19. Indy

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Indy

" I ndiana!" Ash yells as he storms into Derek's house and into the kitchen.

Derek must have told my brother about my travel plans, and I'll be having a talk with Derek about this once he gets back home. "If you think for one second, I won't tie your ass to a chair in my house, you got another thing coming." He runs his hands through his hair as he paces. "Virginia? You're flying across the goddamn country to fucking Virginia with Dickhead Derek!"

"Don't call him that," I snap, and he shoots me a warning look.

"Indiana, I am so close to—"

"To what? To shipping me off to live with Mom and Neil? Guess what, Ash? I'm a fucking adult!" I yell in his face. "You're not the boss of me! You're worried? Fine, be worried. But I'm not going to sit in a chair and not move just to fucking please you!"

"Right," he scoffs and shakes his head. "But you sure as shit are willing to call me when you're in trouble."

I raise a brow in challenge. "Really? Because I can't remember the last time I asked for your help. I've been handling my life the best I can without you!"

"Yeah, you just replaced me with Derek!" He snaps, and I wince. That one hits me because it's exactly what I'm afraid I'm doing.

"I know," I croak out, looking away. "Which is one of the reasons I need to go. I need to help him. He won't ask for help, Ash, but he needs it."

"Indy," his voice is softer as he speaks. "Listen, I understand. Your ridiculously massive heart is in the right place, but Derek is from a farm in a small town. You'll have little help if you relapse. You'll be three hours ahead of anyone here and thousands of miles away."

"I know," my voice betrays me and waivers slightly. "Ash, I have to do this. I need to know…" I blink and look up at the ceiling as tears roll down my face. "I need to know if this is it. If I'm really not useful anymore."

"Indy! You are useful!"

"I was a nurse, Ash! I was helping save kids' lives! Now all I can do is put on a princess dress and sing, and there are days when even that is too fucking much!" I shout as the front door shuts. I watch Derek cautiously walk into the kitchen.

"You!" I point at him through my tears. "I am so mad at you. You snitched to my brother?"

"W-What? No! Indy, I told—" Ash cuts Derek off as he stares at me.

"Derek came by Hel's to get his stuff because he's delusional enough to think he's allowed to quit. While there, he mentioned going to Virginia. I asked about you, and he said to mind my business. So no, he didn't squeal, I just know you." Ash takes in a deep breath before releasing it and turning to Derek. "I'm not happy about this. Is she going to be okay?" I get ready to tell my brother off, but Derek starts before I can.

"Yes, she will be safe."

"You swear? Virginia, I mean it."

"I will die before I let anything happen to her." Oh, that's an interesting flip-flop my heart is doing. Ash is hesitant but nods and shakes Derek's hand.

"You know Mama J is going to expect you back."

Derek chuckles. "I won't tell her that, though."

Ash turns and walks over to me, hugging me tightly to his chest. I can hear his rapid heartbeat, and I soften. Sometimes I forget his anger is just misplaced anxiety.

"You are useful," he whispers into my hair. "Indy, don't listen to that voice, listen to me. I'm real, and I'm telling you that my world is better, all those kids you visit, their lives are better because of you. Hell, Derek's poor excuse for a life is better because of you."

"Hey." Derek glares at my brother, but Ash shrugs.

"You make our worlds better, and I just worry that overdoing it will cause you to lose your smile." I hug my big brother before walking him to the door and promising to text him when we land in Virginia.

As I shut the door, I turn and see Derek leaning against the entryway, his arms crossed over his broad chest. God, he's delicious looking.

"Are you alright?" His voice is soft and caring. Damn it, there's the lady boner again. He's got to stop. If he isn't going to let me ride him like a mechanical bull, then he needs to stop making me feel things in my lady parts.

"Yeah," I give him a smile. "I'm going to finish getting things ready, and then I've got to call and make sure Sunday and Luca are set to handle the visits to the hospital while I'm gone."

"For what it's worth," Derek's voice stops my progression down the hall. "My poor excuse for a life is better because of you." I whip around to look at him, but he's already turned to go back in the kitchen, leaving me standing here with blue lady balls and an arrhythmia.

I let out a tired breath while staring out the plane window and stretching my legs. I can't help but smile. Derek made sure to get us on a larger plane, with a first-class section, and made me sit up here so I have room to move around. I can't believe I told him I would go to Virginia to help his family. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm tiny, weak, and unable to take stairs. I relapse here, and I'm fucked. But that look of absolute helplessness on his face, it broke my heart.

I stare at the large man as his leg continues to bounce, as it has been for three hours now. It's driving me insane, but I'm trying to remain calm since we have roughly four hours left.

"Are you okay?" I ask and watch as he flinches.

"Huh? No, I mean, yeah, fine." He mutters, and I grab his massive hand.

"Listen, I know you're nervous about how I'll be, but I promise, I know how to take care of people. I was an outstanding nurse." His brows furrow while looking at me.

"What? No, darlin', I'm sure you were a fantastic nurse. I don't doubt that." I don't know if the butterflies in my stomach are from the pet name or the confidence he has in me. I was never into pet names. I would gag whenever my brother called Sunday sunshine or sweetheart. But Derek calling me darlin' or baby girl does things to me. Things I shouldn't be feeling since this is platonic, but yeah, I'm not stopping him.

