17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Rissa

After spending a sleepless night listening to Zan and Anatoly breathe, Rissa got up about five in the morning. As much as she enjoyed snuggling with the guys, even when her mind was going a million miles a minute, she needed to get up and move a little.

She’d gone over the same facts all night and never seemed to reach a solid conclusion. She loved Anatoly and Zan. They were not human. They loved her back. Their world was as dangerous, if not more dangerous, than the one she was used to.

Listing the pros and cons wasn’t working. The one question she had to answer was to decide if she was ready to be part of their world.

The beach was only a mile from the bar. She could walk there and give her body something to do while her mind whirled. She pulled on some clothes and piled her hair up in a messy bun.

When she finished tying her shoes, she straightened up to find Zan sitting up and watching her with a wounded expression that made her heart hurt.

“What are you doing?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

She walked over to him, trying for a reassuring smile. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back.”

When she was close enough, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, burying his face between her breasts. “Can I come with you?”

It was hard to get the words out because she knew they would make him unhappy. “I need a little time alone. I promise that I’ll come back no matter what.”

He didn’t answer right away, but his hold tightened, and he made a soft whimpering sound.

“Hey, don’t do that,” she said, urging him to move his head away from her with a slight pressure on his jaw. Pulling away, he looked up, and she was startled to see his eyes swimming with tears. As she watched, one of the tears slipped free, sliding down his cheek. She wiped it away with her thumb.

“This isn’t a goodbye,” she assured him.

He didn’t look reassured. “Take your phone,” he murmured, pulling completely away from her and slumping down in the bed. The absence of his warm body made her feel chilled.

Turning away, she scooped up one of Zan’s hoodies and pulled it on. The bulky item was a comfort, and the smell of Zan helped. She also grabbed one of Anatoly’s scarves. He had a whole collection that matched his outfits. Winding the soft length of fabric around her neck added his scent to Zan’s.

Tucking her phone in her pocket, she looked at the bed one more time. Zan was snuggled up against Anatoly’s perfectly still form. She could see the tension in Zan’s shoulders and even though Anatoly hadn’t moved, she could almost swear he was imploring her to stay.

Leaving the bedroom and then the apartment was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Determined to give herself the space to think, she rushed down the stairs before her heart turned her around to join the men in bed.

She was surprised to find Sanguine wasn’t the same messy scene as it had been last night. All the broken furniture, glass, and rodent bones had been cleaned up. There’d been blood on the floors and walls from Zan and the other shifters getting wounded, but all of that was gone as well. The windows were boarded up and a new, plain door was installed.

It was impressive to realize the wolves had done all that last night and seemed happy to help, even though the woman at the center of the fight wasn’t even a shifter.

The front door was unlocked, but she guessed there had to be some kind of magic keeping people out. Probably the same magic that prevented anyone from noticing the raging battle last night.

Stepping out into the crisp morning, she looked around at the quiet neighborhood. There were a few trucks with food and drink logos trundling down the streets, and even fewer pedestrians. It was early, things wouldn't start picking up for another hour.

Tucking her hands in the hoodie pockets, she headed for the beach. The calm, crisp early morning did nothing to help alleviate the guilt she felt for leaving Zan and Anatoly. She knew it wasn’t logical. She wasn’t abandoning them. All she’d wanted to do was go for a little walk on her own, so why did she feel so bad about it?

Frustration made her walk a little faster. This was so dumb! She needed to focus on her relationship, not on why she felt so guilty for wanting space.

She was only a block down when she almost walked right into someone. Strong hands grabbed her arms to keep her from plowing into the stranger.

“Oh, shit, sorry!” she exclaimed.

“No harm done,” the man assured her, letting go of her arms and stepping away. “But it might be a good idea to pay a little more attention to your surroundings. I called out, but you didn’t even look up. If you kept walking, you would’ve hit that planter.” He pointed behind him where a heavy concrete planter acted as a bulwark to keep cars from jumping the curb.

That’s when she realized she was right in front of The Pack House. Savery smells wafted from the open door, and she could hear friendly chatter. Suddenly, a cup of coffee sounded good.

“Is your cat meeting you here?” the man asked. “I’m surprised he let you go anywhere alone.”

Her jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”

The man blinked, obviously puzzled. “You smell of mountain lion shifter and vampire. I can tell they’re your mates. It’s obvious why the vampire isn’t out here with you, but what about the shifter? On the rare occasion we shifters mate with humans, we tend to stick close. You guys are so vulnerable, it can make a shifter nervous.”

Great, now she felt even more guilty!

Unsure about protocol, she pointed to The Pack House. “I’m going in there,” she said. “Have a nice day.”

The guy gave her an approving nod. “Good, that’s a safe place. See you around, human.”

Guilt turned to annoyance. “It’s Rissa!” she shouted at the man’s retreating back. He waved but didn’t turn around.

