40. Indy

CHAPTER FORTY

Indy

" Y ou're going to give Derek a heart attack." Sunday whistles as she looks me up and down. It's my birthday, and we're all going out to celebrate, no matter how much Derek complains. And since I didn't get to wear my black cut-out dress for Atlas' birthday because we went to Virginia, I'm wearing it tonight. Janie taped my boobs up in a way that gives me cleavage, and I'm in awe. My tattoo is peaking out of the side cuts of the dress, so I had Janie grab some SaniDerm from the shop to cover it so it wouldn't get irritated. I love my tattoo so much. I can't explain why, but I feel extra edgy and sexy—the complete opposite of what most think of me. I know I'm mostly bubbles and happiness, but I'm a grown woman, and I do enjoy feeling like one now and then.

Janie finishes my hair, straightening it before giving me blow-out waves. Sunday helps me get into my gladiator sandals while Ren finishes my smokey eye makeup.

"I'm so lucky to have you all," I say as I fan my face, not wanting to cry and mess up Ren's work.

"You mess up that face," Ren says in a warning tone. "And I'm going to have to kill you. Now, come on, the guys are already at the club, and this is mine and Atlas' first-night baby-free."

"Oh, isn't that like the best and worst feeling?" Sunday sighs as we head out of Derek's house.

"Yessss." Ren groans, shaking her head. "Like, what am I missing? Does Howie think we've abandoned him? What if I die tonight, and he has to live his life without his mommy because I was selfish and wanted to go out?" I look at her in near horror at her last confession, but Sunday just nods as if this is all normal mom thoughts.

"I know, babe, but this is good for you and Atlas. You need time together."

"Luca?" I gasp, and the well-built man with his golden skin, white teeth, square jaw, and jet-black hair smiles brightly as he walks over with his arms out, hugging all of us at once.

"Look at my babies! You all look sexy as fuck!" He gushes as his eyes land on me. "My god, if I weren't gay and engaged… oops." He presses his lips together, and we all squeal as he shows us his engagement ring. A platinum setting with a large emerald-cut diamond solitaire lay across his long finger.

"Oh my god." I gasp and look at him. "Who? Not Pierre, right? No way he got you that ring."

Luca scoffs as he helps me into the front seat, and the girls pile into the back. "Pffft… Pierre was a fling that I'll never admit to having outside of us. I knew better than to get a guy younger than me. And he couldn't tell the difference between turquoise and Tiffany blue. No way he was getting me this. I got me a late-in-life man. Don't freak, but he's fifty-two." We all gasp, and he rolls his eyes. "A hot fifty-two, you bitches. Anyway, he was the CEO of this Fortune 500 company in New York and has two kids, both my age. He came out three years ago, and we met at a bar when I was on vacation. We hit it off, and I know I'm usually against commitment and all about the casual lifestyle, but..." I see the soft smile pull at Luca's lips. "I'm in love with him. Like truly and madly. It's like I knew I was falling for him hard because I craved just sleeping with him. Not sex or anything. I just wanted to feel his heart."

I feel the tightness in my chest growing at his words. That's the exact same way I've been feeling about Derek. I find myself doing sexual things to excuse my desire to just be close to him. And I do want to lie on his chest and hear his heartbeat all the time. It's so soothing, and I love when he finally falls asleep and his heart slows down. It lulls me into the best sleep. Shit! I can't fall in love with him. I won't! I managed to get my mobility back in my hand this time, but what about the next relapse? What about the time that makes it so I can't walk or hold a fork? I wince as I think about the fork clattering on the plate at Stevie's. The depression that came after, he didn't deserve to deal with that, and he definitely doesn't deserve to deal with it again.

Luca helps me out of the vehicle, and we walk into the posh club. Honestly, clubs aren't really my scene. It's hot and loud, and I don't drink much. But Ash knows the owner and apparently rented out the VIP section, where it's much quieter. We walk inside and head up the small elevator to the club's top floor. The place is nice, dark, and modern, with black leather, steel bar tops, and crystal lights all over. I make my way into the VIP lounge, and Atlas is the first to spot me.

