Chapter Fourteen

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

T he little de Lohrs and the little de Sherringtons were screaming their lungs out.

The first full day of the tournament was the mass competition and the crowds were surging around the competition field. Seating had been built, scaffolding to hold the women and children, and Christopher had sent his soldiers earlier to claim seats for his wife and children and grandchildren. By the time they all reached the field just after sunrise, they had a prime location reserved for them and Christopher and Alexander loaded everyone up into the stands.

And then the screaming began.

The youngest children sat on their mothers' laps and covered their ears while the older children yelled and waved little flags that were being sold in the faire village. A clever vendor had fastened canvas to a stick and painted it with any number of competing houses, like little banners, and Christopher had been forced to purchase about fifteen little banners with the de Lohr yellow and blue on them. With Addax and Essien competing in the mass competition wearing de Lohr colors, they had an enormous cheering section all to themselves.

The only person not cheering was Brielle. She had refused to come to the mass competition until her mother convinced her that she should go if, for no other reason, to prove to Cassian that he could not shake her. Dustin told Brielle to show her face and cheer for everyone other than Cassian and Brielle rather liked that idea.

However, with the family settling in the stands before the mass competition, Addax and Essien were approached by Cassian and his partner, a mountain of a man named Beau who went by the sobriquet of Bringer of Nightmares. He seemed to be as popular as Cassian was and, wanting to win the mass competition, Addax agreed to team up with them. Essien, still hurt and angry from his encounter with Cassian, put his feelings aside long enough to agree. He wanted to win, too. Now, there were four very big knights ready to join in what was essentially a mass beating.

But it was ever so much fun.

Unfortunately, the fact that Cassian had joined up with Addax and Essien meant that Brielle refused to cheer at all. She sat at the end of the bench, with her sister and mother next to her and her siblings, nephews, and son on the bench directly below. She watched Cassian, Addax, Essien, and Beau join up with another group of knights, forming one big predatory group right before the field marshals started the competition. Once the head marshal dropped the red flag, the battle began.

Even if Brielle wasn't cheering for Cassian, she only had eyes for him. It was really an awakening of sorts because the knight she knew those years ago, as she'd noted, was most definitely not the knight before her. Seven years ago, Cassian had been newly knighted. He fought well and trained well and had a penchant for telling even the most seasoned men how they should fight. That was the arrogance in him, the immaturity. But the man on the field before her didn't have any such immaturity or arrogance. Nor was he a man of words. He was a man of action.

And there was a hell of a lot of action.

The group that Cassian and Addax and Essien were part of formed a unit that stood in a circle with their backs against each other. That meant all sides of the circle were fighting and they moved like that, in a circle, as men began to fall at their feet. Squires or soldiers would drag the fallen off to the sides of the field and hold them there so the knights could ransom them when the mass competition was over, but on and on it went.

The de Lohr and de Sherrington young boys were quite excited by the mayhem. At one point, Westley and Douglas ran for the railing so they could get close to the action, but Gabriel and Adam de Sherrington, much younger than their uncles, ran after them, prompting Brielle, Myles, and even Max to go in pursuit. Westley and Douglas were wrangled back by Myles while Brielle caught the younger de Sherrington boys and dragged them away.

But not before she caught sight of Cassian about five feet from the rail.

Somehow, the circle formation he'd been part of had splintered and now the eight knights were simply a roving gang of thugs. Cassian didn't see her but she certainly saw him. Since swords, daggers, and spears weren't allowed in the mass competition, Brielle watched Cassian hold a shield in his left hand and wield a spiked club in the other. He'd use the shield like a battering ram, enough to either push men down or send them off balance. Then he'd swing that club as hard as he could and disable them.

With a man his size, it was both terrifying and impressive.

Caught up in the sight of Cassian plowing through the competition, Brielle forgot all about Adam and Gabriel, now in her arms. She stood there and watched, transfixed, while the little boys cheered and Myles tried to get her to come away. Cassian and his group were moving closer to the rail, closer and closer, until they came upon a group of men from Yeovil. Cassian hit one of the men in the face so hard that blood sprayed everyone standing along the rail, Brielle and Adam and Gabriel included. They all got sprayed with gore as a roar of approval went up from the crowd. Little Gabriel thought it was wonderful, too, until he realized he had blood in his eye.

