Chapter 6

CHAPTERSIX

“Jab! Jab! Jab! That’s right. Harder. Stop trying to protect him. Hit him like you mean it!” Pipe ordered.

Owl kept his gaze locked on Lara as she punched the pads he wore on his hands.

This was the second self-defense lesson she had attended, and all the women were really into it. He thought they might not take it too seriously, but he’d been wrong. Every single one of them had somber expressions on their faces as they followed Pipe’s directions on how to hit and punch. They didn’t joke around. Didn’t make light of what they were doing. Which made sense considering everything that had happened to some of them.

Lara wasn’t super coordinated, but every time she made contact with one of the pads, he felt it down to his toes.

Minutes later, Pipe was still verbally encouraging the group when, all of a sudden, Lara dropped her arms and stared off into space for a moment.

Then she spun and headed for the door.

Owl didn’t hesitate to follow. He tossed off the pads and reached her just as she was pulling the door open.

“Lara?”

She looked up at him—and her eyes were full of tears.

Immediately concerned, Owl wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She landed against him with a soft oof…but she didn’t freeze up. She did the opposite, in fact. She wrapped her arms around him and lowered her head to bury her face in his shoulder.

“Lara? You okay?” Cora asked. She and Pipe had obviously seen Lara’s almost-exit and had come to see what was wrong.

“I’ve got her,” Owl said.

“But what’s wrong?” Cora asked.

Thankfully, Pipe put his arm around her waist and kept her from coming any closer. “Owl’s got her,” he murmured.

“But—”

“Owl’s got her,” Pipe repeated a little more firmly.

“Fine. Lara? If you need anything, just let me know later, okay?”

The woman in his arms didn’t respond verbally, just nodded against him. Owl gave Pipe a chin lift. Gratitude rose within him for his friend. He was relieved Pipe had faith enough in him to get to the bottom of what was bothering Lara.

He steered them both out of the room and heard Pipe raise his voice to the others to keep going, to keep punching the shit out of their attackers. He would’ve smiled in any other situation, but he needed to find out what had upset Lara.

He could’ve brought her to one of the empty conference rooms in the lodge, but he wanted her to feel safe. And the safest place he could think of was his cabin. They’d both spent a lot of time there over the last few months, and thanks to her presence, it truly felt like a home.

Thankfully, they didn’t run into any guests on their way out of the lodge or as they headed toward his cabin. Owl had them both inside within minutes and locked the door behind them. He steered Lara to the couch and sat down next to her. She immediately folded her legs and curled into him.

Owl shifted so he was resting against the cushions, Lara held tightly against him. He didn’t bother asking what was wrong; she’d talk when she had composed herself. He’d learned that about her. That when she had a nightmare or a panic attack, it didn’t help to bug her to talk about what was wrong. Giving her space to work through things in her head first was what she needed.

So Owl did what little he could. Held her tightly and made sure she knew she was safe.

“You’re good, sweetheart. Take deep breaths. That’s it. I’ve got you. You’re safe here, the doors and windows are locked, no one’s getting in. And if they do, you know I’ll stand between you and them, just like I did before.” He kept up the reassuring words, not really knowing what he was saying.

Owl rested his cheek against her hair as he gently stroked up and down her arm. He had no idea how much time had passed when she sighed against him. Her warm breath wafted over his chest, and it took every ounce of control Owl had to keep his dick from hardening. Dealing with his arousal was the very last thing this woman should have to endure right now. Although it was getting more and more difficult to keep her from seeing how much she affected him. The longer he was around her, the more he wanted her.

But that’s not what she needed from him. She needed to feel safe. Needed his friendship. Without strings.

Lara lifted her head and bravely met his gaze. His hand came up and smoothed the hair back from her face. “Better?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Want to talk about what happened?” Henley had encouraged him to try to get her to talk when she had an anxiety attack, after she’d calmed down. Had told him that sometimes talking through whatever it was that triggered her would make it seem less scary.

“Sometimes it all feels so useless,” Lara said softly.

“What does?”

“The self-defense. The security. Looking over my shoulder.”

“It’s not,” Owl said with a shake of his head. At her skeptical look, he continued. “You never know what’s going to come in handy at some point in your life. How the smallest thing could make a difference. Could make all the difference.”

He could tell she didn’t believe him. Thought he was simply trying to make her feel better. And while he was attempting to do that, he also wanted to get through to her.

He decided to tell her something he’d never told another soul. Not any of his therapists, not Stone, none of his friends here at The Refuge.

“When I was being tortured…one time, my captors got bored with their usual daily routine…you know, beating the crap out of me, seeing who could knock out more of my teeth. They decided to break the bones in my hands.

