Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE

W hen the man known throughout his adult life as The Dark Lord walked, men naturally moved out of his way. Thirty or more years ago, Jax was the terror of England, Wales, and Scotland. He had a bloodthirsty army of mercenaries who would conquer a castle and then put the occupants– men, women, and children– on poles like some ghastly army of the dead and dying for all to see. His brutality was legendary and ghoulish until he conquered Pelinom Castle. There, he met his wife.

After that, he learned how to be civilized, luckily for the rest of the world.

These days, however, he was still greatly feared. One wrong move or word and a man could find himself with a pole rammed up his arse and propped up to die a horrible death. In truth, Jax hadn't used those tactics for more than thirty years until a few years ago when William Marshal asked him to. Trouble was afoot with a Scottish plot to invade Northumberland and Jax was called upon to help stop it, any way he could.

The old Dark Lord came out of retirement.

That's what made Jax so unpredictable. A family man, a loving husband, and a devoted father were his mainstays these days, but a request from an ally or a command from his liege and the monster would reappear. In fact, as he walked through the vast bailey of Lioncross, he was thinking of turning the monster loose again on Adda ap Griffin. Perhaps it was time for him to strike fear into the hearts of the Welsh again, for clearly, they had forgotten what he was capable of and unless he wanted to have continued trouble with his Welsh properties, he might just have to unleash the beast.

It was an interesting thought.

As he neared the gatehouse of Lioncross, he caught sight of Cassian talking to Essien and his thoughts of putting Adda on a pole faded for the moment. Essien was pointing to the wall and Cassian was shaking his head, clearly involved in an animated conversation. Jax headed in their direction, closing the distance between the pair.

"Es, I have not yet asked you how your brother is faring," he said, interrupting their conversation. "I've not seen Addax in some time. Please give him my greetings the next time you see him."

Essien smiled at the enormous, tall knight with the shoulder-length dark hair that had mostly gone to gray these days. "I will, my lord," he said. "He has been well, although I've not seen him in a couple of months. I'm sure he's quite happy with the de Lohr army these days."

"And you wish you were with him?"

Essien snorted softly. "I do," he said. "Most assuredly, I do, but Hereford seems to think I am more important here."

Jax nodded. "You are," he said. "You are invaluable."

"Thank you, my lord."

Jax smiled at the man, but he eyed his son, who hadn't said a word so far. He was looking at his feet. "I've come to speak with my son," he said to Essien. "Will you leave us, please?"

Essien nodded and quickly departed, heading to the tower containing the stairs to the wall walk. Jax faced Cassian, who still wouldn't look at him.

Jax took a moment to look his son over. Cass had grown so much, quite literally, since the last time he saw him that it was like looking at another man. A very big, full-grown man. Cassian was quite comely, resembling his mother to a fault, but his size and coloring were all his father's. Still, that little boy was still in there, somewhere.

Jax could sense it.

"Cass," he said quietly. "I know you are angry with me, but I should not like to leave Lioncross until we've settled this matter. I am sorry if you are hurt by what you consider my betrayal, I truly am, but I am only thinking of your future."

"Are you?" Cassian said, refusing to look up from his feet. "I think you have made it abundantly clear that you do not think much of me."

"That is not true and you know it."

Cassian's head snapped up. "I know that my father, a man I believed to love me and support me, has stabbed me in the back," he hissed. "How could you tell de Lohr that I was a child and unworthy of his daughter?"

Jax frowned. "I said no such thing," he said. "Why do you imagine things that I have not even said? Do you truly think I would do such an underhanded thing to you?"

Cassian threw up his hands. "I do not know," he said. "You clearly told de Lohr that I am immature."

Jax wagged a finger at him. "I said you needed to mature," he said. "There is a difference. Cass, before you explode at me, take a deep breath and remember that I am your father and I love you. But I am also a man that has seen much of the world, enough so that it gives me the wisdom of experience. That is all I want for you– the wisdom and experience that age can bring."

Cassian wasn't having any of it. "And I cannot gain that wisdom while married to Brielle?"

Jax sighed faintly, seeing a very stubborn and hurt young man before him. "I have seen marriages where people have married too young and in ten years, they are different people," he said. "They outgrow one another. Sometimes growing old together does not always work. Do you not understand that I am trying to help you?"

Cassian's jaw was ticking. "I understand that you are trying to prevent me from marrying the woman I love."

Jax shook his head, feeling his frustration build. "I am not trying to prevent you from marrying her," he said. "I am simply asking you to take a few years and gain some perspective, as an adult."

"I do not need perspective."

"Are you saying that you do not trust me? You do not trust that I want what is best for you?"

Cassian paused. He wasn't going to completely denounce his father, even if he was furious. "What you want for me and what I want for me are two different things," he said. "You sent me to Lioncross Abbey when I was around twelve years of age. I was young then, the little boy who followed you around like a puppy. Remember that? I hardly left your side. But since you sent me to Lioncross, I have seen you a total of six times. Six times in all of those years. And now you want to tell me how to live my life? Do you actually think that you still know me? I am not that little boy any longer."