Then, the cries came.

Snapped from her trance, Brielle hurried back to the stands to deliver her sister's bloodied children. Dustin and Christin tried to mop up the boys, who didn't want to be cleaned up. They liked being covered in blood, just not having it in their eyes. Christopher and Alexander were at the edge of the field watching the madness, mostly because Dustin wouldn't let Christopher compete in such a violent match and Alexander wasn't competing because he was growing older and just didn't see the need to prove himself against career tournament knights. They, too, saw the little boys covered in blood, smirking as the women tried to clean them off and the children fought them.

And then, there was Max.

When the boys had made a break for the tournament rail, Max had followed. In fact, he was still there. Christopher saw him standing right against the railing, watching Addax and Essien deliver brutal blows to a Yeovil knight. The child was cheering wildly, thrilled to death when Essien tore part of the knight's tunic and handed the strip to Max for a prize.

The child rejoiced as if he had been the one to defeat his enemy.

Unfortunately, he also thought that the prize was an invitation to join in the fighting so he crossed the railing and landed on the Yeovil knight's head, sticking his fingers in the man's eyes. Cassian, who happened to be closest, realized there was a child in the mass competition and he threw himself at the boy to protect him. As he went down, he blocked a blow from another Yeovil knight that sent him sailing through the wooden railing, splintering it, and landing in a heap on the other side.

All the while, he had Max clutched against his chest in a protective cocoon.

The Yeovil knights had the bloodlust and went after him, not realizing he had a child in his arms from the way he'd landed. Seeing this, Alexander and Christopher flew into action, shoving men aside and pouncing on the knights beating on Cassian, who was unable to defend himself because he had Max wrapped up in his arms. Essien, Addax, and Beau leapt into the fray, followed by several other men, and the area in front of the broken barrier now became a free-for-all.

It was madness.

Standing next to the stands, Brielle saw what was happening with Max in the middle of it and she rushed into the fray. Someone had dropped a club near the broken rail and she picked it up, swinging it with all her might at anyone who came close. The training she'd been engaged in for the past several years kicked in and, for the moment, she was a warrior again. There were men on Cassian, with her father and Alexander on those men, and still more men throwing punches. There were fists flying everywhere, but Brielle wielded that club like an ax, destroying any limb or head she came into contact with.

Meanwhile, the stands were too close to the chaos, so Dustin and Christin and the older children had grabbed the younger ones and made a break for it, far away from the fighting. Brielle hadn't noticed, however. She was only interested in getting to Max, whom Cassian had ably protected. She managed to beat one man away from Cassian, who was throwing punches at Cassian's head. Dropping the club, she plunged to her knees next to him and grabbed hold of Max.

"Give him to me!" she cried.

Cassian, bloody and a little dazed, looked up to see Brielle looming over him. Immediately, he released the child to her custody, but as he did so, he shoved the men off him and leapt to his feet. Throwing his arms around Brielle and Max, he used his body as a shield as he rushed them away from the fight.

All Brielle knew was that she kept running for what seemed like hours. It was only just a few seconds. Max was in her arms, wrapped up around her, and Cassian had his arms around them both, running right along with them. They scattered with the crowd, most of them filtering into the faire village, far from the field that was unable to contain its battle.

People were running everywhere.

Cassian finally brought them to a halt next to a semi-permanent stall under a bushy oak tree. As he released his grip on them and stood tall, grunting because he had pain in the side of his neck, Brielle set Max to his feet.

"Are you well?" she asked the boy, panic in her voice. "Are you injured?"

Max shook his head, but he was rubbing his elbow where he fell when Cassian grabbed him. "I'm not hurt," he said. Then, his face lit up. "Did you see all the blood?"

He was quite excited about that. Exasperated and admittedly shaken, Brielle scowled at him before turning to Cassian. "You must be injured," she said, reaching out without thinking to remove his helm. "Let me see your head, Cass. They were beating on you heavily."

