Chapter 36

Rose

T he mood was somber as we walked into Iris and Declan's home. Though the delicious scent of baking sweets wafted through the space, something distinctly… sour… underscored it. The food itself wasn't the problem—Iris would never allow inedible food to be placed in front of her family or guests—but rather the mood of the occupants of the house.

Tension and anxiety thrummed in the air, a nearly tangible thing. The strain of the current situation lined the faces of everyone attending, choking off what little conversation there was into terse snippets. Iris shooed everyone out of the kitchen so she could finish off the meal herself, an unheard-of thing. She usually adored having a helper or two. Ava and Aira, the liveliest of our group, were silent as they set the table for seven, and Declan was staring off into the distance from his seat in the living room, occasionally looking toward the kitchen with a lost expression before returning to his thoughts.

Everything about the scene was all wrong. It brought to mind every family dinner growing up with my parents, the undercurrent of hostility between everyone at that table always teetering on the edge of an inevitable explosion. The whole scene set my teeth on edge, my other form sitting just beneath my skin, ready to burst out at the first opportunity.

I wasn't alone in my discomfort. While Milo strode forward to greet his parents and grab glasses for the table to be useful, Will stood beside me, his whole body stiff. The muscle in his jaw flexed as he took in the scene, and when I tried to ask him telepathically what was wrong, he just shook his head without saying anything back. I grabbed his hand instead and gave it a squeeze, trying to tell him without words that I was there for him, but in his broodiness, he didn't really notice.

Once everything was ready and all the food was set out on pot holders on the table, we all sat down, but even that wasn't in the usual order. On the left side, I sat sandwiched between Milo and Will, which was to be expected. But rather than have the heads of the table, Declan pulled Iris to sit to his left while Ava and Aira took the remaining seats across from us, leaving the seat beside Will empty. I tried not to think anything of it, especially not when it was evident Declan needed the comfort of his lifemate's touch and presence, but it was hard not to feel an instinctual wince at the stricken look on Will's face that lasted all of a second before a mask of indifference covered his features.

A look I knew all too well from my own bank of expressions.

Declan gestured at the food on the table and said, "Please, everyone, eat up."

We filled our plates, passing dishes around as needed. Today, lasagna and breadsticks were being served, as well as salad, raw fish for the merfolk among us, and red wine. From the wafting scent of something sweet, I had no doubt Iris had whipped up a dessert for us as well, as was her usual style.

Despite all the delicious food and warm environment, still the conversation didn't flow as it normally did. It was uncomfortably quiet aside from the clanking of utensils against plates and soft sipping of drinks. Pleasantries were exchanged, of course. Asking how we slept and telling us about any further skirmishes between clans or with any of Joseph's men last night. But when that line of questioning dried up, so, too, did the rest of the conversation.

Everything me squirmed. This sort of strained silence was always a precursor to a blow up of epic proportions, and though I knew that wasn't going to happen in this household—no one present was prone to fits of screaming, it was impossible for my body to remember that as my food sat heavy in my stomach, slowing my consumption of it.

Just as I was about to put my fork down and excuse myself to the bathroom, Milo broke the silence, bursting the bubble of tension between us. As wound up as I was, I jumped a little hearing him speak so clearly.

"This may not be the best time to let you know this," he started, and though he didn't address me, he reached over to touch my thigh and push a little calm into me, "but I wanted to let you know that my mates and I will be going to Malutaga after all. As soon as we get the okay from Mataalii, we'll be flashing there to get the training we need to deal with Joseph."

When I looked over at Iris and Declan, I expected to see concern on their faces. What I did not expect was relief. I turned to Ava and Aira to discern their reaction, only to see the same relief on their faces as well.

"Your mother and I discussed this earlier today, after Joseph's men stopped their prowling," said Declan, scrubbing a hand over his face. "We were going to propose the same if you didn't bring it up."

"Now that he knows his son is here, there's no telling what Joseph is going to do, especially given what we already know he's capable of," added Iris. "It's not safe for either Rose or Will to be here at the moment."

Declan glanced from his wife to us somberly. "And we don't have enough selkies to fight him should he send his people after you."

