Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR

S he'd been looking for him for a solid hour.

Ever since Brielle dressed and broke her fast in the smaller hall with her sister and mother, she'd been looking for Cassian but he wasn't anywhere to be found. She even went down into the underbelly of Lioncross' keep, which was the ancient Roman foundation the rest of the castle had been built upon, but he wasn't there. She walked the entire bailey outside but, still, she didn't see him. She didn't see her father, either.

There was one last place to look.

Brielle headed over to the stables where their secret lair was. She was just passing through the yard when Cassian emerged from the stable, leading a big warhorse with a cropped tail and bandage on its leg. The stablemaster was with him as they both watched the way the horse walked. As Cassian turned the horse around, he happened to look up and catch sight of Brielle.

For a moment, he simply looked at her. There was a substantial pause that was somewhat uneasy. Then, he handed the lead rope to the stablemaster and headed in her direction.

"Good morn," Brielle said with a smile. "I have been looking for you."

Cassian looked as if he hadn't slept all night. "I've been here," he said, gesturing to the big steed. "My horse has a swollen tendon, so we are trying to ease it. He's such a powerful horse that he'll try to push through any injury, but this one can render him lame."

Brielle's gaze lingered on the big roan with the fat rump. "You must keep him off it."

"I know. We're trying."

Her gaze moved over to him. She knew him well enough to know that something was amiss. She could see it in his face.

"What is the matter?" she asked softly. "Did you see my father last night?"

He nodded, though he didn't say anything for a moment. "Go to the armory," he said quietly. "I will meet you there in a moment."

With that, he turned away, leaving Brielle wondering what was so horribly wrong. In fact, her stomach began to tense up with apprehension as she pretended to go about her business, circling around so she could come in through a corner of the stable yard and then quickly making her way to the armory without being seen.

Once inside, she waited nervously for Cassian to appear.

He wasn't long in coming.

Cassian slipped in through the armory door, shutting it quietly behind him and throwing the bolt. He turned to see Brielle sitting on the stairs.

"What happened?" she asked immediately. "Did he deny us?"

Cassian had been awake all night tossing and turning, reliving those moments when his father thought he was too immature and Christopher, a man who had known him for ten years, went along with it. Two men he had trusted and loved had turned out to be liars, both of them. They may have said they loved and trusted him in return, but that wasn't the case. Clearly, they didn't think well of him at all.

He'd never felt more betrayed.

"He did not deny us," he said after a moment. "But he says we must wait five years."

Brielle frowned. " Five years?" she repeated, shocked. "But why?"

Cassian smiled humorlessly. "That was exactly what I asked," he said. "All he could tell me was that I was too young and he wanted me to mature before I took a wife. Worse still, my father is to blame for it."

Brielle was beside herself. "What do you mean? What did he do?"

Cassian was starting to work himself up again, like he had last night. "He must have told your father that I was too young and too foolish to bear the responsibility of a wife," he said. "My own father betrayed me. I am so furious that I do not know if I will ever speak to the man again. I do not understand how he could say those things about me. And your father, who has known me for more than ten years, agreed with him. He knows me better than that. How could he possibly agree that I was not ready for marriage?"

Brielle didn't know what to say. She was positively stunned. "You are a fine man," she said, becoming angry herself. "My father knows that. He loves you. He has given you a good deal of responsibility within his ranks."

"Exactly!" Cassian almost shouted. "He can trust me with his army, but not his daughter? It does not make any sense to me."

"Nor me," Brielle said, fuming. "I will speak to him immediately."

"Nay," Cassian said pointedly. "This is between your father and me. You will not interfere. Please."

She understood, somewhat, but she was still enraged. "As you wish," she said. "But I still cannot believe it. And your father… why would he say you were immature? Clearly, he does not know you."

Cassian shook his head in frustration. "Neither one of them do," he said. "Men I have fought for and killed for. Men I thought trusted me. And now I find out they do not. I simply do not understand how I have violated this trust that they would think I am a child in need of becoming a man."

Above her anger, Brielle could see that he was genuinely hurt by their response. It was true that Cassian was a strong knight and a man of good character, but unlike most knights who were older and seasoned, he tended to wound easily– emotionally.

