18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Zan

Zan knew it was only right to give Rissa space to think, but it had hurt when she walked away.

It had to be cold outside, and she probably didn’t put on enough clothes. She never wore enough clothes. He wanted to spend the rest of his life wrapping her in his jackets. The question was if she’d let him.

If she decided she didn’t want to be with them, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Waiting for Rissa to make her decision felt a little like he was standing on the edge of a precipice. If she refused them, he might fall into an all-encompassing darkness, and that scared the hell out of him. He didn’t know anyone who’d lost a mate and survived.

He felt a warmth through his soul bond with Anatoly. It helped chase away the fear, and he snuggled closer to the smaller man.

“I wish you could move right now,” he whispered. “But feeling you in my head and in my arms is good too.”

Unlike most vampires his age, Anatoly struggled during the daylight hours, especially early morning. It wasn’t until mid- afternoon that he was able to get up, but his movements were sluggish and uncoordinated, even when he was well fed. It was a constant source of frustration for Anatoly, who’d thought having Zan in his flock would solve, or at least mitigate, the problem.

But no, sharing souls hadn’t changed that, although Anatoly assured Zan he felt stronger in other ways.

“You know, I could do anything to you right now,” Zan whispered in Anatoly’s ear, rubbing his crotch against the vampire’s ass. “You are so mean to me with the edging. Maybe I should use you.”

Zan could feel Anatoly’s mixed emotions. One part of Anatoly liked the idea of Zan using his body for pleasure, but the other hated not being able to participate. Zan debated about rolling the vampire onto his back and sucking his perfect, uncut cock until he came when he heard the front door open.

The jolt he got from Anatoly through their bond told him the vampire heard it too. It could only be Rissa.

Remaining still and closing his eyes, Zan pretended to sleep. Rissa would either start packing her stuff or join them in bed. He’d wait to see which before acting.

When her footsteps approached the bed, he slit his eyes open. She was standing on Anatoly’s side of the bed. Her hands were clenched together and for the first time since meeting her, it looked like she might cry. That could only mean one thing: she wanted to leave them but was torn.

“Rissa,” he whispered, lifting his head.

She jumped. “I thought you were asleep,” she whispered, rubbing a shaking hand over her eyes. She was swaying a little.

“Come to bed,” he urged, scooting back to make room between him and Anatoly. “We can talk about what you’ve decided later. Lay between us now.”

She nodded her head jerkily and toed off her shoes. After stripping out of her clothes, she climbed in. She laid sandwiched between them, surrounded by their warmth.

Pulling one of his arms under her head, she used his biceps as a pillow. As she let out a long, relieved sigh, he felt a single tear hit his skin. It made him want to cry.

He didn’t know what to say, so he gave her a soft kiss on the top of her head and remained silent.

Soon he felt her body relax and her breathing evened out. Only then did he close his eyes and let sleep take him.

***

Anatoly

The moment he could move, Anatoly untangled himself from Zan and Rissa so he could sit up. Pressing his back against the headboard, he pulled Rissa into his lap, holding her close and breathing in her unique scent.

“Wha…?” Rissa mumbled, waking up. “Anatoly?”

“Please don’t leave us,” he begged. It was the first time in his life as a vampire that he begged for anything. Zan recognized him as a mate the moment they met. Before Anatoly could even ask the mountain lion to be flock, Zan was wrapping himself around Anatoly and demanding kisses.

There was never any worry that Zan would leave him. Zan was a shifter, so he could recognize when the void meant for souls to be together. But Rissa was human; she couldn’t feel or use the void magic. Humans didn’t feel the driving need to be with their soulmate like supernaturals did.

There was a real danger she would walk away.

No! He wouldn’t let that happen!

“I have money,” he said. “I can give you anything you want. Designer clothing, jewels, homes in exotic places. Do you want a car like mine, or maybe something even fancier? I can give you anything.”

Zan sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Easy, Anatoly. Acting crazy isn’t going to help us convince her to stay with us.”

Rissa pushed on his chest. He loosened his hold so she could pull back enough to meet his gaze. Her eyes went wide and reached a hand to his face. When she brought it back, he saw a dark watery smudge on her thumb.

“Your tears are black and glittery,” she said with wonder. “Is your piss sparkly silver?”

Her question made Zan bark out a laugh, but Anatoly was too tense to respond to her humorous question.

“Rissa, please!” he begged, putting his hands around hers. “I need to know. Is it fear that makes you hesitate? I know I’m not able to protect you during daylight hours, but I’ll have more wards put on the building. I’ll hire all the protection you could ever need. I can adopt a wolf pack and surround you with powerful shifters.”

“Hey, I’m a powerful shifter,” Zan objected.