"Happy Birthday!" He cheers, and Derek turns around. Wow. I didn't know eyes could bulge like that. I watch the glass that holds an amber-colored beverage fall from his grasp and hit the floor. He doesn't even flinch, and I become somewhat nervous as his jaw tenses.

I walk up to the guys after the bartender cleans up the fallen glass and smile at them. "Hey, guys!" I try my best to sound cheery, even though Derek's heated gaze is causing me to feel uncomfortable.

"Wow," Atlas breathes out. "You look amazing, Indy!" I blush at his compliment.

"Thanks, At." At least someone is willing to compliment me.

"Oh my god." Atlas gasps, and I look to see where he's looking. "Princess," he says as Ren walks up. "Thank god I have that life insurance policy now because you just about stopped my heart." I watch Ren snort as she shoves Atlas' shoulder, and I can't help but feel envious. I glance over to see Ash twirling Sunday around, and Fox is already making out with Janie. Then there's me with Derek, who looks like I rubbed shit under his nose.

"Hey," I say softly, trying to break the tension.

"Are you cold?" He asks under his breath, and I furrow my brows.

"You're kidding, right? It's like a hundred degrees in here."

"Hm." He grabs his new drink and downs the amber liquid. It's weird, Derek's not really a big drinker. A beer on the rarest occasion, but that's about it. "Well, I have a jacket on the booth if you change your mind, or if you want to take those shoes off." As he sets the glass on the bar, signaling to the bartender to bring him another, I hear the glass rattle as he lets it go. Like his hand is shaking. I look from his hand to his face, his deeply set scowl, and realize that, just like when I was going out with Liam, Derek hates how I'm dressed and wants me to cover up.

"Happy Birthday!" Stevie's voice calls as she walks in with a cake box in her hand. I give Derek one final hard look that he doesn't see as he focuses on the bar top before walking to Stevie. She sets a package on a table before looking me over. "My god, you look beautiful, Indy!" I give her a forced smile as my arms go to wrap around my sides. I peer up to look at Derek, and he's downing another drink, his head tucked firmly between his shoulders.

"I could use a drink, but Ash will say something about the alcohol," I whisper in her ear, and she gives me a wink before going to the bar. A moment later, she comes back with two drinks.

"Your virgin mojito." She smiles at me, and I mouth out that I love her before downing the drink in three large gulps, not even tasting the alcohol but feeling the heat. Stevie frowns while taking me to the other side of the bar. She motions for the bartender to get me a refill before turning her attention back to me. "What's wrong?"

I smile a thanks as the pretty brunette bartender hands me my drink. "Derek hates me, and I'm fine with it, except now I'm not." Stevie blinks and shakes her head.

"Babe, you can't be talking in riddles. I'm exhausted."

Groaning, I down the mojito and signal for another as I look at her. "He's refusing to talk to me. Literally not one word, or hug, or kiss. The other guys are gushing over their girls. And okay, I would be fine with it, except… I'm not anymore. And I'm mad at myself because I want Derek to gush on me just a little. I mean, I got all pretty for him, and he looks like I insulted him." I whisper as I look at Derek across the bar. His eyes are fixed on me, scowl firmly in place. "He saw me and asked if I was cold!"

"He does look…extra broody." Stevie sips her drink before smiling and waving at Luca. "Babe, I don't think you insulted him. He looks nervous. Derek isn't into crowds and public settings like this. It's probably a little overwhelming for him. Why don't you try taking him somewhere a little more private and talk to him? Don't start thinking things and let it ruin your birthday." I nod, probably more times than needed, but I think the third mojito is kicking in because I feel warm all over, and I need to pee. I slide off the barstool and stumble in my heels, which are killing my knees. Looking up, I see the bathroom sign, and I stagger over.