“You’ve seen me with the flight sim, you know how important my hands are for flying. The thought of them taking that away from me was unthinkable. If they managed to disfigure my hands, with the conditions we were being kept in, I had no doubt they’d get infected and the likelihood of any doctor being able to put them back the way they were was slim to none.

“The one thing they wanted during every torture session was for me to beg. I refused. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. But that day, in order to keep them from breaking the bones in my hands, I begged. I got down on my damn knees and begged them for my life. For Stone’s. To let us go. To stop hurting us.

“They loved it. I think that was the video clip that actually went viral. Me on my knees, crying, trying to divert their attention from the idea of breaking the bones in my hands.”

“Owl…” Lara murmured.

“I’m not telling you this for your sympathy,” he said after taking a deep breath. “I do have a point. Anyway, it worked. They were in such a hurry to upload the damn video that they threw me back in my cell and left me, and my intact fingers, alone. The next day, we were rescued. But in the process, one of the Delta Force Operatives was shot. He dropped to the dirt right after the team blew my cell door open. There was a firefight, and his teammates couldn’t stop to give him medical attention. So while they engaged with the captors, I rendered first aid to the man who’d been willing to give his life for mine.

“His heart had stopped. I don’t know if it was shock, loss of blood, or what. But in the middle of that firefight, I started CPR. Conditions weren’t ideal.” Owl snorted at the understatement. “But I was that man’s best hope at the time. We were both extremely lucky. After only a minute or so of compressions, his heartbeat returned. He wasn’t out of danger, but at least his heart was pumping again.

“My point is this: If my hands were broken, if my captors had done what they’d planned, there’s no way I could’ve administered CPR. The pain would’ve been too unbearable to do compressions the way I needed to. That man would’ve died right in front of me. So…my decision to beg, this small but shameful thing, had huge ramifications.”

Lara’s gaze was glued to his.

“Learning how to punch might not mean that you can knock someone out with one right hook—but it could surprise someone enough for you to run. So I’ll say it again. Our smallest decisions can have far-reaching consequences.”

He could tell she was mulling over his words carefully, which made him fall for her all the more. She could’ve dismissed him. Come up with alternatives to the situation she’d just heard. Maybe one of the soldier’s teammates would’ve been able to do CPR. Maybe Owl would’ve been able to do the compressions even with all his fingers broken. But instead, she listened with all her heart and soul.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she finally said.

Owl nodded. “Just as I’m sorry about what happened to you.”

“I want to be brave. I want to stand up to him. Some days I think I’m ready. That I’m so mad about what he did, I have no doubt when I see him again I’ll be able to beat him. But other days, I’m so terrified. I know that I’ll be that same scared woman who gladly swallowed those pills, if only to dull the pain and humiliation he was inflicting on me.”

Owl wanted to correct her. She’d said when she saw him again, instead of if. But he wasn’t stupid enough to think that Grant wouldn’t do everything he could to get his hands on Lara again.

“All you can do is prepare. I wish I could sit here and tell you exactly what to do in any future situation you might find yourself in. Unfortunately, I can’t. But I can tell you this—you are not the same woman you were a few months ago. I know down to my bones that whatever happens will not be a repeat of before. And if I was a betting man, I’d put all my money on you.”

Lara’s eyes filled with tears, but Owl refused to break eye contact.

“And I’d go even further and say that God forbid I was ever a POW again, I’d want you by my side. Because I have no doubt whatsoever that you’d surprise the hell out of our captors. You’d find a way to outsmart them, simply because of who you’ve become.”

“Owl, I…you…Crap.”

He smiled, then got serious again. “Your instincts are spot on, sweetheart. Hitting my hands with gloves would be nothing like a real life-or-death situation. Whoever you’re trying to hit won’t stand still. They won’t have padding on their hands or face. Punching them would hurt. A lot. It would take more than one little smack to make them let you go. And they’d probably be hitting back. It’s kind of like my flight sim. It seems real to you because you’ve never flown an actual chopper. But it’s not. The smell is different. The feeling of the instruments is different. Choppers are loud, even with the headsets on. There’s usually chatter in your ear from your copilot and others on the ground as you fly. But that doesn’t mean the simulator doesn’t have value. It’s just different.”

“You’re telling me the self-defense classes aren’t useless.”

“That’s what I’m telling you. And I’m definitely not an expert on hand-to-hand fighting, but Pipe is. He’s got great advice. Stuff that you can store away, up here.” Owl tapped her temple gently.

“Like going for the soft-tissue spots,” Lara said dryly.

“Exactly.”

“Cora was amazing,” she whispered. “I was mostly out of it, but I saw her jump on Carter’s back. She really hurt him.”