Jax had to fight down his frustration. He could see Cassian's point even if he didn't agree with it. "I would hope I know my son," he said. "I would hope I know him well. Have I spent every day for the past several years with you? Nay, I have not. But that does not mean I do not know you and, frankly, I find your question offensive. You are my son. Of course I know you."

Cassian eyed his father before shaking his head. "If you did, then you would not think I needed to grow up and mature," he said. "You would know that I am a man and I am mature, and I love a woman very much, a woman I want to marry. In my heart and soul, she is already my wife. She has been for a while. Your stupid terms of keeping us separate for the next five years will not change that."

"They are not stupid."

"You are dictating terms for a child to a grown man!"

The conversation wasn't getting any better. Cassian was refusing to see Jax's reasoning and he couldn't seem to get through to him. That pained him a great deal. He didn't want to leave with bad feelings between them, but he was coming to think his presence at Lioncross was only agitating his son.

He didn't want to keep fighting with him, but he had to make his point.

"Cassian, I am going to say this only once," he said seriously. "You have been wrong about many things in this conversation, but you are most wrong about something in particular– you are my son and I do, in fact, know you. I know that you are stubborn and spoiled, and that you are used to getting your way in all things. This time, you did not get your way so you are going to have a tantrum about it. Is that how you will react in your marriage to Brielle if you do not get your way with her? Are you going to have a tantrum? Because this is exactly why I told Chris that you needed to mature. You are providing the evidence of that as we speak, so you are not proving me wrong. You are only proving me right."

By that time, Cassian had lost some of his rage and was now looking at his father with disappointment and uncertainty. "That's not fair," he said hoarsely. "You make me sound like I'm some foolish whelp when you speak like that."

Jax's dual-colored eyes blazed. "Then stop acting like a foolish whelp and behave yourself," he growled. "Do you think all of this angry posturing is going to force Chris into relenting and giving you what you want? Of course it isn't. Keep this up and he may see that you are quite unsuitable to marry Brielle whom, I might mention, brought this very subject up a short while ago in a much more reasonable and calm manner. I've never been disappointed of you in my life, but we are quickly reaching that point."

Knocked back and feeling humiliated, Cassian continued to eye his father unhappily. But his hurt wouldn't let him back down completely.

"That makes two of us then," he said quietly.

Jax simply nodded as if accepting he'd just fallen off a pedestal in his son's eyes. It was a painful acceptance but perhaps not an unexpected one. Cassian had been right about one thing– his father hadn't seen him frequently since he'd come to Lioncross. In a sense, the two of them still remembered the dynamic between them from long ago, when Cassian was still at home with his parents. There was hero worship there, from son to father. And from father to son, there was still that eager little boy who could do no wrong.

But things had changed.

"Very well," he said. "Then I suppose there is nothing more to say except do not make me ashamed of you in de Lohr's eyes. I love you very much, Cassian, but you need to grow up and be a man. You're simply not there yet."

With that, he turned away and headed back towards the keep, leaving Cassian wounded and tense. His first reaction was to go after his father and apologize, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

That was the stubborn part of him.

He just wasn't ready to back down yet.

Turning away, he headed back towards the stables.

*

"Your father is leaving."

Brielle spoke the words softly. She'd found Cassian in the stables, wrapping and rewrapping his warhorse's leg, tending to the horse when he'd already tended him and there was nothing more he could do.

He simply didn't want to see anyone.

But he paused when Brielle entered, finding comfort in her soft voice when comfort had been a difficult thing to come across since last night.

"Where is he going?" he asked.

She came over to the stall, leaning against the edge of it. "Back to Rhayder," she said. "He tells my father he is concerned with the skirmish there yesterday but my father thinks he is leaving because of you."

Cassian didn't look at her. He resumed fussing with the bandage. "I did not tell him to leave."

"I am sure you did not, but he feels your anger," she said. "He is leaving because his presence here is upsetting you. Mayhap he is hoping your anger will abate if he is not around."

Cassian didn't say anything. He kept fooling with the bandage as Brielle watched.

"Cass, will you stop looking at that bandage and look at me?" she said, irritated. "I am not your enemy here. You have no reason to be upset with me."

He sighed sharply, tightened the bandage, and stood up. "Will you leave with me today so that we can be married?"

"I told you I wouldn't."

"Then you cannot tell me I have no reason to be upset with you."

She frowned. "Then be upset," she said. "Be angry. Ignore me. I spoke to my father earlier and convinced him to let us wait only two years. I have come to tell you that, but if you're going to be upset with me, I do not see the point."

He cocked an eyebrow at her snappish tone. "Two years?" he said. "So he still wants us to wait, does he? So I can find my maturity and wisdom in those years?"

