30. Cash

30

CASH

The door slammed open and Eva stormed in. As usual, she was fucking pissed at me. Well, so was everyone else. She could get in line.

“What is this?” she asked, slamming a newspaper down on my desk.

I picked it up and read the headline, then tossed it back down. “It looks like a news article to me.”

Her finger jabbed the picture that showed Isla walking out of a hotel, looking over her shoulder. The distance was far enough away that she probably didn’t even realize she was being watched. “How could you? Kavanaugh is your friend. Please tell me you didn’t sell him out.”

“Why would I give a fuck about Kavanaugh and Isla?”

“Because you wanted revenge. Because he didn’t go along with the senator’s plans like you wanted him to.”

I was no angel—not anymore, but that didn’t mean I would settle for petty revenge. Going after Isla would get me nothing. “Eva, I’m sure in your mind, there’s always a conspiracy, but in reality, going after Isla would accomplish nothing.”

“What would?”

I looked up at the accusation in her tone. “Excuse me?”

“I know you’re planning something. You’ve been on your phone non-stop with Michael.”

The only way she would know that was if she’d paid a visit to the IT room. “Monitoring my calls? How very unlike you.”

“Well, I picked up a few tips in all our years of marriage,” she sniped. “It seems the only way to get answers out of you is to spy on you.”

I walked around the desk, grabbing my keys to Sally’s case. “You could always ask.”

“And get the same answer I always do? It’s always about revenge.”

Unlocking the door, I took Sally 3 out and set her on the table to dismantle. I was going to be gone for a while, and it had been some time since I connected with my rifle in this way.

“Cash, are you even listening to me?”

I sighed, taking a seat at the table. “Eva, it would be impossible not to listen when you’re always yelling at me.”

“Look at you,” she scoffed. “Who the hell are you?”

I didn’t answer that question. I wasn’t sure I even knew anymore. When I came back from the island, I was a broken man. Over time, that man twisted into this angry shell of a man. I wasn’t even sure the old Cash existed anymore. Was I capable of feeling anything other than absolute rage?

I hadn’t seen my kids in weeks. Their faces used to bring me joy. They grounded me on the hard days and brought smiles to my face when something went wrong. Now, I saw Rafe in every single one of them. His sharp gaze was there every time I looked at Benjamin. Chills skated down my spine as if I was looking through the scope again. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk through that door and look at my kids without feeling anger.

Someone had taken Isabelle when she was barely an adult. What if that had been one of them? What if my child was taken? Would I still be alive right now? Would I survive knowing my little girls suffered as Isabelle had?

There was no way I could continue walking through life as if Rafe’s sacrifice made all the difference in the world. It mattered to Isabelle and her family. But what about the others out there? How many kids were trafficked every year? How many women were snatched off the streets, never to find a moment’s peace for the rest of their lives?

No. I couldn’t do it. Not until I found the bastards who took my brother from me would I rest. Because Rafe unknowingly sacrificed himself for a greater purpose, and until his life was remembered by all, there was nothing else here for me.

Not even Eva.

“Cash, please don’t shut me out,” she whispered. She walked over to me, getting on her knees as she peered into my eyes. “Tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything to get you back,” she choked out.

Her tears meant nothing to me. There was a time I would have done anything to wipe them from her face, but now…I had too much anger, too much hatred in my heart for anything else.

I closed my eyes, flinching as I felt the pull of the trigger. It happened all the time, distracting me when I was trying to work. His face…the lifeless expression as I put one through his head.

“Gone,” I murmured, not meaning to do it out loud.

Her hands slid up my chest and she wrapped her body around mine, doing her best to comfort me. “Let me help you.”

It didn’t matter that rage was the only emotion I could feel. My body still reacted to her. Warm lips spread along my neck as salty tears trailed over my skin. She was trying to bring emotion into this, trying to make me kiss her so I would somehow magically be healed. But it would never happen. She no longer held that power over me. There just wasn’t anything left for her to touch inside the massive hole in my chest.

I grabbed her by the arms, pushing her down to the ground as confusion spread over her beautiful face. “Cash?”

“You know what I want.”

She shook her head slightly. “Not like this. This means nothing. It’s?—”

“You did it for him,” I snapped. “You were trying to convince him to stay.”

She flinched at the memory. Yes, I went there and threw it in her face. How she got down on her knees for my brother when she thought he was me.

“Prove to me just how much you want me to stay,” I growled, grabbing her by the back of her hair. “Show me what you did the last time you got on your knees.”

Because she hadn’t done this since her awful encounter with Rafe. And now she was going to do it for me, to prove to me just how far she was willing to go.

“You’re a bastard,” she whispered, her eyes filled with tears.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”

I stepped back, but she grabbed me by the back of the thighs, dragging me closer to her. I tore my gaze from her face as her fingers fumbled with my jeans. My cock was already hard at the thought of having her lips wrapped around me. It had been way too fucking long since she had done this for me, and I never pressed it because I didn’t want to be the asshole who reminded her of what had been done to her by my brother.

But that was all in the past. My need to feel something outweighed any feelings she might have on the matter. The zipper slid down and her hand wrapped around my cock, tugging me out. My head fell back as she slowly pumped me. Not that I needed to get any harder than I already was. And then her lips were around me, swallowing me whole. I groaned at the feel of her sucking me into the back of her throat. I had fucking missed this.

I tightened my grip on her hair and thrust forward. My cock surged at the sound of her gagging on my thick length. Fuck, this was amazing. Everything in my mind went blank, leaving only the feeling of pleasure soaring through my body. It wasn’t long before I was slamming into her mouth, using her to get off. I could hear her cries as she did her job, but I didn’t dare look at her. This was all about me, all about forgetting for just one fucking minute.

It was over all too soon. Cum erupted from the tip of my cock, filling her mouth. But when it was all over, I made the mistake of looking at her face, of seeing the tears streaming down her cheeks and the sadness in her eyes.

And then I saw his eyes.

Hollow, blank… gone .

He was gone, and it was all my fault. I was getting off and finding pleasure while he was dead, buried in the ground after being burned alive. I shoved back from her, stuffing my flaccid cock in my pants and turning away. Why had I thought it would help?

Nothing fucking helped. The images wouldn’t leave me alone. They flashed through my mind constantly, leaving me sick to my stomach and on the verge of falling over from the dizzying feeling that always accompanied the image of his head snapping back as my bullet pierced his skull.

“Cash—”

“Get the fuck out,” I snapped.

I couldn’t deal with her right now. Those sad eyes were just another reminder of all the ways I failed. I wasn’t the brother I should have been, and now I was ruining the one good thing I had in my life.

“You can push me away all you want, but I’ll always come back to you.”

I sighed heavily, wondering if I would ever be the man she used to love. “Don’t bother. I won’t be here.”

“Cash—” Her tone was urgent, filled with fear and anxiety.

“I have to get to work.” I sat down in my chair and started cleaning Sally 3, not bothering to look up at her. But as soon as I heard the click of the door, I leaned back in my chair and let myself feel just how much I let her down.

How much I let everyone down.