Chapter 13

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

The summer was flying by. On one hand, Tonka was glad. The Refuge was always packed in the warmer months and he much preferred the slower pace of the winter. But he was also a little sad because fall meant Jasna would be going back to school. He wouldn’t get to spend his days with her at the barn.

Her curiosity was refreshing and inspiring, and she never balked at any of the messier chores that needed to be done with the animals. She’d actually had a blast while using the backhoe to scoop shit out of the corral.

As for Henley, he’d never imagined that being in a relationship would be so…easy. She was the perfect girlfriend. That didn’t mean she was a perfect person. She spent too much time worrying about others, she worked too much, was a little too lax when it came to her own personal safety, and had a tendency to put regular chores off so long that by the time they absolutely had to be done, they were almost overwhelming. Laundry, taking the trash out, doing the dishes.

Tonka shook his head, remembering the last time he’d been at her apartment and saw the sink literally overflowing with dishes. She’d merely shrugged and said there were more important things in life than keeping a tidy house. Like spending time with Jasna.

He couldn’t exactly disagree. He was learning to appreciate each day as it came instead of dwelling on the past.

But still…today was a tough one for him. He was having trouble shaking off his funk.

It was the anniversary of Steel’s death, and it still felt as if it happened yesterday instead of years ago. Memories had bombarded him since waking this morning. He was struggling not to get sucked down into the depression and anger he’d felt nearly every day before starting things with Henley.

Luckily, Jasna was shadowing Jason for the day and was off planting trees and trimming bushes, so she didn’t have to be affected by his bad mood.

When Tonka realized he’d just yelled at one of the goats for doing what she always did—trying to eat something she shouldn’t—and had smacked Scarlet’s rump a little harder than he should’ve while trying to get her to move faster, he knew he needed to get out of the barn. The last thing he wanted was his mood to physically hurt one of the animals. Or to psychologically damage them further than they already were.

He headed for his cabin, needing to be alone.

Tonka hadn’t been there for thirty minutes before his phone vibrated with a text. He’d been sitting on his couch, staring into space, reliving the worst day of his life and second-guessing what he’d done and not done. Looking down, he saw it was from Henley.

Henley: Where are you?

He typed out a quick response.

Tonka: My cabin.

Henley: Are you okay?

Tonka: No.

Henley: Can I come see you?

He appreciated her asking first. Taking a deep breath, Tonka contemplated what to say. On one hand, he desperately wanted to see her. But he also didn’t want to drag her down into the abyss. He wanted her to stay the way she was. Happy. Clean. But she was probably the only person in his life at the moment who could make him feel even the tiniest bit better.

Tonka: Yes.

She didn’t respond, but he knew without a doubt she was on her way. If the roles had been reversed, nothing would’ve kept Tonka from getting to her. She didn’t know what today was. Didn’t know what happened, but it didn’t matter. She’d help him any way she could. And not just because she was a psychologist. Not because they were dating. She’d do it for any of her friends.

A few minutes later, a light knock sounded on his door.

“Come in,” he called out.

Then she was there. Henley didn’t say a word, simply sat next to him, grabbed his hand, squeezed hard, and put her head on his shoulder.

Tonka didn’t know how long they sat like that, but eventually the hold the past had on his tongue began to loosen the tiniest bit.

Without prompting, his mouth opened…and he began to talk.

“When I was in the Coast Guard, you know I had a canine partner. Steel was my best friend. I was matched with him when he was only six months old, and we did everything together. Ate, slept, played, worked. I didn’t go anywhere without that dog by my side. I could read his body language as if he was speaking English.

“We were on a mission with my friend and co-worker. His name is Raiden—Raid—and his dog’s name was Dagger. We came up on a suspicious boat and boarded, as we often did. We fucked up by not waiting for our backup to arrive, but the boat wasn’t that big. We both thought we could handle whatever situation we found. But things went to shit from the second we stepped onboard. Raid was almost immediately knocked unconscious, and I couldn’t order Steel to attack because one of the guys had a gun pointed at Raid’s head.