“She did,” Owl agreed. “And you know what? He let go of Pipe.”

“And hurt her by throwing her across the room,” Lara said dryly.

“True. But her actions gave Pipe the opening he needed to disable him enough so we could get the hell out of there.”

“If I have the chance, I’m killing him,” Lara said fiercely, staring at Owl boldly as if waiting for him to be shocked, to talk her out of it.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay?” she questioned, obviously surprised by his reaction.

“Yup. And I am too.”

“Oh.”

“You want to go back up to the lodge and the lessons?” he asked, knowing deep down that’s what she needed. He would prefer to sit here on his couch with her snuggled into his side, but he wanted her to get back on her feet even more. To soak in every bit of advice Pipe could give her. Because an uneasy feeling in his gut told him she’d need it.

“I think so. Owl?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” She picked up one of his hands and brought it to her mouth, where she kissed his knuckles. “I’m glad your hands are okay.”

A jolt of arousal shot through Owl once more. Seeing her lips on his skin made him think of her lips somewhere else. It was inappropriate as hell, and he kind of hated himself for thinking such carnal things, but he couldn’t help it.

“Me too,” he said unsteadily.

When she lifted her gaze to his this time, Owl could’ve sworn he saw the same arousal he was feeling reflected in her eyes. But it was probably wishful thinking.

“Come on, lazy bones. If we hurry, we can probably catch the tail end of Pipe’s training.”

Owl stood, taking Lara with him. He should’ve dropped his hand from around her waist, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. All too soon, she’d be strong enough not to need him…and he was dreading that day more and more.

* * *

Lara was only a little embarrassed when everyone turned to glance at them when they re-entered the conference room Pipe was using for the self-defense lessons. But thankfully, no one made her feel weird about leaving halfway through. Then again, she didn’t really expect them to. The women she’d gotten to know at The Refuge were good down to their cores.

This time, when she was practicing kicks on a very patient and trusting Owl, instead of thinking about how useless this would be against Carter, who was bigger and stronger than she’d ever be, she imagined kicking his knee out from under him. Pipe said over and over how the goal wasn’t to completely overpower an attacker, it was simply to incapacitate him long enough to get away.

During a break from practice, while Cora was demonstrating on Pipe the different places to hurt someone, and how to use other parts of your body than just hands and feet—using elbows, knees, and even your head as a last resort—Lara became hyper aware of Owl standing next to her.

They were so close, his arm was brushing against hers. She could smell the soap he’d used in the shower that morning. She was keenly aware that if she moved even a little, she’d be pressed up against his side. And she had no doubt that if she did that, he’d lift his arm and put it around her waist so she’d fit against him even better.

Blinking in surprise at the sudden jolt of arousal that shot through her, Lara held her breath. She’d thought that after…Well, after…she’d never feel arousal for a man again. That Carter had ruined any kind of desire to be intimate.

But she was definitely feeling desire at the moment.

She thought back over the last few months. Owl had been nothing but careful with her. Giving her the space she needed. Only touching her now and then. But with every day that passed, and she felt less scared and needy, Lara wanted the man even closer. And not just because she needed him to feel safe. He did that for her, of course, but more than that, she liked him.

As a person. As a friend.

As a man.

Glancing at him, she saw he was paying close attention to what Pipe was saying. She recalled him mentioning once that he wished he’d gotten a lot more hand-to-hand training. Now, it was obvious he respected his friend and was getting as much out of the lesson as the women.

He must have felt her staring, because he turned his head and caught her eye.

“You good?” he asked as his brows furrowed in concern.

Lara gave him a small smile and nodded.

He reached around her and squeezed her upper arm briefly, before turning his attention back to Pipe.

That simple touch sent sparks down her arm, straight to between her legs.

Damn! If that simple embrace made her feel so tingly, what would their entire bodies touching skin-to-skin feel like?

Lara blinked, shocked at the idea. Did she really think she could be intimate with Owl? After what she’d been through?

Yeah. She thought she could.

Owl wasn’t Carter. Wasn’t anything like he was. Owl would rather die than hurt her in any way.

And just that suddenly…Lara wanted him.

The question was, did he want her the same way? Maybe he was simply being the kind man he always was. Maybe he thought of her like a sister. He might be horrified to learn that she thought of him in a sexual way.

“Lara? Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.

She jerked. Shoot, he’d turned to look at her again, and she’d missed it because she was thinking about what it would be like to be naked in bed with the man. That thought made her lick her lips in anticipation. He’d kissed her a couple times, tender kisses to her temple or forehead, and suddenly she wanted to know what his lips might feel like against hers.

