2. Isabelle

2

ISABELLE

The smell of lavender dragged me out of my staring contest with the wall. Honestly, I wasn’t sure who won at this point, and sadly, this wasn’t the first time in my life I’d used an inanimate object as entertainment. Over the last thirteen years, I relied heavily on “things” to bring me comfort. Having no friends would do that to a woman.

I ran my fingers over the comforter, smiling as it brought back memories from the island. The ocean breeze whispering over my skin first thing in the morning was something I would never forget. Now…I was surrounded by luxury, but it was nothing like the island. I missed my home. I missed my husband. Handsome, with an amazing body, it was like a giant hole gaped in my chest where he used to be.

They told me he was dead. Ebarardo Zavala ceased to exist for anyone but me. I still remembered the way he held me in his arms, the warmth and strength that surrounded me at all times. And no one around here understood why I missed him so much. They said I had Stockholm Syndrome, but they had no idea what they were talking about. They didn’t understand the comfort and security my husband gave me.

I didn’t remember much from the hospital, but my mother tried telling me I was afraid of Ebarardo. The idea was laughable. Yes, there were strict guidelines I had to follow around him, but that wasn’t the same as fear. I knew what I had to do to keep him happy. There was nothing wrong with that.

But now I was here, in an underground bunker with no sunlight.

Sure, I was allowed outside. It wasn’t like I was a captive, but I wasn’t at my home on the island. There were no palm trees, no ocean breezes, no sunlight that touched my skin and made me feel alive. I was just…blank.

The door opened and my mother walked in. That teary-eyed look was enough to send me into a deep depression. She was happy I was home, but what she didn’t understand was that I didn’t want to be here. Nothing about this was right. I couldn’t even grieve the loss of my husband without them suggesting I see a therapist. Didn’t they understand they’d ripped me away from the one man who truly cared for me?

He’d saved me when I was lost. I didn’t realize it at the time, but he showed me the truth of it, opened my eyes to all I was missing out on. When he brought me home, sure, I fought it. But it only took a few years for me to really understand all he had done for me. And now my mother was trying to strip that from my memory.

“Sweetie?”

I stared with a blank expression at my mother. Yes, I was happy to see her. It had been years since we were last in the same room together, and a part of me was happy for the reunion, but not at what it cost me.

“Hi,” I said, faking the smile on my face.

“How are things today?”

“Good,” I lied, getting up from the bed that was not really mine.

“Would you like to join me for breakfast?”

The thought of eating anything turned my stomach, but it had been months since I was released from the hospital. If I didn’t start showing signs of improvement in their eyes, they would lock me up. Or worse, make me talk to someone. It had been suggested multiple times, but I couldn’t bring myself to agree to be dissected by some shrink who didn’t really understand me.

“Sure.”

I could push fruit and eggs around with the best of them. Susan, the woman who lived here with us, was a great cook. I managed to swallow down just enough food to keep everyone from looking too closely at me.

My mother opened the door and led me down the hall of the bunker to the grand kitchen. I liked to eat at the dining room table like I did at home, but my mother always tried to get me to eat at the small kitchen table. Today, I went for the dining room table, much to her chagrin.

“It’s just the two of us. We can eat in the kitchen.”

“No, thank you,” I said politely, taking my seat in the same position I would have back home. I glanced to my left where my husband should have been, doing my best not to let grief take over and strip me of all life for the day. It happened way too often, and then everyone around me watched me like a hawk, sure I was going to fall apart and slit my wrists.

Claire sat across from me, eyeing me carefully. “There’s no need to be so formal,” she said lightly.

We will behave like civilized people and eat at the table.

I closed my eyes as I remembered my husband’s words that he ingrained in me from the start. “No, it’s better this way.”

“Why?”

My head snapped up at her pleading. “Because we’re eating and this is the dining room.” My harsh tone made her balk, but she said nothing else. Susan came fluttering out of the kitchen moments later, her arms laden with dishes for us. All of the food was overwhelming. I didn’t want any of it, but I smiled anyway and told her how delicious it smelled.

Thankfully, I was saved from being scrutinized when the door opened and a dark figure appeared. But I wasn’t nervous around this man. Maybe it was because he reminded me so much of my husband with his strong presence. Or maybe it was his unnerving stare, the way he seemed to know exactly what my thoughts were before I spoke them.

My brother. Knight. He pulled out a chair and sat in the seat that should have belonged to my husband. I pursed my lips, but said nothing, knowing it would only draw out more questions.

“Morning,” he said gruffly.

