29. Kavanaugh

29

KAVANAUGH

I couldn’t catch a fucking break. This trip was supposed to help Isla and me connect in some way. I thought by escaping Kansas, we’d somehow be able to get on the right track. Instead, my problems followed me here.

Olivia placed her hand on my arm as her eyes roamed from head to toe over Isla’s body. I shook her off, taking a step forward, only to stop when I saw Isla tense up.

“Senator,” she forced a smile. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yes, it has,” the senator replied, his tone stiff and measured. “You look well. How is your family?”

She choked out a fine , but I knew she was ready to bolt. How much had she heard? There were things I hadn’t told her, not because I was keeping secrets, but because I wanted to keep as much distance between myself and the senator as possible.

Isla seemed to regain her composure and stood tall. “This must be the fake fiancée I’ve heard so much about.”

Awkward. I could feel the rage coming off Olivia even though she was hiding it behind that perfected exterior. But Isla was right. She was a fraud.

“Isla, may I introduce you to Olivia. I was working with her for a short time with the senator, but that job is over.”

The senator snagged my attention, his stance telling me all I needed to know. This wasn’t the last I’d be hearing from him. “We should go.”

Isla stepped aside, allowing them to pass. “It was so nice to see you again, Senator. Give my love to your wife.”

Without another word, they both exited the room. I hoped with them gone, the tension would ease, but if anything, it seemed to ramp up.

“Bet you never thought you’d see him again,” I chuckled.

She glared at me, stomping further into the room. “You know, I was prepared to come in here and talk things through with you, but instead, I find I’m even more annoyed than I was when I turned down a job that could have built my career!”

“Wait, you turned down the job?” That probably wasn’t the most important thing to focus on, but I couldn’t help it. I had been so fucking concerned about the whole damn thing, and it was nice to know it was no longer a problem.

She shoved her hand through her hair in frustration. “Yes, I turned down the job, and do you know why?”

I stayed silent, figuring she didn’t really want an answer.

“Because you put all these thoughts in my head!” she shouted. “I started seeing bad things in everything he did. I thought he was trying to poison me!”

“Was he?” I stupidly asked.

She spun to face me, her face telling me she would poison me if I kept asking questions. “I was about to have a very lucrative job with tons of money coming in, and I threw it all away because I couldn’t get you out of my head.”

“Isla,” I sighed. “I didn’t trust him. What did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to stop thinking everyone around me is trying to kill me. What happened to the guy who made me laugh and just had fun with me?”

“He cared too much about your safety,” I bit out. “I’m sorry things didn’t go your way, but I was only trying to keep you safe.”

“I know,” she said with finality.

I bit back any response I would have given because it felt like this was the end.

“I came back here, pissed as hell that you got to me like that. But then I remembered that kitten and it all kind of fell apart. All the anger vanished.”

“Because I got you a kitten? If I had known that would work, I would have done it sooner,” I muttered.

“Not because of the kitten,” she huffed. “Because of what it represented. It’s the other side of you, the part that loves me unconditionally and would do anything for me. Basically, the opposite of who you’re being the other half of the time.”

I was really confused now. “So, you forgive me?”

“I did, but then I walked in here.”

“Isla—”

“Don’t,” she snapped.

Everything inside me coiled tightly. It was like being on a mission, knowing something was about to go seriously wrong, but there was no stopping it.

“You lied to me.” Her voice was quiet and deadly. “Again.”

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“You told me no more secrets.” She walked over to the chair, flopping down. “You swore to me there would be no secrets, but then I walked in and heard the Senator talking about how my name is all over the news. What’s that about?”

Fuck, she heard that. Which meant she heard everything after that as well.

“Do you have anything to say about that?”

I didn’t even know where to start. I had planned to take care of all of this before she got back from the interview. I was going to call Rae. I knew she would handle it even with Cash’s restrictions. But now it was too late to keep it from her.

“Someone leaked that I left Olivia. For you.”