Anatoly nodded at the mountain lion. “Yes, my heart. You’re very powerful, but what if you need to be separated from Rissa because you have other obligations? If I supported a pack, there would always be wolves to guard her.”

Zan scowled. “I’ll close the bar before I let Rissa go anywhere without me.”

“That might be why she doesn't want to be with us,” Anatoly argued. “She might feel stifled by us. If there were others to watch over her, then we wouldn’t be crowding her.”

“Mates don’t crowd each other,” Zan responded, his scowl getting even darker. “Mates always want to be together.”

“We can’t expect a human to be comfortable with everything—”

“Guys!” Rissa said, cutting Anatoly off. He immediately gave Rissa all his attention. Next to him, Zan kept quiet. “I have a few demands. Maybe you should hear them before arguing about stuff.”

Anatoly nodded. “Yes, of course, anything!”

“Don’t say that until you hear them,” Rissa said with a little shake of her head. “First thing is that I’m not changing for you guys. I won’t stop my volunteer work, and I might want to do more of it.”

Anatoly was proud of his human for wanting to help others, but he hated the area the office was located in. Zan’s description of the place made Anatoly clench his teeth with worry.

“I have a thought about that,” Zan said.

He could feel excitement coming from the shifter and looked over at him with raised eyebrows. Zan grinned as his eyes bounced between them.

“We still haven’t rented out the storefront next door,” he pointed out.

“I thought we were going to expand Sanguine into that area,” Anatoly pointed out, confused.

“Or we could rent it out to Rissa’s legal aid service for a very reasonable price,” Zan said. “The other place was so crowded, there was barely room to walk, so they could use a second location. Rissa would simply walk next door any time she wanted to volunteer.”

Rissa’s stunned expression meant that Anatoly couldn’t tell if she thought Zan’s suggestion was good or bad. Perhaps his offer wasn’t enough?

“The space next door is small. I could buy an entire building for them somewhere else,” Anatoly offered. “They could have all the room they need in one place.”

“Do you really mean all that?” she asked, her voice unsteady. “You’d buy an entire building for a nonprofit just to make me happy?”

“I’d do so much more,” Anatoly assured her. “I can always make more money, but there will only ever be one of you. If you let us, Zan and I will worship you for the rest of our lives together.”

Zan reached out to take her hand. “Don’t be overwhelmed. We can give you as much or little as you want. We can be together without exchanging souls. We can wait until you’re completely confident in us. I know you’re scared to trust us because you’ve been let down so much, but give us a chance to prove ourselves. Tell us your other demands.”

Her expression went blank. “I don’t think I have any more. I know what I want.”

Those quiet words were accompanied by her lack of expression. She was too calm, and it terrified Anatoly.

Pulling her hand out of Zan’s grip, she scooted off Anatoly’s lap. He let his arms go limp at his sides and tried to hold back his urge to demand she return.

She moved until she was facing him and Zan with her legs tucked under her. They were all naked, and Anatoly took a moment to take in her beautiful, perfect figure before she said no.

“I’m a mess,” she began. Anatoly opened his mouth to object, but she held up a hand to stop him. “Let me get this out.”

He nodded, and she took a steadying breath before continuing. She wasn’t saying no, and she was still talking to them, so it had to be a good sign.

“I’m a mess. I had a fucked-up childhood and the few times I went to see state mandated therapists as a kid, they wanted to talk about why I wasn’t being more cooperative. It was bullshit. The foster homes I was put in were uncaring at best and fucking disasters at worst. The group homes were at least honest about what they were, holding pens for bad kids. I was beaten up until I learned to defend myself, and I learned that lesson fast. I also learned not to trust.”

“Zan told me about all of that,” Anatoly murmured. “I don’t think any less of you. If anything, I admire your strength.”

She gave him a sad smile. “Thanks, but I didn’t tell you all that so you could say I was strong or resilient. I’m telling you that so you know that I’m flawed. I learned that being angry was easier than being a victim, so I have a temper that can turn violent when I’m provoked. I’m not some demure girlfriend who’ll fade into the background. I’m big, loud, and I’ve never backed down from a fight. I can’t change that about myself.”

“You talk like those are flaws, but they’re not,” Zan said. “We shifters value partners who stand next to us during times of trouble. That’s the whole point of a wolf pack; the stronger members protect the weaker members.”

“The void magic wouldn’t pick a frail mate for Zan or a fearful woman for my flock,” Anatoly added. “The magic knew we needed someone strong, but kind. Someone who could handle the violence of our world but still treat strangers with an open mind. That’s you.”

For the first time, Rissa smiled at them. It was small, but there.

“I’ve never had anyone say they liked my temper,” she whispered.

“You’ve never dated one of us,” Zan countered. “You might be human, but you were with the wrong people. You needed us, Rissa. You fit into our world more than the human one. You belong here.”

