Monroe

I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Me and my books and my cats and no children. I don't think that, but my parents and family can't stop talking about it. The Mail-Order Mating app seems like a way to appease them without actually mating. I'll make my preferences impossible to fill. But I get a match. Two grizzlies.

And they are hot. Older, daddy-type hot.

So I give it a shot. It's not like I'm going to fall in love. I'll go there. Meet them. Then leave. No strings attached.

Ansel and Edward

We love our life just the way it is, traveling and doing whatever we want—whenever we want.

Sometimes things get boring and we long for female companionship, but we gave up a long time ago on a mate. After we got older, we really gave up.

After a few too many and joking around about the idea, we sign up for the Mail-Order Matings app and then promptly forget to cancel it. Until we get a match. Several, actually.

But only one young female catches our eye.