Brielle folded her arms. "I want you to stop seeing everything from your perspective and start seeing what's going on around us," she said. "Your father has asked us to wait. My father has asked us to wait. I am willing to wait. What is so important that you cannot wait two years? You weren't even going to ask my father for my hand until last night and now, suddenly, you cannot wait another moment? I do not understand you. You are causing trouble where none exists."

He scowled. "I've got my father and your father telling me that I am not man enough to be your husband and you think I am causing trouble?"

She sighed heavily. "I think you are behaving poorly," she said. "I think that rather than respect their judgment, you are so determined to have your way that you are fixated on what you consider an insult."

"And you do not think so?"

She threw up her hands, exasperated. "It's not ideal, but I do not think they insulted you," she said. "I think they are doing what they think best. When did you stop trusting my father and yours?"

"I do trust them."

"Mayhap you do on the field of battle, but not when it comes to then denying your wants," she said. "Cass, they did not ask us to wait to be cruel. They did it because they thought it was best."

He regarded her for a moment. "Do you think it is best?"

She shrugged. "I would love to become your wife tomorrow with their blessing," she said. "But I will love you the same now as I do in two years or five years. Time will not change my feelings for you. I can wait when I know how great the reward will be."

She always had a way of making everything sound so logical. But he didn't have the understanding that she did. All he knew was that he felt slighted through the entire situation even if Brielle didn't see it. If he was honest with himself, he was also miffed that she wouldn't run off with him because he wanted her to.

Maybe that was part of the problem.

With a blustery sigh, he turned away and leaned over the edge of the stall.

"The two men I respect and love most in this world have told me that they do not think I am mature enough to be a husband," he muttered. "How would you feel if they told you that they thought you were too young and foolish to be my wife?"

Brielle came up behind him, putting her arm around his waist and leaning her chin against his bicep in an affectionate gesture. He stiffened up, but she held firm until he relaxed. He didn't want her comfort, but he did. She smiled faintly at her stubborn man.

"I would not become irate about it," she said softly. "Cass, they didn't mean to insult you. They were simply being honest. Why can you not trust them? They would not hurt us."

He liked the feel of her against him. That warm, soft body was of great comfort to him. He turned, taking her in his arms, but he didn't kiss her. He simply held her against him, gazing down into her beautiful face.

"Mayhap they wouldn't deliberately hurt us, but I cannot let them control my life," he murmured. "I am a man, Brie. I have proven that to you many, many times. Do you doubt that I am a man?"

"Of course not."

"Then I will not let them tell me that I am not responsible or mature," he said. "They are treating us like children and we are not children."

"We are their children. They are allowed to guide us, still."

He looked at her a moment longer before releasing her. He turned back for the wall of the stall, leaning over it.

"You just don't understand," he said quietly.

Brielle was sad that he'd released her because she could see the hurt in his eyes. He felt alone and she didn't want him to feel so alone.

"I am trying to," she said. "But I just think you are creating a much bigger issue than necessary. Your father is leaving for Rhayder and he will not be back. I heard him tell my father he will be returning to Pelinom after this. You must bid him farewell."

Cassian shook his head. "I cannot," he said. "My last words to my father were angry words and I do not want to stir up any embers."

"But he is leaving ."

She was starting to break him down a little, but not enough. He shook his head. "Mayhap I will ride to Rhayder in a few days to see him before he goes north," he said. "But not now. I am afraid we may have cross words again."

That would have to satisfy her. She didn't want to push him when he was so emotionally volatile. "I am going to bid him a farewell, then," she said. "You will not be angry with me for doing so, will you?"

"Nay," he said, turning to look at her. "You are an angel. Bid him a fond farewell."

She smiled at him, hoping this meant he was calming somewhat. She didn't like to see him so agitated. But those hopes were short-lived.

"Shall I tell him you will come to him in a few days?" she asked.

He turned away again. "Nay," he said. Then, he paused as if struggling to bring forth the words. "Brie… I want you to go with me tonight. My father will be at Rhayder and your father will be occupied elsewhere. We will not have both of them to worry about if we flee tonight."

Brielle sighed faintly. "I told you that I wouldn't," she said. "I will not shame my father like that. He has done nothing to deserve it."

"I will not ask you again."

"I hope you do not."

That wasn't the answer he'd been looking for. It almost sounded like an ultimatum to him. Pushing himself off the wall and standing his full height, which was considerable, he looked at her with an expression she had never seen before.

So… cold.

"You can count on it," he rumbled.

With that, he walked away, leaving Brielle standing in the stall, wondering if something terrible had just happened or if that was simply his quick temper talking. To be truthful, she wasn't certain, but she didn't follow him to find out. She wasn't going to run after him, begging for forgiveness when she hadn't done anything wrong.

With her thoughts lingering on Cassian, she headed out to the bailey to bid Jax farewell.