13. Dean

13

DEAN

Divorce minus 99 days

D ean was seriously considering becoming a drunk. Only the fact that he wouldn't be able to protect Deirdre from all the small-town pettiness if he was constantly unconscious kept him from seeking solace at the bottom of a bottle.

That, and Turner's fatherly nagging.

"I am not in high school anymore," he told the fire chief with a tired sigh. "I don't need you reminding me to eat and pick up my socks."

"Well, you aren't picking up your own socks, and I bet you skipped lunch."

Dean actually had skipped lunch, but he wasn't prepared to actually admit it.

He had an email that he didn't want to answer on his laptop, and he'd been staring at it since he closed up the shop for the night.

He wasn't sure how Juan had gotten his address, or why he hadn't just sent a text, since they'd swapped numbers. Maybe for formality.

I would appreciate your approval to correspond with Deirdre while we are waiting for the paperwork to finalize. I do not wish to make things unduly uncomfortable.

Unduly uncomfortable was the theme of this whole circus. Deirdre and Juan both looked to him to define their boundaries, and Dean didn't want to enforce draconian restrictions just because he could .

He was letting Deirdre go. She and Juan had agreed not to see each other until the divorce was final out of respect, but that shouldn't mean he should cut them off from each other virtually as well. They should have a chance to have long phone calls and send each other texts and emails. It was practical. They'd want to talk about where they would live, what arrangements they'd need to make for Aaron, and other financial considerations.

Would they sext?

Dean had to close his laptop for a moment, and he gave Turner a grim smile. "Is something on fire?" he begged. "Please?"

"This is Green Valley. We've had two calls in three months, both for missing pets."

"Fine, can we toss a cat up a tree or something?"

"You can't fix what's bugging you by finding other things to do," Turner pointed out.

"It can't be fixed!" Dean didn't realize that he was roaring until he heard the echo of his words. "It can't be fixed," he repeated more evenly.

"You and Deirdre…"

"We're done, okay? I know that everyone wants to save our marriage, think of the kid, such a shame, and all that sh—" Dean couldn't quite make himself swear in front of the man who'd been his High School vice principal. "— Crap. But this is how it's got to be, and I'm not changing my mind or explaining it or talking about my stupid feelings, okay? I hate that this is how it is, but I don't see another way out, and I don't need everyone telling me I'm doing it all wrong when they don't even know! "

Turner was silent.

"Sorry," Dean said quietly.

"Are you?"

"No."

"Good. It's no one's business but yours and Deirdre's. If you need any help, or if you do want to talk about your stupid feelings, let me know. But it is my business if your blood sugar is too low when we do get a call, and I'm sick of your socks in the bathroom. So, shape up, eat some dinner, pick up your socks, and own your crap."

Dean had to laugh. "Yes, fire chief, sir!"

Turner waited until he'd gotten a microwave meal from the freezer and started heating it before he left. "I'll let you know if we get any cats in trees," he said in parting.

"Thanks, Turner," Dean called after him.

He opened the laptop again while the burrito defrosted.

I have no objection to you communicating with Deirdre during this time in any fashion you wish. If you hurt her, I will hunt you down and …

He couldn't write that.

Please feel free to correspond with Deirdre in any fashion you wish.

Was it too terse? Should he add more? How did he sign off?

Finally, he wrote:

I'm trusting her happiness to you.

Somehow, writing that down put everything neatly in place. It wasn't that he was setting Deirdre adrift or letting her down. He had to have faith that a higher power, a magic he didn't understand and didn't have to, knew what would bring her the most possible joy.

He wanted that for her.

More than he wanted her for himself.