21. Derek

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Derek

" H ey city slicker," Jackson smirks, and leans against the fence post. It's early, about four-thirty. I snort and stuff my hands in my coat. After a twenty-year absence, my body isn't used to the cool Virginia mornings.

"Y'all call me city slicker here; at Hel's, I'm called Virginia. Seems I don't fit in anywhere." I laugh dryly. "So, what are you up to?" I ask as Jackson takes a drink from his thermos.

"Something's been attacking the animals this past week. Already snatched three of them and tried to get Leroy over there, but Bear and Rocky ran it off. I've been watching the last two nights." I look over at the two Australian Shepherds who are running the fence's perimeter.

As I gaze out at the vast expanse of land in the early twilight, memories flood back to when this was my home, where I would spend hours exploring and playing until the sun disappeared behind the distant trees and mountains. The air is still and serene here, completely opposite to the chaotic and polluted city I now call home. The scent of pine and earth lingers, reminding me of the first half of my life. Being here with my brothers, working the ranch, teaching this now-grown man how to survey the land for predators like he's doing now.

"Didn't expect you to come out here with the girl," Jackson mutters before whistling for the dogs. "Figured you wouldn't want to risk seeing Justine."

I spit before walking with him toward the house. "I don't give two shits about her. I came out here to help Indy and to make sure Carter keeps his dick in check."

"You two together?" He raises his brow, and I stumble.

"No," I state quickly. "She's just a friend. I knew she would need help with the stairs and shit, and I'm on vacation from work anyway." My brother looks like he doesn't believe a word I'm saying, but lets the subject go.

"Tell your girl she makes a damn good pastry." He says while walking away, heading toward the cattle.

"She's not my girl." He's already out of earshot when the words leave me, and I blow out an exhausted breath.

"I'm gonna marry her." Carter moans as he takes a bite of the blueberry cheese danish. With his mouth full, he gives me a grin. "Thanks for being awesome and bringing me my future wife." Growling, I snatch the pastry from his hand and slam it in the trash.

"Sorry you didn't like my baking, Derek." Indy's soft voice startles me, and I blink before I realize what she must've seen. Damn it, how am I supposed to explain that I did it because I'll be damned before I let Carter get aroused by her food.

Carter puffs out his chest. "I'll have you know that I thoroughly enjoy them, Indy." His smile makes me want to commit a murder. I turn to Indy, my heart racing in anticipation for a flirty blush and bright smile to be on her face, directed at my soon-to-be deceased brother. Instead, I'm met with dark circles under her eyes and a grayish complexion. The lack of color in her cheeks makes her appear almost ghostly as if she's ill. Darkness creases her features, casting a shadow over her usually vibrant face. My concern grows as I take in her appearance, wondering what could have caused such exhaustion and stress since last night.

"Hey," I say softly, walking over and placing a hand on her back. "Are you feeling alright?" She stiffens at the contact before looking up at me and nodding. She goes back to pouring coffee into mugs and putting food on a tray, probably for my parents. There's no smile, no laughter. I know of only one person in this household capable of draining someone like this.

I glance over at Carter, and he must be thinking the same thing because his eyebrows furrow together as he cocks his head to one side. "Hey, angel," he says.

I blink slowly, trying my damndest to ignore that name. Of course, Indy is an angel, I know that. But my stupid brother doesn't get to address her that way. Indy lets out a murmur to acknowledge him, but doesn't look up from slicing the fruit. I notice the trembling in her hand she's trying to hide.

"Have you been up to see Pops yet this morning?" Pops is a rough old rancher who has never been known for warm and friendly feelings. But apparently, since he became bedridden, it's gotten worse. He's bitter and angry and I know Indy isn't one that'll be able to handle that kind of talking to for long.

Indy finishes cutting the fruit before washing the knife off and looking at me, ignoring Carter completely. Which I would be okay with if she didn't look like this.

"I can't take this upstairs,"

"I got it darlin'. Are you alright?" I ask again.

"I'll need about forty-five minutes to finish things down here. Then I'll need help getting up there to clean your parents and help your mom with exercises." She states before turning and walking away.

I turn to Carter. "Take this up to them."

He scoffs, "Uh, I have to go to work."