“If you ever feel as if you need to speak to humans who are flock members, I could ask Tobias if you could talk to Briar. Or you could talk to Cora once she forgives you for hitting Pike.”

Rissa’s smile got wider even as her eyes looked glassy with unshed tears. “I met Briar. I think we could be friends. She said there’s a book club I might like to join.”

As much as he hated the idea of her joining that notorious book club, Anatoly nodded. “That’s good. Cora is a member too. All of you could talk and that might help you decide to share souls.”

“I’ve already decided,” she said, reaching out to take one of Zan’s hands in her left and his hand in her right. Her fingers felt cold, and he had to push away the urge to cover her in a blanket.

“What have you decided?” Zan asked, his eyes glowing with shifter power as his inner cat pressed to be released. Anatoly could feel the beast’s fear that Rissa was about to reject them, and the cat wanted out to bar the door and keep her from leaving.

If only it were that easy.

“I’m ready now,” she whispered.

“If you could just give us more time,” Zan said. “We’d never force you into anything and—”

“Zan,” Anatoly said with a relieved chuckle. “She said yes.”

Between one blink and the next, Zan’s eyes went from glowing with power to back to normal. He let out a long breath and slumped forward, face planting in Rissa’s lap.

“Thank the goddess of the hunt,” he said, voice muffled by Rissa’s legs.

She let go of Zan’s hand to pet his head. “Poor guy,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to stress you out.”

“You stressed all of us out,” Zan responded, only moving his head to the side. “I demand an apology in the form of blow jobs.”

“Sure,” she agreed.

“Later!” Anatoly said. “First, I want to make you a flock member.”

Trepidation took over her expression. “Will it hurt? I had to have a tooth pulled without anesthetic when I was a kid because the foster dad was a cheap bastard. I managed that, so I’ve got a pretty high pain tolerance.”

“I need the man’s name,” Anatoly growled. “I’ll see him punished.”

Rissa grinned. “As long as you don’t get in trouble, I’ve got no problem with that. The guy was slime. I think he was molesting some of the girls, but he never touched me, probably because I ran away before he could.”

“No more pain,” Zan said, rolling over onto his back. He had to prop his legs up on the headrest so he could keep his head in Rissa’s lap. It didn’t look comfortable, but then again, Zan was a cat and could find all kinds of awkward positions perfectly acceptable. “We’ll never do anything that will cause you pain. You’re safe from all of that. Sharing souls feels weird but doesn't hurt. After it’s all done, you’ll feel the soul bond snap into place. It’s hard to explain, but it’s almost like your senses become sharper. Things will feel different to you.”

Rissa nodded and continued to pet Zan’s head. “Okay, I can handle weird.” She looked up at Anatoly. “Let’s do this.”

“Close your eyes,” Anatoly said, holding her right hand with both of his. Once she closed her eyes, he focused on pressing through her aura and finding her soul. It was bright with determination, kindness, and deep, hidden hurt he hoped would eventually heal as she spent more time with him and Zan.

Going slow, he pulled free a part of her soul and drew it out, careful not to force it past her aura too quickly.

Rissa sucked in a breath. “Fuck, that’s weird.”

Anatoly had to concentrate, so he couldn’t talk, but Zan responded to her with reassurances.

Once he had her soul inside himself, he ripped a piece of his soul off and pressed it into her. Almost as if it was magnetized, the piece of his soul pulled away from his control and raced to join with Rissa’s soul. Anatoly wasn’t prepared for it, and the joining wasn’t as gentle as he would've liked.

Rissa’s entire body jerked, and her eyes shot open. She stared at him with wide eyes, then looked down at Zan. “You’re both glowing. It’s beautiful.”

Shock went through Anatoly. “You can see our auras?”

“Maybe,” she answered, pulling her hand free from his grip to touch the edge of his aura.

“Humans can’t see auras,” Zan said, sitting up. “I didn’t know joining souls would let her do that.”

“It shouldn’t,” Anatoly answered, then a huge sensation of wonder hit him through his link with Rissa.

“I can feel you,” she said, reaching past his aura to cup his cheek. “You’re dark.”

Then she did the same to Zan with her other hand. “You’re light. I’m the gray between you.”

Anatoly understood immediately. “Gray is neither dark nor light but ready to bend either way as needed.”

“I feel other things,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “I feel love. So much love. I didn’t know. I’m sorry I waited!”

Zan leaned forward to grab her and pull her into his lap. Then he wrapped an arm around Anatoly’s shoulders and pulled him close.

“Never be sorry,” he murmured. “We are exactly where we need to be, and it only gets better from here.”

Anatoly felt Rissa’s joy through their link, matched only by his and Zan’s.