“They tied me up…and it was then that I learned we’d come across one of the most notorious drug lords in South America, Pablo Garcia. We’d been so cocky. And we were going to pay for it.”

Tonka took a deep breath and stared off into space. He vaguely felt Henley squeeze his hand, and her touch was the only thing that was keeping him from breaking into a million pieces.

“They tortured Steel and Dagger. How fucked up is that?” he asked quietly, agony in his tone. “Garcia laughed as he hurt them. I won’t go into detail, because it’s not something I can ever talk about again. I didn’t beg for their lives, knowing it would egg him on more, but even today…even knowing it would have made things worse…I hate myself for that. All I see when I close my eyes is Steel’s amber gaze, begging me to help him. I was his best friend—and he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t doing anything to make his pain stop. Their legs had been zip-tied together, and they were completely helpless to anything Garcia wanted to do to them.

“Their whimpers and yelps are burned into my brain. And Dagger kept looking at Raid, but he was out cold. It was horrible…and every time I close my eyes, I relive it.” Tonka whispered that last part before clearing his throat and continuing. “When Garcia got tired of his games, he threw my best friend, my partner, the dog I loved more than life, overboard while he was still alive. He’d tied some weights around them and threw both dogs into the water as if they were nothing more than trash.”

Tonka heard Henley’s sob, but he pushed himself to keep talking.

“His intention was to do the same to me and Raid, but he didn’t get the chance. Our backup showed. There was a shootout, and I was hit with some stray rounds, but honestly, I question every day why I survived when Steel didn’t. Something within me broke that day. And I’m not sure I can ever be put back together completely. The fact that Garcia is behind bars is the only thing that lets me get any sleep at night.

“People have questioned why I’ve had such a hard time coping with what happened. They can’t understand why I have such bad PTSD when no one died. And of course, they mean when no people died. But to me, watching Steel suffer, seeing his pain, his confusion, was so much more horrifying. So soul-crushing that I’m not sure I’ll ever fully recover.

“I envy Raid. He was unconscious throughout the entire thing. He didn’t see Dagger, didn’t see what that monster did to him. I’m sure he feels guilty enough about that. But I have guilt too.”

When he didn’t continue, Henley asked, “About what?” Her voice wavered, but her grip on his hand never loosened. Not even for a second.

“I used to wish it had been me who was knocked unconscious. So I wouldn’t have had to see what I did. But that would’ve left Steel alone. And what kind of asshole wishes his friend was the one to see what I did? I should’ve done something to help Steel, Dagger, and Raid. But I didn’t. I sat there and let that asshole hurt my best friend. Torture him.”

“You already know if you’d shown him how badly you were hurting, he would’ve been even more sadistic,” Henley said quietly.

Of course Tonka knew that. But it didn’t lessen the guilt still choking him like a yoke.

“And fuck those people who insinuated you shouldn’t be so upset that Steel was murdered. The fact that you’re still struggling to deal with what happened proves how deeply you loved him. It doesn’t matter that Steel was a dog. As you said, he was your partner in every sense of the word. Your best friend. I think I’d be more worried about you if you weren’t having a hard time dealing with his death. Finn? Look at me.”

He didn’t want to. He was falling apart, and he hated her seeing him like this. When he felt her hand on the side of his face, Tonka took a deep breath and turned in her direction.

When he stared into her beautiful hazel eyes, all he saw was sorrow and pain…for him. There was no judgement. No pity. No exasperation. He swallowed hard.

“Hearing what happened helps me understand so much,” she said quietly. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at him, but she didn’t stop talking. “It explains why you prefer the animals’ company to humans. They can’t hide what they’re thinking or feeling. They aren’t hiding a black heart like the man you encountered. And what you went through explains why you and Jasna get along so well.”

Tonka frowned.

“Kids are a lot like animals. They depend on us for everything. For food, safety, shelter, comfort. The younger they are, the more they need us. Jasna isn’t five anymore, but she’s still vulnerable. I think deep inside you recognize that, and you’re doing what you can to teach her, protect her, nurture her…just like you did for Steel. Jasna’s not a dog, I understand that, but there are similarities that can’t be ignored.”

