Chapter 16

Dawson

It tookevery ounce of concentration, every bit of willpower I had, to tell Nolan to stop.

Because I didn't want him to stop.

Fucking hell, I wanted to unearth more of the Nolan I'd seen tonight. The one who wasn't anything like I thought he was. The one who blushed constantly at my flirtations, who sang the best karaoke, who knew when to be playful and when to be serious. Who was still a pain in my ass, but was now adding a whole new sort of pain.

When he kissed me outside the restaurant, I was surprised, but mostly because up until that point I didn't think he was into... me. Not like I was slowly becoming into him.

When he kissed me outside the restaurant, his tongue sliding against mine, his dick rubbing against mine, I knew I was a goner. Nolan Harding had blazed through me like a five alarm fire, and I loved it. I wanted more of it.

Which is probably why I had let things get this far to begin with. It was easier to pretend at Sedona that we weren't... us. That we were some beautiful couple on a date, enjoying one another.

But outside home, outside the Towers, reality waited for me.

Nolan wasn't just some hot guy I wanted to take back to my apartment and suck off.

He was my co-worker. He was in charge of my brother's claim.

And he's probably at least a little drunk, and might regret this come tomorrow morning.

I didn't want to be a regret. I wanted to see Nolan again, and not in the capacity I'd been used to.

I wanted him.

So, I knew I had to do things right this time. I had to take my time. Show Nolan that he was worth more than just some truck fuck.

The pain and sadness that registered on his face at my words damn near fucking killed me.

"I'm so sorry. I—" Nolan scrambled off of my lap, leaving my aching boner on full display, the prevalent need to come ebbing in every part of my body.

I leaned my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes as I stilled my breath, grabbing myself to try and stifle my erection. But it was no use, and I was far too sensitive from all of Nolan's dirty grinding, and I came the minute I grabbed myself.

Fuck...I breathed through my ruptured orgasm, the sound of the door slamming pulling me back to the here and now. I adjusted myself as I jumped out of the car, chasing after Nolan when I felt like I needed an eight hour nap.

I don't think I've come in my pants from fucking frotting since I was a damn teen!

"Nolan, wait!" I yelled as he stomped across the parking lot like a petulant child. I jogged to catch up to him, noting the tension in his shoulders. I reached out, grabbing his shoulder, turning him to look at me, and I could see the fire in his eyes.

"Don't," he bit out. "Just... don't make this worse."

"Nolan..." I pleaded as he opened the door, heading for the elevator. I followed him like a lamb to the slaughter.

The elevator dinged and we both tried to go in at once, colliding with one another. I motioned for him to go in first, and he huffed in annoyance. When the elevator closed, Nolan stood there with his arms crossed, refusing to look at me.

"Would you just look at me?" I hissed breathlessly.

"I can't," he said as the elevator opened on his floor. "I'll be fine. Just, let me go."

His words were like ice, and I knew he wouldn't be. Whoever had burned this man before me, left some deep wounds; that I was sure of.

My insides ached to soothe him, soothe whatever fear or bullshit he was feeding himself. I needed him to understand that he deserved more.

Wedeserved more.

I couldn't let him go. So, I ran out of the elevator until I got to his apartment, breathing heavily as he stood in front of his door, keys in hand.

"Nolan, just listen to me, damn it!" I barked, not caring about the volume of my voice. He turned to me with glassy eyes.

"It's not that I don't want to, I do, I just—"

"What? It's not you, it's me? Really, Dawson?" Nolan bit out, his tongue flicking out over his lips as he narrowed his wet gaze at me. He was trying to be tough, but I could see the reality of his emotional state clear as day.

My rejection had hurt him.

I'd fucked up.

I stepped closer, reaching out to touch him because I too, was a glutton for punishment. I expected him to push me away but instead, his shoulders loosened, his eyes gazing up at me with sadness and inebriation.

"It's not you..." I said, the words somehow so clear in my mind, but so difficult to say. So I chose another route. I pulled him close, kissing him once more.

Nolan sunk into my kiss like I was the air he needed to breathe, making my heart race. He broke away, his eyes full of tears.

I pulled him into my arms, wrapping them around him like he was a damn life preserver and I was drowning.

Because in a way, I was. We both were.

Drowning in our own personal hell, in denial.

Nolan's hand settled on my hip as he brushed his face against my shirt.

"Why won't you let me be the good guy for once?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

I pulled away, looking at his face, at the pain in his expression.

Pain I caused.

Fuck, how do I make this right?

Nolan turned away from me for a moment, his dark lashes standing out against his pale skin, the sheen of his black frames catching the light from above in the hallway.

He turned back to me, his voice pained.

"Because that's my job, Dawson. To be the good guy. You're supposed to the bad guy," he chortled.

"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling my own heart break at his words.

Was that how he saw me?

Truly?

As some Bond villain?

Nolan stepped forward an inch, closing the distance between us that had formed. "You're supposed to fucking ruin me," he said, tears falling down his pale cheeks, his voice dark and full of things that made my cock twitch again.

Made my blood hot.

Nolan said the words, but I felt them in my core.

He wanted to burn.

He wanted me in the worst way, and the reality of that notion scared me more than anything else.

I slid my hands through his soft, dark hair, staring back at his beautiful, tear-stained face, and I felt on the edge of a cliff.

And that was when I decided to jump.

A part of me knew he may not remember this conversation in the morning, but if he did... I hoped he'd at least respect me for it.

"If you want this..." I breathed heavily, stroking the wet streaks on his cheek with my thumb. "If you want me," I started. "Then you can have me. But not like this," I whispered, planting a kiss on his forehead.

Nolan pushed me away.

"Whatever, Dawson," he said as he unlocked his door, and I watched him disappear, leaving me and my heart in ruin.

I only prayed that we could rebuild what I'd broken.