Though I knew this wasn't a rejection of me, I couldn't help but crumple internally. We were a danger to them, and harboring us was beyond what they could handle. Regret churned in my stomach as my mind spun its wheels, taking these thoughts and blowing their meaning up beyond what was actually said.

"What will you do, then, should Joseph attack you or move to take Mariana as he has Nora?" I asked, forcing the words out of my mouth despite the burning in my eyes.

"If we're able to defend ourselves, then we will do so, but if we cannot…" Declan paused to take a big gulp of wine. "If we cannot, there is a place we can go and regroup that Joseph doesn't know about. The other Otherkind leaders know to take their people there in case of an emergency. Iris and I have been taking turns adding rations and supplies these past few weeks just in case, and we've been in talks with the Heart to potentially seal the entrance away like the krakens have done with theirs."

The thought of them having to abandon their home made my stomach twist painfully. I set my fork down, unable to force another bite down my throat.

"I think Aira and I will be leaving as well," said Ava quietly, as if she were afraid of the reaction she'd get from her parents.

After a long moment of surprised silence, Iris was the first to speak. "Where will you go?"

"Aira's mated siblings are going to head back to Japan with their nestlings. We were thinking it would be good to have extra hands to help with the kids and to keep everyone safe," she replied, pushing her food around her plate.

"And what about the Miyaharas?" I asked quietly, remembering Toki's story.

Aira furrowed her brows but chose not to ask how I knew of them. "My eldest sister's husband is the grandson of Lord Miyahara's second-in-command. Since they're a soul bonded pair, it's close enough to bringing our family to heel as the Miyaharas know they'll get. But if it isn't, well, that's what Ava and I going will help with."

At my look of confusion, Ava explained, "Since she and I are mated, Aira is considered a member of my family rather than her father's, for some sexist and homophobic reasons, which means if either of us or our immediate families are harmed, they risk pissing off the selkies here and in Japan. And because the selkies there are very closely aligned with another rival dragon faction, they don't want to cause a war. Or that's what we're hoping for, at least."

"We do have an escape plan should that change, though," said Aira when everyone else still looked skeptical.

This did, somewhat ease my disquiet, but I knew nothing short of all this danger passing would truly ever remove my anxiety. For that to happen, though, I would have to learn how to defeat Joseph, and my confidence in that was, well, nonexistent.

The rest of dinner went by a little easier, as the worst news had already been dropped. On the one hand, I was grateful things had relaxed. On the other, having to leave didn't make me feel better at all, even though I knew it was for the best.

Milo and Declan took the time to discuss their game plan for protecting the island and all the steps they were taking already to shore up their defenses. There were many questions for Will as to what his father could do and what he knew of his father's plans. He answered them readily, though a lot of it came down to him not knowing. Joseph's paranoia led him to keep nearly all of his grand designs to himself for fear of being thwarted in some way. Other than that, though, he didn't speak unless asked something directly.

It was clear to me Will wasn't comfortable. He barely touched his food, and agitation poured off him in waves. I tried my best to show him that he wasn't alone by running my hand over his thigh, but it didn't seem to help. His muscles were tight, as if he were about to spring out of his own skin, and when I brushed my aura against his, I got no reply back.

Once dinner was done and dessert was eaten, however—when I thought everything had finally relaxed into the usual easy, comfortable rhythm of things—my merman patted my knee and stood. "I'm going to get some air."

I wanted to ask if he'd like me to come with him, but he was gone before the words could even form. I couldn't even blame him for wanting to get out of there, and as much as my whole soul pushed me to follow him, I gave him space. Even if it did hurt me a little to do so.

After everything was cleaned up and the leftovers distributed, everyone adjourned to the living room for some wine. As I was about to join them, Aira announced, "I'm going to grab that bottle I brought. I'll be right back."

Now's my chance , I thought, and after a kiss on the top of Milo's head, I followed her back into the kitchen. As she bent down to retrieve a bottle from the mini wine fridge, I slipped up next to her and waited until she straightened to get her attention. I spoke in hushed tones so as not to alert the others. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

Momentary confusion at my near whisper had her brow furrowing, but she responded nonetheless. "Sure. What's up?"

