Chapter Fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

T he mass competition was a triumph for some, a sound defeat for others. There had been forty-eight men competing in a competition that went on all day and ended shortly before sunset. At that point, there were only a few dominant knights because everyone else had been beaten into the ground. Men were leaving the field one of three ways– either dragged off, carried off, or walking off.

It looked like the end of a vicious battle.

Those who were walking off were triumphant and that included Cassian, Essien, Addax, and Beau. They had personally managed to capture sixteen men between them, men that were currently paying ransom so they would be released, but Cassian and his cohorts were so battered and bloodied themselves that it was hard to believe they were actually the victors.

At the far end of the field, Christopher and Brielle were watching.

Alexander had escorted Christin and Dustin and the children home from the field some time ago, leaving Brielle and Christopher behind. Christopher wanted to wait for Essien and Addax while Brielle's presence was more obvious. Christopher knew why she was waiting but he hadn't said a word to her about Cassian the entire day, even after Cassian had rescued Max. He reasoned that she would speak about him when she was ready but, so far, any talk between them had been idle chatter.

Finally, Christopher could wait no longer.

"Sherry said you had a conversation with Cassian yesterday," he said, watching Cassian on the edge of the field as he took a great deal of money to turn a battered knight back over to his liege. "I hope it did not upset you too much."

Brielle, too, was watching Cassian. "It did, at first," she said. "Seeing him after all of these years has been… shocking. Shocking, but in the same breath, not unexpected. I never believed he was dead, Papa. There was no body and where this is no body, there is hope."

Christopher leaned against the fence. "So he's not dead," he said. "But the fact remains that he left us."

"He did."

"He disappeared."

"He did."

"Did he tell you why he left you to bear his son alone?"

Brielle sighed faintly. "In his defense, he did not know about Max," she said. "I did not even know about him until well after Cassian had gone, but he did explain to me why he'd left. It is not what you think."

"What is it?"

She leaned against the fence next to him. "Remember when his father died?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you remember how Cassian said that his last words to his father were of disappointment?" she said, watching Christopher nod. "We were both there when Cass found out about his father's death and we both saw how badly he reacted. His last conversation with his father was an argument over why Jax felt Cassian was not mature enough to marry me. Jax told Cassian that he loved him but Cassian did not tell his father he loved him in return and he did it out of spite. He was angry and wanted to punish his father."

Christopher hung his head. "Because he was as young and spoiled and immature as Jax thought he was," he said quietly. "Poor Cassian. That was a heavy burden to bear."

"It was a burden that drove him away," Brielle said, looking at him. "The fact that his family never sent him word about Jax's death ate away at him. He thought that his father must have told them how poorly he behaved and they were angry with him. He said that he realized he was unworthy of everyone who had loved him, me included, and he hoped that by disappearing, I might find a worthy man to marry. He said something interesting, Papa– when I asked him why he left me, he said that he didn't leave me – he said that he left himself. He left that petulant, spoiled Cassian de Velt behind."

Christopher absorbed that explanation. "For another life?"

Brielle shrugged. "For another person," she said. "He tells me that he is not the same Cassian he was that we knew back at Lioncross. He said he could not have grown the way he needed to grow if he remained with us or if he went to Pelinom. He had to go away to become the man he needed to be."

Christopher lifted his gaze, looking over at Cassian who was still negotiating with a lord who evidently thought the ransom for his knight was too high. "Then Jax was right," he muttered. "He said that Cassian needed to mature in a way that only experience with the world at large would bring him."

Brielle nodded. "He needed to grow up," she said. "That wasn't something he could do with people who had known him since he was young. I do understand that, in a sense. Sometimes the only way to grow is to experience other things, but in Cassian's case, he felt that the old Cassian was completely unworthy of the people who loved him. He hated himself, Papa. That was what his father's death did to him. It was like… like an awakening."

Christopher looked at her. He didn't sense any great emotion from her, not angst or disappointment or hurt. In fact, he sensed something like pride, which confused him. Was she actually proud of this man who had gone off and left her pregnant?

"And you?" he asked. "What do you feel about seeing him again after all of these years?"

Brielle met her father's gaze. "I was upset at first," she said honestly. "I was angry. Very angry. But in speaking with him, I've come to understand why he left. I'm not sure I agree with him, but at least I understand why he did it. It wasn't something I'd done, which eases me."

