CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

STELLA

I love living in this house with my three men and my best friend. We have this massive plot of land, so it's always quiet and peaceful. The birds chirping, the goats bleating, are all sounds that wake me up in the morning and generally have me smiling, but not today. Losing Maverick feels like something my heart will never recover from. I miss him already. My emotions are all conflicting with each other. I'm sad, shocked, heartbroken, and so fucking angry I can barely stand to sit here in my own skin.

I'm in the kitchen, watching the birds play around as I sip my decaf coffee. Fucking Gage and his Google searches resulted in us not being allowed to consume caffeine. I searched it myself and showed him that one serving of caffeine was not shown to be harmful. He wouldn't budge. Eventually I got tired of arguing with him and started drinking the decaf that he bought. It's stupid. What is the point of coffee without caffeine?

I turn to the sound of a clearing throat and nearly drop my glass mug. Maverick stands staring at me, his hands in his pockets, and looking every bit of delicious, and I really don't even want to notice that right now, but I do. His dirty blonde hair is messy from sleeping wherever he slept, and that thought just infuriates me.

Am I wondering where he was, what he was doing, and who he was doing it with? Yeah, of course I am.

"Stella."

Shaking my head, I say, "No, Maverick. Just no. Last night was the time to talk, but you chose to walk away instead. Now it's my turn."

I set my coffee cup down on the counter, with the intention of walking past him and going upstairs, but he stops me with his hand curling around my throat. Pushing me against the wall, he squeezes just enough to make me squeak. "Listen to me, little mama," he lowers his head, so his lips are ghosting mine, "You have every right to be angry. Hate me. But I'm here now and we are going to discuss this."

Grabbing his hand, I attempt to pull it from my throat, and he chuckles, knowing full well he's stronger than I am. "All I want is a fucking conversation, Stella."

"You don't deserve it," I whisper angrily.

He shakes his head with something that looks like regret. "No, I don't. I've always taken what I've wanted regardless, and I'm not stopping now."

Gripping my waist on either side, he lifts me over his shoulder while I pound my fists against his back. "Where are we going?"

He growls with determination. "To find Lucy. I'm not fucking doing this twice."

LUCY

It feels so weird waking up without Mav, even though Stella also isn't in bed with me, and Gage is gone, so presumably they're shower fucking, or something. Sebastian is way across the bed from me, drooling into the pillow, and I wish that I'd woken with him wrapped around me, so I wouldn't feel so alone right now. How could Mav just walk away like that? The same night he and the others propose to us? It's heartbreaking.

I love my entire family, every single one of them, but my bond started with Mav, and without him here, I feel like there's too large a piece missing. Last night when he left, it literally hurt to breathe. Thank God for Gage and Sebastian, because they showed us once again what amazing men they are, even if they have a penchant for killing anyone who pisses them off. They wouldn't kill Mav though, right? Oh god! They wouldn't! I sit up suddenly in bed, a hand over my mouth, as that horrifying thought hits me, and Sebastian moves instantly, sitting up and reaching for my shoulder.

"Morning sickness, baby? Let me help you to the bathroom." How amazing is it when your man wakes the instant you move like that? Like he instinctively knows you need him.

"No. I was just-" The door crashes open, and a man walks in, with an arguing, kicking woman on his shoulder. Stella, and the man she's yelling at? Mav! He releases her and she joins me on the bed, glaring at him as she folds her arms over her chest.

My first instinct is to jump up and throw my arms around him, but Stella clears her throat, and reminds me that it's not that simple. I shouldn't just be relieved, because we need to deal with why he left, and how much he hurt us, all of us. Stella reaches out and grabs my hand, and I can feel hers trembling lightly, and I know she's angry, and hurting, and anxious, and he did this. He made her feel like that.

"Mav? Where the fuck have you been?" Sebastian yells at him, lurching up from the bed and practically charging across the room at him.

"Hold up, everyone sit on the bed, and let him talk," Gage says from behind him, freshly showered, and wearing only a smallish towel around his waist. As usual, Gage's demands are met with obedience, and we all drop down onto the bed, like a peanut gallery, waiting to watch the show.

"Mav? Maybe time to open your trap, and share with the group, don't you think?" Gage says, patting his shoulder as he passes him, and climbs up on the bed beside Sebastian.

