Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Eadric's look of disappointment speared through me as I took a bite of the pastry.

"I used the shears without issue. Why shouldn't I feed myself?"

"But I like feeding you." His sad words saw me handing over the pastry before I realized my intent.

He grinned widely, led me to the table, and offered me another bite.

"Who would you like to stay with you today?" Edmund asked.

"I'm tired of choosing. Decide amongst yourselves."

Everyone stopped eating and stared at me.

"Do you truly have no preference?" Brandle asked.

"I do not. And I do not like being accused of playing favorites, either. So you may decide."

One by one, they grinned like I'd given them the best gift ever.

"Then we shall," Liam said. "Daemon and Eadric have spent the most time in the glade recently. They need to go."

"Agreed," Brandle said.

"Agreed," Edmund said.

They went around the table, agreeing with Liam. Even Daemon and Eadric.

"Garron should stay today. I don't want to re-sew him," Brandle said.

The others agreed with that as well.

"Liam should stay," Eadric said, feeding me the last bite of pastry and licking his fingers, which had just brushed the corners of my mouth.

The rest agreed. No fighting. No complaining or bitterness.

"It was a pleasure feeding you, Sparrow. I will see you again before dusk." Eadric leaned in and gave me a quick kiss full on the lips. With a grin, he stood, plucked me up from the bench, and turned me around.

Edmund tugged me into his arms and hugged me. "Make sure these two do their chores." He kissed my forehead and released me.

Darian took his place, holding me tightly before I could grasp what was happening.

"I look forward to tonight's demonstration, Princess."

Then Daemon was there, his hand stroking down my back and pressing me into his arms.

"I'll miss you, Lamb."

Heat burst inside of me.

It was too much. Too much touching. Too much emotion.

Darian handed me off to Brandle, who cupped my cheeks and looked into my eyes.

"Will you hug me today, Kitten?"

I needed less contact, not more. But I could see the doubt and worry in his gaze that I would turn him away again. I didn't want to. I wanted him closer. So much closer.

The heat flared stronger. I trembled with it. And with need. I didn't want to feel so alone anymore. I wanted to be wanted, and I wanted to want in return.

Any remaining control I had fractured along with the well inside of me. Emotions came storming out. My skin didn't tingle…it burned. It burned with the need to feel what they were feeling. To know it matched what I felt. That they wanted to stay with me as much as I wanted to stay with them.

But I didn't feel them as much as I felt the energy around me. All of it. The ground. The trees. Each of the seven men.

Panic threaded into the emotions whirling within me. I needed to stop. I needed to close myself off again.

"Kitten?" Brandle frowned and withdrew his hands.

I slowly turned around. Garron was there. He frowned and stepped aside as I started walking that way. The bottoms of my feet ached with the pulse of energy from the ground with each slipper-clad step I took.

"Kellen? What's wrong?" Liam asked.

His fingers dragged against the back of my hand, and I flinched at the rush of his feelings. His worry. His fear that I was leaving because Brandle had asked for his embrace today. His need to do something to make me want to stay again.

The feeling had barely touched me when he caught my hand more firmly and spun me about to pull me into his arms.

"Whatever you need…please, Kellen, don't leave."

"Release me," I managed.

He did, but he didn't move out of my way as he looked up at me to search my gaze.

"Tell us why?"

The well fractured further. I could feel the pulse of life all around me. Beating. Beckoning. Begging to fill that empty place inside of me.

I struggled to breathe and shuffled back a step even as I reached for him.

Liam, the sweet fool, caught my hand.

The hunger grabbed at his energy before I could stop it.

The amulet beneath his shirt flared so brightly it blinded both of us.

"Liam!" Brandle yelled.

I wrenched my hand free of Liam's hold and stumbled back several steps. Fear that I'd hurt him helped me close myself off again as Brandle rushed forward to grab his brother, who was looking at me in a way that said he understood what had just happened.

Liam understood what I was.

"I'm sorry," I said.

I turned and ran into the cottage, slamming the door behind me. Collapsing to my knees, I closed my eyes and clasped my hands. Shame over what had happened tried to take me, but I pushed it down. I pushed it all down. Anger. Fear. Frustration. Uncertainty.

Emptying my mind, I focused on being calm.

My feet went numb as I sat there, but I didn't attempt to move.

Outside, everything remained quiet.

They knew. They had to know. It was the second time. Would they ask me to leave now?