"Why are you so jumpy?" I ask while standing up to stretch.

"Look, I don't want to talk about this. Really, I don't. But since you're gonna be at the ranch, it will be brought up." He rubs his face over his beard before giving me a nervous look. "I was married."

"Yeah, and?"

He blinks in confusion. "And I ain't now! Why are you so casual about that?"

"I figured you had been." I give him a half-shrug.

"And what gave you that impression?"

"Just a feeling. Like when you are watching one of those romance movies, and the lonely, grouchy divorced man has turned his heart to stone because he was so abused when he gave it out before."

Derek blinks before shaking his head. "That's very specific. But sure, I'm alone because my heart is made of stone. Let's go with that. Also, this ain't a romance movie. If anything, this is a horror film." He mutters, and I roll my eyes. I watch him shift uncomfortably and then sit back down next to him. I scoot closer and give him a reassuring smile.

"Did you know that penguins have unique names for their mates?" He laughs out of surprise and looks at me.

"Do what now?" I gently pull my leg up on the seat and rest my cheek on my knee.

"Yeah, so like, think of it as a pet name, like how Atlas calls Ren princess, right? So, when mating penguins are trying to reunite on the breeding ground, they start squalling. Well, to us, it sounds like squalling, but if we were all penguins, it would be like Atlas screaming princess at the top of his lungs."

"Indy, darlin', I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to that." He laughs, shaking his head. I give him a shrug.

"You're not supposed to. I just felt like it's information everyone should know. Like knowing kissing stimulates more than one hundred billion nerve cells, and the average human heart beats approximately one hundred thousand beats per day."

"So, you are just full of random facts?"

"Lots of time in hospitals, and when I was younger, I had to find ways to distract my mom and brother when they were upset, so I learned puns and facts, sang songs, crocheted things, whatever I could do to make them smile, even if it was just for a second."

"Why did you have to distract them?" He asks, and I give him a sad smile.

"My dad wasn't the greatest guy. He left when I was really young. I only remember him because he returned for a few days when I was about seven. Oddly enough, Ash wasn't there at the time. I think that was one of the last times he was on a sports team."

I ponder for a moment before refocusing. "But in that amount of time, he still wasn't very nice, but anyway, Mom and Ash were at the hospital with me, and I was getting a cast on my wrist, purple, by the way, and Ash was beside himself. The poor guy, you know how he is. He absorbs all the guilt like a sponge."

I can't stop rambling, and I'd love to stop, but Derek's looking at me, like really looking. His gaze is so intensely focused, and it's making me nervous. It's like he is seeing something I don't want him to. "So ummm… while there, I just felt like he and Mom needed a distraction, so I just started shooting off facts I remembered from a book I read from the library. It seemed to make them feel better." I smile brightly.

"Why were you getting a cast?" He asks, and I feel my mask slip slightly.

"Well, like I said, my dad wasn't the best, and he lost his patience with me. I had a pretty bad stutter growing up, and it was easy for people to get annoyed with me when I couldn't get my words out fast enough, mix that with my love for talking too much and the fact that he wasn't used to it…"

"How are you saying this like you've forgiven him? Not only forgiven him but understood where he was coming from?" I shrug.

"It's easier to move on than to dwell. He broke my wrist, and I haven't seen him since. Many more sad things have happened and will happen again. He isn't a part of my life anymore, so why allow him access to my emotions?"

He shakes his head as he sits back. "Your dad breaks your wrist, and you forgive him. My wife fucks my best friend nearly two decades ago, and I'm ill thinking about seeing her again." By the way his eyes go wide, I can tell he didn't mean for that to slip out. I toss him a bone, not wanting this wall of his that I've been chipping away at to rebuild itself taller and stronger.

"I don't forgive him. Believe me, it still hurts to know that the first man who was supposed to protect me was the first to hurt me." I look down at my hands, feeling the tingling in my left one. "But if I stayed back there and allowed that anger and fear to consume me, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be able to help the kids, be a friend, or any of that. But no, I'll never forgive him for being a terrible father, but I have learned to find closure with that part of my life."

"How's Reegan?" His question surprises me but also warms my chest.

"She's recovering really well. I hope to have her hat done soon and ship it back to her."

"Did you bring it? You can work on it. Don't feel like you have to distract me." I lean over and give him a playful smile.

"Maybe I like distracting you," I wink, watching his face turn pink.

"Shut up," he grumbles, knowing that I see his blush. I giggle while I continue to stare at him.

"It amazes me that Hel's hottest, most confident man is also the one that blushes the easiest." He raises his dark brow.

"Hottest, huh?" He smirks, and I shove his arm playfully.

"You know you are, so stop it. I mean, Ash is my brother, so gross. Atlas is cute but too clean for me. Plus, his hyperpositiveness, added to mine, would probably end all humankind."

"I can agree with that."

"And Fox is, well…" I tap my chin in thought. I'm playing, of course, but I notice he stops his drink at his lips and waits for me to continue. Deciding to fuck with him, I shrug. "Okay, the second hottest man at Hel's." Derek snorts out a laugh.

"Fuck you," he mutters as he takes a drink of his water. "And I don't blush easily."

"Really? Your cheeks are always pink when I'm talking to you."

He huffs. "Trust me darlin', I'm well aware."