35. Indy

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Indy

I sit in the hospital bed with Reegan while she rests against my shoulder. I can see her parents out in the hallway talking to the doctor. Reegan's mom is crumpling against her husband.

Both are in near hysterics as the pediatric oncologist talks with them.

"They act like I'm on my deathbed." Reegan sighs, startling me. I shake my head at the girl.

"Maybe that's because you just rang your bell and then passed out and fell down the stairs." Reegan shrugs as she continues to lie on my shoulder.

"Better than dying," she mutters, and I let out a dry laugh. It'svery commonfor people sick with cancer and those going through treatment to have horrible fatigue or dizziness. So her passing out isn't unheard of and nothing to be alarmed about, but her falling down eight steps in her fragile condition is. And her poor parents are already raw from the journey so far. It's no wonder they're breaking down.

"You dating doctor butthole yet?" I let out a surprised laugh at Reegan's question regarding Liam.

"God, no, I don't like himanymore than you do." I laugh, tugging on the hat that I made her. She giggles before resting against my side.

"Good, you're a pretty princess. You deserve a knight in shining armor." She yawns. I stay with her untilI'm sureshe's sound asleep, and her parents return before I take my leave.

Walking down the hall, I stop when I see alargemale figure leaning against a window. He looks up at me, "Derek?"

I watch his stony expression wash away as he tucks his phone into his jeans pocket and stalks over to me. He pulls my face mask off before holding my jaw in both his hands and kissing me hungrily. I pull back, feeling somewhat off-balanced when I look up at him.

"Hi," I smile softly. His face softens further, and he lets out a breath.

"Hi Darlin', how are you? How's Reegan?" His question warms my heart. I reach up and give him another soft kiss.

"She's alright. She fainted and fell down the stairs, but she'll be okay."

He visibly relaxes. "Okay, good. You weren't responding, and I—"

"Oh! My phone died." I laugh sheepishly as his head falls.

"I'm three seconds from spanking your ass." My laughter dies down, and I raise a brow.

"Oh? You're going to play daddy with me now?"

"Stop." He groans as we start heading out of the hospital. "That client today ruined my already shaky relationship with that name." I snicker as we head to his Yukon. But as I step off the curb, something feels off, and Ihave toblink several times. My left eye seems to be having difficulty focusing. Ichoose toignore it, not wanting to think about what it's a symptom of or what said symptom means.

"She's lucky I didn't beat her ass," I mutter, only half serious.Whileherflirting with Derek annoyed me and brought out a jealous side I can't ever remember feelingbefore.I trust him not to act in any way besides professionally.

"Are you feeling alright?" His question catches me off guard. Turning to him, I cock my head to one side.

"Why do you ask?"

"Your eye isn't opening all the way, you're talking almost slowly, and you're not wearing a bracelet." How observant of him. I'm not wearing a bracelet because when I went to put that fucking red bracelet on this morning after being yellow for so long, it felt like a betrayal.

"I thinksomething got in my eye when we left the hospital." I lie, making a show of rubbing it.

"And the bracelet?" He's not buying my lie, and I shift uncomfortably.

"You hungry?" I ask, smiling.

"Indy…" He warns, and I groan.

"I didn't want to wear it, alright?"

"Why not? I've never seen you without one." I scratch my eyebrow while running my tongue over my teeth.

"Because," I let out a sigh. "If I had put it on, I would have had to admitto myselfthat I'm not feeling the best."

"And? If you aren't feeling well, you should be home, resting."

"Exactly!" I snap. "Ash starts mothering, Janie and Stevie make me stay home, Ren and Sunday start taking shifts bathing me, and meanwhile, you watch it all in fear, your dark circles start, and you do that annoying thing where your knees start bobbing. Plus, you treat me like I'm broken, and you feel obligated to care for me."

"Caring for you is not an obligation." His voice is so soft it unnerves me.

"Yeah, wait until I need you to wipe my ass," I state, knowing I got him. Derek is overly clean, like wearing gloves to do the dishes clean. As he continues to stare at me, I watch his expression change to one of annoyance.

"If you need your ass wiped, do you really think I'd have any issue doing it for you?" The seriousness in his tone is too much. I look away and cross my arms.

"You wouldn't dare! You go green at milkthat'sexpired by a couple of days."

"And yet here I am, telling you I would gladly wipe your ass without a second thought. Don't try that burden shit with me, little darlin' it ain't gonna fly."

"I want to go home now," I state, adding an air of finality to my voice.

Me: How's the Ranch?