It was true that Cassian's ears were ringing, but it wasn't anything unusual as far as he was concerned. He was, however, quite interested in Max, who was looking up at him curiously. It was the first time he really got a close look at the boy and he immediately noticed the child's eyes– one was bright green while the other one was half-green, half-brown. If there had been any question in his mind that he was the boy's father, that doubt was dashed at that moment. The child looked very much like Jax with his dark brows, slightly arched, but the shape of his nose was purely his mother's.

To Cassian, it was like looking at the face of God.

Oblivious to the spiritual moment Cassian was having, Brielle unlatched his helm and pulled it off his head, only to be greeted by a man with tears in his eyes. She looked at him with great concern.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Do you hurt?"

He shook his head, his lower lip trembling as he quickly looked away to compose himself. "Nay," he said hoarsely, wiping quickly at his face. "Nothing is wrong. It's just… the boy…"

He trailed off and Brielle looked at Max curiously before realizing what Cassian meant. It was the first time he'd seen his son. She softened, looking to Cassian as the man tried desperately to stave off the emotional tears.

"I've not properly introduced you," she said softly, looking at Max once more. "This is Maxim de Lohr. His parents were cousins to my father. When they died, Max came to live with us. He has been part of our family since he was born. Max, this is Sir Cassian de Velt, one of the greatest knights you will ever meet."

She had explained to Cassian, in that brief introduction, what Max knew of his parentage and position in life. Although Cassian understood that immediately, he found himself quite incensed that his son didn't bear the de Velt name when he was clearly a de Velt.

"It is an honor to meet you, young Max," he said steadily, then looked to Brielle. "His name is de Lohr?"

Brielle nodded, hearing disapproval in his tone. "Of course it is," she said. "He is a de Lohr."

She wasn't giving him any opportunity to argue and, truth be told, Cassian knew he didn't have a leg to stand on. But it was still incredibly painful to know his son, who looked so much like his father, did not bear his name.

And that was entirely his fault.

One of many.

"Of course he is," Cassian said, sounding defeated and sad. He looked at the boy, who was gazing up at him with open curiosity. "You will honor the name greatly, Max."

The child grinned, displaying big, new teeth that he hadn't yet grown into. "I saw you yesterday," he said. "I saw people all around you, cheering you."

Cassian nearly came apart when he realized the child's smile looked just like his father's. "I have spent many years on the tournament circuit," he said, relishing the first conversation with his son. "Do you like tournaments?"

Max nodded eagerly. "I am going to be a great knight when I grow up, too."

I have no doubt , Cassian thought. "Are you going to foster soon?"

Max puffed up proudly. "Grandpapa will take me to Kenilworth," he said. "I will learn to be the greatest knight in all the world. I will fight in tournaments and I will win."

Cassian was focused on only part of that statement. "Grandpapa?" he said, confused. "Your father?"

" My father," Brielle said softly. "All of the children call him ‘grandpapa', so Max has always called him by the same name. It's easier that way."

Cassian wasn't sure how he felt about that. The child wasn't allowed to bear the de Velt name, yet he was allowed to subtly recognize Christopher as his grandfather. Cassian had no right to feel anything about the situation, but he couldn't help himself. He felt so hollow to know that his son had no claim or knowledge whatsoever of his de Velt legacy.

"I am sure you will do very well at Kenilworth," he said. "I wish you well."

Max continued grinning. "May I fight with you when I am grown?"

The tears started to make a return and Cassian could only nod, forcing a smile at the boy because he was afraid to speak. Seeing that Cassian was struggling, Brielle took a coin from the purse at her waist and handed it to Max.

"See if you can find something delicious to eat," she said. "There are many vendors. Find something you like and bring it back to me. I will wait here."

With his coin in-hand, Max forgot about the battered knight and dashed off. Cassian and Brielle watched him go before Brielle turned to Cassian.

"Are you well?" she asked softly.

