Chapter 3

Three

Somewhere between the discussion of entrail removal and key parts of the body being hacked off, Adam totally zoned out on the torture conversation. He knew he'd be able to talk some sense into his soulmate, but best to let them all vent a bit before he curtailed their fun. Besides, it was all a bit gory to pay too much attention to.

He wasn't shocked that the demons were so animated and… creative in their torture, but he was surprised that Kushiel and Pandora were so involved in the discussion as well. He hadn't expected them to be quite so bloodthirsty.

By the time they were moving on to a discussion of mental torture, he was busy staring at Cutie and Scowly.

Aww, they were so cute together.

They were both sexy as hell, not that he had eyes for anyone but his big guy, but he could totally see the two of them together. He would, of course, not interfere and let them take things at their own pace.

That thought lasted all of about two seconds before he leaned over and whispered, "You two would make a great couple."

Ok, so impulse control was not his strong suit. But hey, he'd been thinking about this since he saw them, and that was like a whole hour ago, so really, he had held out for a good stretch of time.

Cutie looked adorably confused. "A couple? We work together, and you did make us roommates. Are we not a couple from the leadership team?"

Scowly, however, looked vaguely uncomfortable, so Adam figured he knew what Adam had been saying.

"I mean, there's no rules against it, you know," Adam said, aiming that comment at Scowly. "It would be quite the… unique thing to do. Wholehearted approval from Minos and me. Right, big guy?" he asked, patting Minos.

Minos paused in his torture discussion to look down and smile at Adam (who was still in his lap), kissing him and replying, "Of course, my soul." Minos then looked at Cutie and Scowly and said, "Do whatever he says," before turning his attention back to the conversation with Pandora, Ari, and Kushiel.

Adam almost cackled in glee. Cutie still looked confused, but Scowly looked a little panicked, and also, Adam thought, a little excited.

"Don't worry, Cutie, Scowly can explain it all to you later. In private. In your room." He winked then, causing Scowly to blush and Cutie to look even more perplexed.

They really were going to make the cutest couple.

But before matchmaking, Adam supposed he better rein in the torture patrol.

Adam cleared his throat, but Ari and Pandora were heatedly discussing the effectiveness of using certain sounds in mental torture, and Adam finally had to pat Minos to make him gather everyone's attention.

"Enough," Minos growled, and everyone fell silent.

"Yes, well, I hope you all had fun plotting, but I think Minos and I need to head to the judgment room to handle this. We'll totally meet up later to fill you all in, though. Love you guys!" Adam said, waving goodbye although they were all still sitting there.

Luckily they took the hint, and they all scooted out, grumbling a bit.

"Not you two!" Adam said as Cutie and Scowly tried to make an exit as well. "We aren't done with you guys yet."

Those two sat back down, although they looked rather apprehensive.

"Now, as much fun as torture is, what usually happens when a mortal soul finds its way into the afterlife?" Adam asked.

Cutie and Scowly looked at one another before glancing back at Adam. "Mortal souls do not find their way into the afterlife. That's the problem," Scowly responded.

Adam sighed. "Ok, so what can be done? Like, what are our options?"

Minos opened his mouth, but Adam just placed a finger over it. "Options other than torture," he added.

Minos gave his finger a little suckle, and Adam had to stop the groan that wanted to escape his mouth. He looked up at Minos, who had a sexy smirk on his face.

"Later, big guy. Oh for sure, later. That mouth and I have a definite date," he purred.

Cutie and Scowly looked mortified… and maybe a little intrigued.

"So, options?" Adam reminded them.

"Well, we suppose the soul could be sent back topside. That might be the easiest way to manage the situation. We could wipe his memories of what happened, or at least make it all a dream," Cutie responded.

"The other option would be to… well, kill his earthly body and make his soul an actual member of the afterlife," Scowly added. "It would be simple enough to do, and then he could be processed like any soul in the afterlife."