"I see," Christopher said. "And what does this mean? Do you still love him? Do you want him to come back to you?"

Brielle smiled faintly. "I will never love another," she said. "He told me that he wants to earn back his family. He was so distraught to see Max. Distraught but also full of joy, if that makes sense. He wants to be Max's rightful father and I cannot say I disagree. Papa… I have always, and only, been meant for Cassian. Do I want him to come back to me? Of course I do. But he is going to have to prove to me that he is capable of loving me and Max enough that he will never run off again and hurt us. If I am to tell Max that I am his mother and Cass is his father, then it will be with the understanding that Cass is trustworthy of such a responsibility."

Not having spoken to Cassian or heard any of these explanations from his lips, Christopher was understandably doubtful. Brielle usually had such a good head on her shoulders but he wondered if she wasn't seeing the situation as clearly as she needed to. Loving a man could make her blind to his faults. He didn't want to cast a damper on the situation, but he also wasn't ready to jump in with his whole heart and welcome Cassian back with open arms.

The knight had a few things to prove first.

"I would agree with wanting to make sure he has learned how to be responsible," he said after a moment. "But you must not rush into anything. Cassian has seven years to make up for and you cannot do all that in just a few days."

Brielle nodded. "I know," she said. "I told him he needed to speak with you first before we can consider moving forward with any reconciliation. I have forgiven him, Papa. I see no profit in keeping my distance considering I know there will never be another man for me, so forgiveness is what I needed to give him, for my own sake. You may feel differently, but at least listen to him before you make your decision. In the short time I have been reacquainted with him, he does seem different. He's become a man I do not recognize, but I want to know."

Christopher considered all of that. He wasn't exactly eager to speak with Cassian again, truth be told, but he couldn't avoid him forever. Not when his daughter had a child with him. Not when he used to love Cassian like a son.

There was part of him that was still nursing that old hurt.

"Then we will speak after the tournament is over," he said, trying to sound as if he were not doubtful. "I am certain he is too busy now but, once it is over, tell him to come to Lonsdale and we will speak."

Brielle reached out and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Papa," she said. "It means a great deal to me."

Christopher lifted her hand. "I know," he said. Then, he noticed that Cassian had his money and he was sharing it with Essien and Addax and Beau. "It seems to me that this is over with now, so I will have the soldiers bring around the horses. I know you came on the wagon with the children, but I had them leave one of the ponies behind for you. If we leave now, we can make it home by sunset."

Brielle glanced over towards the west, seeing the sun sinking in the sky. It would be another hour or two before it was down.

"Send for the horses, then," she said. "But leave mine tied to the rail. I want to speak with Cassian before I return to Lonsdale and I do not want an audience."

Christopher cocked an eyebrow at her. "Have you not already spoken with him enough today?"

"What do you mean?"

"I told you that we do not want to rush anything."

"I am not rushing. I simply wish to speak with him before we leave."

There was no use arguing with her, so he dutifully headed off, sending the soldiers that were lingering nearby for the horses that had been corralled. Brielle continued to watch Cassian with Addax and Essien and Beau until Christopher came back with the horses.

At that point, Addax and Essien broke off from Cassian and joined Christopher for the ride home. It was about ten miles back to London, an easy journey, but they also had a wagon with them, which they loaded up with the shields and clubs they had used in the mass competition. Cassian was still standing with Beau near the railing, speaking to another one of the knights they'd teamed up with earlier, so Brielle left her position by the rail to help Addax and Essien finish loading up their possessions.

By the time she made it back to the rail, Cassian was gone. Assuming he must have headed back to the competitors' encampment, Brielle mounted the stout Welsh pony her father had brought for her and directed the little animal towards the encampment near Bromley Castle.

The smells of cooking fires were already in the air as the men from the day's competition filtered into camp. Brielle had no idea where Cassian's tent would be and she was frankly surprised he had disappeared so quickly without even a farewell since he knew she was standing on the rail. But, then again, she had gone to help her father load up the wagon, so it was possible he thought she had left without bidding him a farewell.

She had to find him to make sure he knew that wasn't the case.

Brielle passed groups of men who were beaten and bruised, helping one another back to the encampment. Since the joust started on the morrow, she wondered how these men with broken fingers and broken limbs were going to manage to compete. As she drew near the entry to the encampment, she paused, hoping to catch a glimpse of Cassian or at least the knight he was partnered with, or even the soldiers that bore red and black tunics. She'd seen several with him earlier.