"I ain't repeating myself," I warn before walking to Indy's room. I don't bother knocking as I open the door and walk in.

"What the hell!" She gasps, hands over her chest.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing," I snap while shutting the door behind me. "What's going on? Did the old man say something? You should know he's a dick. He don't mean nothing by it." She furrows her brows.

"What? No! Your dad's fine. I mean, yeah, I can see where you get your sparkling personality from," I choose not to respond to her smartass comment. "But no, he's fine."

"Then why are you…" I gesture up and down her body. "Not you?"

She raises a brow. "Derek, I'm in a different time zone. I'm bloated from the plane ride, and I'm coming up on my period. I got exactly one hour of horrible sleep last night, and my left hand is trembling, and it's pissing me off." She growls in frustration.

"Oh." I guess those are valid points. "Then why are you ignoring Carter?"

Indy rolls her eyes. "Because I'm trying to break him of his flirting before Ozzy gets here. Ozzy can handle her own, but still, if I can smooth things out for her so it's not such a shock, I'm going to do it."

I walk over to her until we are standing closer. "Are you sure that's it?" I watch her eyes flick to my lips before looking away.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm going to take my pills, and once they kick in, I'll be able to fake the smiles you prefer." She starts to walk away, but I grab her wrist.

"Hey now, I don't prefer your fake smiles." My voice is soft as I look her over. Her eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot like she's been crying, and it guts me.

"Darlin," I breathe out, cupping her soft cheek. I nearly flinch as a sob racks through her small frame. She starts to crumble, but I grip her in my arms as I slide to the floor, pulling her into my lap. "Indy," I hug her close as she continues to cry, and I feel so helpless; I don't know what's happening or how to help.

"Baby, please talk to me. How can I fix it? Are you hurting? Can I do something?" She sobs harder and buries her face deeper against me. Resting my back against the wall, I hold her protectively in my arms as she sobs harder and harder. Each time her body shakes from the force of the cry, my heart cracks a little more. "Shhhh…" I whisper against her hair as I rub her back.

"Let me help you, please," I beg. I don't beg for anything, but right here, right now, I will if it means I can take her pain away.

"I just…" her tiny voice squeaks out. "I'm feeling my limitations more than I expected to," she pulls back and sniffles. "I'm supposed to be eager to help, and it took everything out of me to get those danishes done. I'm sorry you hated them. If you tell me what flavor you like, I can—"

"I loved them," I blurt out, a desperate attempt to calm her sobbing. Panic surges through me as I struggle to find the right words to make her tears stop. "The one I threw away wasn't mine. I had already eaten three. Apple is my favorite. Ummm…" I take a nervous breath, not wanting to admit this, but maybe it'll distract her some, even if it's just a small amount to calm her down for a moment. "The one I pitched was Carter's. He made some comment about marrying you because of your baking skills, and it pissed me off." Indy stares at me momentarily, and I watch as the corners of her mouth lift slightly before a dimple- popping grin appears on her face. I feel the vise on my heart loosen slightly at the sight.

"Ohhhh… jealous?" I roll my eyes.

"No, I just don't want that idiot around you," I mutter, "Or looking at you, or thinking about you. Shut up." I groan at her giggles before she leans in and hugs me.

"Thank you for talking to me and holding me. I just don't want to mess up."

I pull her to face me. "Indy, you're doing a great job. Just breathe. It's been one day. I'm sure this is a culture shock. Plus, with your MS and the time change, and my old man isn't the easiest patient." She chuckles lightly while I continue to hold her face in my hands. "But you are doing a great job, and I'm so grateful for you doing this."

"Don't freak out, okay?" she says, and I cock my head to one side in question.

"Okay?" I say slowly as she lets out a breath before leaning in and pressing her lips to mine. My body goes ramrod straight, and I'm about to freak out. I am very, very much about to freak the absolute fuck out. But before I can, she pulls back. The kiss was so soft and sweet, like a thank you.

After helping her up, I decide I need to get the fuck away from Indy and take my leave, going outside to hammer something—anything. I don't know, I'll find a tree trunk and wail on it for a few hours. I need to find something to do that gets me away from that fucking beautiful woman and her soft fucking lips.