"After this is over, could I speak to you in private? I have a favor I'd like to ask," I replied, before hastily adding, "Ava can be there, too, of course."

"Sure. Head on over to our house after we're finished with the bitch and wine." She let out a snicker at the slip. Only Ava ever called the post-dinner chatting that, and every time Iris heard it, she looked close to whipping out a newspaper to whack her daughter with.

I snorted myself. "Thank you." A bit of that coiled tension in my stomach eased, and I let out a breath. "I'm going to go find where Will went. I'll be right back."

"I'll let the others know." The smirk that crossed her face was an echo of Ava's. "Just make sure not to do any freaky-deaky mating stuff while you're out there, hm?"

I swatted at her. "You're just as bad as your mate. Maybe you need some Ava-free time to sort yourself out as well."

"Oh, that's most definitely true. We'll have to hang out when…" She trailed off, remembering that we were both leaving and didn't have a return date in mind.

"I'll come crash your dragon commune when all this is over," I said, sounding much more cavalier than I really felt. "We can leave Ava with the children where she belongs and have rational people time."

Aira, for her part, pasted on a smile that would be convincing were it not for the sadness in her eyes. "Sounds like a plan."

She ended up shooing me away to find Will before I could say anything else. I'd have been hurt if I didn't notice she pursed her lips in that way that told me she was holding back tears. I knew she'd hate having someone see her cry, so I gave her privacy. Of course, I wasn't sure what I could've said around the lump in my own throat.

Stepping out of the sliding glass door, I cast my gaze around for my merman. I didn't honestly expect him to be right outside, but I was looking for traces of his silvery aura. It didn't take me long to find them, the bright, mercury-like splash against the darkness nigh impossible to miss. I followed its path, which streaked into the woods behind the house, a riot of emotions spilling from each spot. I didn't dare stick my hand into the remnants, unwilling to break his privacy like that. If he wanted to tell me, he would. And if he didn't, well, I'd have to live with that.

I found Will standing on the edge of the cliff just past where the woods ended, silhouetted by the dusk sky, which still had a sliver of sunlight peeking over the horizon. Even without seeing it myself, I knew he was standing over the beach where the seal colony roosted, and if the tickling in my feet was an indication, he might be directly over the entrance of the Heart's dwelling. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, his stance wide and unnatural. The lines of his muscles were tense and rigid. Whatever was going on in that copper-haired head of his had him distressed.

My aura brushed his in greeting so I wouldn't scare him. He barely turned to look over his shoulder, trying to determine whether I was a threat, but when he saw it was me, he turned back to the ocean. Will let out a long breath as I approached, and as it left him, so did some of the tension.

My hands itched to touch him, to soothe him, and I didn't have the self-control to deny either of us that comfort. I stepped up behind him and wrapped my arms around his midsection, slipping my hands beneath his shirt to touch his skin. I breathed him in, taking in his scent, without saying a word. When he was ready to speak, he would, and in the meantime, I could provide comfort and safety.

We stayed like that for a long time, only the lapping of the waves upon the beach below and the occasional seal snuffle breaking the silence. I may not have been able to use my magic to push comfort and calm into my mate like Milo did, but Will, like me, valued sharing space; the mere presence of another person was enough to help ease whatever worries were simmering inside.

"I should've done something sooner," Will said finally, his voice thick with sorrow. "The moment I realized something was wrong my father's plan, I should have done something. Anything. Why am I so fucking weak?"

I squeezed him a little tighter. "You're not weak," I whispered into his back. I knew he likely wouldn't believe me, but it needed to be said. "You told me before that you were under so many layers of his compulsion that it took days to clear out. What could you have done?"

"I never should have come back in the first place," he replied through gritted teeth. "The moment I left for university, before I could walk across the stage and get my diploma, I should've done what you did and run away. Barring that, I could have sabotaged him the moment I recognized he was dismantling Nora. Something."

"And risk having your autonomy stripped away from you?"

A sound came from him like he was going to try to refute me, but then he growled, defeated. "I didn't know he could do that at the time."

