Chapter 17

Nolan

I wokeup with a pounding headache, a dry mouth, and an overbearing need to piss. The sunlight filtered in through my window, and it was blindingly bright as I shielded my eyes from it.

I groaned as reality set in, memories of the prior night playing over in my mind like a movie. Dawson and I... We kissed.

Fuck, I kissed him!

The memory of Dawson relaxing into me, of his warm lips against mine, made my entire body flush with heat.

I'd had probably a little more than I could handle in the liquor department, but to be fair, those drinks didn't even taste like they had alcohol in them at all. It was like sucking down a Capri Sun. But the throbbing pain in my head told me those sweet, fizzy drinks packed quite a punch.

I leaned back in my bed, running my hand over my eyes as I let the hazy memories surface, as I tried to hold on to what had happened, how things had transpired.

Though I remembered kissing Dawson, everything else seemed rather vague and blurry. As if one moment bled into the next, and all I could remember was the feel of his lips on mine, of his cock against mine.

Fuck!

I want you to ruin me.

The words surfaced in my brain, and even though I was alone with no one to witness my mortification, I blushed what I would have guessed was a deep scarlet from the way my entire body heated at the memory.

Of me being pissed off because we...

Were making out in his truck!

And I told him that?

That I wanted him to fucking ruin me?

I groaned miserably as I grabbed the pillow next to me, feeling a slight panic attack coming on.

Breathe, Nolan, it's fine.

You can blame it on the fizzy bubbly drinks... maybe he doesn't remember anyway... or...

Honestly, I wasn't sure I could blame it all on the alcohol. That may have accounted for my loose lips, but it wasn't like I was lying about what I said. I did want Dawson to ruin me. I wanted him to destroy me in more ways than one, and then build me back up from total destruction.

The memory of his fingers gripping my ass resurfaced, only causing more of a mixture of pain and embarrassment meddled with lust and desire.

I am so fucked up.

I wanted him to forget my momentary lapse of judgment, my embarrassing, desperate attempt to lull him into my apartment and live out my stupid fantasy.

After all, I was practically throwing myself at him.

And his answer had been very clear, because here I was, awake and alone.

But I didn't have time to process such things. Duty called, after all. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and planted my feet on the carpet as I tried to stabilize my breath.

Of two things I was absolutely certain. One, that Dawson had kissed me back.

Which changed everything.

But the second thing I knew was that despite the fact he seemed into it, he left me alone on my doorstep, pissed off, horny, and rejected. He just... left.

Because I wasn't good enough.

Because I'd upset the delicate balance of the tightrope between us.

Because he wanted to be a good guy.

Maybe I'd ruined everything.

I felt a sting of guilt, but it would have to be short-lived, because not ten seconds later my phone was ringing, louder than it probably should have been.

I fumbled with my phone on the nightstand, knocking over a box of tissues as I squinted to see the screen.

Karla calling.

Great, just who I wanted to hear from at seven thirty in the morning when I was hungover.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Morning sleepyhead," Karla said in a tone that was much too chipper for my liking.

"I could have used five more minutes..." I groaned as I slowly ambled my way across the floor to the hallway and down to the bathroom.

"I bet. You sound like shit. You're not sick, are you?" she asked, her tone changing to one of concern.

I easily slid my cock out of my boxers, relieving myself while I tried to focus.

"I wish," I mumbled. "But no."

"Techs should be wrapping up this morning, so you're good to come back in the office this afternoon. You should be all recharged and ready to go," she said.

"Great," I touted as I tucked myself back in my boxers.

"Sounds great, hun. See you this afternoon!" she said, her voice filled with excitement.

I'm glad one of us is in a good mood.