"Oh shit," Jensen's wide blue eyes stare at me in horror as he starts shoving me toward the house. "Hurry, get the fuck outta here." I've spent the entire day outside, save for the handful of times Indy needed my help. Other than that, I've been shoveling manure, moving hay, fixing fence posts, and repairing the siding on the house. Anything to stay the fuck outside, and I'll be goddamn if my overgrown little brother is gonna corral me back into that fucking house where Indy is wearing denim cut off short that made me nearly have a heart attack when I saw her at lunch.

"Why?" I ask, jumping off the porch to avoid him while ignoring the pain in my knees.

"Justine's truck is coming up the drive." My stomach might have just fallen out of my ass. I look over and see a white and blue flatbed truck.

"What in the fuck!" I growl as I see light blonde hair whipping out of the truck window.

"Her daddy still supplies us with feed!" Jensen hisses. "She ain't ever been the one coming here, though. Usually, it's one of the hands." I groan, knowing it's too late to go in and hide. She sees me. As the truck parks, I watch the door open, and the woman who betrayed me steps out. But it's not her. This isn't the Justine I remember. Sure, we were in our twenties the last time I saw her, but she looks like a different person. Justine is tall and mid-sized, with curves that I don't remember her having. Her dark blonde hair has been dyed a lighter blonde, falling in messy strands over her shoulder. I watch as she shoves a cigarette butt into a can in her truck door as she looks at us.

"Well, shit," she laughs lightly, and her voice sounds different, too. It's weird, it's like the memories I have of her aren't real memories at all. "Derek Rowe, I never thought I'd see you again. My god, you look good."

"Thanks," I mutter as I look at Jensen. "You need help with the feed?"

"You ain't even gonna talk to me? I haven't seen you in a lifetime!"

"And yet it still ain't been long enough." I snap and turn to walk past her, but stop when I see Indy on the front porch. I start to head over, only to watch as Carter walks up and helps her down. I'll punch him for that later.

"Hey," Indy smiles up at me as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. It bounces free as soon as she moves her head, making me smirk. "I need a ride into town." I watch as she glances over at Justine, giving her a welcoming smile that Justine doesn't reciprocate. "Hi! I'm Indy!"

"Justine Rowe," she says, and I nearly choke on my saliva. Rowe? She never changed her name back? Gotten remarried? I look over at Jensen, who gives me an uneasy smile.

Indy cocks her head to one side. "Rowe? As in?"

"I'm Derek's wife." She smiles. "Are you his daughter?"

"Knock it off." My annoyance is clear. "Indy, this is my ex-wife. Her family supplies the ranch with feed. Justine," her name comes out as a hiss. "Indy is my—"

"Girlfriend." Indy states firmly. "So yeah, not his daughter, but he's definitely my daddy." I hear one of my brothers spewing some liquid from their mouth behind me. Indy grips my hand and gives me a tug.

"Anyway, if you're done, can we go to town, please?" She pulls my stunned body toward one of the trucks.

"What was that?" I manage through my shock as I open the passenger door. Indy spins to look up at me and shrugs.

"I don't like her. She gives off a rotten eggs vibe."

"I'm not sure what that means. But darlin', this is a small town. Everyone is in everyone's business." She furrows her brow as I help her up into the truck.

"Why would I care if they think I'm your girlfriend?"

"Indy, people around here can be judgmental. And our age difference…" I watch her nod slowly.

"Right, yeah, sorry. I didn't think about you caring to have the label. I just saw the look on your face." I watch her chew on her bottom lip.

"What look was that?" I ask, wishing to god it was my teeth on her lips right now.

"Like you wanted to be anywhere but there."

I laugh lightly. "Yeah, that would be correct. And for the record, I don't need the apology. You know better than to think I give two shits what people's opinions are of me. I just don't want something hurtful said to you." I look up and groan. "She's still there staring at—" I'm cut off when Indy lips consume mine, and I growl against her. "Oh my god," I pant as I break slightly while her sweet tongue enters my mouth.

"Make it look good," she pants, her breath hot and desperate. I grip her hair tightly, pulling her closer as I tilt her head back and deepen the kiss. My tongue slips between her parted lips, meeting hers in a passionate dance. She sucks on my tongue eagerly, sending shivers down my spine and nearly causing a whimper to escape at the sensation running through my body. I crave more of her. Every inch of her small, delicate body needs to be explored by my hands and savored by my mouth.