"That's fair," I admitted, stroking his skin. "But really, none of this is your fault. The blame lies squarely at his feet. If you had tried to thwart him before you were out of his influence, you likely would've been lost to his power just like his prisoners are. People like him…" My throat constricted for a moment as I thought of my mother. "People like him do not take kindly to having their authority questioned, let alone taken from them. Sometimes it's more important to survive the day than to fight back, so you can be stronger when the time comes."

A bitter huff came from him, and he laced his fingers through mine before tugging me forward to hug me back properly. "We have such fucked up families."

I nuzzled the spot over his heart as he kissed the top of my head. "We really do."

We lapsed into silence again, and I held him as his emotions started to get the best of him, his body shaking from failing to hold them back. "How can anyone want me around when I'm such a stark reminder of all the bad things that have happened? When I, too, have done awful things?"

I tipped my head back to look up at him, brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not innocent in all this. I helped my father intimidate people off Nora. I served as his muscle. Even my mere presence scared some of the humans." His hands fisted the back of my dress. "And that's not even getting into what he made me do to you."

"Did you actually have a choice in any of that? Or did he dictate that as well?" I asked. It was a harsh question, perhaps one I really shouldn't have asked, but it needed to be stated.

"I…" he started, then trailed off. "This was part of his MO, wasn't it? Make me think I was doing things of my own volition when, really, he'd fucked me in the head so much there was no choice at all."

"That's what happens with abusers, magic-using or not. They want to make sure you do what they want you to while ensuring that, should something go wrong, you are painted with the same damning brush as them," I replied gently.

Though I didn't say it aloud, there were many examples that lent credence to this being Joseph's MO. The biggest one was how he never trained Will's stepsisters—that lack of control had caused several people to jump to their deaths when the urge to sing became too much. Thinking back, I remembered how Noemie and Will shamed the girls for what happened to me the day I was lured off the cliff.

With the perfect clarity of hindsight, however, I knew the blame really lay at Joseph's feet. He, the several-hundred-year-old merman, should have taught his daughters control over their magic. He shouldn't have chosen to build his home on a spot specifically for tourists without putting up signs saying it was private property. Joseph ensured they lived every day in paranoia, feeding into their fears until they policed each other on behavior that was so far out of their control that it wasn't fair.

"What he did," I said finally, holding my own anger at bay, "was and will always be unforgivable, but it's not your fault. It's his. You're a victim in all this just as much as his prisoners are, as much as I am."

He let out a long breath, then another, as he thought about this. "Rationally, I know you're right, but I just can't seem to let go of the guilt."

"I know." I squeezed him a little tighter. "It takes time to reprogram your brain to have healthy thought patterns."

"Have you been able to?" he asked, vulnerability slipping through.

"I was starting to with Aeden's help in therapy. But with the hunters and my change, that progress was derailed." Taking a deep breath of my own, I bared a little of my heart to him. "I still hear my mother's voice sometimes. My father sometimes, too, but mostly hers, since she was the one who was home with me more often than not."

"Do you think it will ever go away? Their voices?"

Everything in me wished I could reassure him that there was freedom at the end of this healing journey, but as much as I wanted that for myself, I couldn't lie to him.

"I… don't know. I hope so," I admitted.

"Oh," was all he said, his shoulders slumping.

My heart cracked when I felt the way he curled in on himself. I hated seeing him like this, so deflated and hurting. He deserved to be happy, dammit, just like I did. Just like everyone else unjustly hurt by Joseph.

"You know what? Even if those voices never go away, we can always be the voice of reason for each other," I said, when I couldn't take his pain any longer. "We can remind each other of the good in ourselves and that the words we hear are nothing but abusive garbage. We can be strong together."

Will's ocean eyes met mine. "Do you really think we can?"

"I do," I replied with a confidence I wasn't really sure I had. "We can be each other's strength. We can be each other's family."

Love shined in my merman's eyes as he looked down at me. His face softened with it. "I'd like that very much, pretty girl."

He leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to my lips, telling me without words everything else he wanted to say. I gave it right back, fortifying and comforting both of us. We may never be accepted into other clans like we dreamed we'd be. We may never be closer than on the fringe in other people's family histories. But in this moment, we had each other, and I clung to that with everything I had. There was no telling if we'd ever get the chance to have more.