CHAPTER FOURTY-ONE TABATHA

CHAPTER FOURTY-ONE

TABATHA

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? As long as you both shall live?"

"I do," I say with a smile on my face and a happy tear runs down my cheek.

Dash stands in front of me in an all-white tux and a proud smile on his face. His shaggy hair is slicked back and his gray eyes are shining into mine.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that I married a man who I once had a one-night stand with. But, somewhere, our story fell together as if a puzzle. It was made to be. We just fit.

"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? As long as you both shall live?" the preacher asks Dash.

"I do," his deep voice says, and my smile grows bigger as another tear falls down my face.

He reaches up and runs the back of his thumb over my cheek wiping it away. "I will forever wipe your tears away," he whispers, and it just makes another fall.

"You may now kiss your bride."

I'm pulled out of my dream as my head falls forward and a small snore comes out of my mouth. I reach up to wipe the drool off my chin and push my unbrushed hair off my face. It's a dream that I continue to have every time I close my eyes. But it's become a nightmare. Hanging me.

I haven't left the hospital since I got here, five days ago. My mom showed up while Dash was still in surgery. She brought all of us a change of clothes and brought me some bathroom products. Even she knew Dash was going to be in here for a while and that I wasn't going to leave his side. My father pulled out all the stops and got the largest room possible, and I refuse to leave, afraid as soon as I do that he'll wake up. And I wanna be the first person to see those beautiful gray eyes. I wanna be the first one to hold his hand and tell him it's all gonna be okay.

His room smells like flowers—so much to the point where it makes me nauseous. The wreck has been all over the news and the gifts, flowers, and balloons have been pouring in from all of his fans to wish him well.

I remove the blanket from my legs and walk over to his bed. I grab his hand; I swear it gets colder every day. I softly run my hand through his long shaggy hair as I look at the tube that is down his throat—the ventilator that is keeping him alive. But I know he'll fight it. He's a fighter. "Good morning, sweetie," I say softly. "Wake up for me, baby," I whisper giving him a kiss on his forehead. I then sit down next to him. "I have a confession. I know what errand you were out doing." I smile. "I still haven't opened it, though. I don't wanna ruin your surprise." I give a little laugh. "I still expect you to get down on one knee, ya know? I expect a big display of love." I sigh. "I'm sure you had planned on doing it at your party." I know him very well, and I would bet everything I have that he was going to make that party about us and not his racing. He's sneaky like that. "You do you know that Dad is just going to throw you another one when you get out of here? You can do it then," I tell him. I lean down where my face is close to his. "But I have a little secret for you, too. I'm going to say yes." I softly kiss the side of his face before I pull back and look at him. He's almost unrecognizable. His face is swollen and bruised. The left side of his head is shaved where they had to open it up to relieve the pressure off his brain so the swelling could go down. His collarbone is broken, along with his right knee. His right ankle is shattered along with his left wrist. The car that hit him head-on wasn't paying attention. They were speeding and somehow went across the center median. A car that was behind Dash, who witnessed it, said he never even saw it coming. I hope that he didn't feel any pain. I pray that he wasn't awake for any of it. A part of me, the selfish part, wants him to wake up and see that I'm here. The other part of me wants him to stay asleep, to just sleep through all the pain and wake up once he heals.

I stand up, lean down to give him a soft kiss on his bruised face, and then pull away. I go back over to the couch and grab my bag before walking into the bathroom that is connected to his room. I wash my ashen face with some cold water and start to brush my teeth. I change out of one pair of yoga pants for a clean pair and a fresh t-shirt. I step back out of the room and see his parents along with my dad now standing in his room. His parents, who have only been here twice. I hate them more every time I see them.

"Good morning," I say trying to give them all a soft smile. I've really been holding it together pretty well. I have my moments where I break down but, for the most part, I try to stay happy for him. I know he can hear me, and he needs to know that when he wakes up, I'm gonna be here for him.

"Tabatha…" My father's voice cracks, and he clears his throat.