"Well, goddamn!" Carter's voice causes me to jump back in surprise. I glare over at my grinning brother.

"No! Don't stop on my account!" Carter chuckles.

I look to see Justine's truck is gone and shut the door before getting into the truck and starting the ignition.

The first part of the car ride is silent, and I'm thankful for it, needing time to force this fucking erection down. After jacking off last night, I thought I would've gotten Indy out of my system, at least temporarily. But no, I'm fucking fourteen again and don't know how to gain control of my dick around her.

"You're an excellent kisser." I nearly slam on the brake as I stop at the red light and stare at her.

"Huh?" I say intelligently. Indy giggles as she looks over at me. She's so pretty. She has tight blue cut-offs and an oversized yellow sweater on with her Doc Martens boots, though I don't think they're tied.

"You're a good kisser." She repeats like it's no big deal. "I mean, I'm not super experienced, but you definitely took the breath out of me."

I let out an awkward laugh. "Uh, thanks? You're pretty good yourself." Wow, that felt uncomfortable. "So, what do you need from town?"

"Tampons." I nod and hear her snicker. "You're not going to say ew or something?"

"I'm in my forties. Real men don't act like little pricks over a natural bodily function." She mutters something, but I don't hear her. "Say that again?"

"I said, Carter must be a little prick then because I asked him to take me, and he turned white and shuddered." I feel my hand tighten around the steering wheel at her words.

"First off," I start, trying to keep my temper in check. "Carter is a little prick. Second, don't ask him for shit. You need to go to town, you ask me."

"You were busy. I didn't want to bother you." I sigh as I pull into the parking lot and turn off the truck.

"You ain't a bother. Why are you smiling?" Both her dimples are front and center as she giggles.

"Your accent is just so cute. I thought when I got here, everyone would sound just like you, but they don't. Yours is different. I love it."

"I need you to stop." I manage out through a nervous breath. "Stop complimenting me like that."

"Why?" she asks softly, her head cocky to the side.

"Because," I breathe out while scratching my beard. "You don't talk like that about people you're not interested in."

"But I am interested in you." I groan while dropping my head on the steering wheel.

"Indyyyyy…" I whine, and she laughs.

"Don't worry, I know," she clears her throat. "Indy, it's not you, it's me. I'm fucked up in the head with my lonely darkness." She says in a mocking voice. It's fucking terrible. "I am doomed to walk this road alone, a solitary man with only my dark and brooding thoughts to fill the deafening silence." I roll my head to look at her grinning face.

"You having fun, little darlin'?" She lets out a giggle, and I can't help but laugh. "Come on, let's get your tampons."

"And snacks. I need some junk food." Shaking my head, I get out of the truck.

"Fine, fine."

"Goddamn it." I groan under my breath as I start looking through the aisles of the store. I got stopped by some old family friends to chat, and Indy ended up sneaking off. Now I can't find her, and her phone is either back at the house or she's ignoring my calls.

I feel my heart leap into my throat when I approach the front of the store, ready to ask them to call out her name over the speaker. Anxiety and fear course through me when out of the corner of my eye, I see a gathering of people. Has something happened to Indy? Without hesitation, I abandon the shopping cart and sprint toward the crowd.

And then I hear it. Her voice. It's unlike anything I've ever heard before. It's a combination of a cartoon princess and a mythical siren, weaving together in perfect harmony. My feet carry me faster toward the sound until I finally break through the crowd. There she is, sitting on the ground, surrounded by children who are hanging onto her every note.

I can see her struggling with her balance when she stands up, but she quickly steadies herself. She continues to sing, twirling the little girls around with her hands. She is beyond beautiful—a vision of grace and talent. And her voice... I could listen to her sing forever.

Much to my disappointment, she finishes the song, and the crowd begins to cheer. I watch her face go pink as she gives a small curtsy. Her eyes land on me, and her entire face brightens as she makes her way over.

"Hi!" she breathes out. "Did you finish talking to your friends?"