Tonka was stunned—because she was validating how he felt the first time he’d seen Jasna. When he’d compared her to his best friend. “She’s safe,” he added after a moment. “She’s too young to be as evil as Garcia. Not that I’m saying your daughter could ever be like him, but I feel more comfortable around her than most adults.”

A weird expression came over Henley’s face. One he didn’t understand. Until she continued.

“I used to think that people were born a blank slate. They were neither good nor bad. That their environment dictated how they turned out. You know, the whole nature versus nurture thing. I was firmly in the nurture camp. But about four years ago, I was assigned a new client. A boy. He was twelve and his parents were at their wits’ end with him. He wouldn’t listen to anything they said, he was prone to angry and violent outbursts, and they were actually afraid he was going to do something to hurt either them or their other child, a girl who was four years younger than her brother. I was determined to get to the root of his issues, to learn how he’d become the way he was. But you know what I found out?”

“What?” Tonka asked.

“Nothing. I found out nothing. He didn’t have any trauma in his past. No abuse, his parents’ marriage was healthy. He hadn’t lost anyone close to him, wasn’t being bullied at school. By all accounts, this kid should’ve been happy and carefree, like any twelve-year-old. But instead, he was…dark. That’s the only word I can use to describe him. And honestly, he scared me too. He was calculating, manipulative. Even so young, he knew how to play sick mind games. And the darkness I could see in his eyes was terrifying. I talked to Mike, and we agreed he’d take over the kid’s sessions. I’m ashamed to say that all I felt was relief. He quit coming several months after that, but he still lives in Los Alamos.”

She shivered, and Tonka frowned. Then she took a deep breath, wiped the tears off her cheeks, and shifted so she was sitting in his lap. Her arms went around his neck, and she stared into his eyes.

“You’re allowed to feel how you feel, Finn. Losing Steel was traumatic, and that Garcia guy knew that hurting him would cause you pain. Don’t let anyone make you feel as if your trauma isn’t as deep or important as someone else’s. I don’t know if anyone’s ever given you permission to grieve for Steel as much as you would if he’d been a human partner…but that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Incredibly, those words loosened something inside Tonka.

Her permission, her understanding, gave his feelings legitimacy.

He’d tried to convince himself over and over through the years that Steel was “only” a dog. That he needed to snap out of it and get on with his life. But that only made him feel worse. Steel had never been only a dog. Not to him. And seeing him suffer so horrendously had been the most painful thing he’d ever experienced.

“Thank you,” he whispered, gripping Henley’s waist.

“You’re welcome. And because I am who I am, I have to ask this next thing. Have you talked to your friend, Raid, since it happened?”

Tonka winced. “No. I told you the other day that I was thinking about calling him, but I haven’t yet.”

“I think you should. He may not have been conscious, but he lost his partner too. Dagger, right? I’m guessing he’s hurting just as much as you are. In a different way, but there’s no right or wrong way to grieve for what you’ve both lost.”

Tonka thought about his partner. Raid was goofy. He was the tallest guy he’d ever worked with. He towered over people, and if that didn’t make him stand out enough, he had red hair and pointy ears. He was also a nerd, preferred to sit home and play games on the computer than go out with the guys. But he was loyal, smart, and he’d been a damn good Coastie.

“He joined a search and rescue team in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains,” he told Henley. He closed his eyes tightly. “Today’s the anniversary,” he admitted quietly.

He felt and heard Henley’s surprised inhalation. “Do you have his number? I bet he’d really appreciate hearing from you,” she replied quietly.

Tonka wasn’t so sure about that, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to know what his old friend was up to. Needed to know that he was okay. Especially today.

“I have his number,” Tonka admitted.

“I can give you some space if you want to call him,” Henley said.

Tonka felt her muscles shift, as if she was going to climb off his lap. He tightened his hold and his eyes popped open. “No!” he said desperately. “If I’m going to do this, I need you with me.”

“Okay. I’ll stay right here,” she soothed.

