10. Layla

Chapter ten

Layla

I heard the soft knock on the door and ignored it. Last night with Drew wore me out, but it didn’t erase what happened with Autumn. I broke her heart, and it killed me. She knew the truth now. She knew I was a monster. Everyone did. I couldn’t face them and see the judgment in their eyes. Whoever was at the door knocked louder, and I continued to ignore them. If I pretended I was asleep, maybe they would go away.

I snapped my eyes shut as the door creaked open. Or maybe they wouldn’t. The smell of pancakes reached my nose as the door closed again. I couldn’t hear anything else for quite a few minutes, and Cordy spoke just as I was going to risk peeking.

“You can’t fake sleep with me, Bambina. I know all your tricks.”

I sighed and popped an eye open to look at her.

“I brought you breakfast,” she said gently.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” I replied, rolling away from her.

I heard Cordy set the tray on the nightstand, and then the bed dipped as she sat behind me. “I’m sorry about Sean, Layla. I know how much you loved him, so making that decision couldn’t have been easy.”

I didn’t reply, mainly because the lump in my throat wouldn’t let me. I didn’t deserve Cordy’s compassion or understanding. After a few minutes of silence, Cordy patted my back and stood, gathered the tray, and left the room without a word.

I drifted back to sleep, and I’m not sure how long it had lasted until I was startled awake by my door slamming open.

“What do you mean Scotty isn’t as strictly dickly as we thought?” Brandi demanded.

“Well... things might have happened between us... a little,” I heard Kadence reply.

“Define a little,” Monika urged.

“Maybe later,” Kadence replied. “Hey! Pumpkin! You aren’t that heavy a sleeper.” The bed rocked slightly from where she nudged it.

I felt the bed dip as someone got on, and my breath was forced out of me as Monika jumped on my back. “Ohh, Pummpkiiiiin,” she sang in my ear. “Cordy called us and said to come over immediately, but she didn’t tell us why; she just said you needed us. What’s going on?”

Monika fell to my side as I rolled to my back and sat up to look at my three best friends. Worried looks were etched on their faces, and that was all it took for my walls to crumble. Their lives were just as in danger as mine, and yet they dropped everything, disregarded the risk, and came rushing to my side.

And now, I had to tell them what I did and see the love in their eyes shift to horror and disgust.

“I’m a monster,” I whispered as I dissolved into gut-wrenching tears.

They immediately surrounded me on the bed, and I found myself in the center of a cuddle pile.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning, Baby, so we know why you think that,” Brandi suggested.

“And tell you why it isn’t true,” Kadence continued.

Through broken tears, I started at the very beginning when we arrived at the warehouse last week. I told them about finding out that Sean was the person who set me up to be kidnapped and why he said he had done it. I told them about Zach getting shot and thinking he was dead. Then, about finding Keith and Ryan and the rest of my men. I walked them through the entire day’s events leading up to Sean in the interrogation room.

By the time I got to that part, I was remarkably calm. “All I could think about was how keeping his betrayal secret would be nearly impossible. Anton would make sure that information spread through the city like wildfire and that I had to send a clear message about what would happen if someone betrayed me. And no matter how much I loved Sean, I wouldn’t have hesitated if he were anyone else. I couldn’t have someone I didn’t trust in my organization. My uncles worked behind my father’s back, which was why we were in this position. I had to learn from my Father’s mistakes.”

I clenched my hands in my lap as they began to shake. “So I held the gun to his head. I had to do it, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I tried, I really did, but I just couldn’t do it. So Colt took the gun from me and told me he would handle it. Sean begged me not to do it right until I heard the shot.”

“Oh, Layla,” Monika said sympathetically as she took my hands in hers and squeezed them. “That wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

Brandi wrapped her arms around me from behind and hugged me tightly. “But it doesn’t make you a monster.”

“Doesn’t it, though?” I asked, tears streaming down my face. “Autumn thought so yesterday when she overheard the truth.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Kadence stated matter of factly as she wiped them away. “Being the leader of anything isn’t easy. You made a hard decision, but you made it with the best intentions of your organization. That doesn’t make you a monster.”

“And the fact that you are so guilt ridden about it proves you aren’t a monster, Babe,” Monika said. “A true monster wouldn’t care who they killed or the pain they’ve caused.”

“Autumn is just a kid. She can’t understand why you would do something like that, and she shouldn’t have to. I would have been more worried if she hadn’t been upset,” Brandi said.

I nodded. Brandi had a point. I engraved every moment Autumn’s childlike innocence shined through on my heart. The kid had a hard enough life already. The fact that she had any innocence left was a miracle. Sadly, I added to the darkness in her life, and that had never been my intention. Of course, I never intended to kill Sean, either.

“Wait, why are you here? You’re all supposed to be laying low!” I exclaimed.

“We told you,” Kadence replied. “Cordy said you needed us, so we came.”

“But it isn’t safe!” I insisted.

“Are you kidding?” Monika asked. “I swung by Scotty’s with my boys to pick up Kadence, and Brandi has Nate and his crew who wouldn’t let her go anywhere unless they could ensure her safety. You needed us, and there wasn’t a damn thing that could have kept us away.”

“You need to leave before the wrong person sees you!” I ordered. “If something happens to you because you came to see me, I will never forgive myself.”

“Layla—“ Brandi started to argue.

“Ok, we’ll leave,” Kadence said, cutting Brandi off and giving her a look. “But you have to promise us that you will get your ass out of bed and stop feeling sorry for yourself. We need our Layla back on her feet and kicking ass, or we’re all screwed.”

“I promise,” I said quickly.

Kadence took my chin in her hand and turned my head to look her in the eyes. “I mean it, Layla. Get your ass in the shower and wash this shit away. You made a hard decision. And maybe part of you regrets it, but that doesn’t make it the wrong decision. What’s done is done, so pick yourself up and handle Anton. You have people counting on you to make this city safe again.”

“I know,” I replied solemnly, “I will.”

“Good. Then we will go back to our hidey holes, knowing we won’t have to look over our back much longer. Give that bastard everything he deserves.”

I watched my best friends leave with a final wave. Surprisingly, I did feel better, and I didn’t even need rough sex for it to happen. All I needed was my best friends to show me how much they loved and believed in me and maybe a little tough love on the side.

I got out of bed and jumped in the shower. My mind shifted to Anton Sr. I didn’t know if he knew where his son was, but I was willing to bet he did.

It was time to go hunting.