Tears wanted to well up, but I breathed until the urge passed then opened my eyes to unwrap my hands.

The abrasions from the rope were scabbed and healing well. So were the slivers from clawing my way through the thatching. If need be, I could run again without the creatures scenting my blood. At least until the first time I fell.

A knock sounded on the door.

"Kellen?" Liam called. "Could I trouble you to move to the garden? I was hoping to use the copper tub myself today while the others are gone. I promise not to intrude for too long. The hair from my shearing is making me itch."

The reasonable request robbed me of any reason to deny him. Yet, I knew nothing good would come from opening the door. It was better to keep myself away from them. Better for all of us.

He knocked again.

"Kellen?"

With a small sigh, I stood and lightly stomped some life back into my feet before opening the door for him. He smiled at me.

"Thank you," he said. "I already have the water heating." He waved to the pot on the fire. "I could pull the tub outside, too, if you prefer."

"There is no need to pretend nothing happened, Liam," I said. "I am grateful you had the protection of the charm you wear, but it would be safer if you and your brothers avoided me until I can leave."

Liam considered me. "You're right. Something did happen. But I see no need to avoid you because of it. You know we come from a kingdom that allows magic. We don't fear it as the people of Drisdall do."

"You should fear it," I said. "The cottage is yours for as long as you'd like. Find me by the well once you're finished."

Before I reached the backyard, I heard the scrape of metal against dirt. Garron worked the soil, turning what remained to prepare it for planting.

He looked up at my approach, but he needn't have worried. I carefully kept my distance.

"Should you be doing that?" I asked.

He flashed a small smile at me. "It's this or chop wood. This is easier. I'll leave the chopping to Liam."

"Liam is taking a bath."

Garron frowned, then sighed and propped the stick against the fence near where I stood.

"It looks like I'll be wielding the ax then."

"No. I have no desire to see you sewn together again. One of the others can do it when they return."

He nodded and went to pick up the stick again. I watched him then asked the question burning inside of me.

"Do they fear me now?"

"Fear you? No. We were questioning if it's wise to trust you. But I think we forgot that we come from a place where magic doesn't need to be hidden, and you don't. I can understand why you didn't want to tell us you're a caster."

"I'm not," I said quickly.

"Kellen, there is no shame in being born with the ability to touch the energy around us."

I swallowed hard and took a step back to create more space between us as I said, "There is if you can't control it."

He studied me for a long moment.

"I wasn't born knowing how to speak. Someone had to teach me. Everything I know, I've learned."

His understanding words almost put me at ease, which wasn't something I could afford to be.

I shook my head, silently disagreeing with him.

"Why is controlling your ability any different?" he asked. "If you don't know how to control it, learn how."

"I did learn to control it. It's linked to my emotions. But when they overwhelm me—" I looked away with a slight shrug that belied how much it bothered me that I needed to hide what I wanted to feel in order to control that monstrous thing inside of me.

"You've spoken of your sister often," he said. "Does she know?"

"Not everything," I said. "I believe my mother guessed, but we never spoke of it."

"How could your mother only guess?"

"She was bedridden since I was young and rarely left the estate. Eloise and I were left to manage ourselves by the time we reached our tenth year."

"And when did you know you were a caster?"

"I suspected there was something wrong with me during my twelfth year."

"Tell me."

"I was trying to find Eloise. It was a game of hide and seek in the woods. I grew frustrated. The grass at my feet withered and died. I didn't leave my room for three days after. My mother thought it was due to my first bleeding that happened the following day."

His face flushed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have?—"

"Don't. Don't hide things or refrain from speaking the truth out of fear of our reaction. I want to know everything, Kellen. We all do. Nothing that happened has changed our minds. We want your help, and we vow to give ours in return."

"Not many men would want to hear about a woman's first bleeding," I said.

"We're interested in knowing everything about you, Kellen."

I nodded and looked away, unsure what to do or say next.

"Can I ask you more questions?"

"Yes," I said, relieved.

"Why did your emotions overwhelm you earlier?"

I snorted then realized he was entirely serious.

"Are maidens from Turre not typically overwhelmed by the attention of seven men?"

He flushed and smiled shyly.

"I cannot speak for the maidens of Turre. I don't know many, and the ones I know tend to turn the other way when we approach."

"Why?" I asked.

He laughed and shook his head. "Not many females are interested in conversing with men who are a hand shorter than they are."