Walking out of the bathroom once I'm finished, I come face to… well, chest. I scream and stumble backward. Instantly, a massive hand goes over my mouth while the other steadies me to keep me from falling on the floor.

"You trying to get my ass beat?" Derek grumbles while steadying me against the bathroom wall before releasing my mouth.

"Derek!" I shriek as I smack his chest. "Ouch," I whine at the sting. It's like hitting a rock, a very sexy rock. "Why are you standing outside the bathroom, you creeper!"

"You're drunk." He states, and I let out a very loud snort while rolling my eyes.

"Your shoes are brown." He raises a brow. "Oh, I thought we were just naming off annoyingly obvious things."

"Indiana, you're drunk. You don't drink. You've been here twenty fucking minutes."

"Wowwwww…" I slowly clap in his face. "You notice all those things but can't notice that I look pretty? Or say Happy Birthday?"

"I told you happy birthday this morning in bed before eating your pussy," he mutters. "And you obviously look pretty. You always do."

"Okay, so would it kill you to say I look especially nice today? I mean…" I gesture to my outfit. "I didn't put this on for my viewing pleasure. And evidently, not yours either, Mr. ‘Are you cold.'"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He snaps while blocking me from leaving the bathroom.

I huff out a loud, annoyed breath. "It means! All the guys out there were talking about how pretty the girls were, and you couldn't be bothered? That really fucking hurts."

Derek winces as he looks away, scratching the back of his neck. "I don't know how to do this public thing." He says hushedly, and I notice the pink hue on his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I've never been good at it. I just lock up. I saw you and…fuck darlin', you look so gorgeous, and I was frantically trying to think of something, anything to say. Then I dropped my fucking glass, and I just freaked out."

Even in my alcohol-filled haze, it hits me. Oh my god, this is probably something his ex-wife would've said. "You do look so damn pretty, though," his voice is soft, and it almost causes me to let out a sob. "I mean, I hate for anyone else to see you this way, but Indy, you have to know that I think you're breathtaking, baby girl."

Groaning, I press my face into his chest, "I'm so sorry, I'm such a dick." I mutter against his vest as I feel his chest rumble slightly.

"You're not a dick. You're young and beautiful. You deserve to be doted on." His voice is almost apologetic, causing me to pull back and look at him. I watch as he backs up and smooths out his button-down shirt. It's the first time I really look at his outfit. He's wearing dark wash blue jeans, a black vest that tapers in on his strong waist, and a button-down shirt. It was hard to see in the dim light, but now that we are in the well-lit bathroom, I can see it's a deep purple. The sleeves are rolled up, and he wears his watch on one wrist and the other, the bracelet I made him.

My face softens, and I don't know if it's the alcohol or just the emotions coursing through me, but I feel my bottom lip wobble.

"Indy? What's wrong?" He looks almost panicked now, and I shake my head.

"You don't own a purple shirt." I manage to get out over the lump in my throat. I watch as his face turns pink again as he gives me a shy smile.

"Yeah," he chuckles softly. "I went the other day and bought it for tonight."

"Why?" I know he did it for me, but I want, no, I need to hear him say it.

Derek stares down at me, his rich eyes fixating on mine. "Because, even though I'm a shit boyfriend when it comes to public displays, I care about you, and I was hoping it would make you smile."

"Oh my god, I am a dick!" I sob out as Derek gives me a light chuckle before hugging me again.

"You're not! I get it, and trust me, I wish those things came naturally to me. Making a big deal about how pretty you are, spinning you around in a chair to make you squeal. I wish those just came into my head like they do with the idiots out there." He pulls my chin up and captures my lips in his. "You deserve an idiot like that," he whispers against my lips.

"You deserve someone that will drop to their knees and worship you," I whimper as his hot breath tickles my ear and he rubs his beard against my jaw. "You deserve a man who sees you and doesn't let you think for one second that you aren't the most breathtaking person he's ever seen and will actually announce it to the world."