He’d be firm but gentle at the same time. He wouldn’t force her. He’d go at her speed.

“Lara?” he asked again.

She felt her cheeks heat and desperately tried to hide her arousal. “I’m okay.”

“I think we’re almost done. You want to bug out early?”

Lara shook her head. She desperately wanted to talk to Cora. She needed her best friend’s perspective.

“Okay, but if you need some space, just let me know and we’ll go.”

She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve this man at her side, but suddenly she wanted to do whatever she could to keep him there. “Thanks.”

Owl was right, Pipe was winding down.

“Remember that just because you’re women, that doesn’t mean you’re helpless or incapable. You’re just as capable as anyone who might be trying to hurt you or the people you love, and probably twice as smart. If someone is bigger or stronger than you, that doesn’t mean they’re automatically going to win. I think my Cora proved that point nicely. The key is not to panic. Use what you have at your disposal, and never, ever give up. Understand?”

Looking around, Lara saw Alaska, Henley, and Reese nodding their agreement. Henley had her hand on her belly and Tonka stood behind her, his hands on her hips. Alaska was next to Brick, his arm around her waist, and Reese gazed up at Spike with an adoring look on her face, which her husband returned tenfold.

Just being in a room with these women—women who’d been through hell, but managed to come out the other side bent, not broken—was an inspiration to Lara. Simply being around them made her feel stronger. She wished she’d managed to venture out of Owl’s cabin weeks ago, but she refused to feel bad about that. She’d needed the time. The space to feel safe.

Lara felt like a caterpillar who’d just emerged from its cocoon. Life was much different as a butterfly than a caterpillar, but no less dangerous. She just had to learn how to navigate this new world she’d found herself in.

“Wasn’t that great?” Cora asked as she approached Lara.

“It was. Sorry I left for a while.”

“No worries. You okay?”

“Yeah, I think I am,” Lara said with more confidence than she’d felt in a long time. She wasn’t sure if it was the story Owl had shared with her or what. But she had the insane thought that she actually wanted Carter Grant to find her. To get their showdown done and over with, so she could get on with her life once and for all.

“Are you guys hungry? I’m starving!” Henley exclaimed as she approached them with a huge smile.

“Yes! Let’s go see what Robert’s making for lunch. Maybe we can convince him to let us eat early,” Alaska said as she joined them.

“As if you have to convince him to let you do anything,” Brick said with an eye roll. “You all have him wrapped around your little fingers.”

“Don’t be jealous, honey,” Alaska told him with a small smile, patting his chest.

“Jealous? Who’s the one who made you moan with—”

Alaska reached up and slapped a hand over his mouth as she blushed bright red. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she told him.

Brick grabbed her hand and tugged it down, kissing her palm. “Take your time. I’ll go relieve Tiny from the reception desk until you’re done eating.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course,” Brick said. Then he leaned down and kissed her lips before heading for the door. Tonka and Spike had already left, so it was just the girls, Owl, and Pipe left.

“You want to go with them?” Owl asked Lara. “Or we can go see Robert and bring lunch back to the cabin if you want.”

“I think I’d like to eat with the girls today.”

The pride she saw in his eyes made Lara feel good.

“Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

“There’s a group who signed up to hike out to Table Rock before lunch today, you want to join me in taking them?” Pipe asked Owl.

In response, he looked at Lara.

She loved how attentive he was to her. But she also felt guilty. Because she hadn’t been able to let Owl out of her sight, he hadn’t been able to do a lot of the stuff around The Refuge that he usually did. She didn’t like that she’d been the reason the others had to take up the slack.

“It’s fine. I want to finalize some of our plans for the kids with Cora after lunch. We can stay here in one of the conference rooms and talk after we eat…if that’s all right,” Lara said, looking at Cora.

“It’s perfect, actually. I had some questions about how much time some of the activities might take, so we can work on the timeline for each day and figure out who will work with which age groups, and how we want to break up the activities,” Cora replied.

That decided, Pipe hugged Cora, and Owl shifted Lara a little farther away.

“You sure you’re good with this? I can stay around the lodge if you need me to.”

“I know, and I appreciate it more than I can say. What you said earlier…you know…” She glanced down at his hands. “It helped. A lot.”

“Good. Both Pipe and I will have our phones with us if you need anything. Don’t hesitate to reach out.”

“I won’t.”

They stared at each other for an awkward second or two before Owl smiled. He reached for her hand and squeezed it, then headed for the door with Pipe.

For a moment, Lara thought he was going to kiss her. She even leaned forward a little in anticipation.

She definitely needed to talk to Cora, and maybe the others too. The conversation might be embarrassing, but she needed advice. Man advice.