"Well, that's very small-minded of them."

He shrugged. "Didn't your mother tell you to look for someone tall and strong? Someone whose shoulder you can lean on in times of trouble?"

I thought back and shook my head. "She told me to find someone who would love me without limit or condition. She said nothing about stature or standing."

Garron braced a hand on the fence and vaulted over it agilely. I cringed and reached for his side.

"You shouldn't do that."

"The threads will hold. Brandle knows what he's doing." He caught my hand and tugged it up to place it over his heart. His hand remained over mine.

"Could you trust me to love you, Kellen? Without limit or condition?"

My pulse began to race.

"This is dangerous." I attempted to tug my hand free, but he held fast.

"Breathe, Kellen. Nothing bad will happen."

"Garron, please."

He released my hand only to take me by the arms and draw me closer. My gaze darted from his eyes to his mouth. I recalled how his lips felt against mine. Soft. Warm. Oh, so very tempting.

"Brandle wishes to sleep beside me tonight," I said.

"He's feeling left out," Garron said, his thumb moving over my arm.

Coaxingly or comfortingly? I couldn't be sure.

"Will you allow him to sleep beside you?"

"Should I?"

Garron smiled softly. "I hope you will."

My gaze dipped to Garron's mouth, and I darted in to brush my lips against his. Fleeting, but purposefully done.

"Are you certain?" I asked.

He chuckled and pulled me against his chest to hug me. The feel of his hand smoothing over my hair had me wrapping my arms around his waist so I could rest my head on his shoulder.

"If you are expecting jealousy, you will find none," Garron said. "We all wish for you to stay here. Fighting amongst ourselves over who gets to spend more time with you or sleep beside you will not endear you to us. We know that. So set aside that concern and invite whoever you wish to sleep beside you. Hug whoever you will. Kiss whoever you wish."

I heard his heartbeat speed with each suggestion and lifted my head to look at him.

His gaze swept over my face, lingering on my mouth.

"You are so beautiful, Kellen. Inside and out. Please say you won't hide in the cottage for the remainder of your time here."

I sighed and eased from his hold.

"I won't."

"Thank you."

I turned the potatoes sitting at the edge of the coals and gingerly felt if they were soft yet.

"Careful," Liam said. "If you burn yourself?—"

"I won't be able to leave. I know, Liam. I will take care."

"Let me do that."

He picked me up and switched places with me.

"How are you so strong?" I asked, watching him turn the remaining potatoes.

"Lots of manual labor," he said.

I studied how his loose shirt molded over his back as he bent forward then glanced at Garron. He watched me openly, and I struggled not to blush.

"I think I'll go inside," I said, taking a step in that direction.

Liam moved quickly, catching me around the waist and depositing me near the fire.

"If you leave, dinner will burn."

"You're exasperatingly persistent."

"If you run inside before the others return, they will think you spent the day there and take their frustration out on us," Garron said.

"Ah." I sat in the nearest chair and glanced at the cottage while my mind pondered the night ahead and Brandle's request. I no longer knew what to think. Of them. Of my place here. Of the help they needed. None of it.

"Did that upset you?" Liam asked.

"No. I'm confused, Liam. By all of this. And weary. I wish to return to my quiet life where the most interesting thing was the current book I borrowed from Mr. Bentwell."

"You like books?" Garron asked. "What kind?"

I flushed scarlet.

"Henry has a few that made me blush," Liam said. "I'm not sure Brandle would approve of you reading them, though."

I glanced at Liam. "And does what Brandle wants have greater importance over what I want?"

"No," Liam said quickly.

"Then if they return while I'm inside, let them know I'm selecting a book to read," I said, rising.

Liam went to step in front of me.

"Leave her be, Liam," Garron said.

I walked inside and went straight to the small study. The door creaked as I partially closed it so I could view the books behind it. With so many lacking titles, I had to take them down and browse the contents to determine the subject.

Spell books.

So many of them.

"Kellen? I think the potatoes are burning."

I set down the book I'd started reading instead of skimming and hurried outside.

Liam and Garron were no longer alone in the yard, and I stopped short at the sight of the others. Sweat stained their clothes, and thick dust coated their skin.

"I sincerely hope you don't expect a welcoming embrace in that state," I said.

Brandle's expression lost its seriousness as his eyes crinkled in the corners.

"If we wash, will we receive a welcoming embrace?"

"If you wash, I will be more open to negotiating what form of welcome is appropriate."