Ozzy: Poor Dorothy is probably praying for me each night. The brothers are afraid of me, except for Jackson, that fucker hates me. And Morris has decided our relationship will consist of snarky insults back and forth. There was a massive storm, and I saved a goat and two dogs.Oh, andI thinkthe town might beholding ameeting to band together and run me out with their pitchforks.

Ozzy: All in all,I thinkthisis going towork out perfectly.Thanks, cupcake. I owe you big time.

Me: No problem, Oz. This will be a great fresh start for you.

Ozzy: lolyeah, unless big boy over here kicks me out.

Me: You could stop giving him shit?

Ozzy: HA… this man has pissed me off. My entire life now revolves around inconveniencing him at every turn.

Me: I better get to be a bridesmaid.

Ozzy: I say this with allthe love I havein my massive chest… Fuck. You. Bitch.

"ARGH!" I scream in frustration as I sit on the bed. I've been trying to comb out my curls, and my arms are too tired, and I'm losing vision in one of my eyes. I'm in so much pain and so damn tired. After our talk last night, or our not-talk, I'm in such a bad headspace that I took off work at Hel's to try and regroup myself. I chatted with Ozzy, ordered pizza, and did my stretches. But I know what's happening. It's been going on for over twenty-four hours, meaning it's going out of flare-up and into relapse territory.

"Hey baby girl," I look over from my spot on the bed to see Derek leaning against the door frame, lookingallbig and sexy. It's honestly annoying how he pulls it off so well.

"You're shivering," he whispers as hewalks up tome. I am shivering. My hair holds water andis slowly leakingcold, wet streams all over my body as I sit here.

"I was trying to brush my hair." I manage to say through my irritation and humiliation.

"Can I do it?" I glance up at him, my brow raised.

"Curly hair is kind of hard to take care of." Derek grabs my comb and brush.

"I already looked up how to comb and brush curly hair." He mutters, and my knees would buckle if I weren't sitting down.

"Why?" I eventually whisper as he sits on his knees on the mattress and begins to slide the comb through the ends of my hair. He's sogentle,it makes me want to cry.

He sighs slowly, and I watch him in the mirror while he works.He's so concentrated on the task, it'sso adorable watching the man who is all ruggedgrumpinessand tattoos and muscles, holding my cartoon penguin comb and brush set while working on my hair."If I tell you, do you promise not to make a big deal about it?" He stares at my reflection in the mirror and holds his pinky out, and it takes all of my willpower not to choke on a sob.

I wrap my pinky around his. "Promise," I say softly.

Derek leans in, his lips near the shell of my ear, and whispers, "I learned how to do it so I could help you when you're having a rough day." My eyes widen, and I feel him grip my pinky tighter before kissing my hand and letting me go. Isit insilence as Derek methodically sections out my hair, combs, and brushes and even reforms rogue pieces before moving to the next section. My chest is so tight it's nearly painful. I have so many questions to ask him, but I can't.I can'tbecause,not only would he take that as me making a big deal out of his kind gesture,andthere's no way I'm breaking a pinky promise that he initiated.But also, what if the answers to those questions make me feel things I shouldn't be feeling? No. Derek and I like each other. That's as far as I can allow it to go. I can't offer him my heart, even though I feel as though he has already stolen it.

"Thank you, Nika," I smile as the old woman sets a fruit platterin front ofme. I look longingly at my friends and their delicious pastries. "I hate all of you." I glare at the women as Nika looks from my plate to theirs. Her old eyes narrow at my group.

"Nemoj me jebat? Stefa!" Stevie winces mid-bite of herdanish.

"Baka!" Stevie groans. "She's eating like that because she's not feeling well!"

"Support your friend Stefa! All of you!" Nika warns, and I hide my snort behind the glass of water I'm gulping down.

"Mama!" Ilook up tosee Zora, Stevie's mom, coming to rush over. "Now, don't be scaring away everyone."

"Who scare? I scare no one." Nika shoos away Zora's hand.

"You have village here, support necessary to continue." Stevie rolls her eyes while dropping the danish and picking a strawberry from my plate.

"Happy now?" She snaps before her eyes go wide. "Oprosti…" she quickly mumbles before Nika and Zora walk off.

"The balls on you." Ren marvels, shaking her head at our green-haired friend. "I don't know half of what was said, but that was terrifying, and then you sassed her?"

Stevie groans, rubbing her temples. "I know, I know. I'm just. I'm overwhelmed. I shouldn't be snapping at her, though."

Janie munches on her donut. "What's up, girlie? You've been awfully quiet since the convention." Stevie shrugs as she flicks a piece of thedanishoff the table.

