7. Deborah

7

DEBORAH

D eborah lay next to Holly, her heart still racing from the intensity of their encounter. The rocking of the yacht and the low, soft hum of the engines created a soothing background as she ran her fingers through Holly’s hair. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched the younger woman slowly drift into what looked like a peaceful sleep. The situation, what had happened between them and what kept happening between them, was more complicated than she could have ever imagined, and the fact that Esme, one of her closest friends, was likely to be soon involved only added to her anxiety. They were going to have to tell her.

Deborah sighed, her thoughts turning dark as they often did when she felt that familiar dread creeping upon her. She was developing strong feelings for Holly, of that she was sure. She had never met anyone like her. Sure, she’d had crushes in the past, and she’d been deeply in love with her ex-wife, but the implications of this new relationship were starting to weigh heavily on her mind. She had worked so hard to build her career, to regain her footing and confidence after the very public and painful divorce she’d been forced to endure. The tabloids had feasted on her personal life and had themselves a field day, and the experience had come very close to breaking her. Was she about to risk all that again? The mere thought of it was almost paralyzing. The same doubts circling in her mind continuously, yet Holly still found a way back into pants and heart.

As if conjured by her anxious, desperate thoughts, the door to the cabin suddenly burst open, and behind it stood Esme, her eyes widening in shock as she took in the scene before her. Deborah’s heart somersaulted as she experienced a cold wave of fear.

“Esme!” Deborah gasped, scrambling to cover her bare breasts with the sheet. Holly woke up, her mouth opening in horror as she realized her mother had caught them.

“What the fuck is this? Deborah? Jesus, no! Oh my god, no!” Esme’s voice was a mixture of disbelief and fury. She stomped into the cabin, her shocked face shifting from Deborah to Holly and then back again.

“Esme, listen. Let me explain what’s going on,” Deborah began, her voice trembling.

“Explain?” Esme repeated, her tone incredulous. “You think there’s anything in the world that can explain this? You’ve got to be kidding me, Deborah! You’re fucking my daughter! You’re in bed… naked… with my goddam daughter. This is beyond. My daughter and my best friend… screwing? I can’t even… I can’t even believe my eyes.”

Holly sat up, trying to clutch back some of the sheets Deborah had grabbed. “Mom, please! Don’t use language like that. We’re not screwing !”

“Oh? Really? You’re just having yourselves a naked little nap here, are you? Well, isn’t that nice? The party got too much for you. You found this cabin, lay down for a little nap… and I suppose your clothes just fell right off you both, right? That’s weird.”

“Mom! Would you stop already? ”

“Stay out of this, Holly!” Esme snapped, her eyes blazing with anger. “This has to come from Deborah.”

Deborah took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. “Esme, please. I’m so sorry. This wasn’t how either of us wanted you to find out. Holly and I… we met at the wedding and?—”

“You didn’t meet at my goddam wedding, Debs! You met her when she was a little kid. Or did you forget? Who fucks their best friend’s kid? What, are you insane? Did you lose your mind? Isn’t this illegal?”

“Um… Mom? I’m 25. A little perspective, please.”

“She knew you when you were five. It’s sick is what it is.”

“It’s not sick. We’ve developed feelings for each other. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. Holly and I have been seeing each other, and?—”

“Feelings?” Esme echoed, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Ha! Do you think this is about feelings ? Do you even have any, Deborah? I thought you’d sworn off sex for life. But no! How wrong was I? Here you are, hooking up with my Hols! Do you think this is about feelings? This is a total betrayal, Deborah! For fuck’s sake! I trusted you. You were supposed to be helping Holly, giving her an internship, not… seducing her! Wait til the board of directors at Webflix hears about this! Fucking an underage intern!”

“MOM! I’m twenty-fucking-five years old!”

“Well, SHE’S about seventy-fucking-five years old!”

Deborah flinched at the accusation and the cruel putdown. “I guess I need to keep up with the Botox. Esme, I never meant to hurt you. I care about Holly. I care about her deeply. This wasn’t something either of us planned or took lightly. We’re not just hooking up. It’s something that was out of our control. It just… happened. I hadn’t seen her for so long. She didn’t post all over social media, so I didn’t even know it was her at your party. It’s been years and years since I last saw her before the wedding. She didn’t tell me she was your daughter until after it happened.”