Mav clears his throat, glancing around at all of us, his eyes lingering on Stella, then me. He clears his throat again and runs a hand through his hair. It's the epitome of stalling, like he's edging us for whatever he's about to say, and my temper gets the better of me.

"For fuck's sake, spit it out! You're leaving us? Is that what you came here to say? Don't you think we got that when you pissed off last night and left us in bits? Do you have any idea how we felt? We asked you a question, and you lost your shit, turned into the mega asshole you used to be, and you fucked off!" He practically winces every time I hit him with another question, but he deserves it. He deserves to know that it's not okay to bugger off and leave the people who love you! To leave them feeling guilty for pushing, when they're just trying to get to know you. He proposed, they all did, surely that means he wants this. Wants us?

MAV

I'm not sure I've seen Lucy this worked up, and it only makes it harder. It feels like this entire relationship hinges on me making things right with both women. Fuck. What if I can't? The way they both glare at me now makes me convinced that I've fucked everything beyond repair.

"I'm here because," I clear my throat before continuing, "you want to know about my family."

Gage looks at both of them. "This is hard for Mav. He has never told anyone these things aside from myself, so let's be patient."

I swallow hard past the lump in my throat. "My parents are Joseph and Margaret Dillon. I grew up in Calabasas, California."

Stella raises her eyebrow in surprise, but Lucy has no reaction, because of course she has probably never even heard of them.

"Yes, my family is made of money. Joseph is the CEO of Celebrity National Bank."

They both look at me in shock, and Stella asks, "Do they know about us?"

I run my hands through my hair. "No. They don't. Please let me finish before you read into that. I haven't had anything to do with any of my family since I met Gage."

Taking a deep breath, I try to finish before I lose my nerve, to tell my deepest, darkest secret that might make them feel differently about me. "When I was sixteen, I got a girl pregnant."

Lucy slaps her hand over her mouth. "You already have a child?"

Before I have a chance to respond, Gage barks at her, "Lucy. Damn it. Let him finish."

Moving to the chair across from the bed, I sit down, because I'm not feeling great physically. Leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, I bury my face in my hands, so I don't have to see the looks they give me. "She wasn't my girlfriend, just some cheerleader. I told my parents, and Joseph ordered me to marry her, but I didn't want to. I refused."

The room is so quiet now, you could hear a pin drop. I spent the entire night wide awake imagining telling them this, and every time it was terrible, but somehow, it's even worse now.

"I made it clear to Hannah, I wouldn't marry her, but I wanted the baby. I offered to raise it. Or share parenting with her. She could be involved or not. I was on board for whatever she decided was best for her."

One of my biggest fears about telling them this is, up until this point they thought I was a strong man, but that's over now. Because I'm fucking breaking inside, and it's beginning to show on the outside as tears streak my face.

"Joseph informed me if I didn't marry her, she needed to have an abortion. I didn't take him seriously, because why would he have any say whatsoever?"

I press my thumbs into my eyes, trying to force the tears to stop. What kind of a fucking weak man sits in front of his women crying? I'm supposed to comfort them, be strong for them, and right now I can't even do that for myself.

"He paid her off. The price for my baby to die? One million dollars."

The sobs come unwillingly as my body begins to shake. "She wasn't ever going to have an abortion. Hannah had agreed we'd keep the baby and figure out how to raise it without being together. I guess a million dollars was too much of an amount for her to say no to."

Through a choked sob, I tell them both, "So no, they don't know about you or the babies. And they never will. They lost access to me when they killed my child."

For years I've told people I was estranged from my family by their choice. Another story of a wayward youth that a family could no longer tolerate. It's more common and invites far fewer questions than the truth does. When it happened, the pain was so excruciating I couldn't fucking breathe. That's how I ended up in Arizona with Gage. We met while hacking into Celebrity National Bank for very different reasons. As much of an asshole as he is, Gage is the only reason I survived it. I thought I might die, and a lot of days I wanted to. The same as I did for him, when I tried to push him away, he wouldn't allow it. He became my family long before we had this. As good as our friendship is, if I cost him everything, I might lose him too, because I'm not sure he'd ever forgive me.