to participate in the use of blood magic.

Blood magic results in premature death. Always.

Likewise, manipulating the energy around us is not without cost. The energy of the land is not infinite and must be drawn with care. The Dark Forest is an example of what happens when proper care is not taken.

During the first war between Turre and Drisdall, both kingdoms called out to the casters of their land to protect their borders. Both sides drew from the land, neither considering the use of the other. And both kingdoms paid heavy prices for the oversight. After peace was struck, the land between the two kingdoms laid dormant for centuries, occupied only by creatures warped by the corruption.

Let the work of casters past be a lesson to future casters.

Cast only when other means to achieve your goal will not work.

Cast with care.

Remain mindful of the well of energy from which you are drawing.

Frowning, I reread the last line then the whole passage. Was this book saying that the wells of energy existed outside a person? It referred to drawing energy several times. Yet, that wasn't what I did.

I never drew anything. I blocked it from flooding me.

My emotions existed within my well, and as long as I blocked myself from feeling them, a lid existed on top of that well to prevent the well within me from filling with the energy around me. When I didn't contain my emotions, it felt like I was removing the lid.

Confused, I continued to read and attempted to absorb the explanation of taking energy into one's self and how it was used to feed the spells casters cast.

"I think she'd remain like that all night if we let her," Darian said.

"Can you imagine growing up without knowing who or what you are?" Eadric asked. "I doubt I would be able to set that book aside if I were in her place."

I looked up from the pages to see them sitting in the chairs spread out around the fire.

"May I try something?" I asked.

"If it involves your lips on?—" ‘

Garron smacked the back of Darian's head.

"If you continue to hit him so hard, he will continue to make those remarks," I said. "You are feeding his need for attention."

"Have you considered that I am feeding Garron's need to quietly protect you?" Darian asked with a grin.

Rather than answer, I removed the lid from my well and allowed myself to feel them. Darian wasn't wrong. Garron did want to protect me. They all did. They all wanted a kiss, too.

Ignoring their feelings and the fact that their charms weren't glowing, I focused on the air around us.

The book had described one of the very first spells a caster can easily perform. It had words to help direct the energy in the air so that I could determine the upcoming weather, but before my gaze could dip to the page to speak to them, I felt the air. The heavy moisture headed our direction. The crackle of energy in the heavy storm clouds still crawling our way.

"It will storm heavily before sunrise," I said. "Any seeds you've planted in the garden will be washed out."

Edmund muttered a curse.

"We have plenty more seeds," Brandle said.

"Yes, but I have no wish to sow the ground a second time."

"My hands are better," I said, closing myself off again. "I'll help before I leave."

The group fell silent, and I knew they didn't like the reminder.

"Since it's due to rain, I'll return this to the study." I stood and glanced at Brandle. "Will I be made to endure the rain, or shall we sleep indoors?"

"We?" he asked.

"You asked to sleep beside me, and I don't believe any of you wish to face the rain that is coming."

They exchanged glances.

"Allow me to escort you to the privy first," Eadric said, offering his arm and plucking the book from my fingers. "They can arrange the bedding how they see fit."

I took his arm and noted the silence behind us as we walked away.

"Will you truly sleep inside tonight?" I asked.

"We go to the cottage when it rains or snows," he said. "The wind doesn't blow often here, but when it does, we shelter from it as well."

By their own claim, there were no bad memories in the cottage. Yet, they avoided it until they had no choice but to enter. At least, they avoided it while I was inside. Why?

After using the privy and washing, we returned to the cottage, and I saw a fire burning merrily in the hearth. The chairs were stacked to one side near the study to make room for the straw-stuffed mattresses that had been removed from the loft above.

No one waited inside.

I glanced at Eadric, who flashed me an innocent smile.

"The thatching," he said. "If it's to storm, we'll need to fix it. Go rest. We'll join you soon."

I nodded and let myself inside. All seven sleeping mats lined the space before the fire.

After removing my boots, dress, and cloak, I chose the middle one and lay down. The fire had already warmed the space by my feet, and I sighed contentedly. Briefly, I thought of fetching the book then decided against it. If the storm came through in the middle of the night, I would likely lose sleep. Better to get what I could now.

Closing my eyes, I drifted off to the sounds of several of the brothers on the roof and their quiet murmur of conversation.

The cottage was completely dark when I felt someone settle next to me. I rolled toward the warmth, uncaring who it was. An arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me close. With a sigh, I settled my head on a heavily muscled chest.