“And?” she asked, her voice quiet.

“I planned to take care of it. I never wanted you to know. I was just trying?—”

“To protect me,” she cut in. “Yeah, I got that.”

Minutes passed where neither of us spoke. I wanted to explain, but at this point, she already knew everything I would say. She didn’t want to be protected and I couldn’t seem to stop doing it. I knew she would be furious with me, but my instincts kicked in and left no room for rational thought.

“Isla,” I finally said, breaking the silence. “Talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Something. Anything!”

“Okay, let’s talk about this intimate conversation you had with Olivia.”

Fuck, I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Or how about what happened with your brother?”

“That’s not up for discussion,” I bit out.

“With anyone or just me? Because it seems that Olivia already knows everything, and she’s only your fake fiancée. Or does that rank higher than a real girlfriend now?”

“She only knows because of the campaign.”

“And where does that leave me?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears. “You keep so many secrets, and there’s this huge hole forming between us. Why can’t you just talk to me?”

I gritted my teeth, glancing away from her. There were just things I didn’t want to talk about. Even now, faced with whatever may come between us, I just didn’t know how to tell her, how I could possibly tarnish the way she would see me.

“Just fucking tell me, Kavanaugh!”

“No!” I shouted, refusing to back down. Maybe it was my pride or the reality that anything I said from this moment on would only make things worse.

“Why are you so stubborn? Why can’t you just tell me what I need to know?”

“What if I demanded the same from you? What if I wanted to know every detail from your relationship with Shawn? Would you be so willing to open up?”

“Yes! I have no secrets, Kavanaugh. There’s nothing for me to hide.” She turned and walked away from me, heading into the bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving.”

“What? But we have the room for another night!”

“I don’t care. I’m done.”

Her words, while sharp and poignant, didn’t feel real. I didn’t want to believe she truly meant it. “We can talk about this.”

“Really? And what would we say?” she asked, grabbing her suitcase. “Would I tell you how pissed I am and then you would say something about accepting that there are some things you can’t tell me? And then we’d go to dinner and everything would be fine, right?”

“Isla, I just…I need time.”

“Time for what? To come up with another excuse? Time to figure out if you’re ever going to open up to me?”

“Would that solve anything?” I asked.

She stopped packing and turned to me, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t know, Kavanaugh. You have some serious trust issues, and until you figure out how to deal with that, I’m not sure where we go from here.”

I stormed over to her and took her hands in mine. “You choose to stay,” I answered. “You choose me because, despite all my faults, you still love me. I know you’ve never actually said the words, but it’s there. I can feel it. That can’t be faked. It’s not something you can just throw away.”

She shook her head slightly as a tear slipped down her cheek. “I’m not the one throwing it away.”

Her fingers slipped from my hand and she stepped back, leaving me cold and alone. I could see it in her eyes, the need to have space, to be free of me. I knew I was hurting her, but I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t intend to hurt her. I just didn’t know how to open up and tell her everything she needed to know.

“I’ll leave,” I murmured. “You shouldn’t have to leave because of me.”

“Take Fox with you. I don’t want him coming over to cheer me up with musicals.”

I nodded, wishing I could laugh about the whole thing right now, but none of this was funny. “When will you come home?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “There’s no point in staying out here now.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to hold it together as I backed away from her. I’d truly fucked this up, and there was only a slim chance she would forgive me after this. Even so, I’d fight like hell for that small chance because she was worth it. She was everything.

“Do you need anything?”

She pressed her fingers to her forehead, rubbing slightly. “Just go.”

I nodded and headed for the door. I didn’t know how, but I’d find a way to get her back.

“We can’t really be leaving!” Fox said for the tenth time. “She’s gonna show up. Just you watch and see.”

“She’s not coming,” Anna said, playing a game on her phone and otherwise ignoring us.

“Of course she is. She loves him. Right?”

I shrugged. “She’s never actually said it.”

