24. Nico

Chapter 24

Nico

It has been a month since Bella woke up.

When I saw her open her eyes and look at me I thought it was the happiest moment of my life.

The doctors had warned me she might never wake up again - but she did. Because she is strong.

I was ecstatic.

Until I realized she had no idea who I was.

She remembered nothing. She still doesn’t.

Bella doesn’t even remember her own son.

How can that be possible?

She has been walking around my penthouse apartment in New York City as though she and I are strangers. She looks awkward around me and has even avoided me.

I can see she is uncomfortable and confused but I don’t know how to help her.

Lina has left the city and gone home. I had hoped she would help me take care of Bella, bring her back to herself, but Lina is bitter and full of anger after finding out what happened.

Whenever I can convince Bella to hold Dante I do. She sits with him in her arms, staring down at him as though he is some foreign thing she doesn’t know what to do with.

She is gentle with him, and I can see she is taken by him - but she has no memory of him being her son. At least he has made her smile a few times.

Lisa comes to visit and has been helping with Dante here and there, but Bella doesn’t remember her either.

I have to make her remember me - to remember us .

I’m taking care of our son without her. He needs her.

He’s lost his mother.

She’s here -but she’s not here. I have to bring her back to us.

“Bella, I thought today we could go for a drive. I want to show you something.” I say when she walks into the room.

She pauses for a moment, biting her lip just like she always has. It’s so strange to look at her, to know her gestures and expressions, to know her laugh and her preferences - but to also that she doesn’t know me at all.

“Um - ok.” She says nervously. “Where did you want to take me?”

“Lisa will be here in a bit for Dante - then we can get going. I thought - maybe I shouldn’t tell you and we should just drive there. The city and the place we are going - I’m hoping it will help you remember something.”

She nods. Most of her replies are silent. She is lost inside herself, withdrawn and pensive. I want to bring her out again. That bubbly, feisty beautiful girl I know is in there. She just has to let her out.

But the girl that she remembers is the one who was with Marcus. The girl who was trapped and traumatized. Not only is Bella suffering from a year of her life being missing - but she thinks she has only just got away from Marcus. That’s what her mind believes. She is going through a lot.

I just wish I could make her better.

Bella is quiet on the way to the gallery. She is staring out of the window and I keep looking over at her face, searching for any signs of recognition in her eyes. But her face is relaxed, empty, just watching.

When we arrive at the gallery, I park in her old spot where she used to park most nights. Even the jolting memory of the moment Marcus took her would be something - but if not that then the monotony of the fact that she parked here every day for work. It was a little repetitive habit, something she did every day.

We walk from her parking spot towards the gallery and she still doesn’t seem to know where she is.

She is looking around and taking everything in as though it was her first time here.

Killian is at work and when Bella walk in he rushes over and hugs her. “Oh my word, you can’t believe how I’ve missed you.” He says, holding her tight. She stands as stiff as a nail with her eyes wide open and her arms at her side.

“You really don’t remember anything?” He says with pain in his voice as he steps away. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. We - we were good friends. You were my boss.” He smiles.

“I’m sorry - “ She mumbles, looking uncomfortable.

“Just walk around Bella, explore the place and see if anything comes back to you.” I say, trying to encourage her to take it all in, on her own time and her own way.

Killian steps away from her, standing with me and we watch her as she walks around, admiring each piece of artwork - paintings and sculptures that she chose to be displayed here. The entire set up of the gallery is the one that she designed. Everything here is hers. It’s her choices.

She reaches up and touches things, runs her fingers over surfaces, she explores her office, touching the pink pen and the blue notebook. She sits in the office chair and strums her fingers on the desk. She doesn’t say a word, but I can see it isn’t bringing anything back. It isn’t helping her at all. Nothing is familiar.

I stare at her from the doorway. She looks up at me, her hands resting on the desk.

“Anything?” I ask.

She shakes her head as tears roll down her cheeks.

Maybe I’m pushing too hard.

My heart sinks.

I don’t know what else to do.

We head home and the car is filled with heavy tension. A sadness or regret. She is struggling - fighting with her own mind and I think the conflict of it all is making it worse. Trying to force the memories is pushing them further away.

When we get home, she goes up to her room and I go to check on our son.

My shoulders are slumped, and I’m drained. I’m lost too.

I want the woman I love to come back to me. I want to hold her and kiss her.