“Good morning,” I replied, adding as much cheer as I could muster.

He shook his head at my chipper response. Again, he already knew I was faking it. When the door opened a second time and my father walked in, I nearly groaned, but managed to hold back.

“Look at that,” Knight muttered. “A family reunion. Aren’t we lucky,” he said to me, shooting me a wink that was so unlike him. Perhaps he was just as uncomfortable as I was. But he dug in, grabbing the dishes and scooping out portions for himself and for me. I stared at the large heap of eggs on my plate, my stomach roiling at the sight of all the food.

I was never hungry on the island. Well…not when I behaved. Ebarardo made sure I was always fed. That wasn’t the issue. I just didn’t have an appetite for anything since I was released from the hospital.

“It’s good to see you,” Michael said, forcing a smile.

God, we were going to go there today, all of them tiptoeing around me. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone? Didn’t they understand that I didn’t want them hovering?

But I put a smile on my face and pretended I was happy. “You too.”

“How are you this morning?” he asked, concern lacing every inch of his face.

“For fuck’s sake, give it a rest,” Knight muttered. “She’s not a child.”

“She was kept by that sick fuck for thirteen years?—”

He stopped suddenly and when I looked up, I understood why he didn’t finish his sentence. Knight was cutting a lethal look at him that couldn’t be misinterpreted. Shut up or I’ll gut you like a fish.

I hid my smile, thankful my brother was willing to stand up for me. My brother. I still couldn’t wrap my head around that one. I had a brother. Two, actually. Both of them were older than me, and both were from different marriages. Or…sexual encounters. I wasn’t exactly sure what the dynamic was here, and frankly, I didn’t care. If only I had given in when Ebarardo offered to cut off the birth control. Maybe I would have a child or two by now. I would have something—a piece of him with me forever.

But I had been determined not to have a child, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember why. When I laid in my room at night and tried to remember what it was like to have his arms around me, I wished more than anything that I had given in when he begged me to have a child with him.

I had to stop wishing for things that were no longer possible. Ebarardo was gone, and I had to find a way to move on without him. So, instead, I turned to Knight. “How are the kids?”

I hadn’t met them yet, but the idea of meeting his kids was about the only thing keeping me functioning most days.

He stilled for a moment, then shoved a forkful of eggs in his mouth, chewing slowly. “They’re good.”

“And Kate?”

She was so nice when I met her, so understanding when I cried my heart out about my husband being dead. But I hadn’t seen her since, and I wondered if she was like everyone else—if she thought I was damaged.

“Busy.”

“With the clinic.”

He nodded. He finished eating in silence, along with everyone else. I managed a few bites of food before deciding I just couldn’t do it. Claire and Michael stared at me the whole time, their gazes suffocating me by the second.

Knight threw his napkin down on the table. “Get dressed. We’re going out.”

My gaze snapped to his and panic filled me. “Going out? Where?”

“Just upstairs. I need some fucking air. It’s stifling down here.”

I felt the same way, but I didn’t like wandering around alone. There were no guards to keep me safe here. They just expected me to wander around on my own, but every time I tried that, I got scared.

“Um…maybe later.”

“Now. I need some fucking air.”

I swallowed down my fear at his words. He needed to get out. I could do this. He was my brother. “Okay.”

I tugged on my sleeves again as we headed through the tunnel leading to the safe room. It was really one large panic room. Well…house. It was a house underground. A massive house with so many rooms and beds and the most luxurious things anyone could ask for. I still didn’t entirely understand why a company like this would have such a large facility, but I didn’t question it.

“So…what are we doing?” I asked as he hit the button for the elevator.

“Going to the gun range.”

I stiffened at his words. “Why?”

“Because I’m feeling a little pissed off today and I need to let off some steam.”

“By firing a weapon?” I asked in confusion.

“It’s cathartic,” he sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets after scanning his palm and resting his chin on the rest for the retinal scan.

“And you want me to be there because…”

His eyes slid to mine for just a second. “Because I thought you might want to escape Claire’s hovering. And when I found out Michael was here…”

I nodded in understanding. “So, is it weird to know he’s alive?”

“I never thought he was dead,” he said without any further explanation.

“So, he just ghosted you?”

“Basically.”

“Any reason?”

He sighed heavily. Knight didn’t like talking. In fact, this was the most he had spoken to me at one time since I arrived.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he said, surprising me. “I did some bad shit and haven’t seen him since.”

“What kind of bad stuff?” I asked, ignoring his curse word. Ebarardo didn’t like it when I swore, and even though he was gone, I abided by his rules.

