CHAPTER ELEVEN

MCKINLEY

I know I don’t mean anything to Erik, and that he can’t even stand looking at me, but this is all insanity. He’s essentially pimping me out to Jagger and it doesn’t feel good, to say the very least. It makes me feel like a cheap unwanted piece of crap that he can’t wait to get rid of. If he hates me so much, why doesn’t he just dump me?

“Does this not bother you at all?” I ask as we stand outside Jagger’s hotel room.

He shrugs. “A little, but it’s the only way I get what I want.”

Jagger opens the door, looking infuriatingly hot, like always. He stares at me, shirtless, wearing only worn jeans and bare feet. I glance at his feet and get more annoyed. As if he enjoys making things awkward, he rushes me, slides his hand in my hair and slams his lips to mine. I pull back and glare at him, because Erik is standing right here. And it isn’t him seeing that bothers me so much, it’s the fact that he doesn’t even care.

He takes my hand and pulls me inside, slamming the door in my boyfriend’s face.

Jerking out of his hold, I glare at him. “Why won’t you leave me alone! Why?”

His handsome yet annoying face registers surprise.

“Because I want you,” he says matter of factly, like nothing else matters.

I throw my hands in the air in pure frustration.

“What you want. What Erik wants. Nobody even cares what I want, do they? Spoiled rock god is so used to getting what he wants, and will stop at nothing to get it. Don’t you even care about what you’re doing to me? Are you like Erik and you don’t care that you’re hurting me?”

He shakes his head like he doesn’t understand what’s going on. How can he be so blind?

“I would never hurt you. I’m not him.”

Stepping away from him as he approaches me, I say, “You are hurting me, Jagger. You say you wouldn’t, but you already are.”

Jagger places his hands on my arms.

“How am I hurting you?”

The tears drop down my face as I inform him, “Without you, he couldn’t do this to me. I feel like a cheap piece of garbage, being sold to someone who has so much money, he’s willing to throw it at useless crap. I don’t fucking matter to anyone.”

He wraps his arms around me and holds me close to his chest.

“Fuck, McKinley, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.”

Letting me go, he says, “If you want to go, you can, but…”

He hesitates as I wait for him to tell me I don’t have a choice in the matter.

“I’m asking you to stay. For today. I just want to spend time with you.”

I tug on my shirt, which I know is a nervous habit. Mia says I do it because I want to hide within myself, and she might not be wrong. Right now, I wish I could disappear. Who am I kidding? I always want to vanish.

“I don’t know what you’re after, Jagger Wild. Whatever it is, you won’t find it here. I’m crazy. Haven’t you heard yet? I’m crazy and fat. You’d serve yourself well to amuse yourself elsewhere.”

He shakes his head like the truth is unpleasant.

“That’s not how I see you, McKinley. You’re beautiful inside and out. I’ll tell you how I see you. You’re fucking gorgeous, but someone made you think otherwise. That person lied to you. I suspect I know who he is, but it’s not the truth. There is nothing wrong with you. You aren’t crazy. You have been abused. Conditioned to believe these things about yourself. You think you don’t matter to me? Oh, you fucking do, which is why after today, I’m going to try to step back and let you make decisions without me smothering you.”

I stare at the floor, because his words make me feel uncomfortable and emotional. His words were beautiful, but I can’t trust them. I can’t trust him . A songwriter’s job is to string together pretty words that move people. To make them feel.

“Are we going bowling, or was that just a guise to get me into your hotel room?”

Taking my hand, he walks me through the expansive hotel room to the stairs.

“Are we going to your bedroom? I’m not fucking you.”

Jagger wraps his arm around my waist as he chuckles softly.

“Always so suspicious. No, as much as I’d really fucking like to, I’m not taking you to bed. There’s a bowling alley up here.”

I turn to him with a squeal.

“What? In your hotel room? Jagger, that’s insane.”

We stop at the top of the steps, and he runs his thumb over my lips.

“This is my favorite part of you. Jesus, baby, I would do anything to see this more often.”

His eyes are intense as they gaze into mine.

“Come the end of this date-”

He sighs heavily. “Losing you is going to be my biggest regret.”

I shut my eyes tight and admit the truth to him, or at least part of it.

“In another life, Jagger. If I were a different woman, normal, I would’ve said yes. I promise you, losing me would not be your regret. I would be. So I’m going to keep telling you no, because it’s the right thing to do. I’m saving you.”

Shaking his head, he laughs like I’m absurd.

“I don’t need a savior, baby. I can handle anything you give me except this bullshit line that you’re saving me. Has anyone ever told you that you talk too damn much?”

Sliding his hand along the side of my neck, he places his large fingers on my cheek.

“You’re going to be mad. Just know, you needed it.”

He presses his lips to mine, and I know I should pull away from him, but I can’t. His scent surrounds me, causing me to moan in pleasure. Jagger slides his tongue inside my mouth and swirls his with mine, as he holds my face in a firm but not painful grip, and I slide my hands up his chest, digging my nails into his skin. The heat pools between my legs as his cock throbs against me. Placing his other hand on my face as well, he tilts my head to the side, deepening our kiss with a growl.

Jagger breaks our kiss and places his forehead against mine. Both of us are breathing heavily, and I wonder if his heart is pounding like mine is.

“Don’t lie to me and tell me you didn’t feel that,” he says with harsh breaths.

I admit, “I felt it, but it doesn’t change anything.”

JAGGER

“Fine. Let’s go bowling then.”

We step into the bowling alley, and she glances around wide eyed. It has six lanes, and a circular table with two chairs. Off to the left side, there’s six different arcade games and a bar.

“You might make too much money. I know your voice is amazing, but this is crazy.”

“You think my voice is amazing, filthy girl?”

Turning away from the lanes, she blushes profusely as she yanks on her shirt. This is beginning to be the one thing that bothers me about her. It makes me feel like she’s thinking horrible things about herself, and I don’t like it. This movement has insecurity written all over it.

“Don’t be cocky, Wild. You already know you have a good voice.”

Allowing my gaze to travel down her body, I ask, “I also make money doing underwear ads. Do you want to see the pictures?”

“I already have,” she blurts out, before slapping her hand over her mouth.

“Oh, you really are a filthy girl, aren’t you? Come on, choose your ball.”

She walks to lane three and grabs a dark blue ball.

“Blue is my favorite color.”

I chuckle loudly. “Of course it is.”

She glances at me as I grab a bright pink ball, and she laughs hard which, of course, was my goal.

“That’s very manly,” she says through her laughter.

“My pink ball will beat your blue one. Would you care to place a wager?”

McKinley shakes her head no.

“I think it’s much safer to leave gambling out of this day.”

Pressing the button to start the game, pins come down, and I motion for her to go first.

I told her I’d step back after today, but I don’t honestly know if I’ll be able to. Fuck, everything she does just makes me want her more. The way she walks closer to the lane. Her hair swinging behind her as she swings the ball back. Her fucking ass looking perfect when she squats down. Then the final nail in my coffin is when she gets a strike, and jumps up and down excitedly. She turns to me with a giant smile as she taunts me.

“Take that, Rock God!”

I’ve seen many different sides of her at this point. Happy McKinley is my goddamn favorite version. And I know this one is real, without a doubt. Why can’t she fucking see I can give her everything he can’t? I can give her smiles, instead of fucking tears. How can I walk away from her? The more she gives me, the more I want.