Darian and Daemon tried tripping each other on their way to the well.

"Does anyone want a hot bath? The copper tub is still out in the cottage from earlier," I said.

Darian paused mid-neck-grab for Daemon. "Earlier? We missed you bathing again?"

"Liam bathed. I did not."

"Liam? In the copper tub?" Eadric asked with a growing grin. "Are you still so small?"

Garron cuffed Eadric then gave me an apologetic glance.

"Eadric, don't pick on Liam for his size. It's not kind. And if I can fit in the tub, so can all of you. Now, the stag meat that Garron brought out of cold storage is ready. Go wash so we can eat before dark. Liam, can you remove the potatoes so they can cool? I'll fetch the butter."

By the time I returned, Darian and Daemon were setting plates on the table. Wet hair dripped on their clean clothes.

"Where did you change?" I asked.

"By the well," Darian said. "I believe Eadric and Brandle are still bare if you wish to take a peek."

Garron glanced at me.

"A cuffing is approved for that," I said, setting the butter on the table.

Darian danced out of the way from Garron, but Daemon caught him upside the head.

"Princess, I'm wounded," Darian said.

"Doubtful. You're still speaking."

Daemon chuckled and took a seat at the table as Liam stacked the slightly cooled potatoes on a plate.

"Will you comb my hair for me like you did this morning, Lamb?" Daemon held up the comb I knew I'd returned to its place inside. Yet, I hadn't heard him retrieve it when I'd been in the cellar.

"You have hands. Comb your own hair." I stole a plate from the table and held it out to Liam.

"Hungry?" he asked as he placed a potato on it.

I shrugged and went to the table to cut the hot sphere in half. The butter melted as soon as it touched the steaming center.

"I have hands but no skill," Daemon said, not relenting. "You saw the state of my hair. Please, Lamb?"

"Have Darian comb it. He kept his hair well enough."

Garron removed the kettle with the roast stag and cut me a slice. I scooped out the juice from the bottom and ladled it over my potato before mashing it up with my spoon and knife.

"Eadric is going to be disappointed if you feed yourself," Darian said, watching me.

I paused and wrinkled my nose.

"I want to continue reading before I lose the light."

Brandle and Eadric appeared from around back. Brandle's gaze met mine before it flicked to the cottage. Eadric hurried to me.

"Let me feed you, Sparrow."

I released my utensils and shook my head without censure.

"You have an unusual fascination with feeding me."

He nodded. "It seems I do. I like doing something to care for you."

I opened my mouth to accept the first bite.

"I want to care for you, too," Daemon said. "Eadric feeds you, Garron warms you at night, Edmund braids your hair, Brandle lectures you?—"

"I can do without that," I said after hurriedly swallowing.

"And Liam washes your dishes," he continued. "Darian and I feel left out. What can we do to care for you?"

"You amuse me with your frivolous begging for attention," I said.

Darian opened his mouth, and I quickly added, "Both of you."

Eadric grinned as he fed me another bite, and I watched the others serve themselves. Brandle even fixed a plate for Eadric.

"Thank you," Eadric said without looking away from his task.

Why did I let them have their way? Was this truly helping them? My gaze scanned their faces, watching how they glanced at me as they ate quietly. Edmund held my gaze the longest before focusing on his food.

If I were being burdensome, certainly he would have said so.

The sun dipped lower, and with it, the temperature dropped.

"I think I've eaten my fill," I said before I'd finished everything. "Thank you for feeding me, Eadric."

No one tried to stop me as I hurried inside. Rather than close the door, though, I kept it open to let in more light.

"Do you think she found the book?" I heard Liam ask quietly.

"If she hasn't yet, she will," Brandle said.

"Do you think she'll be intrigued?" Darian asked.

"Likely she'll want to kick us all in the bollocks," Edmund said.

Frowning, I glanced at the book I'd been reading. What were the brothers hiding that they thought would either intrigue or anger me? Setting the informative book of spells aside, I returned to my inventory of the small study.

I found a beginner's book to understanding caster energy manipulation, which I set aside, and numerous other spell books that would keep me entranced for hours. In reality, every book would do that; however, the books on farming and animal husbandry called to me less.

Then, I found it—a very thin tome filled with images that explained in precise detail how to couple, bring pleasure to a female, and how the growth of a babe progressed.

Slowly, I backed up to sit in the chair and started from the beginning.