Tonka took a deep breath. Could he do it? Could he call Raid? He hadn’t thought he’d ever voluntarily tell anyone again what happened that day, and yet he’d done just that with Henley.

“Who else can truly understand what you’re feeling better than him?” she asked gently.

She was right.

Without a word, Tonka leaned over and grabbed his phone, which was sitting next to the couch on the end table. He clicked into his contacts and stared at Raiden’s name for a long moment before taking a deep breath and clicking the number.

Bringing the phone up to his ear, he heard it ring once, twice, then a third time. Just when he thought Raid wasn’t going to answer, a deep voice said in his ear, “Tonka?”

“Hey,” he said.

“You all right? Everything good?” he asked bluntly.

“Yeah. I just…I was thinking…you know…because of what day it is…and thought I’d reach out. See how you were doing.” Tonka’s words sounded stilted even to his own ears. This was even harder than he’d thought it would be.

“I’m as good as I can be today,” Raid said.

“I miss Steel,” Tonka blurted.

“Same. Dagger should be an old man right about now. Caring about nothing more than sleeping and chasing the squirrels that dare infiltrate his backyard domain,” Raid answered.

To his surprise, Tonka chuckled. He hadn’t thought he’d be able to find anything funny today. “Right? Damn. And Steel loved balls so much, he’d probably have a fucking huge trunk full of the damn things by now because I spoiled him so much, couldn’t stop myself from buying a new one every time I was at the store.”

Henley shifted off his lap, but didn’t leave his side. He moved his arm so it was around her shoulders, and she rested her cheek on his chest.

“Remember when Dagger and Steel snuck out of the room when we were in a meeting? And when we were done and went to find them, they’d actually opened the refrigerator in the break room and had taken out our lunches and eaten every scrap? They didn’t take anyone else’s meals. Just ours.”

Tonka chuckled. He’d forgotten about that. “They were such brats sometimes,” he said.

The next ten minutes were spent reminiscing about both dogs. Surprisingly, it felt…good. Nice to remember the good times, rather than dwell on the bad thing that had happened to them on this day all those years ago.

“How’re you, man?” Tonka asked. “You still with the SAR team?”

“Yeah. Found our two-hundredth missing person the other day.”

“That’s awesome.”

“Yeah. And I’ve got Duke to thank,” Raid said.

“Duke?”

“My bloodhound. You know, I had no intention of ever getting another dog after losing Dagger. Even the thought of it hurt. But then Duke came into my life. He was a tiny puppy, and he’d literally been thrown away in the trash. He’s nothing like Dagger. I think that made it easier.”

Tonka nodded. He knew exactly how his friend felt. He hadn’t wanted another dog either. Taking care of the dogs in the barn was one thing, but he couldn’t imagine ever having another as a partner, like Steel had been.

“Duke’s literally the laziest mutt I’ve ever seen. Except when it comes to a search or food. Of course, I used food to scent train him, so that’s probably why,” Raid said with a laugh. “He slobbers everywhere, sleeps twenty-two hours a day, and he’s exactly what I needed to get my head out of my ass and live again.”

Without thought, Tonka said, “You need to get yourself a woman.”

Raid chuckled. “Have you?”

Tonka looked down at the woman in his arms and said quietly, “Yeah.”

“You know I live in Fallport…there aren’t exactly a ton of choices when it comes to chicks here,” he joked.

“No one?”

“Well, there’s my pain-in-the-ass assistant,” Raid said with a laugh. “But we snipe at each other more than we actually talk, so yeah, the situation looks kind of bleak.”

Tonka could swear he heard more than irritation in his friend’s voice when he mentioned his assistant, but it had been a long time since he’d seen or talked to Raid, and he might be misreading the situation.

“Anyway, I’m happy for you, brother. I’ve thought about you a lot over the years. Worried about you.”

“Yeah. Same. That situation was fucked up,” Tonka said quietly.

“It was,” Raid agreed. “But that asshole’s behind bars where he can’t hurt anyone else.”