"Ok. You two hang here, because I assume you'll handle whichever option we take," Adam told them. He then turned to Minos. "You and I, big guy, need to go and talk to the asshole. You gonna be able to not rip his head from his body?"

Minos scowled. "I would not do anything you would not want me to do." Minos then lowered his voice, pressing his face against Adam's. "But, my soul, I do not want you to be subjected to him. I would spare you the pain of dealing with him. He caused you enough harm in life."

Adam reached up and kissed his sweet demon. "I'm ok, Minos. Yeah, he hurt me once, but those wounds have healed over, and a lot of that is thanks to you." Adam stopped and gave his demon a soft kiss. Then he added, "Besides, I'm honestly kind of curious about what happened after my death. Sure, it's a bit morbid, but I wanna know if people were pissed at him, or if he played the grieving boyfriend, or if there was drama at my funeral. You know, all the juicy details."

Minos chuckled, slid out of the booth (still holding Adam), and began walking toward the judgment room. "You two, stay!" he yelled over his shoulder at Cutie and Scowly.

"I totally think they're gonna end up together," Adam whispered. "And also, I can totally walk on my own."

Minos hmm'd an agreement, then he muttered, "Yes, my soul, but it makes me feel better to hold you. I would protect you always, even from hurts that cannot be seen or physically created."

Aww, his big guy really was worried about him. Adam patted him reassuringly and said, "I love you, big guy."

"I love you too, my soul," Minos grumbled, and then Minos kissed him even while walking, because his demon was just super talented at multitasking like that.

Adam only realized where they were by the gasp, which he totally recognized as Tim's I can't believe you did that gasp.

He broke away from Minos just in time for his demon to sit down on his throne, Adam still on his lap.

Tim stared at them.

Minos growled.

Tim whimpered.

"We just cleaned up the bodily fluids he left last time," the lesser demon standing beside Tim muttered.

Adam placed his hand on Minos's chest, and his demon settled down a bit. "So, asshole, what brings you to the afterlife?" Adam asked.

"Oh my god, Adam! I can't believe it's you! Is this… hell? Because I definitely don't belong here!" Tim cried out, his chest heaving.

Great. Adam got to deal with hysterical Tim. He rolled his eyes.

"I cannot believe you would roll your eyes at me. Do you have any idea what I've been through?" Tim gasped.

"Um, yeah, Tim, because I actually died. Remember? Car crash? After I found out you were cheating on me?" Adam reminded him. "How'd that work out for you, by the way? Did your boss leave his wife and kids for you?"

"You have no idea what I've been through! And it's your fault!" Tim shrieked.

"How the hell is it my fault?" Adam demanded.

"You DIED! You asshole!" Tim yelled.

"That's YOUR fault! And you're the asshole!" Adam yelled back.

Minos squeezed him, and Adam instantly felt a little calmer. He sensed the unspoken question—was this too upsetting for him?

Adam took a deep breath. He would not be pulled into a screaming match with his ex over… well, he didn't quite even know what.

"Explain what happened after Adam died," Minos grumbled. "And call him another name again, and you shall be wearing your insides on your outsides."

Tim paled at that, obviously remembering the big scary demon in the room. Nevertheless, he started talking, because that's what Minos did, after all. He got people to share all their secrets.

"The police came and told me what happened, and I of course called our friends to let them know. They came over to comfort me, but then Steven started telling everyone that I had cheated on you and that's probably why you got into a car accident, because of course you had forwarded the texts to him, and then everyone was pissed off at me. And they even told your sister, who came out to organize the viewing and everything, and she told me to not bother to show my face at your funeral, and it was the most ridiculous thing ever."

"Aww, my sister had my back. We weren't close, but I'm glad she banned your ass," Adam said. "That's probably the sweetest thing she could've done."

