2. Minos

Most days, Minos loved his job. Finding the perfect punishment for the evil humans heading into the underworld was a pleasure, and he was quite creative at his job. Torture could come in so many forms. People thought physical pain was the worst, but not really. Psychological torture—that was where Minos excelled. People's worst fears, their worst experiences, all laid bare. And there was a certain cosmic justice in making the horrible people who came before him undergo what they had done to others. It was balance, and it was beautiful.

But lately, he just seemed to be falling flat in the creativity category. Take the sniveling, sobbing coward in front of him now. He had wet himself when he'd seen Minos, which was usually the case. You'd think all the current horror movies would prepare them for a demon, but perhaps on the screen wasn't the same as the actual experience. And of course they got physical forms so they could wet themselves, or shit themselves, or vomit, or cry. Really, all the bodily functions got a little tiring after a while, but it was part of the hell experience, and Minos prided himself on delivering the perfect postcard experiences for those who deserved them.

Take the judgment room itself—?he lounged on what was practically a throne, and yes, perhaps it resembled human bones just a bit. And the dark stone walls and floor, aside from making for easy clean-up, gave a nice look of despair to the place. It was all very bleak and dreary and appropriately fear-inspiring.

"...and then I went to the nursing home and I told all my mother's friends about the retirement fund that could double their money…" the short little man kneeling in front of him continued, still sobbing.

Ugh. He hated white collar crime. Sure, this guy deserved hell. He was a selfish piece of shit who had only ever done anything for himself. He had stolen from his own family, from friends, from people in a nursing home, as he was currently describing. He had never cared about anyone but himself. His only love was money.

He was just so… uncreative. There was so little to work with. He didn't like rapists or murderers or the truly evil, but he did like finding ways to make them suffer. That was a fun day's work. This was just… dull.

"Send him to the pits for torture. I'll review his case in a week or a year or… whenever," he sighed out to the lesser demon standing beside the man. The pits were so blah, but he just didn't have it in him to feel motivated to think of something more creative. He could see the demon's look of disappointment. They enjoyed a little more creativity too. Ah well, maybe the next one would be more inspiring. He sighed. Probably not.

A beautiful woman with dark, curly hair and a lithe figure walked through the doorway to his judgment chamber. She was wearing a long, pale Grecian gown that showed off her curves, and she had a smirk on her face. Minos sighed again as she gracefully folded herself into the chair that was at the far end of the room.

"Pandora, I'm not judging you," Minos sighed out. He rubbed his eyes, the start of a headache forming. "You shouldn't even be in Limbo. You got your pass to head upstairs decades ago. Or has it been centuries at this point?"

"Please, darling, I am not heading upstairs. Have you been up there lately?" she asked, pulling a small figurine and a carving knife out of some secret pocket of her dress and beginning to whittle away at it.

"Obviously not, Pandora. I don't think I've been to the multi-department coordination conference rooms since our joint flogging on making sure humans are in the right afterlife for their religious beliefs and deeds. As I recall, the reincarnation department was in quite a bit of trouble over turning someone into a cockroach for a next life."

"Now if it had been an actual flogging, that might have been fun," she winked. Minos only rolled his eyes as she continued. "But that's just my point. It isn't any fun upstairs. There's all these rules, and team building, and productivity, and everyone is always feeling so accomplished. Darling, I have no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything. And don't get me started on the music." She stopped whittling and turned to face him, her face lighting up. "Did you know I have an entire radio station named after me topside? Isn't that fitting? I so often deejay the Limbo parties. I bet someone who was dead for a few minutes came up with that name after a brief visit to our orgasmic partyland."

Minos rolled his eyes again. Limbo had become quite the party atmosphere in the last few centuries. Of course, there were quieter parts of it for the introverts, space to have lots of self-reflection before deciding where they were going next. What was becoming a problem, however, was that people weren't deciding where to go next. Pandora had somehow become Limbo's defacto leader somewhere in history, and who wanted to move upstairs or to reincarnation or to ghosthood, or to wherever a person believed they went after death, when Limbo was such a good time?

But that wasn't Minos' problem. At some point the powers that be, whether it came from upstairs or downstairs, would decide it was an issue, and then they would get to handle it. All he knew was that it wasn't going to be his problem. Souls in Limbo were not evil enough to require his judgment. Sometimes they felt they deserved punishment, but it wasn't Minos' job to dispense it. Kushiel dealt with those people, and from the look of some of them after a session with Kushiel, he expected both parties felt quite renewed afterwards. Not that Minos was jealous or anything.

"Darling, have you been listening to me?" Pandora asked. Obviously, he hadn't been. He rolled his eyes again. Yes, he was even getting annoyed at himself with the eye rolls now. He felt like that teenage girl who had killed all those people. She had epic eye rolling tendencies, as he expected all teenage girls did.

"No, Pandora, because you shouldn't be here, because I'm not judging you." He paused for a moment, finally noticing exactly what she was carving. The large, protruding horns, the very long tail wrapped around one leg, just as Minos' tail was wrapped around his leg now, the nicely honed physique (if he didn't say so himself), but… "Pandora," he growled out.

"Yes darling?" she asked, looking up at him innocently. He swore she tilted the figure to face him head on.

"Pandora, is that supposed to be me? Are you making a DD figurine of me?" Minos growled out.

"Why yes, I am. Isn't that flattering?" she purred at him.

"Pandora." His growl was practically subvocal now. "Why is it smiling? I am the Judge of the Damned. I do not smile."

"You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to carve such intricate details, you know. And perhaps it's wishful thinking on all our parts. You used to smile in such a creepy way when you gave out just the right punishment. We've all practically forgotten what your lovely little fangs even look like." She whisked the figure back into her gown before continuing. "Minos, you need a break. Legion are even talking about how you're burnt out, how your punishments have been a little… uninspired as of late."

"What in Limbo are you doing chatting with demons?" Minos asked, flipping his legs off the side of his throne and facing Pandora. If she'd been down below without authorization… "AND I do not have ‘little' fangs," he added.

"Calm down, Minos. Limbo has the best parties. Even some of the upper demons come up for a good time nowadays." She leaned forward, whispering, "We might even get some angels from upstairs." She sat back again, raising her voice once more. "And that's what I'm trying to tell you. You need to get out. Try something new. Take a break. Darling, you love your role, but it's become work for you. And everyone needs a break from work. You just need some inspiration. Maybe a little fun. A lovely young man or woman to take some carnal pleasures with. A chance to show off your not-so-little fangs. Some time to eat, drink, and be merry." She raised her hand before Minos could interrupt her. "Yes, I know you don't need to eat or drink or sleep or fuck, but for the sake of the underworld, Minos, you need to take a break."

With that, she rose and sashayed her way out the door she had entered from. Minos waited for the next evildoer to be escorted in, but none of his demons brought anyone. If that wasn't telling, he didn't know what was. Obviously his lack of inspiration hadn't gone unnoticed. Perhaps it was time to take a little hiatus from judgment.