A scuffle broke out nearby.

"You stepped on me, ox," Darian muttered.

"Move over," Liam whispered. "It's my turn to sleep beside her."

I felt someone settle close behind me. A strong torso pressed against my back.

"Shut your mouth," Edmund hissed.

"Wake her and die," Brandle said softly. The sound echoed in my ear, and I moved my hand to pat his chest. A cold hand caressed my back over my shift.

"No more death," I murmured tiredly. "That feels good."

I drifted closer to sleep in the resulting silence until I heard Daemon say, "What are you doing that got her to sound like that?"

"I'm rubbing her back."

I hummed my approval, and they went silent again. Hooking my leg over Brandle's hips, I snuggled closer to his chest and reached back to pull Liam's arm around me. He moved so close it felt like I wore him as a cloak.

Hugging his arm to my chest, I sank further into the comfort of sleep.

Thunder boomed through the cabin and rattled the glass in the window. I jolted in my sleep, and a hand stroked over my hair in the darkness.

"Shh. It's all right, Kitten," Brandle said softly. "You're safe inside."

I snuggled against his chest, blinking heavily against the need to sink back into sleep's embrace.

"The thatching?" I murmured.

"It's holding, Princess. Sleep," Darian said.

Lightning flashed, illuminating the room and the men sleeping in it. With my head pillowed on Brandle's shoulder, the image of Daemon's sleep-relaxed face remained burned into my vision long after the light faded.

His perfectly sculpted cheeks. His long nose with a slight bump in the bridge. His bowed, tempting lips.

All of it was larger than I remembered.

Another flash of light filled the space, showing how his feet extended well past the end of the small mattress.

The sudden crash of thunder startled me, and I jolted against Brandle.

Liam's hand smoothed down my side.

Larger than I remembered.

I had to have seen it wrong. Perhaps this was a dream.

I slowly ran my hand over Brandle's tunic from his chest to the start of his pants, measuring the distance. His torso was not the length of a man of my size but that of a large man. One who matched what I was seeing.

This was no dream.

Brandle's hand caught mine gently and returned it to his chest, where he lightly played with my fingers. My heart fluttered in my chest from his attention and from the pieces that were falling into place in my mind.

Like me, the brothers had been cursed.

I closed my eyes in anguish.

"How did any of you sleep?" Brandle asked softly.

"Eadric is the only one who managed," Darian said.

"I wouldn't have slept if I'd been holding what he held without injury," Daemon said.

"You're all idiots," Edmund said softly. "Stop only focusing on how you feel. How she feels matters more."

"And how does she feel?" Liam asked.

Outside, the rain fell, and the sky rumbled its displeasure, a mere shadow of the turmoil of chaotic emotions I was trying to keep at bay.

"Afraid," Brandle said, trailing his fingers over mine. "Confused. Alone."

His words and the steady beat of his heart helped ease some of everything he knew I was feeling.

"She's not alone. She has us," Eadric said.

"Does she?" Daemon asked, proving himself awake. "We greeted her with hostility and suspicion less than a fortnight ago. And we didn't reassure her the first time we saw her powers slip. We let her run and hide as we debated if we could trust her. The second time, we viewed her with suspicion again. Why would she trust us?"

"We helped rid her of the tracker," Eadric said.

"But she didn't fear the tracker," Brandle said. "She fears her power and hurting others. We've done nothing to help her with that."

They understood me more than any other person ever had. Even Eloise.

And finally, I understood their initial fear of me. Brandle had said they didn't fear magic but the person wielding it. He'd acknowledged a woman had hurt them. She hadn't physically hurt them; she had cursed them.

I thought about how they'd pleaded so earnestly for my help. It had been before they'd learned of my powers, hadn't it? Daemon had mentioned a first time.

While I struggled to remember, another thought rose.

In order to gain their help to reach Turre, I needed to help them break their curse. Without guidance and without answers. Powers or not, it would take time. So much more than I had to spare. Yet, I saw no other viable option.

Forgive me, Eloise, I thought. I vow to do whatever I must and return quickly. No matter the cost. My life for yours. Always. Without you, I have no reason to exist.

Brandle's fingers moved over mine, and I questioned if that last vow still rang as true as it had the day I climbed out of my window.

Soon, Eloise. Soon.

Thank you for reading Despair , Tales of Snow, Book 1! Kellen's story and her struggle denying these seven tempting men continues with Desire , Book 2.