"What is it?" I ask, taking a step toward him. "Did they get the results back?" I ask in a panic. They keep testing him. I'm not sure what for, but I heard one nurse say something about brain activity.

His mother goes to speak, but a nurse walks into the room and closes the door. We all stand quietly and I can feel the pressure in the room start to build. I can literally hear a humming in my head.

I jump back like someone shocks me when the nurse pulls the blinds shut, closing out the rest of the hospital. "How long will it take?" his mom, asks as tears run down her face.

"How long will what take?" I demand. "What are you doing?"

"Tabatha…they've made a decision," my father says as he turns to face me.

My heart stops and my knees wobble. "Please don't do this," I cry walking over to his mother. My father wraps his arms around me. "Please don't do this," I beg.

"Come on, Tabatha." My father gently pulls me toward the door, and I realize he wants me to leave. I start to fight him, but he tightens his arms around me.

"I'm his wife," I yell as I hold up my left hand but realize I haven't opened the box. "I won't allow this," I shout furious. How can they do this? I have rights. I'm going to be his wife; I have rights.

The nurse has an instant look of panic on her face and looks at Dash's father. He leans over to whisper in her ear, and she looks at me with pity in her soft blue eyes. "I'm truly sorry for your loss, but…"

"No," I try to say but I don't have enough breath to even say the two letter word.

His mom looks at me with anger in her eyes. As if I'm making a scene when she is the one who is about to kill her own son. "He's gone," she declares as she straightens her back. Like she has to have some kind of fucking pride.

"No," I shout making his mother jump. "He just needs more time," I say as my eyes look back over at him lying in the hospital bed. He looks so helpless. Just lying there as if he's begging me to fight for him. "Please," I beg, looking at his mother. "He can fight this," I cry. "Miracles happen every day." I try to push my father off me once again, but he holds me tightly. "I beg you. Please don't do this to him." They've been talking about this since he came out of surgery. The odds of him ever waking up. And the odds of him breathing without the ventilator. Without it, he will die. He needs to wake up before they try to remove it. He's not awake yet, though.

"I'm sorry…" his mother cries.

"You're gonna kill him!" I shout angrily. My father starts to move as he drags me out of the room, and I try to fight him. Try to grab on to anything that will keep me closer to Dash. But I find nothing. He slams the door shut with his foot, and I cry out.

A man comes running up to us as I scratch at the window that separates me from Dash. Those stupid curtains block my view of him. "I can sedate her."

"No," my father growls and the man runs off.

I turn to face my dad. I grab a hold of his shirt and force him to look down at me. "Please don't let them do this, Daddy," I sob. "I love him."

"I know," he says as he runs a hand over my hair. "I'm so sorry, sweet pea. But it's their choice."

"What about my choice?" I cry. "What about Dash's choice?" I lift my left hand and point to my ring finger. "He wanted me. He loves me." He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest. "They can't take him from me." I feel my lungs tighten, and my body gets heavy; it's as if I'm dying with him. I'd be better off dead. I have no life without him. I have no reason to keep going. Dash came into my life like a whirlwind and now he's leaving me with nothing but a massive hole. "I…Need..." I swallow. "Water." I find myself breathing heavy and unable to talk due to my throat closing.

My father leaves me right away to get me some water, and I look up to see Jake standing at the end of the hall, just staring at me blankly. I wipe my face quickly and waste no time in turning around and going back to his door. I slowly and quietly twist the knob and open it up to where I can look inside.

His father stands with his back against the wall while he holds his wife. She sobs into his shirt as his face nuzzles into her neck. The nurse stands back by the foot of Dash's bed; she's eying me nervously, waiting for me to make a scene. But I have no fight left in me. Instead, I take what little strength I have left and make the ten steps over to his bed. It's as if I'm walking in quicksand. The ground pulling my body under. My chest tightening to the point of suffocation.

I crawl on his bed and cuddle up next to him, softly placing my hand over his chest. I hold my breath as I feel his chest slowly move as he breathes with the ventilator no longer there. I close my eyes and remember what his laugh sounded like. I remember what his touch felt like. "Don't make me live without you," I whisper as tears run down my face.