Tim snorted. "She was totally unfair. And then none of our friends would speak to me, because they blamed me for your death, and it wasn't like I was the one recklessly driving. And then Morgan came by and said that everyone in the office had heard rumors that I had cheated on my boyfriend and he died, and he said that we shouldn't see each other anymore because it would look too suspicious."

"Shocker," Adam mumbled. "Is it petty to say ‘I told you so'?"

Tim just shot him a dirty look before continuing. "So I went to his house after work, and we got into an argument on his front step, and his wife heard the whole thing. Which is totally what he deserved."

"You totally outed him on purpose!" Adam accused.

"Well, yeah! He led me on! He deserved it!" Tim defended.

"That is so hypocritical," Adam muttered. Even the lesser demon was nodding in agreement.

"Then the asshole had the nerve to fire me! For excessive lates and absences! When half of those lates and absences were his fault!" Tim whined. "And now I have no job, and all our friends are mad at me, and the apartment was in your name, so I had to move back in with my parents, and you ruined my life!" Tim finished.

"You really don't think any of that is your fault?" the lesser demon asked, staring incredulously at Tim.

"Of course not! Adam shouldn't have left all worked up, and Morgan shouldn't have lied to me, and Steven shouldn't have told anyone what happened, especially in light of the fact that I was grieving. It was so heartless of him. And for Morgan to break it off and fire me? It's despicable!" Tim ranted.

"Was he always this… narcissistic?" the lesser demon asked.

"Did none of them understand what I was going through?" Tim whined. "This has literally been the worst year of my life! I can't believe you went and crashed the car and died, Adam! I always told you that you weren't the most careful driver! You should have listened to me!"

"I'm sorry, you asshole—I was distraught that I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me," Adam snapped.

"Oh please, like you didn't know we were over. I mean, you barely even paid any attention to me for the last few months!" Tim griped.

Adam gasped. "I was working overtime! To pay the credit card bill you racked up!"

"Yes, well, the only reason I racked up that bill was because—" Tim started, but then it was like a switch was flicked, and although his mouth was moving, and he was undoubtedly still complaining, they couldn't hear him.

"Thank demons," the lesser demon said. "I was about to do something rash, and I know how Adam dislikes the sight of blood."

"Was he always like this? What did you see in him?" Minos asked, looking at Adam incredulously.

Adam just sighed. "No, he wasn't always this bad. Or maybe he was. I don't know. He was charming and funny and he promised me so much when we were first together, and then… I don't know. Anything that went wrong was never his fault, and at first I believed him when he blamed others for his misfortune.

"By the time I realized how he really was, we were already living together, and I guess… I guess I was stuck in a rut with him. We had a place and we shared all the same friends and I thought that I should work to fix things. Only it was only ever me that needed to fix things, and nothing was ever his fault. Or he'd go off on some sob story and I'd feel bad for him. Really, him cheating on me is probably the best thing he ever could have done for me," Adam finished.

Sure, Adam hadn't really wanted to die, but he didn't regret anything.

"You know, big guy," Adam said, turning in Minos's lap to face him, "if Tim hadn't been such an ass, I never would have met you."

"Ah, my soul, you give him too much credit. Perhaps it would not have happened so soon, but I have no doubt that whenever, wherever, I would have found my way to you," Minos murmured, and then their lips pressed together, and Minos licked inside Adam's mouth.

Adam groaned in appreciation, pressing his hips into Minos and grinding against the hard length beneath him. Their tongues pressed together, and Minos nipped at Adam's lower lip, pulling it gently between his teeth as Adam moaned.

A gentle throat clearing was all that stopped Adam from riding his demon off into the sunset, and he looked over his shoulder.

"Sorry, Your Infernal Majesties, but…" and the lesser demon nodded toward Tim, who had finally stopped talking and was instead gaping at Adam and Minos.

Minos sighed this time. "Yes, I suppose we must do something with him."

"Let's go back to Cutie and Scowly. I have an idea," Adam murmured, turning around and giving his sexy demon one last scorching kiss.