“He’s probably going to get out one of these days,” Tonka warned. “With how crowded the prisons are, I’m guessing he’ll be let go way before either of us are ready.”

“Well, let’s just hope that’ll be a long time from now.”

“Definitely. Anyway…I wanted to reach out today because I was thinking about what happened and had the urge to make sure you were all right.”

“I’m hanging in there,” Raid said. “Some days are better than others, but I love what I do, and being a librarian suits me. As does Fallport. It’s quiet. Nothing much happens here.”

“Famous last words,” Tonka said with a small huff of laughter.

“True. Forget I said that,” Raid said. “And…it’s really good talking to you. I wouldn’t mind if we kept in touch a bit better.”

“Same. And you’re always welcome to spend time here if you’re ever in the area. I know New Mexico and Virginia aren’t exactly driving distance apart, but…”

“Thanks. I’ve heard awesome things about The Refuge. You and your friends have really gotten a good reputation. What you’re doing is definitely needed in today’s world.”

“It is,” Tonka agreed. “I’m gonna let you go. But, Raid?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. I needed to remember Steel and Dagger the way they were…not how I last saw them.”

“Anytime, brother. They were great dogs.”

Tonka was too choked up to say much more. “Talk to you later.”

“Later.”

He clicked off the phone and put it back on the table next to him. Then he wrapped his other arm around Henley and buried his nose in her hair. He held her as tightly as he dared.

“That sounded like it went well,” she whispered against his shirt.

“Yeah. I miss him.”

“Raid?”

Tonka shrugged. “Steel.”

“Sounds like he was kind of a goofy dog.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

“He was. But he was also smart as a whip, loyal, and deadly as hell when he needed to be.”

“Tell me about him?”

If it had been anyone other than her—and probably any other time than right now, when he was feeling nostalgic and his guard was down—Tonka would’ve refused. But after reminiscing a little with Raid, he found he was almost eager to tell Henley some stories about his beloved Steel.

He didn’t know how long he talked, just that Henley stayed against his side and listened without interruption, only asking a few questions here and there. The pauses between the memories of Steel got longer and longer, and Tonka realized how exhausted he was.

“Sorry…I’m so tired,” he said after a while.

“It’s okay. Sleep, Finn.”

“Will you stay with me?” he asked. He should’ve been ashamed by the neediness in his tone, but he wasn’t. He felt safe showing his raw emotions to Henley.

“Yes. I need to call Alaska and check on Jasna though.”

“Shit, I forgot about her. What time is it?” Tonka asked.

“Shhh. It’s fine. She’s fine. Close your eyes, Finn. Relax.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” And with that, Tonka closed his eyes. He wiggled around a bit so he was more comfortable and let himself sleep.

* * *

Henley let her tears flow once she was sure Finn was asleep, his breaths deep and even under her cheek. Her heart felt as if it was breaking for him. Hearing what had happened to his cherished dog had been horrifying, but she finally understood more about why he’d held himself so remote for years. She was appalled people had actually told him he shouldn’t be so traumatized because Steel was just a dog.

People could have just as strong bonds with animals as they did with other humans. And losing his partner how he had would’ve broken anyone.

Taking a deep breath, and moving slowly so as not to wake Finn, Henley eased out of his hold and, once sure he was still sleeping, looked at her watch.

Crap!It was eight-thirty. She and Finn had been talking for hours.

She grabbed her phone from the kitchen counter where she’d left it when she arrived and dialed Alaska’s number.

“Hi, are you all right?” she asked in lieu of a greeting.

“I’m so sorry,” Henley told her.

“Don’t be. Jasna’s fine and she’s been an angel. I’m more worried about you and Finn. When you called to see if I could look after Jasna because he was having a bad day, I wasn’t sure what to think.”

The thing about working at The Refuge was that, unfortunately, both Alaska and Henley were used to people having “bad days.” PTSD could rear its ugly head anywhere, anytime.

“Today’s the anniversary of him losing his canine partner,” Henley shared. “He’s struggling. Would you mind if Jasna stays the night with you guys? I’m so sorry to spring her on you like this but—”

“No need to apologize,” Alaska said, interrupting her. “And of course it is.”

