Chapter Thirty-One Faith

Her head was spinning. Faith wanted this kiss. Had wanted it ever since Robyn had interrupted them in the store cupboard the night of Noah's arrival. But with everything that had happened since he'd arrived, it didn't feel right. How could she lose herself in his embrace when Kemp and Laura were in danger? When Sophia's life hung in the balance? When things were more wrong than they'd ever been?

But in the back of her mind, she had a nagging feeling that this might be their only chance. At any moment, Noah could be sent somewhere else in the city. Or sent home. Once that happened, she had no idea when they might next be together. When he'd appeared in the library, she'd silently thanked Diane for sending him. For understanding how precious their time together was and knowing how much Faith needed him.

And now, as he bent his lips to meet hers, she responded with a fervour she hadn't known she possessed.

As the kiss deepened, she slid her arms higher, her fingers curling through the stray hairs which lay against the nape of his neck. Closing her eyes, she sighed. Noah broke their contact, leaning away from her.

"Is this alright?" Uncertainty clouded his face. "Me kissing you, I mean."

"Yes." She felt her cheeks heating as she opened her eyes. "It's alright."

He brought a hand up to cup her chin. "You want me to?"

Words failed her, but she managed to nod.

"With everything that's been going on, you must feel…" he began, then paused. "And I know this must be confusing for you. The romance side of things, I mean."

Inhaling deeply, she made herself meet his gaze. "It is. I mean, I understand how the… physical side of things works, but… we were only taught about it in negative terms. The relationships between men and women were shown to us as violent, forceful, destructive." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Male-female relationships are what our society fought against."

"But I don't–" A look of horror dawned on Noah's face. "I didn't–" He attempted to shift away from her.

Securing her arms around him, Faith kept him close. "You don't understand." Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to his very softly. "I've seen the relationships between the Eremus citizens. Your ma and Flynn, for example. Anyone with half a brain can see how much they care for one another. I know the Bellator teachings are wrong. I know we only get half a story, one that's spun to the government's advantage."

Relaxing slightly, Noah listened.

"What I'm saying is, yes I want you to kiss me. I'm enjoying kissing you. But," she hesitated and glanced away, "I still find it odd. Unfamiliar. I'm not sure what to do, even."

She stopped speaking as he chuckled, the vibrations rumbling through his chest pressed against her. "It's not that difficult. I'm not exactly an expert myself."

She felt herself blushing fiercely. "But I don't want you to think–"

"I'm not thinking anything." His tone was warm, firm. "Except how often I've thought about doing this. How much I want to. How, when I'm not with you, the world doesn't feel quite… right."

A silence fell between them. Faith regarded him steadily, feeling slightly more confident than she had previously. "It's the same way for me."

A broad smile spread across his face. "I'm glad."

"But with things the way they are right now…" She chewed her lip, unsure of his reaction. "I'm not sure that we should–"

"I agree." He smiled. "Why don't we just leave it at kissing for the moment?"

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I wouldn't mind. Well, maybe I would, a little." He pulled her close. "But you're right. There'll be time later to take things further… if we want to." A shadow crossed his face and she knew he was questioning the truth of his words. "At least, I hope there will be."

"Me too." She rested her head against his chest, comforted by the knowledge that they were in agreement. "Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you came up here tonight. I really want this thing between us to work."

"Me too."

"I just feel…" she hesitated, not knowing how to explain it, "unless things change here in Bellator, there isn't all that much hope for us. To be together, I mean."

His arms tightened around her. "I know exactly what you mean."

She pulled away, looking up at him. "You do?"

He nodded. "Until men are at least tolerated in Bellator, I don't see us being together." He smiled sadly. "Unless you're on board with running away to Eremus like my ma did."

She returned the smile. "You think that could work?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You'd consider it?"

"I might." Embarrassed, she pressed her head against his chest again. "Honestly though, with the way things are going…"

"I know." He paused, shifting his body slightly so they were better aligned. "It all feels a bit of a mess at the moment, doesn't it? Like… things are starting to get out of control."

She felt like crying. When she'd arrived back in the city, she'd been filled with hope. Optimistic that she'd be able to change things, play her part in making Bellator a better place. She knew Noah felt the same. But so far, all the Resistance efforts had come to nothing. All that had happened was people close to her had gotten hurt.

"So we're agreed?" She nestled closer to him. "We can't think about being together until things change for the better?"

"We're agreed." He pulled her closer still. His breathing deepened, and the rise and fall of his chest beneath her was reassuring. Closing her eyes, Faith allowed herself to drift.

The next thing she knew, someone was calling her name, their tone sharp and urgent.

"Get up!" It was Diane. "Faith! Noah!"

Faith opened her eyes, wincing as the sunlight from the window above pierced her retinas. "What are we–?"

Beside her, Noah stirred. Faith shifted her body slightly, her muscles cramping in the small space.

"Come on!" Diane stamped a foot. "Blake's on her way up in a minute and you do not want her to find you."

Finally understanding the situation, Faith sat bolt upright. The movement dislodged her sleeping partner, and Noah tumbled sideways off the sofa, landing on the floor with a thump.

"What the–?"

"We fell asleep!" Faith hissed, climbing to her feet. She massaged the arm which had been trapped between them, willing the pins and needles to ease off. "We have to go."

Alert now, Noah jumped up, shooting an embarrassed glance at Diane. "Sorry! We must've fallen…"

"I don't care." Diane jerked a hand towards the door. "Get yourself out of here and back downstairs. Separately."

"Does anyone know–" Faith began, but her friend cut her off.

"Not yet." Diane was already turning to go. "Blake was still in the hub when I left. I'll try and distract her, let you get out of here." At the door she paused. "Be quick, though. Ella's leaving today. If you want to see her, it needs to be soon."

"Ella's what?" Faith began, but her friend had already gone.

"They found a potential place for her last night." Noah ran a hand over his hair in a vain attempt to tidy it. "I was going to tell you, but…"

Faith hurried to the table in the centre of the room and gathered up the record books. Hastening to the shelves, she began to replace them. "Wait. She's leaving today?"

"I guess so." He came to stand beside her. "There was some urgency about her filling the space. They've had some sickness and needed people to fill in immediately. It's a place called Matriarch House."

"Really?" Faith pictured the building. It was right in the centre of the city. The academy girls had been given a tour of it a couple of years previously. She shuddered to think of Ella being in a place where Danforth regularly spent time.

"Madeleine was keen to get her in there, to see if she could gather vital information about the chancellor."

"I'll bet." Faith's heart was racing. If Ella was leaving so quickly, would Noah follow soon? Turning to him, she reached for his hand. "Thank you."

He looked puzzled. "For what?"

She shrugged. "For being here. For coming to find me last night. For… understanding." She moved a step closer. "I'm glad we know where we stand." She motioned towards the door. "Now we'd better go, before–"

"Not yet."

He closed the gap between them, easing Faith back against the bookcase. Taking her head in his hands, he leaned in and kissed her with a sweetness that made her ache. This kiss felt important, and she knew Noah was thinking it might be the last they shared for a while. When he pulled away, she felt tears pricking her eyes.

"Do we need to go down separately?"

Blinking them away, she nodded. "Probably makes sense. You go first. Make sure you check that the hallway's clear at the bottom of the stairs."

"Okay." He moved away reluctantly. "I'll go to the hub, act like I'm heading there from the storage room." Reaching for her hand, he squeezed it. "But before I go, let me say this. My spine feels like I slept on the tunnel floor. But, honestly? I enjoyed last night's sleeping arrangements more than I can say."

He winked. Before Faith could respond, the door closed behind him.