At the moment, she saw nothing.

The camp was so crowded that the tents were practically on top of one another. Brielle remained stopped for several minutes, watching the movement in the encampment, thinking that she might have to give up the idea of seeking Cassian and simply catch up to her father and the wagons. She had to admit that she was disappointed. After the conversation with Cassian earlier in the day, she was hoping that was the start of healing between them.

But the healing would have to wait.

Realizing she wasn't going to be able to find Cassian in a sea of men and tents, she started to turn her pony around when she caught sight of two knights leaving the encampment from a road that led north, around the opposite side of the tournament field. The road was on a rise, so she could see clearly that one of them was Cassian.

There was no mistaking his size or shape.

Curious, she spurred her pony forward, into the mashed meadow that provided the backdrop of the competitors' encampment. She thought perhaps that Cassian might be trying to find her and catch up to her father's escort, so she wanted him to know that she wasn't with the escort. The sturdy pony trotted through the mud and trampled grass of the encampment until they came to the road.

Quickly, she spurred the little beast onward.

There were two main roads from the village of Bromley into London. Christopher and his party were on the road that led off to the west because Lonsdale was west of London, while Cassian seemed to be on the road that went directly north, into London city. He was traveling quickly, too, because no matter how fast Brielle went, she couldn't catch up to him. She traveled for a few miles before she came into the city limits south of the River Thames and to the London Bridge that crossed the river.

At this point, she was far from that westerly road that her father was on, wondering where in the world Cassian was going as he headed into the city. He was riding a white horse with a black mane and tail, and she could see him up ahead with his companion, who was the knight he'd been fighting with all day. The man had been introduced as Beau de Russe. Still, she tried to catch up to them, but her pony's stout legs couldn't keep up with the leggy warmbloods the knights were riding. All she could do was try to keep them in her sight.

They crossed that crowded, enormous bridge.

Brielle had been to London many times with her father, so she wasn't lost as she crossed that smelly bridge that had been built a little more than ten years earlier. It dumped out onto Bridge Street and she could see Cassian and Beau up ahead, towering over the crowds on the avenues. She called out to them, shouting Cassian's name, but he didn't hear her. They had slowed down, so she urged her weary pony forward in an effort to catch up.

When the knights reached Candlewick Street, they took a left and headed into an area that was rather seedy in nature. It was full of taverns and brothels, something that had Brielle uneasy. Even at this daylight hour, there were drunks on the street as prostitutes called from windows, enticing people on the street below. The deeper she wandered into the neighborhood, the more edgy she became.

Onward the knights went, with Brielle tailing them. At this point, she'd stopped trying to get Cassian's attention because she didn't want to attract attention to herself. She was quite curious about where they were going. When they finally took a right into a small alleyway, Brielle followed only to see that they had entered a small, cluttered courtyard.

It didn't look like a suitable location for decent people.

There were four big townhomes built around the courtyard and there seemed to be several families living in them. There were men, women, and children, but one of the townhomes clearly had questionable women living there. The door was open and some women were gathered around the door while still others brought men inside, laughing and generally entertaining.

Brielle was baffled.

Dismounting the pony at the end of the alleyway, she stood to the side, under the overhang of the house on the corner, and watched as Cassian and Beau climbed off their horses and went to the one house in the courtyard that seemed quiet. The other houses had people milling around them, women washing, men talking, and children playing, but this one home was lonely and rather neglected. Cassian and Beau tethered their horses in front of the house and pounded on the door until it opened.

A young serving wench admitted them inside and shut the door behind them.

Brielle had no idea what to make of it. Clearly, this area was not suitable for respectable people and this courtyard in particular had some sordid characters populating it. The front door to the house that was nearest to her was open and she could hear people inside, only now she could hear a woman gasping and a man grunting. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were doing just inside the door, with an audience no less. A brothel , Brielle thought.

Then, it occurred to her where Cassian and Beau had gone.

A brothel.

Brielle couldn't even fight off the creeping sense of horror that engulfed her as she realized what had happened. She'd told Cassian that she didn't know the man he'd become and she was absolutely right– she didn't know. Was this what had happened over the past seven years? He'd told her that he'd not had a woman in his bed in all that time, but clearly, that wasn't true.

The man had lied to her.

Brielle was back on her pony and heading for Lonsdale before she drew another breath.