I stare at her in disbelief. "You do realize that breaking out into song isn't normal in any setting, let alone the grocery store." Indy shrugs her shoulders.

"Why would I want to be normal? Besides, it's Lanie's birthday today." I watch as she waves to the small blonde girl before walking back with me to get the cart.

Every moment I'm with her, Indy finds a way to surprise me even more.

I walk outside on the back porch to see Indy leaning on the railing, looking up at the black sky.

"It's late," I state, walking up next to her. "What are you doing out here?"

"You can't see these back home," she whispers, eyes not moving. I follow her gaze to the blanket of twinkling stars.

"Yeah," I sigh, and I lean against the railing beside her. "When I was a kid, my brothers, Theo, and I would go to the lake at the edge of our property and night swim while trying to follow the stars like sailors." I don't know why I told her about this, but apparently, it's the right move, considering the smile on her face.

"A lake?" She grins. "Fun fact, I've never swam in anything but a pool. I always wanted to swim in a lake under the stars. It's actually on my not bucket list."

"What's a ‘not bucket list'?" I ask and watch her smile dim slightly.

"It's a list of things I want to do before I lose my independence." She winces. "Well, in case I lose it. Obviously, there's no way to know, but I have a list of things I want to get done so that I can at least say I did that if there comes a time I'm no longer able to walk or take care of myself."

"And swimming in a lake is part of that list?"

"More or less." She twists her lips to one side and shrugs.

I take a breath, knowing I shouldn't but also knowing there is no turning back. "Get in the truck."

"Oh my god," Indy breathes out as she looks out at the black, sparkling lake. She looks beautiful standing under the full moon, her face lit up by the stars in the clear night sky. I walk with her out on our dock, and she grins brightly.

"Can you swim?" I ask softly. I hate asking and bursting her happy bubble, but I need to know if her MS makes it so she can't keep herself afloat. If so, it's fine. I'll put her on my back. There's no way I'll let her leave here without checking this off her list.

"Yeah! I mean, I'll need help getting back out. I can't climb up a ladder." I nod as I remove my jeans, boots, and socks, much to Indy's apparent delight. "Oh my gosh, yay! You're skinny dipping, too?" She squeals, causing me to halt the removal of my shirt.

"Come again?" I say as I watch her shimmy out of her pants.

"Skinny dipping, in the lake, under the stars."

"Uh, no… you said swimming. What if something swims up on you?" She shrugs while turning her back to me and taking off her shirt.

"Was going to get me regardless. Now, are we doing this together or not?" You've got to be kidding me. Groaning, I turn my back toward hers before removing my boxers and shirt. This is exactly what I get for trying to be fucking nice. "Okay!" She says, her excitement radiating off her. "I'm going—"

"Wait," I state as I turn to face her, my hands covering my junk and my eyes staring at the sky. "I should go in first so that if you need help or anything, I'm there." I don't wait for her to respond. Instead, I jump in, allowing the cool water to consume me. As I resurface, I hear Indy clapping.

"Solid three out of five on the splash scale!" She grins, and fucking hell, I see her one hand over her pussy, her forearm covering her tits. God, if you're up there, you will strike my dick limp for the foreseeable future.

Indy hesitates for less than a second before I watch her moonlit body jump into the water. I panic slightly when she doesn't resurface right away, and I'm about to go under and try to reach for her when she breaches the surface right in front of me.

"Hi." She grins while flicking water in my face before using her arms to swim backward.

"Alright, you got your naked dip, now come on," I grumble, trying to reach for her but missing. She lies on her back and starts floating on the water's surface, her wet nipples exposed, erect, and glistening in the moonlight. Welp, there's the boner. Thanks god.

"Noooo," she whines as she continues to float. "Come float with me and look at the stars."

Ha, I do that, and there will be a fucking pole sticking out of the water. "Ain't you scared of the catfish smelling your blood?" I ask, grasping at straws. "They might bite you."

"Catfish bites don't hurt, and my period hasn't started yet. Nice try!" She laughs as she swims over to me.

"What do you know about catfish?" I huff as I grip the ladder of the dock, needing desperately to figure out how I'm getting out of here without her seeing my erection.