“I killed a bunch of men who were killing my friends. I should be in prison right now.”

“Oh. Well…that doesn’t seem so bad.”

He raised his eyebrow as he turned to me.

“I mean…” I fidgeted under his intense gaze. It was unnerving how much he set me on edge and made me feel better all at the same time. “If they were bad people…”

Thankfully, the elevator doors opened, saving me from having to talk anymore. We headed for the end of the hall to the doors that led outside. My heart hammered in my chest and sweat slicked the back of my neck. I could do this. I could go outside and pretend everything was normal. I was just hanging out with my brother, after all.

The bright sunlight nearly blinded me, but it was the cool breeze that really got to me. It had been so long since I’d experienced fall with the leaves changing and the feel of winter in the air. Part of me was excited to see snow again, but then I felt horrible, knowing I wouldn’t be experiencing any of that with my husband.

I pulled my sweatshirt tighter around my body, zipping it closed to ward off the chill. I wasn’t sure how far we walked, but the farther we got from the compound, the more my legs ached. I was mostly recovered from my hospital stay, but every once in a while, I could still feel a twinge rushing through my body.

And then I thought of Rafe.

I hadn’t heard a word about him since the island. I found it hard to believe that he went to all the trouble to “rescue me”, but then left me all alone, with no one but a new brother and my parents.

“Don’t go near them.”

At Knight’s voice, I brushed away the thoughts and focused on him again. “What?”

He jerked his head to a group of women gathered around a patch of open field. “Those women. They’re all nuts. Stay away from them.”

I couldn’t help but glance over at them as we continued our journey. They all looked so happy, having so much fun and cheering each other on with whatever they were doing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen a woman and wanted to talk to her. All my friends were my guards, and I wasn’t even sure I could call them that.

Ebarardo didn’t allow me to make friends. He said I didn’t need anyone other than him, and now that he was gone, I understood how true his words were. “Who are they?”

“Sebastian’s wife and some of the other wives. They’re all fucking crazy.”

“What are they doing?”

“Blowing shit up,” he muttered. “Probably planning the next idiotic thing that will inevitably get one of them killed or blown up.”

“Wouldn’t they be killed if they were blown up?”

“You would think,” he huffed.

I looked back at them, wondering what it was like to seem so happy. They wanted to blow something up. That had to be a metaphor, right? But then I watched as they all started running and ducked behind a makeshift wall. An explosion rocked the ground, sending dirt scattering into the sky. I nearly jumped out of my skin at how loud it was. And when it was over, they were all whooping and yelling as they ran to check out the destruction.

It was…odd.

And yet, they all seemed so happy.

“Over here,” Knight said, handing me earmuffs. I scurried over to him, putting them over my head as I watched him pull out his gun and look it over. I tried to watch carefully, to understand what he was doing. In all my years on the island, I’d been around guns the whole time, but I was never allowed to touch one or understand how it worked. From what I had seen, it looked pretty clear-cut.

Point and shoot.

I stepped back behind Knight as he took his stance. He fired off round after round, but even the earmuffs didn’t stop me from jumping at the loud noise. I pressed my fist to my chest, fighting back the panic that suddenly filled me. Ebarardo wouldn’t like this. He would be angry if he knew I was out here. I should leave. I should go back to my room and read a book. He would be happy knowing I was still abiding by his rules.

Without another word, I turned on my heel and ran for the building. I could hear Knight’s footsteps behind me, but he didn’t try to stop me. I yanked on the door, but nothing happened. A keening sound left my lips as I struggled to get back to the comfort of my room. I tugged over and over again until I finally crumbled, huddling in a ball on the ground as tears splashed down my face.

Ebarardo would be so mad at me. I had left the island and now I was here…wandering around without my guards. There were guns and women with explosives. It was all too much. None of this was right.

Knight knelt in front of me, his face blank as he stared at me until I calmed down enough that my sobs were only stuttered whimpers. I looked up at my brother, terrified that I would see judgment in his eyes, but instead, he just watched me, waiting for me to calm down.

I swiped the tears from my eyes, giving him a shaky smile. “Sorry about that.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he grunted, getting to his feet. He held out his hand and didn’t say another word about my meltdown as he pulled me up and slid his hand over the scanner. I blocked out everything else as he guided me through the confines of Reed Security. With every step we took deeper into the building, the easier it was to breathe. As soon as I heard the door to the panic room shut, everything in my head went silent, save one voice.

Good girl.

A smile graced my lips as I walked back to my room and shut the door. Somewhere, Ebarardo was smiling down at me.