I cry uncontrollably as my body shakes. "Miracles happen every day," I repeat in a broken mess. I close my eyes tightly and pray to God that he continues to breathe on his own. Seconds tick by. Minutes pass by. And I start to relax. I feel my body start to calm as I talk to him. About our future. About how much I love him. And then, just when I thought I got my miracle, it was taken from me.

His chest stops moving. And I feel it down in my soul. I feel him leave me. I feel the room grow colder and my heart be ripped out of my chest. I cry out and two arms wrap around me. I look up to Jake now standing beside Dash's bed. He rips me from him, and I start kicking and screaming. I feel a prick in my arm and then those strong arms soften, yet hold me up as my legs grow weak and my eyes grow heavy. But it doesn't help the massive hole in my heart. The part that Dash left me behind with.

***

I numbly get out of Jake's car and walk up the stairs to the house that Dash and I shared. My mom walks in front of me, and my father silently walks next to her. He opens the door for us, and I find myself walking to the kitchen. I fall down into a chair at the kitchen table. I look up to see the flowers that sit in the crystal case in front me. They're dead. Just like Dash. Just like me.

He's gone. Dash lived for twenty minutes off the ventilator. Then, as the clock in his room read 9:32 AM, he left us for good. He died in my arms. I held him as he took his last breath. That does something to a person. When Jake ripped me from him, it ripped my soul out. I'm nothing now. I woke after the sedation they had given me wore off in Jake's arms, and I prayed that God would take me with him. I prayed that God would strike me dead. He didn't. He left me behind to live out my life, which could be fifty more years without Dash. Why is life so cruel? Why did God give me something so special just to take it away? I can't answer any of those questions, but I try.

I ignore Jake as he walks past me and stands to the side. He constantly watches me, waiting for me to do something, but I have nothing to do. Nothing to live for. My mother silently places all the flowers from the hospital on my kitchen table as my father stands over in the corner talking quietly to Blake. Jackie hangs on to him as if she were to let go, she may lose him like I did Dash.

I reach out and touch the card that sits in front of me. Tears roll down my face in waves so strong that I can't even read what the card says, but I don't have to. I remember what it says. Here's to a night you'll never forget. How right he was! I throw a hand over my mouth as a sob comes out.

I use what strength I have and stand up. I want to tell everyone to leave, but I don't even have the strength to speak. I make my way up to our bedroom and slam the door shut. I then fall onto our bed and sob into the pillow.

My body shakes and my throat tightens. I feel a hand on my back and I jump as if it stung me. "Please…just leave me alone," I cry out as I look up to Jake.

"I don't wanna leave you alone," he whispers.

I close my eyes tightly as I grab my chest. "It hurts so bad," I admit.

"It gets easier."

My eyes spring open, and I stare at him as if he's lost his mind. My body jolts as I hiccup. I've cried so hard that I have given myself the hiccups.

I shake my head. "It will never be easy living without him."

"I feel your pain."

"No, you don't," I shout, feeling the anger that I feel toward Dash. Angry that he gave up so easily.

"I do. I once lost someone I loved." He drops his head and looks down at the comforter. "The woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with died," he admits.

I want to feel sorry for him. I want to tell him that I'm sorry. But I can't. No one can know how much I love Dash, and I'm not about to compare my love for him to the love that Jake felt for someone else.

He reaches out and places a hand on my leg. "The pain, it won't go away, but it will get easier. You'll forget…"

"I'll never forget him," I shout as I shove his hand away.

"That's not what I meant." He speaks softly.

"Just please stop talking." I wipe the tears from my face. "Please," I beg with all I have. "Please stop. I'm begging you." My vision has turned blurry once again, and I hiccup once more.

He's quiet for a few seconds before he finally speaks. "I'll be downstairs."

I fall back down onto our bed when I hear the bedroom door shut softly and I continue to sob.