"My mom is from Minnesota," she says softly as she swims closer, her wet hair disappearing under the black water. "We used to go see my grandparents, and Gramps was quite the fisherman." Her tone is less like the innocent Indy and more like a siren trying to lure me in. And it's about to work.

"That is fascinating." I swallow nervously. She and I are now both holding onto the dock ladder. "Tell me all about the fish."

She chuckles lightly, "Really, Rowe? Instead of stargazing with me, you'd rather I tell you about my gramp's love of fishing?"

"I'm just a big fan of the sport." I manage to get out before her wet hand runs up my arm, and my whole body shudders.

"Are you?" she asks, her lips hovering over mine. "A big fan?"

"Very," I whisper as my fingers run over her hip. I hear her sharp intake of air. She pulls her lips back just partially, and I groan as her nail runs over the cut in my V. "Fuck," I manage out as her hand travels lower. I feel her attempt to wrap her fingers around the base of my cock before gasping out a curse. I would enjoy the ego boost if it weren't for the fact that Indy is touching me. I'm fucking short-circuiting. She moves her hand up and down my shaft.

"Shit," I whimper as I rest my head on her shoulder. I should stop this. I should push her away. But I won't, I can't. God help me; I can't push her away, and I can't let her have the upper hand anymore.

I spin us so her back is against the ladder, and I press my thumb on her clit.

"Derek!" she whines, and my name has never sounded so sinful. I feel her tease the underside of my head with her fingernail.

"Fuck," I growl while tightening the grip on the ladder. Neither of us dares to say more than the occasional curse or each other's name. And we don't kiss or touch above the water. It's like whatever was happening below the water is someone else. "Indy," I breathe while growing concerned that I may snap this ladder in half with my grip.

Indy pants, and I feel her bucking her hip. "Shit! Ah! Oh no," she whimpers, and I try to keep the same speed, but it's hard to focus when her hand on my dick is making me lose my mind.

"Fuck!" I hiss as I feel myself explode in her hand.

"Derek!" she cries out as she follows close behind.

As we come back down and are met with the reality of what we've done, Indy becomes instantly shy, and I become full of guilt.

"I think," Indy's voice has lost all the sexy allure it once held, as though I had imagined it. Had I imagined it? "I'm ready to get out."

Nodding, I have her hold onto my back as I climb the ladder. Once we're on the dock, I realize I didn't bring towels.

"Sorry," I say softly, and I mean it, for so much more than just the towels. I can't see her eyes or expression as she grabs her clothes.

"It's fine," she states simply. "Guess that can be checked off now."

I watch her shadowed body slip into her clothes. She looks at me and then up before she sits on the dock.

"What's wrong?" I panic as I kneel beside her now-lying body.

She grabs me by the shirt to pull me down and points up at the sky. "Look," she whispers excitedly. I turn my head just in time to see the star shooting across the sky.

Grunting, I maneuver myself down to lie next to her, and we gaze up at the countless stars in the sky.

"Did you know?" I say softly, breaking the comfortable silence. "Shooting stars can be different colors." I feel her eyes on me, but I don't look because I'm a chicken. I know if I look at her, one of two things will happen. I'll either start apologizing again, or I will kiss her. Neither feels like the right move at this moment.

"Really?" She seems surprised by my little fact. "Like what colors?"

"Uhm…" I cough as I try to remember my freshman year DC field trip to the planetarium. "Well, typically, they look mostly white or yellow to the naked eye. But if you have good magnification or a super clear night, the meteor will give off the color of whatever chemical composition is being burned up as it's heading into the atmosphere. I'm going back decades here, but I believe iron is yellow, and sodium is orange. I know magnesium is a teal color. I remember that one."

"Is one purple?" She asks softly, and it's then that I finally have the courage to look at her. My heart rattles against my ribs as I watch her stare at me with such interest and excitement.

"Y-yeah." I manage out. "Calcium burns violet."

"Really?" I hear the excitement in her voice as she lays back down. "Oh my gosh, that is amazing. Okay, new thing to add to my list, see a purple shooting star." I stare at her, the moonlight illuminating her features as her eyes dance over the twinkling sky. Seeing her excitement over this evening and her list, I feel the urge to make my own. And I know the first thing I'm putting on there.

Find Indy a purple shooting star.