Cassian was blinking back the tears. "I don't know," he said. "I suppose so. He's magnificent, Brie. Never in my life did I imagine I would have a son so magnificent. He looks just like my father."

Brielle smiled faintly. "He looks just like you ," she said. "We have had a devil of a time keeping up the ruse that he is a de Lohr cousin. I am certain it is foolish at this point, considering he has the de Velt eyes, but still we continue the charade."

"You never told him the truth?"

Brielle shook her head. "Why?" she said. "You had disappeared and you and I had never married, so why burden the child with his bastard heritage? He does not deserve that."

"Do not say that," Cassian hissed, wiping his eyes. "Whatever his unfortunate circumstances, he was conceived in love. I do not consider that being bastard born."

Brielle could see how emotional he was. Somewhere back over near the field, Essien was shouting at Cassian to return, and Cassian waved the man off. All of the fight and energy had gone out of him and he wasn't sure he wanted to return to the field today.

He just wanted to stay with Brielle.

And Max.

"He was conceived in love," Brielle agreed softly. "There was never any question."

Cassian was mulling everything over quite seriously. So much was going through his mind that it was difficult to process it all. After a moment, he lifted his head and looked at her. Really looked at her. The Brielle he had always known and had always loved. She had been a part of him as surely as the moon and stars were part of the night sky.

But he'd left that part of him behind and, at the moment, he couldn't seem to remember why, only that it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

It didn't feel like that anymore.

"There has never been anything between us but love," he said. "At least, I thought so until yesterday. Did I really kill that love in you, Brie? Is it truly gone?"

Brielle considered the question before answering. "I suppose not," she said, looking away. "It is not gone. And you? Have the years of separation washed away the love you felt for me?"

Slowly, he shook his head. "Nay," he whispered. "Never."

So she loved him still and he loved her. Brielle didn't even know what to say to that. "Then where do we go from here?" she asked honestly. "You have your life on the tournament circuit and I have my life at Lioncross. You left me seven years ago and now, here we are, trying to figure out what our future holds. Does it hold anything at all, Cass?"

He sighed faintly. "I do not know," he said honestly. "But I do know this– I have never stopped loving you. The Cassian you knew seven years ago is not the man I am today. I understand honor and responsibility. I understand what it is to accept the wisdom of men I respect. I know that even if you walked away from me tomorrow and I never saw you again, I could never love another woman. You are the only woman I have loved and ever will love, and that beautiful lad who just ran off with your coin is our son. We are a family, Brie. Would you be angry if I said I wanted to earn back my family?"

Brielle's breath caught in her throat at his brutally painful but honest request and her eyes began to well. "I would not be angry," she said. "But you have been away from us for seven years."

"I know."

"How can I even know you are sincere?"

"I am hoping you will let me prove it."

She wanted to let him. Very badly, she wanted to. The longer she looked at him, the more she was taken back to the comfort zone from seven years ago when he was her entire world. She'd had to live without that world since then. It wasn't that she had learned to live without him– there was never that level of confidence– it was simply that she had existed without him.

She hadn't really lived at all.

But she simply couldn't give in to him so easily.

"Had we not found you at Bromley, I do not think you would have returned to Lioncross for me," she said. "Now that you know we have a child, you want us to be a family. That is not a good enough reason for me to let you back into my life… if it is only because of Max."

That was very true and Cassian tried not to appear too desperate. "I did not mean it the way it sounded," he said. "I made the same mistake last night– speaking in a way you took offense with. I did not mean that I only want to be a family because of Max. I would want to marry you even without him. Please believe that a man can change, Brie. At least give me the chance to prove that to you."

She blinked away the tears. "How?" she said. "All I can think to ask of you is how you intend to do that, but there is a ridiculous confession as part of that question. You could do anything at all and I would probably accept you with open arms because as long as you walk the earth, I will never be happy if I am not with you. Some people are only made for one person and I was only ever made for you. I will admit that without hesitation."

He smiled faintly, an expression that was infused with the adoration he felt for her. It was something that had only grown stronger and deeper as the years went on and as the moments passed.

He was coming to feel as if he'd never left her at all.