Stomping up the two stairs into The Pack House, Rissa stepped inside to see there were only a few people there, and she didn’t recognize any of them. She felt both relieved and disappointed. It would’ve been nice to see a familiar face, but she might also feel obligated to talk. She wasn’t sure she was in the mood for a chat.

Taking a seat at the counter, she unwound the scarf but let it hang loosely from her neck. She was reluctant to take it off.

“Good morning, Rissa!” Rissa looked up to see Harper standing there with a pad of paper and a friendly expression. “You’re going to have to be patient with me. I don’t usually work here, so I might not be the best waitress you’ve ever had.”

Rissa gave her a reassuring smile. “Did you just get this job?”

“Nah,” Harper said, leaning a hip against the counter. “Mikey usually has me working as a bouncer or barback, but Will and Jesse got caught up in a fight and clean up last night. They didn’t want to have to work an early shift, so I’m here filling in. I’ll do my best, but I'm better at knocking heads together than keeping orders straight.”

Rissa winced. “I was there. It was ugly.”

Harper’s eyes went wide. “I know they were holding off on telling you about our world. That’s a hell of a way to find out about everything. Are you okay?”

“Mostly,” she said, resting her elbows on the counter and leaning forward a little. “Are you in a flock?”

Harper shook her head. “Nope, no vampire waiting at home.”

“But there’s three of you,” Rissa said.

“Yes,” Harper said with a grin. “Still no vampire. Silas and I are wolves, and Tag is a druid. But we work with vampires sometimes. Do you have questions?”

“So many questions,” Rissa admitted.

The edges of her smile sagged a little. “Right, okay,” Harper said with a nod. “I’m sure you probably had some questions but maybe you didn’t feel comfortable asking the guys last night. Let me check on a few customers, make a call, and I’ll be right back. You can ask me anything, and I’ll be totally honest with you. Okay?”

“That would be great,” Rissa said, relief making her sense of guilt and frustration ease back.

“Oh, hey, you want coffee or anything first?” Harper asked.

“Coffee,” Rissa agreed.

Harper set the mug down, then rushed off to check on the other customers and serve the food that was coming up in the window between the main area and the kitchen.

Rissa wrapped her cold fingers around the warm mug and took a sip. It was surprisingly good coffee, not as great as Zan’s but still better than she expected.

More people streamed in, one of them taking a seat next to her. She looked up, then up and up to finally meet the gaze of a familiar face. “Pike!”

A quick glance around didn’t turn up Cora or Kimble. Then she remembered Kimble was a vampire, and Pike and Cora were his flock. It felt strange knowing this, as if it were an intimate secret.

Then she remembered she’d sent him to his knees with a blow to the crotch. Feeling intimidated but not wanting to show it, she stifled the urge to move several seats away from the large man.

“Hi Rissa,” he said cheerfully with no hint of malice. “Harper texted a few people to see if anyone could come by and talk to you. I didn’t go home last night because I stayed to help the Lobos Gris wolves clean up, then crashed on Will’s spare bed, so here I am. I can eat breakfast with you, then head home to be with my mates.”

She blinked up at him in surprise. “I punched you in the balls, and you’re still willing to talk to me?”

Pike frowned slightly. “Not my most fond memory, but it’s understandable. You didn’t know me, and I was taking you away from the men you love. Cora was upset with you, but I pointed out that she might’ve done the same to Zan if the situation was different.”

Rissa resisted the urge to look down. “Do you still hurt today?”

He waved off her concern. “It stopped hurting minutes after you did it. No lasting damage done.”

“Pike, I’m glad you could come by. Coffee?” Harper asked, grabbing a carafe from the top warmer on the coffee machine.

“Sure,” he agreed. “And a bowl of mixed fruit if you’ve got it.”

“Will always makes sure to have plenty of fruit for the bears,” Harper assured him before looking at Rissa. “Want anything besides the coffee?”

Rissa shook her head, so Harper poured coffee for Pike and left.

“You don’t have to ask me any questions,” Pike said at the same time Rissa asked her first question.

“Bear?”

“I’m a black bear shifter,” Pike explained with a little chuckle.

“And what’s Cora?” she asked.

“Human, like you,” Pike said. “She didn’t know anything about our world until she was kidnapped by a vampire named Vincent. I wish she was here to talk to you, human-to-human.”

Rissa blurted out the question that had been most prominent in her mind the entire night. “Will I lose myself? If I let Anatoly soul bond with me, will I still be me?”

Pike didn’t laugh off her question or look guilty like he was going to lie.

“You’ll still be you, but different,” he said. “All relationships change us, even if you were dating another human.”

“Doubt that,” she grumbled. “I don’t think I’ve ever been with a guy long enough to even meet his family, let alone change.”