“Well, you’ve said it,” Fox chuckled. “Which makes all the difference in the world.”

I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably as we waited for our flight to be called. “Not in so many words.”

When he didn’t say anything, I looked up at him. But he was looking at me in stunned silence. “You mean…after all of this, after we rescued the kitten in that grungy alley and you nearly killed a man for having an office with power tools, you haven’t told her you love her?”

“It wasn’t the right time.”

He shoved up from his seat and tried to pry me out of my own. “It’s never the right time. The time is when you feel it. The time is when the music lights your soul.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s okay. It’s not too late. We can still work this out.”

“No, we really can’t.”

“You really can’t,” Anna agreed, still not watching us.

“Of course you can. Anything can be fixed with a musical! Now, we just have to find the right one,” he said, thinking hard as he paced back and forth in front of the line of chairs. “Let’s see. It needs to be something that says you’re sorry for being an ass and professes your undying love. Obviously, you can’t use the same song I used on Anna. That one’s all for me.”

“A song won’t fix it,” Anna muttered.

I happened to agree, but Fox wasn’t listening.

“I’ve got it!” He spun toward me and grinned. “You can sing Seasons Of Love! ”

That made Anna look up from her phone. “The song about AIDS? I think that would send the wrong message.”

“Hmm, you might be right about that.”

Anna snorted.

“Okay, then Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”

“Sure. Tell her that somewhere out there is something better,” I jumped in before Anna could.

“Well, if you’re going to pick apart the song,” Fox muttered.

“Fox, face it. There is nothing I can do right now to make this right. She’s pissed at me.”

“And she should be,” Anna added.

“Thanks for the commentary, but I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“No, but you did drag us out here. That gives me some say.” She set down her phone and looked up at me. “You need to tell her the truth.”

“Like Fox did with you? How did that help?”

“Well, in five years, she won’t be with you for not telling her the truth. But I’m still with Fox and have no plans of leaving him. Let that sink in.”

Maybe she was right, but going back and telling her now wouldn’t magically fix things. Besides, she needed space right now. Anything I told her at this point would seem like a desperate attempt to keep her instead of me realizing what a mistake I was making and giving her what she asked for, which was total honesty.

“Okay, so new plan,” Fox said, “We’ll kidnap her, take her to a remote cabin, and leave her there until she’s desperate for you to rescue her.”

Both Anna and I looked up at him. “Yeah, I’m gonna pass on that one.”

“You wouldn’t even leave Kavanaugh with her? What would that accomplish?”

“A desperate longing that only time apart can truly bring to light.”

“Or…” Anna said mockingly, “they could just spend some time apart and see if they still want to be together.”

Fox scrunched up his nose in distaste. “Sure, if you want to be boring.”

“What I want is to forget about this trip for five fucking minutes and get drunk.”

“Another brilliant idea,” Anna sighed, going back to her phone.

“You don’t get it. Men don’t handle breakups the same way as women. We drink. We work. We?—”

“Fuck another woman!” Fox exclaimed. “Yes, that’s what you need to do.”

There were no words to explain how utterly stupid that would be. But I tried anyway. “So…you think I should throw away everything with Isla and just go for the nearest woman.”

“No, I think you should get out of your head and realize what’s right in front of you. Since there have been no loving pleas of affection exchanged, I think this is still a viable option. However, you do run the risk of her never speaking to you again.”

“Then why would I risk it?”

He shrugged. “Why do people risk heart medication with all the side effects? Because there’s a chance it’ll work.”

I shook my head. “Not in this case. Your idea sucks.”

“Well, you didn’t like my other ones. I was just giving it a shot in the dark,” he grumbled, sinking into a chair.

“Thanks, but there’s no advice needed here,” I sighed, closing my eyes.

“She could still come.”

“She’s not coming, Fox. Give it up.”

“You know, I liked it better when you were her stalker. At least then you had some good ideas.”

“Yep, and those ideas landed him at the airport,” Anna said.

She wasn’t wrong.