30. Chapter Twenty Nine

Chapter Twenty Nine

Skyla

R onan: Come to my office during lunch

Glancing down at the text, I smile as I split off from Liam and Maggie. I haven't had lunch with Ronan in a while. Honestly, with how busy he's been lately, I feel like I haven't seen him at all. He said that it's always like this as the school year progresses. More legacies begin coming of age, I'm assuming, to be officially inducted into the Brethren, and Ronan is like their guide, I suppose.

Considering all the…events that have been occurring lately, it's been a while since I've been able to swim, which feels practically criminal. Not meaning to, I can feel myself pick up my pace as I step into the pool building, opening the door to the pool and moving down the walkway to Ronan's office. Knocking on the door, I hear his gruff, ‘come in', before I push inside.

He's sitting at his desk, eyes on his computer, when they swing over to me. He looks a little stressed, his eyes hazy and eyebrows pinched. That look falls away in seconds, though. I watch as he leans back into his chair, smiling at me as his eyes roam over me.

"Shut the door," he smiles.

Closing the door behind me, I lock it and smile at him as I cross the room. He turns in his chair to face me and I waste no time crawling into his lap, straddling him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Hi," I smile.

"Hi, baby," he grins, as his hands come to rest on my ass.

"How are you?"

His smile falters for a moment before he nods.

"Good."

I give him a doubtful look but remain silent, watching as his expression falls until he's frowning. His thumbs rub soothing circles against my ass.

"I have to have dinner tonight with Annie Williams, at my brother's house."

Frowning at that, I pull away a bit as I look down at him.

"The desk slut?"

"Desk slut?" he questions, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"Yeah, that's what I've been referring to her as in my head."

Ronan lets out a short chuckle as he nods.

"That's the one."

"Why do you have to have dinner with her at Christopher's?"

He rolls his lips together, he looks down at his lap for a second before looking back up at me. The look in his eyes alone is like a gut punch.

"To talk about the engagement."

Nope, I lied. The look in his eyes was nothing. His words? That was the true gut punch. Pushing out of his grasp, I stand, looking at him in shock before I shake my head.

"So, what? That's just it? You're going to marry her?"

He stays silent, staring at me like a fucking idiot. I smack my hand against his desk in anger.

"Answer me!"

"What do you want me to say, Skyla?" he huffs. "What choice do I have? Should I tell my brother I can't because I'm in love with his daughter-in-law? Should I tell her that there is no way I could ever truly love her, because she will always pale in comparison to the one woman I'll never be able to fully have?"

His words feel like a slap to the face. I take a step back, then another, heading for the door. I get it unlocked and cracked open before it's slammed shut. Ronan's hand is on the door above my head, while the other is on the doorknob.

"Stop," he grouses, before blowing out a long breath. "I'm sorry. I…I don't know what the fuck to do. I've got Christopher and the Williams family breathing down my fucking neck. There is some piece of shit out there, stalking the woman I love and I…I feel so goddamn out of control. I'm never out of control. I always have a plan, always have a solution."

I do my best to fight the quiver in my voice, but with the hot, scratchy feeling taking over my throat, I don't have much choice.

"So…what? We're just…over?" I choke out, as I stare at the wooden door.

"No!" he snaps, before spinning me until I'm facing him.

His body closes in on me, pressing me against the door as he shakes his head.

"No, baby. We aren't over. We will never be over. I'll figure something out. I just…I gotta play the part occasionally, for now.

I stare up into his clear blue eyes, the ones that are begging me to understand. I can't help but shake my head, though.

"Is that what happened to your last fiancé?"

He tenses at that, his face remaining blank.

"What?"

"I've heard Asher and Liam talk before, off-handedly, about how you were engaged after you graduated from Gallows Hill."

Ronan blinks at me, looking down at me solemnly.

"Every man is arranged to be married post-graduation."

"I know," I say. "I just was waiting for you to tell me the story."

"What story?"

I scoff, rolling my eyes.

"The story where you had a fiancé and now you don't?"

He's quiet for several seconds as if he were trying to gather his thoughts before he speaks.

"Her name was Madison Williams."

My mouth parts at that. "As in…"

"Annie's older sister, yes," he finishes.

"So, you were engaged to her sister and now you're expected to marry Annie? What, as a replacement?"

Ronan shrugs.

"Well, what does Madison have to say about this?"

His eyes stay on mine, a darkness coming over them.

"Nothing. She died when we were twenty-two."

"What?" I ask hollowly. "What the fuck is it with all the women in the Brethren dying?"

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I mean, Madison, my mother, your mother, Asher's mother, Vincent's mother. Everyone's mom, sister or aunt is dead. Why?"

Ronan mulls over his answer for a while, his mouth opening and then closing before he finally spits something out.