Later that afternoon I call the doctor to ask him for advice.

“Nico, she suffered a very traumatic injury to her head. Very few people who go through that get their memory back. Perhaps small fragments might return over time, but I think you need to accept the worst-case scenario - that the year she lost will never come back to her.”

“You think we should move on as though it never happened?” I ask in shock.

“You can keep trying. There is no harm in trying to remember. But just be prepared for the worst-case scenario.”

I sigh, weighed down knowing that Bella might never be the woman who fell in love with me again.

That night I’m lying in bed, my thoughts as busy as they always are, when I hear crying drifting down the hallway.

I get up and rush to her room, finding her curled up on her bed, hugging her legs to her chest and sobbing her heart out.

“Bella.” I say, pulling her into my arms.

“I don’t know who I am supposed to be.” She cries against my chest. “I’m trying too hard and the more I try the further away I seem to get from those memories. I’m losing the fight and I feel like I’m losing myself at the same time.”

“Bella, you are still you. You are still the beautiful, kind, gentle, loving person you have always been. You are strong.”

“I don’t feel strong. I’m broken, and fragmented.”

She looks up at me and her eyes are bright with tears.

My heart breaks every time I see her like this.

Gently I brush a stray curl of hair from her eyes.

My body has been begging to be this close to her, to hold her, to feel her in my arms. I’ve been missing this so much. I did not know how badly I needed this.

Then I lose control over myself, swallowed by the urges of how we used to be - I lean down and kiss her.

I expect her to go rigid with anger, or frustration or to push me away, but she doesn’t.

She doesn’t stop me at all.

In fact, she encourages me, brushing her hand over my face, pulling me closer and melting against me. A soft moan escapes her lips as we kiss.

I pull her harder against me.

She is perfect in my arms, her fingers exploring my body.

The passion seems to escalate with each passing moment. Bella’s mind might not remember me, but her body does. She is reacting to me the way she always has - with fierce desire.

She grabs at my clothes, pulling them off me and I drag hers off too. Soon we are laying naked, wrapped up in each other.

I roll onto her, pinning her to the bed, spreading her legs wide and wrapping them around my waist.

I stare into her eyes as I push my cock inside her and watch as she gasps with pleasure.

She digs her fingers into my biceps, tilting her head back and taking a sharp breath in.

I move, slowly at first, thrusting back and forth and trying to hold back. But I’ve been waiting so long. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to be with her.

I am in love with her and I haven’t even been able to touch her.

She moves against me, rocking her body, lifting her hips up towards me each time I thrust into her.

We are perfect together. Our bodies remember it.

Bella is moaning and soon her legs shake.

She grips me tighter and I whisper against her ear, “your body knows me, Bella.”

She shivers with delight and then arches upwards as an orgasm washes over her. I push deeper into her, exploding inside her, holding her close and hoping that this moment, this connection will jolt her back towards me.

When it’s over we lie in bed, my arms wrapped around her and her back curved against my chest. It’s peaceful and beautiful - until her body shakes with tears.

“Bella?” I whisper. “What’s wrong?”

She turns around, facing me, the tears drift across her cheeks and into the fabric of the pillow case, disappearing and leaving wet stains.

“I thought - I thought I would remember.”

I clench my jaw and sigh. “It’s ok.” I say.

“It was incredible. It felt - it was amazing to be with you. I’ve never felt like that before, Nico. I don’t remember ever feeling like that before.” She sighs.

My heart is breaking. What is she trying to say?

She sits up, pulling the blanket with her. I sit up too, she needs to tell me something and I have to be prepared to accept whatever it is.

“I’ve been fighting myself for a month now. I’m so exhausted, trying to force myself to remember because I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I feel like I’m letting you down - and especially Dante. He looks like me.” She wipes her tears away.

“What do you want to do, Bella?” I ask, nervously.

“I want to stop trying to remember. It’s too much. It’s taking away too much time and its making me miserable.”

I nod, filled with anxiety.

She smiles. “I want to start again. We - um - we fell in love once. Maybe we can fall in love again. So I want to start over. From the beginning. I know it will be weird for you, but if I don’t choose this, I am going to be forever focused on what I don’t remember, and it will eat at me. Will you - will you start over with me?” She asks.

I laugh, flooded with relief and happiness. I grab her into my arms and hug her. “Yes, yes, I would love to do that. Definitely. We can start over.”