"Brooks found me in a really embarrassing position, and I've been bleeding since New Orleans… I'm supposed to go to a new doctor next week to talk about surgery, but," she takes a tired breath. "I'm scared that it'll be like last time. They will look at me and say I either need to lose weight and it'll magically clear everything up, or they will remind me thatit's my duty tohave a child and I should wait because I might change my mind."

Sunday scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Right, because you want to stay in constant pain just in case you want kids later. I mean, how dumb, and what about the fibroids? Doesn't that cause infertility?"

"They can, depending on where they are growing." Stevie sighs. "I love kids, sure. I would like one or two, but I don't have to carry them. My uterus sucks, and I'm tired of it zapping away my life."

"I can talk to my mom," Ren shrugs as she takes a bite of her food. "Maybe she'll know someone."

"Maybe I can just have Baka scoop it out of me with a melon baller," Stevie mutters, and we all chuckle.

"She probably would!" I laugh andgo topick up my fork, only to drop it. The clattering of the fork is deafening. The table goes quiet, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Opening my eyes, all four of my friends are staring at me, and the panic settles in. I look at my hands and try to make my fingers close together. I can't. Oh god, I can't feel my hand at all!

I spring up, causing the chair to scrape on the tiled floor.

"I have to go," I say quickly, but Sunday grabs me.

"Hey, Indy, you need to breathe. It's alright. We'll figure this out."

"I-I can't feel my hand," I sob out. "I can't feel my hand!" It's all I can say over and over again as Sunday pulls me against her body. She says something to the girls, but I can't hear it.

My heart rate is trying to rival a hummingbird's right now. It's happening. It's finally happening. This disease is taking the last piece of me I couldfullyrely on.

"Where is she?" I hear Derek's booming voice as he marches down the hospital halls. I sigh with exhaustion while listening to the nurses telling him to calm down.

"Sir!" One says, her voice full of nervousness. I can't blame her. Derek's a massive man with a short temper. "Your wife is in that room." Wife? That felt uncomfortable to hear. I understand why he told them we're married. He's trying to get back here faster, but still.

The door opens, and as soon as Derek's rich brown eyes land on me, his entire body relaxes.

"Baby," he whispers, and I try to give him a small smile, though I feel like I'm dying inside. He rushes to my bed, grabbing my facewith his handsand kissing me softly. I don't want to admit how much his kiss relaxes me.

"Should I go?" Janie asks from her seat in the corner. I'll be honest; I completely forgot she was here. Derek breaks the kiss to turn and look at Janie.

"Yeah," he states. "Quickly, if you don't mind." Janie narrows her eyes as she stands.

"I'll let it slide for now, Rowe, but you'll regret that attitude." She smiles and waves before leaving the room. As soon as the door shuts, Derek's lips are on mine again. His kiss is desperate as if he will lose me if he stops.

"Derek," I pant as I back away. "I'm okay."

"Don't," he whispers while pressing his forehead against mine. "Darlin', don't lie. Not to me."Letting out asigh, Ipull back and rest my head on the pillow.

"Derek, baby, this is common for me. I'll probably be out of here tomorrow. Realistically, they're only keeping me overnight because I had a nasty panic attack, and they gave me some rather nice drugs. Seriously, they should give it to everybody because I feel amazing." He gives me a breathy laugh and sits on the edge of my bed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," he whispers, and it breaks my heart.

"I was hanging out with my friends. Why would you be there?"

He groans and stands. "I don't know, Indy! I just feel like, as a boyfriend, I'm supposed to be there to help… Why are you laughing?"

I let out a very unladylike snort. Who decided snorts are unladylike anyway? I am a lady. I can't control the snort. How is that my fault? It's like the whole farting thing. Why is a bodily function considered unladylike? Men get to walk around feeling amazing all the time. Meanwhile, we have to hold in our farts? If that isn't some misogynistic bullshit.

"Indy?" Derek's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Where in the fuck did you go?" He laughs awkwardly, and I frown at him.

"You men and your unconscious misogyny are why we have stomach aches." I huff out. Derek looks around the room.

"Okay? Do you have a stomachache?"

"No, but I could have one!" I grumble as I watch him sit in the chair closest to the bed.

"Okay, baby girl, I am at a loss here. How can my unconscious misogyny possibly cause you a stomachache?"

I let out an exasperated breath. "Because! If I need to fart, I can't because of the patriarchy." Derek tries to hold back his laughter, but it comes out, and I hide my grin. That's much better. I can't stand seeing him so upset. If I have to act high and goofy to see his smile, then so be it because he doesn't deserve to feel sad, guilty, or worried. Not ever, but definitely not over me. Random facts would clue him into whatI'mdoing as I told him the stories of me distracting Mom and Ash whenever I was in the hospital. Now, I have to get creative. That's okay, though; his smile is worth it.