"Derek," I pant out as his hand grips my hip, pushing his erection against me. "That's not what I want," I moan as his hand goes over my breast. He stills before rubbing my breast again, his thumb rubbing back and forth before pulling back.

"The fuck? Where's your nipple?" I burst out laughing so hard I nearly stumble over.

"It's the pasty! It shields the nipple." Derek rears back as if offended.

"What kind of monster would create such a thing? You got a shield on your pussy, too?" I reach up, licking his lips while grabbing his hand and leading him under the hem of my dress.

"Why don't you find out?" I tease and roll my eyes back as his hand runs over my panties.

"Jesus Christ." The door to the bathroom opens, causing Derek to jerk away as Janie and Sunday stand in the doorway

"Well, well, well…" Janie smirks, leaning against the frame. "Derek, I thought you were against public acts of fornication."

"And in a filthy bathroom!" Sunday gasps dramatically. "The scandal."

Derek groans as he stares up at the ceiling. "We aren't fornicating! We are talking!"

Janie raises a red brow. "Right, well, we're waiting to open presents once you guys are done talking. Also, Indy, untuck your dress when your conversation is over."

Janie and Sunday close the door, and I pat Derek's chest. "Sorry." He just shrugs before kissing my temple.

"It's alright, Darlin', come on, everyone is waiting."

"Wait." I grab his wrist to pull him back to me. "Are you alright?" His eyes give him away before he has time to speak his lie. "Don't lie," I warn. "Not to me, Rowe." Derek gives me a soft smile before kissing the top of my head.

"Using my words against me," he muses. "Baby, I won't lie. This is not my thing. I'm overstimulated, and my anxiety is high. But it's alright. I'll get through you opening your gifts without freaking out. Just," He leans in, capturing my mouth with his. His tongue swirling around mine is a dance for dominance that he's winning. I feel my knees buckle, and his arm goes around my waist to hold me steady. "Don't think that you aren't the only thing on my mind, even if I'm quiet. Baby girl, you consume my every thought. Never think, for one second, that I wouldn't be one of those idiots out there dragging my tongue over the ground you walked on if my brain wouldn't short out every damn time I need it to fuck–"

"Derek," I cover his mouth with my hand. "Baby, I don't want an idiot dragging their tongue. I want the quiet guy who wears a purple shirt to make me smile. I'm sorry I had a childish moment, and I'm sorry I didn't take your anxiety into consideration. It was insensitive. If this becomes too much, no questions asked, you can leave, okay?" I watch him visibly relax as he kisses me softly.

"I don't deserve you."

I smile as I take the gift bag from Janie. Pulling out the yellow tissue, I look at the garment that falls out, and instantly, I laugh as I hold up the see-through lingerie.

"Oh my god," Ash groans as he leans on Atlas' shoulder. "Will my nightmare never end?"

Atlas pats my brother's cheek. "It's okay, baby, I got you."

Sunday rolls her eyes before taking a sip of her water. "My god, you better hope I'm having a boy." Ash jerks his head toward her.

"You are having a boy. You were on top when we conceived." Sunday shakes her head, and I hear Derek laugh lightly from his spot next to me.

"Alright, Virginia!" Ash says as he glares at Derek, "What did you get my sister and so help me god—"

Derek waves his hand to shut my brother up.

"I didn't get her anything like that, and if I did, you would be the last person I would let know." I watch Derek grab a small purple gift bag off the table. His hands seem to have a death grip on it as he looks at me.

"I," he clears his throat before glancing at the group, then back at me. My eyes soften, knowing this is hard for him. I place my hand on his and notice the slight tremble.

"We can do this later," I say softly, but he shakes his head before all but shoving the bag into my hand.

"If you hate it, I can get you something else. It's not a big deal." He mutters before looking away.