“Thanks. Is she there? Can I talk to her and let her know what’s up?”

“Yeah. Anything you guys need, we’re here,” Alaska said.

Henley took a deep breath and did her best to get control over her emotions. It was so good to have such wonderful friends. That Finn had such wonderful friends.

“I’ll go grab Jas for you. Hang on.”

A few seconds later, Jasna’s voice sounded in Henley’s ear. “Mom? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, baby. I’m over at Finn’s cabin. He’s having a hard night, and I’d like to stay here with him…if it’s okay with you. I already asked Alaska and she said it was all right if you stayed there with her and Brick. Are you okay with that? I can meet you at the lodge in the morning for breakfast and we can run back to our apartment and grab some clothes to change into. Then I can either bring you back here, or you can hang out at the office with me while I meet with a couple of clients. Then we’ll both come back to The Refuge and make sure Finn’s all right. How’s that sound?”

“Sure, Mom. Is Finn okay?”

“He is. He just needs some time. He’s missing his dog he used to work with when he was in the Coast Guard. And his memories are a little overwhelming right now.”

“Steel, right?”

“You know about Steel?” Henley asked, surprised.

“A little. He doesn’t talk about him a lot, but he’s told me a couple stories about how smart he was and how many bad guys and drugs he sniffed out.”

Henley felt tears well in her eyes once more. Her daughter’s words were more proof of how Finn was more comfortable around kids than adults. “Yeah, that’s him. Anyway, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to let Alaska know. I’m sure she can give you a shirt or something to sleep in tonight. And I’m not too far away if you need me too. Be good, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay, Mom. Love you.”

“I love you too. Good night.”

Henley hung up the phone and wandered back into the living room. She probably should find something for them both to eat since they’d skipped dinner. But she had a feeling Finn probably wasn’t hungry, and truthfully, neither was she.

She sat back on the couch, and felt all warm and fuzzy when Finn immediately lifted his arm and gathered her against him once more. Even half asleep, he was being sweet.

Henley dozed for a while before her phone vibrated in her hand, waking her. She hadn’t put it down after she’d talked to Jasna earlier. Concerned, she looked at it and saw her daughter was texting.

Jasna: I can’t sleep. Can I come over there?

Henley: Yes. But I’ll come get you.

Jasna: It’s not that far. Brick said he’d watch me from the door to make sure I got over there all right.

Henley was relieved Brick knew she was leaving. The last thing she wanted was either of them to wake up and find Jasna gone and think she’d been kidnapped or something. And even though Henley felt perfectly safe at The Refuge, she still didn’t want her twelve-year-old daughter wandering around the property at—she looked at the time on her phone—one-thirty in the morning. She didn’t know why Brick was awake, or, for that matter, why Jasna was, but if her daughter was asking to see her so late, she had a good reason.

Henley: See you soon.

She eased out of Finn’s arms once more, a little worried when he didn’t even stir, and went to the door of the cabin. She unlocked it and stepped out onto the porch. She could see the lights from Alaska and Brick’s cabin through the trees. Each of the owners had their own cabin, set apart from the guest accommodations. They were all within sight, but they still had plenty of privacy because of the trees.

Within seconds, she saw Jasna jogging through the trees toward her. The girl ran up the stairs and threw herself into her mom’s arms. Henley stepped back and flicked the porch light a couple of times to let Brick know Jasna had arrived safely. She saw his own light blink twice, then she turned her attention to her daughter.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

Jasna nodded and looked up at her. “I couldn’t sleep. I was too worried about Finn. I’m so sad that he’s missing Steel.”

“Me too,” Henley said. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

She led them into the cabin and made sure to lock the door behind her. Then she realized that there wasn’t really any place for Jasna to sleep. Finn didn’t have a bed in the guest room of his cabin, and there was only one bed in the master. She could settle Jasna there, but she had a feeling the girl wouldn’t want to be far from either her or Finn.

“Shhhh, he’s sleeping,” she said quietly as they neared the couch.