"Women are…the Brethren don't hold women in high value. They are seen as bargaining chips, incubators for heirs and then…nothing. Madison tried to run away, she wanted me to come too. She wanted out of the Brethren, away from our families, on our own."

I frown. "Did you want that?"

He hesitates before nodding.

"I had my bags packed and car waiting for her outside her house. We were going to run to Canada, then get on a plane to Prague. I don't know, she said that's where she wanted to go and I…"

"You were in love with her," I guess.

He nods. "As in love as I was capable of being at the time. I was a lot different man than I am now. I've grown, learned a lot. The most important thing that I've learned though, is that there is no escape."

His words are heavy and ominous, like a dark black sludge seeping into me.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Her dad found out about our plans, at least the part about her running. I heard a gunshot in the house and by the time I got to the door, Annie was there, covered in her sister's blood, sobbing," he says, a shiver running through him that he tries to conceal.

Lifting my hand, I cup the side of his face.

"Ronan…I'm so sorry."

He leans into my hold and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"It was a long time ago, baby. I've coped, moved on. The next morning, I asked my father if I could pursue swimming as a distraction; miraculously, he allowed it. He clearly didn't know I had the same intentions as Madison, otherwise he would have killed me, not let me go off to compete in the Olympics," he laughs bitterly.

"Still, you loved her. That's not something you just forget," I say.

His hand lifts to cup my face, his thumb brushing against my lips.

"The way I loved her was so different. I loved spending time with her. She was beautiful and kind, but our love for each other was very surface-level, very familiar. We were told we would end up together for years. It wasn't as much a choice as it was an inevitability. The love I have for you, though…." He breaks off with a shake of his head.

"I love you wholly, completely. I love you even when I know it's the worst possible thing for both of us. I love you so much it fucking hurts to be away from you, and when I have you in my arms again," he says, gripping my face a little tighter, "it's like I can breathe for the first time. You're like coming up for air, baby. You're just…everything to me."

"Ronan," I whisper, my heart thundering in my chest.

"I think there are different types of love that you experience. There is that familial love, for your parents and siblings. There is the friendship love, when you would do anything for your best friends. There is your first love, when you think it couldn't possibly get any better, that it couldn't be anything more intense than what you have. And then you meet them."

"Who?"

"Your true love. The one that calls out to your soul, the one that makes every day worth living. You meet the person that compliments you, in every way possible. The one that shapes you into the best version of yourself and calls you on your shit when you aren't living up to your potential. That's what you are for me, baby. That's what I know we are. What we have is forever and I'll never give you up. I'll fix this, I'll solve it. Just don't give up on me while I do."

A soft huff comes from me as I shake my head.

"You big dumb idiot, like that's even a choice."

A half smile touches his face as sincerity drenches his features. He leans forward, pressing his lips to mine when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I ignore it, instead winding my arms around Ronan's shoulders. The buzzing thankfully stops before starting up again. I let it ring through again before it starts up for a third time. Ronan grumbles, pulling away from me before grabbing my phone out of my pocket.

He practically snarls as he hits a button, holding the phone up to his face.

"What?" he snarls.

Liam's wide smile comes through the phone, the picture of him driving his car fully displayed.

"Is that any way to answer my girlfriend's phone?" he teases.

"What the fuck do you want?" Ronan grumbles.

"I'm getting you two lunch because I'm obviously the best boyfriend you've ever had," he grins cheekily.

"Thank you, Liam," I say, forcing Ronan to angle the phone to me.

He smiles. "Anything for you, babygirl. Any requests?"

"Whatever is fine. We were in the middle of something," Ronan answers.

Liam's eyes that were on the road are now back to the phone, a mischievous look to them.

"Oh, really? Don't stop on my account," he says, with a waggle of his brows.

I chuckle and Ronan scoffs as Liam's smile shifts. Concern morphing his face.

"Fuck," he says.

"What?" I ask.

His eyes become more panicked as his body begins moving.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't have brakes!" he shouts.

"What?" Ronan asks. "Get off the gas. Downshift."

"I'm trying!" he snaps. "Oh fuck!" he shouts.

That's all we hear before a horn blares and a sickening crunch sounds through the speaker. The picture goes black, but the sound is still there for several seconds. Metal on metal, tires screeching and Liam's screams echoing through before the call is lost completely.

My entire body is instantly frozen, my veins cold as ice as I look at Ronan in horror. He stares down at me for a moment before grabbing his keys and opening the door. I feel his hand wrap around my arm as he begins running, dragging me with him. I don't really register it, though. I try to keep up, forcing my legs to cooperate, but they feel sluggish and numb, like they don't belong to me.

Oh my god. Oh my god. This isn't real. This can't be real.