"As will I," he said. "Everything you have said is exactly how I feel, Brie. I knew it the moment I saw you yesterday. I knew at that moment how much I had missed you and how much I wanted to return to you. Will you please let me try?"

The safe thing would have been to deny him. Safe for her heart, for her sanity. But it was as she said– as long as he walked the earth, she would never be happy with anyone else. The man was asking for forgiveness, for a second chance. Brielle knew she could never live with herself if she never gave him that opportunity.

"You must speak with my father first," she finally said. "You must make peace with him, for he was very hurt when you left."

"I am willing to do that, more than you know."

"And we must be slow and deliberate as we proceed. You said you have changed– I must get to know you again."

"And I must get to know you again."

Brielle shrugged. "I've not changed that much," she said. "Well, mayhap a little. Essien and Addax have taken me under their wing. They have trained me to fight since you last saw me."

Cassian smiled faintly. "That is commendable," he said. "You were always so fearless."

"Then you approve?"

He chuckled. "I am not certain that I approve for a woman, but I suspect you make a magnificent warrior. You were certainly in control when you jumped into the competition to save Max."

"I can joust, too."

"I hope you don't intend to while you are here."

She smiled, reluctantly. "I will not," she said. "Papa left my equipment at home. Even if he had not, I would not do it. I would be competing against you and I am certain I could not win."

"Then you are wrong. I would let you win simply to make you happy." When her smile grew, he couldn't help but see some pain behind it, still. "But you are well otherwise?"

She nodded. "Mostly," she said. "But I will be honest when I say it has been seven years of living at Lioncross, trying to get on with my life and pretending Max is my cousin and not my son. I will admit that it has been very difficult."

"I can only imagine. I'm so sorry you've had to endure that."

More shouting came from the field as Essien and now Beau were yelling at Cassian, but he was loath to leave Brielle at the moment. The conversation had been enlightening and comforting, more than he'd ever hoped for.

"Forgive me," he said. "I must return or Essien will probably try to fight me again for abandoning him during the mass competition. May we continue this conversation tonight?"

Brielle nodded. "If you wish."

"I do, very much," he said. "And… thank you, Brie. For being gracious… for introducing me to Max… thank you."

Brielle didn't know what to say to that so she simply smiled weakly. Cassian flashed her that toothy grin that she'd seen in her dreams for the past seven years, the one that was so endearing yet so alluring, and put his helm back on. His clothing was twisted and the belt at his waist had been half-yanked off, so he took a moment to adjust everything while she stood there and watched. He seemed to be digging around a good deal underneath his mail coat as if searching for something until he finally pulled forth what he had been hunting for.

Brielle caught a glimpse of it, something small, lined with pearls. She thought she even caught the glitter of a stone, but she didn't get a good look at it because he stuck it back underneath his mail coat, presumably affixing it to his padded tunic or even tucking it into a pocket somewhere.

"What was that?" she asked.

He was still fussing. "What?"

"The object you had in your hand?"

He stopped fussing and straightened his belt. "A talisman," he said. "It brings me good fortune. May I escort you back to the stands now?"

Brielle shook her head, thinking that the bejeweled piece he'd just tucked back into his undertunic looked as if it belonged to a woman. More than that, he didn't seem willing to discuss it and that made her the slightest bit suspicious. He had said there had been no other women, but…

"Nay," she said after a moment. "I must wait for Max."

"Of course," he said. "Then I will see you later, I promise."

Brielle simply lifted a hand, waving him on. He started to leave but retraced his steps and stopped in front of her, reaching out to take her hand, which he kissed sweetly. It was enough to send Brielle's heart racing as he rushed off, back to where Essien was evidently fuming. She caught a glimpse of him as he darted back onto the mass tournament field and then he was gone.

Just like that, he was gone again.

Odd how she didn't like him out of her sight even though she knew where he was and it only underscored to her what she'd told him earlier–

As long as you walk the earth, I will never be happy if I am not with you.

She could only pray that his intentions were honorable because she wasn't sure she could take his vanishing a second time.

She could only pray that, this time, he really was a man of his word.