“Let me rephrase,” Pike said, looking somber. “It’s not relationships that change us, but love. Not just romantic love. We change for friends and family too. The people who love us change for us. It’s a give and take. Becoming part of Anatoly’s flock will open you up to him and Zan. The soul bond is different with every flock, but you’ll be able to feel them to some degree. Sometimes all I get from Kimble or Cora are vague feelings, but other times, I can clearly hear what they’re thinking about.”

“Isn’t that horrible?” Rissa asked. “It’s an invasion of privacy.”

“We give up privacy all the time when we love people,” Pike said with a soft smile. “Besides, Anatoly can teach you how to wall off your mind.” He paused, then asked, “Are you scared you’ll lose your independence?”

“Well, yeah,” she said. “Didn’t I ask if I’d lose myself earlier?”

“Losing yourself is different than losing your independence,” Pike argued. “Losing yourself implies you won’t have free will. Losing your independence in this situation means you’ll never be alone again. You’ll have someone guarding or caring for you at all times. They’ll try to protect and shelter you, even if it annoys you.”

Rissa didn’t like the implication that she was weak or needy. “I’m tough,” she snapped. “I don’t need to be protected and sheltered. I was the one who put salt on all those creatures last night. I don’t walk away from a fight.”

Pike wasn’t upset by her harsh response. “You and Cora are going to be really good friends. She doesn’t like backing down either. The thing is, you’re going to need to be strong for Zan and Anatoly too.”

Her annoyance eased. “What do you mean?”

“Anatoly is vulnerable during the day. He will always need to be safeguarded from sunlight.”

Rissa nodded. “I can see that, but he has Zan to do the guarding.”

“Zan isn’t as helpful as you’d think,” Pike said and looked disapproving for the first time. “Zan doesn’t know how to say no . He’s always helping everyone, which is great, but sometimes, he needs to refuse to help. He stretches himself thin and makes Anatoly worry. I remember hearing them argue once that Zan had been gone all day and Anatoly could only lie there and wait for him to come back. Their bond isn’t as strong as other flocks, so if they’re too far apart, they probably can’t feel each other. Zan is so busy saying yes to everyone else that he neglected the person he should care about the most, his mate.”

Rissa hadn’t expected that answer, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized how true it was. Zan was always rushing off during work hours now that she was there to tend the bar. Half the time, he forgot to bill the regulars at the end of the month. Those were only the things she’d witnessed, but there had to be more.

He needed someone to help him say no. She could be that person. The question was, did she want to be?

“There are a few practical things you need to know before you agree to soul bond,” Pike said. “The vampire benefits because bonding with us keeps them from going feral. Or in the case of my Kimble, it can bring them back from being feral.”

“Feral?” she asked. “Anatoly mentioned that, but what does it actually mean?”

“They lose higher reasoning skills and start becoming the monsters of legend,” Pike explained. “You’ll keep Anatoly from going feral, and he’ll keep you at this same age forever. On top of not aging, you’ll also get a little stronger and more resilient. Cora calls herself human+ because of the bond and a magical necklace Kimble gave her.”

“Human+, I like it,” Rissa said. “What else do I need to know?”

“Soul bonds are forever. You can’t take them back. The only way the bond ends is because someone dies,” Pike said bluntly.

“We live together and die together,” she murmured. “That’s both romantic as fuck and scary.”

“Agreed,” Pike said. “I try hard not to think about it.”

Harper set down a bowl of fruit in front of Pike and a box in front of Rissa. “This is for you to take home to Zan. Josie, the cook, says it’s his favorite.”

“Um, thanks,” Rissa said, then realized she didn’t have any way to pay for the coffee or food. “I need to run home and get my wallet. I can be right back with it.”

Harper shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. You’re pack, so we’ll put it on your tab.”

She moved further down the counter to talk to someone else.

Rissa looked at Pike. “Are all wolf, bear, and mountain lion shifters this nice?”

He shook his head. “No! There are some nasty packs out there and some slithers are really territorial. My car broke down in a slither’s territory once, and I was almost killed. If Kimble hadn’t come to the rescue, I would've been a bear rug.”

“Slither?”

“Nagas,” he explained. When her questioning expression didn’t change, he elaborated. “Snake shifters.”

“There’s so much,” she mumbled, rubbing her forehead.

“There is a lot, but you don’t need to know all of it right away,” Pike assured her. “Right now, what’s important is knowing that you’ve faced some of the worst our world has to offer and didn’t flinch away. And that Anatoly and Zan will love you, no matter what you decide.”

She might ask him about other magical creatures another time, but suddenly she had to leave. She needed to get back to Anatoly and Zan. The craving to get back had been building since the moment she stepped inside The Pack House.

She couldn’t resist it any longer. She felt like an addict who needed a fix.

“Thanks for the conversation, Pike,” she said, grabbing the box and sliding off her stool. “I need to go.”

“Good luck!” he called out as she practically ran out of the restaurant.