Esme crossed her arms, her face a mask of anger and hurt. “Out of control? You’re out of fucking control, Debs. It just happened. Nice! Is that your excuse? Do you have any idea what this could do to her? Getting involved with the likes of you ? Can’t you even see what this could do to her future? She’s too young, Deborah. Her life hasn’t even started. She doesn’t need you and all your… dramas. She doesn’t need you leading her on and breaking her god-damn heart. And I don’t need you fucking my daughter!!!”

Deborah felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She was losing control of the situation, and the fear of public exposure loomed large. Would Esme really tell the board about this? Why would she? Didn’t all those years of friendship mean anything to her? “Esme, we like each other. Well, I like her. And I believe she feels the same way. I know this is hard to understand, but our feelings are real. I’m shocked too. I was going to make it all stop, but my feelings took over.”

Holly reached out, taking her mother’s hand. “Mom, please. Would you listen to her? I know this must have been a shock, but we didn’t do this to hurt you. Deborah and I want to get what we’ve got a go.”

Esme stared back at Holly, her expression softening ever so slightly, but the pain in her eyes was still evident. She shook her head slowly. “I’m not saying all this for my benefit, Holly. It’s about you and what’s best for you. Deborah, I thought you, of all people, would understand that. I was there for you with everything that happened with your ex. The way they were talking about you in the press! And on social media. You had journalists going through your goddamn garbage at night! How many calls were made to your office? To your associates? Christ! Everyone knew every last detail of your love life.”

“I know, I know. We’d be discreet, Es. It won’t be like last time. We’re not talking about marriage and kids here. Holly and I are just getting to know each other?—”

“Well, it looks like more than that to me!”

“Yeah, this is getting awkward now. Who has a full-blown debate with their parent while they’re naked in bed with their girlfriend? This can’t be right. Why don’t we call time out on this and get together to talk about it when we’re all fully clothed?”

Deborah swallowed back a sob. She could sense Esme’s disappointment and was desperate to appease her. “I understand, Esme. And you know me. Better than anyone, I reckon. I would never do anything to hurt Holly. That’s not my style. You should be pleased Cam didn’t see her, right? I’m not your typical heartbreaker. I want to support her. I’d love to help her find her path. Please trust me on this, Es. ”

Esme stepped back, her shoulders sagging as if the weight of what she’d just learned about her daughter was too much to bear. “I just don’t know what to think right now. I will need some time to process this,” she said.

Holly smiled at her mother. “Mom, we’re not asking you to be okay with this. Not right away. We get it. But please… give us a chance. Give us a chance to prove to you—and to everyone because they’re all going to find out—that this isn’t a mistake.”

Esme looked between her daughter and Deborah, her conflicting thoughts evident in her eyes. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders and turned to leave the cabin. “We’ll talk about this later. Make yourselves decent and come back up on the deck. People will start talking, Holly. I’m so disappointed in you.”

“Mom… you knew I was gay, right?”

“Of course! That’s not the issue, and you know it. Listen, I’m trying to settle into married life. It’s weird. You know I’ve always been a bit of a… well, a loner, I guess.”

“No, Mom. You’ve always been the life and soul.”

“On the outside, maybe. But I don’t belong to Nora’s world. I love the bones of the woman, but I’m way more comfortable polishing glasses behind a bar and listening to people’s problems than tottering around on boats with all these real estate…”

“Freaks?” interjected Holly, causing her mother to laugh.

“Yeah! Something like that,” Esme agreed.

“And you know something? You’re right. You have always listened to people’s problems, so please listen to mine. I want to be with Deborah… and my mother disapproves. I adore my mom more than anything, and it will tear me apart. What should I do?”

“Get dressed. We’ll talk about it later.”

As Esme walked out, Deborah felt a mixture of relief and dread. The secret was out, and the path ahead was uncertain. She turned to Holly, who watched her mother leave with a pained expression, her shoulders trembling slightly.

“Holly? How are you feeling?” Deborah asked with a gentle tone.