Jasna frowned as she stared at Finn. “I don’t know what to do to help him,” she said, her voice breaking.

“You’re doing it. You care enough to want to be here for him,” Henley said.

“But he doesn’t know that.”

“He will in the morning,” Henley reassured her. “Come on. Come sit with me.” She sat on the couch next to Finn once more, and just like earlier, he mumbled something in his sleep and pulled her into his side.

Jasna didn’t even blink at the way Finn snuggled Henley against him. She’d seen them kiss more than once in the last few weeks, and Henley was relieved her daughter wasn’t grossed out, and didn’t really even seem to care.

She sat next to Henley on the couch and leaned into her, yawning as she did so. Henley reached over and took Finn’s other hand, which was lying on his belly, and twined her fingers with his. Then Jasna placed her hand on top of both. They were connected, all three of them.

Before too long, Henley heard Jasna’s small snores as she fell asleep on her shoulder. She was sandwiched between the two people she cared about most in the world. How she’d fallen so hard and fast for Finn, she had no idea, but it felt more than right. He was a good man who didn’t deserve the hand he’d been dealt. Then again, did anyone deserve the bad things that happened in their lives? Did she deserve to lose her mom the way she had in such a violent attack? No. But you could either get mired down in your tragedies, or you could choose to rise above them.

She’d chosen to rise, and she hoped and prayed that Finn was finally getting to a point where he could too.

Henley fell asleep feeling a little sad after everything she’d heard that night, yet still content.

* * *

Tonka wasn’t sure what woke him, but one second he was dreaming about Steel, running and playing with one of his balls, and the next he was blinking at the darkness around him and feeling a slight weight against his side.

It only took seconds for him to realize where he was and the source of the weight. Henley. He could smell her. He’d also recognize her body against his own anywhere and anytime.

There was a bit of a glow coming from the hallway, where he’d left a light on earlier, and when he looked over at Henley, he was glad for the illumination. To his surprise, Jasna was sleeping against her mom, squishing her against him even harder. He looked down to his stomach and saw that not only was Henley holding his hand while she slept, her daughter’s tiny hand was resting on top of their clasped fingers.

Emotion threatened to overwhelm him once again. First he felt panic. If he couldn’t even keep a dog safe, how the hell could he keep a kid from getting hurt?

But then determination rose within him. He’d learned his lesson after what happened with Garcia. Never again would he sit back and let shit hit the fan in front of him. He had no idea what would’ve happened if he’d fought back against Garcia and his flunky on that boat, despite being restrained. He probably would’ve ended up dead, along with Steel and Dagger.

But…maybe he could’ve saved them. Or maybe they wouldn’t have suffered as much as they had at Garcia’s hands.

If there ever came a time when Henley or Jasna were in danger, he sure as hell wouldn’t just sit back and let the chips fall where they may. No, he’d fight tooth and nail to keep them from being hurt or killed, even if it meant giving up his life in the process.

These two females were the best things that had ever happened to him. He loved them. Wasn’t ashamed of that feeling. He had no idea if Henley would ever return his affection, but he’d work his ass off to show her how important she was to him. Her and Jasna both.

The feel of his hand being engulfed by theirs was everything he hadn’t known he’d needed in his life. They weren’t a replacement for the love he’d felt for Steel, they were an extension.

His neck had a crick in it, his ass was numb, and his belly growled with hunger, but Tonka didn’t even think about moving. No, he was perfectly content to sit there on his couch with Henley under one arm, holding onto both her and Jasna with the other hand.

He didn’t fall asleep again, he’d gotten more than enough already. Besides, he wanted to memorize this moment. Wanted to revel in the care and attention these two women were sharing with him. When he’d had Steel, he hadn’t been alone. The last few years he’d been so damn isolated. Henley and Jasna had changed him…for the better.

Turning, Tonka kissed Henley’s forehead. She smiled in her sleep but didn’t wake. Resting his head on the cushion behind him, Tonka did his best to imprint how he felt right this second onto his soul. Whenever he had a tough moment in the future, this is what he’d remember.