I open the bag and find a really pretty envelope which Derek drew all over. I know the scene. It's from the lake in Virginia, where we skinny-dipped. He's written on the envelope in beautiful scrollwork: Ready to check off another? My heart races as I open the envelope and find two sets of tickets. The first are airline tickets to… Kansas? What in the fuck is in Kansas? The next set of tickets made me sob out loud. The printed tickets say Wildlife Park and Penguin Swim for Two.

I look from the tickets to Derek, who focuses intently on the tabletop grain pattern.

"What is it?" Stevie asks from her spot across from me.

"Tickets," I manage through the sob, which is working its way up. "To swim with penguins."

"Oh shit," Ash mutters. "Damn Virginia, you really went to the next level."

Derek shifts uncomfortably. "It's not that big of a deal. I'm going to head out. I need some air." I blink back my surprise as I watch Derek stand and, without another word, heads down the stairs. I look back at the group, and Janie smiles sympathetically.

"I think he's really overwhelmed." She offers, and Ash nods.

"I know that look," he says, almost with pity. "He's about to have a panic attack."

"Thank you guys for this," I smile as I stand up, still clutching my gift from him.

Sunday waves me off. "Go take care of him; we got this!" I thank them before heading to the elevator, hoping I can get to Derek before he drives off. Once in the elevator, I curse, realizing I had taken my shoes off under the table. Deciding there's no time to go back, I head toward the exit once the doors open.

Walking outside, I look and see Derek's Yukon pulling out of a parking spot. Without thinking, I step off the curb and walk in front of the vehicle. Derek slams on his brake before throwing the vehicle in park and jerking himself out of the driver's seat.

"Are you fucking insane?" He yells as he walks up to me.

"Possibly, but not the point." I shrug as I look at his wild eyes and tense jaw. "I want one more thing for my birthday," I state as his body deflates.

"Indy," he sighs, obviously exhausted. "Darlin', I don't—" Holding up my hand, I silence him before reaching up and cupping his cheek. I watch as he closes his eyes and leans into my touch; it's so sweet and raw that my heart aches.

"All you have to do is drive where I tell you."

"Fine. Where are your shoes?" I wave my hand dismissively.

"Not import–ah!" I squeal as Derek sweeps me up into his arms, and I flashback to being stuck on Stevie's staircase and Derek picking me up then.

"You're softer than you think," I say softly as he puts me in the seat.

"Do what now?"

"When you carried me up the stairs at Stevie's, you said you weren't soft in any sense of the word. You're softer than you think." Derek scoffs and rolls his eyes before walking back to the driver's side.

"Only when it comes to you. I have no idea how you did it, and trust me, I'm annoyed by it."

The thirty-minute ride is silent. Derek is beyond anxious, and I hate that forcing him to go to the club has caused him this pain.

"Turn here," I say softly as his headlights illuminate the sign to turn into the park. Once inside, I have him park the vehicle, and I take my seatbelt off as I open his panoramic sunroof.

"What's happening?" He asks as I get out of my seat and start lowering the back seats to give us a spot to lie.

"Come here," I state as I get into the back. Derek's unsure but does as he's told, and when he does, I hear the sharp intake of air.

"Wow," he breathes, looking at the starry sky. I nuzzle closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"It's definitely not Virginia, but I know a few places to stargaze." I smile softly as we lie in silence, just staring at the dark, twinkling sky.

"I'm sorry," Derek grunts out after several minutes. "For freaking out. I didn't mean to ruin your birthday." Leaning up, I look down at him and smile.

"Derek, you made my birthday so amazing, not just because of the awesome gift, but by you being there. You took the time to be as thoughtful as you were in everything. Your clothes, the gift bag, the envelope. Baby, you made me feel so l–appreciated." Christ Indy, really? Really! The L word?

Derek caught my slip. I can tell in his serious expression, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he grabs me by the back of the head and pulls me down for a deep, hungry kiss that leaves us both panting when we break apart. Pressing our foreheads together, he sighs before staring at me.

"You are… appreciated."