Holly shook her head, and Deborah watched with concern as her young lover’s tears glistened in her eyes. “Yeah, I think I’m okay. I just… I’m just hoping she’ll get her head around this eventually. ”

Deborah pulled Holly into her arms, holding her tightly. “I want you, Holly. I’ve never wanted anyone this badly. It’s as if we just fit. Don’t ask me why. I guess the age gap is a bit weird. I don’t know anything about surfing. I’m not a party girl. I haven’t listened to a new song since 1998, you know? I’m pretty old-school when it comes to romance. But we’ll get through this together. I promise. I want to know you.”

“God, and I want to know you. Inside and out,” Holly said with a smile as she pushed her hand under the covers and traced her fingers over Deborah’s soft skin. “When I’m not with you, I crave being with you. All I want to do is kiss you, lick you, taste you… I want to know every single part of your body. I swear I could worship you, Deborah. It’s like I know you. I know what you like without having to ask. Isn’t that odd? I feel so insanely attracted to you on every level. I know I’m younger than you, but age is just a number to me.”

“Tell me about it. Almost as soon as I walked in the door last night after our little fight?—”

“It wasn’t a fight.”

“I know. But I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t get you out of my head. And when I got home, even though I was supposed to be sorting out dinner for some bigwigs that came over last night, I had to rush to the bedroom and touch myself. I came so hard, Holly. You make me come so hard. You make me feel alive again.”

Still, fear gnawed at her. She had a high-profile job, and her life was often all over social media. The idea of everyone talking about them, the headlines she was already imagining, and the scrutiny of her friends and family made her break out in a cold sweat. She wasn’t sure she could handle it. She had barely survived her divorce, and the idea of going through something similar again made her feel sick.

“Deborah,” Holly said softly, looking back into her eyes. “I can tell what you’re thinking. We can do this, you know? I don’t care what people think. I’m not afraid.”

“You’ve only just got back to the States. People don’t know who you are.”

“Maybe. But I’m Nora Hartley’s new stepdaughter, right? Weird. I hadn’t thought of it like that until now. And she’s just as well-known as you are, I think. I may not have a lot to lose, personally, but I sure don’t want to see my mom’s name dragged through the mud. I don’t want people talking about her at the Indigo Lounge. She’s worked too hard for that place. So, I’ve got as much to lose as you have. But I’m ready and willing to risk it all. Because it’s not that big a deal, okay?”

“It IS a big deal!” Deborah responded, almost shouting.

“It isn’t! My mom’s in a blind panic, and you’re a lot like her in some ways. So there’s twenty years between us. And? We’re both consenting adults. I’m not after you for your money. Honestly, I didn’t even know about your money at first. I’m after you because you’re a lot of fun to be around, and I can make you come in under a minute, which is always handy.”

“So, it’s just a sex thing?” Deborah asked, a sense of concern in her voice.

“Not at all. I’m just teasing you. Sex with you is mind-blowing. But so is just being with you. Drinking coffee, sitting silently, talking… Hell, even fighting with you is amazing. Mini-fighting. Whatever.”

Deborah envied Holly’s confidence and defiance. She wished she could share it, but the scars of her past were too deep. “I admire your courage, Holly. You’re amazing. But this isn’t just about us. It’s about my career, reputation, and friends at the Indigo Lounge, including your mom and Nora. I don’t know if I can handle their rejection.”

“Then let them reject us,” Holly replied, her voice steady. “Do we care? If they can’t accept us as we are and the feelings we have for each other, then they’re not our friends. What sort of lesbians are they, anyway? We met in a goddam queer bar!”

Deborah so wished it could be that simple. She had been friends with Esme and the gang at the Indigo Lounge for years, and the thought of losing them was unbearable. “I’m scared, Holly. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this. I’ll have to tell you about my divorce when the time’s right. It’s a tough story to tell, though. And tough to hear.”

Holly cupped Deborah’s face in her hands. “You’re so much stronger than you think. Just remember that I’ll be with you every step of the way, alright?”

Deborah closed her eyes, leaning into Holly’s touch. She wanted to believe that everything would be okay, that their love could withstand the challenges ahead. But there was still that niggling doubt in the back of her mind. She didn’t dare voice her concerns again, though.

“We’ll take it one day at a time,” Deborah whispered, kissing Holly’s forehead. “We’ll figure it out, sweetie.”