42. Isabelle

42

ISABELLE

He came for me every day. Sometimes, we walked around the compound, but every couple of days, he would take me toward the gate. Those days were always hard on me. I wanted to claw at him and cry out that I wouldn’t allow him to take me away from the only place I had left that brought me any joy.

But I didn’t do any of that. I could almost hear Ebarardo’s voice in my head, telling me to be strong. He knew what I could handle and constantly tested me on it.

Today was one of those days we headed through the gate. I didn’t panic as much as that first day. I knew Hudson wouldn’t make me go further than I was comfortable with. He always seemed to know when it was far enough for the day. Since that first day, we’d walked down the road a little further every time. I had a feeling today would be unlike the other times.

The gates slid open and I prepared myself for the onslaught of terror. I could feel it thrumming beneath my skin, but it wasn’t tearing me apart like it had in the past.

“Tell me how you met him,” Hudson asked as we passed the gates.

My gaze snapped to him at the question. “What?”

“Zavala. You miss him and need to talk about him.”

“But—” I knew Hudson was like the rest of them. He didn’t agree with my feelings for Ebarardo. He just didn’t call me out on it.

“You don’t have to tell me. I just thought you might need to talk about him.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat at his kindness. I did need to talk about him. All this time, I kept him to myself. I didn’t want anyone to taint his memory, but the idea of being able to tell someone…

“He saw me at a club,” I admitted softly. “He wanted to dance, but I got a strange feeling from him.”

“What kind of feeling?”

“Like…like maybe he was dangerous. If I let him into my life, it wouldn’t be good.”

“And what happened?”

“I decided to leave with my friends. Before I left, he trapped me against a wall and told me he wasn’t through with me yet.”

I expected some kind of outraged reaction from him, but instead, he just kept walking beside me.

“He showed up at a coffee house I was at with my friends. As soon as I saw him, my heart beat faster and my palms were sweating. I knew he was going to change my life.”

“How did he get to you?”

I shook my head. “I don’t remember that part. It was like going to sleep. And then I was on the island,” I smiled.

“What was it like when you woke up?”

“At first, it was scary. I was in this cell and the doors were locked. I remember thinking I shouldn’t be there. I wanted to see my mom. That was the hardest part, I think. It was just a stark change for me.”

I could feel the anger rolling off Hudson, but he didn’t spout that rage at me. We just kept walking.

“He was just saving me, you know? I know nobody else sees that, but he was protecting me.”

“From what?”

“From everything. There’s so much out there that’s bad. When he saw me at the club, there was a guy there hitting on me. He might have drugged me and—Ebarardo told me that I wasn’t seeing the dangers around me, and when he brought that guy to my cell and showed me the pills he found on him…his plans for the evening weren’t good. If it weren’t for Ebarardo stepping in, I could have ended up on the news as the next girl found on the side of the road, raped and tortured to death.” I stopped and grabbed Hudson’s arm. “He saved me, Hudson.”

His eyes searched mine for a moment. I was positive he was going to yell at me or try to convince me of something else. Everyone else did. They didn’t see all Ebarardo did for me.

“Well?”

A frown creased his brow. “Well, what?”

“Aren’t you going to yell at me? To tell me how wrong I am about Ebarardo? He was good to me!” I shouted. “He was there for me when no one else was! And now he’s gone.” My breath caught in my throat as a sob tore up my throat. “He kept me safe and protected and now—and now he’s gone,” I cried.

I buried my face in my hands, feeling the same devastation I felt the moment I realized my husband was dead. Arms wrapped around me, giving me comfort when no one else would. I gripped the lapels of his jacket and pulled him closer, crying harder as his arms tightened around me.

He didn’t understand. How could he? The man I was supposed to spend my life with was gone. No one could make that better, and no one tried to understand what this was like for me. They just wanted me to forget him.

“I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t forget him.”

“I know.” His voice rumbled through me, offering me comfort I couldn’t find anywhere else. My brother—this man who was so hard and unyielding—was the only one who understood what this was like for me.

Swiping the tears from my face, I stared up into his dark eyes and realized he really did know.

“I saw Kate die,” he said, his voice low and distant. “It wasn’t real, but I didn’t know that. And the devastation I felt…it tore my soul in two. There was nothing anyone could say or do to help me move on. Even my kids…I just couldn’t,” he admitted.

Clearing his throat, he pried himself away from me, swiping his hand under his nose. “No one can tell you how to move on. There is no one right way to move on without the person you thought you would be with the rest of your life.”

His words were so honest and raw. He truly felt these things. They weren’t empty words meant to help me get past Ebarardo. I gripped his hand in mine and his eyes flicked to me in shock. I very rarely purposely touched another person, but I wanted to thank him in some way, and the words just weren’t enough.

I looked back at Reed Security, realizing I could hardly see it in the distance. I couldn’t believe how far we’d walked today, but it felt right. Breathing in the cool air was refreshing instead of stifling. And for the first time in a long time, I smiled at Hudson.

“I think I’m ready to go home.”