He took everything to heart.

She tried to comfort him.

"You're not a child," she said. "I do not know why they would say such things, but they are wrong."

"Of course they are wrong," he snapped. "If they think this is going to stop me, then they are sadly mistaken."

Brielle eyed him. "What does that mean?" she said. "What are you going to do?"

He looked at her. "I will marry you anyway," he said. "They are not going to stop me."

She looked at him a moment, processing what he'd said, before speaking. "You cannot marry me without my father's permission," she said, though it was reluctantly. "The cost would be too great."

"Too great for him ," Cassian said forcefully. "Not for me. I will have you as my wife and if that ends my service with him, so be it. I will return home to Pelinom or go to Berwick and serve with my brother. There are a hundred men I could serve who would appreciate a highly skilled and highly educated knight. I will not serve a man who thinks that I am immature."

Suddenly, Brielle wasn't so angry anymore. His words and intentions were starting to have an impact and she sat back down on the step, lost in thought. Noticing she'd gone quiet, Cassian peered at her.

"What's the matter?" he said. "Have you nothing more to say about this?"

She sighed faintly. "Are you even going to ask what I want in all of this?" she asked quietly. "You speak of marrying without my father's permission and then running off to find service elsewhere."

"And?"

" And mayhap I do not wish to leave my family," she said. "My father is not an unreasonable man, Cass. You know this. Did he say you were too immature? Was that the word he used?"

"He said that I was young. It is the same thing."

"It is not the same thing," she said. "While I do not dispute that telling us that we are too young to marry is ridiculous, I would like to know their reasons behind this."

Cassian looked at her a moment before sighing sharply. "I told you what they said," he said. "I do not want to wait five years, Brie. I want to marry you now."

Brielle could see that there was going to be trouble. She wasn't ready to run off and leave her family, not even for Cassian. She had to think that there was something else causing trouble here, something else that was in her father's mind. She still couldn't believe he had denied them, but she wanted to know why.

Why did he want them to wait?

"I know you do not want me to speak with my father, but please let me," she said. "I am involved in this, too. I want to hear his side of things."

Cassian just looked at her as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. After a moment, he simply shook his head.

"You, too?" he said, his voice considerably softer. "Are you to betray me, too?"

Brielle frowned. "I am not betraying you," she said. "Do not be foolish. All I want to do is hear my father's side. Am I not allowed to do that? Must I simply believe you blindly and forsake all else?"

A battle of epic proportions was beginning to brew. They could both feel it. Cassian faced her, fists on his hips, feeling utterly deceived by her attitude. It was more than he could bear.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"You know I do."

"Do you wish to marry me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then come with me now and we shall be married."

She paused. "I cannot."

"Cannot or will not?"

"Both."

Another knife in his gut. Christopher and Jax struck first, last night, and now Brielle. Cassian was starting to feel that he was alone in this world, with no one to support his wants or needs. Looking at Brielle, he knew that he had to get away before he said something he would regret. Without a word, he turned on his heel and headed from the armory, out into the stable yard and beyond.

Brielle watched him go, feeling an ache in her heart that she couldn't begin to describe. All she knew was that it was gutting and painful. Cassian was hurt and angry, but she also knew that he wasn't unreasonable. He would calm down at some point, but she felt very bad that they had quarreled. Perhaps she wouldn't speak to her father, as Cassian had asked her not to, but there was someone she could speak to.

Her mother.

Brielle left the armory and headed for the keep.

*

"I have trouble."

David had been seated in his brother's solar at Lioncross, looking at a map that was charting the movements of John and his mercenary army. Like every other rebel warlord, he was trying to anticipate where he would go next and he wanted to look at his brother's maps, which were a little different from his. Canterbury had already been in the path of the mercenary army, but they'd bypassed it to go for Rochester Castle instead.

David was wondering what would happen when they came south again.

However, his analysis was cut short when Christopher entered his solar, his toddler son in his arms. Westley was nearly two years of age, a child that looked so much like his father that some wondered if Dustin had anything to do with him. He was also big and loud, and the moment Christopher came into the solar, Westley wriggled down from his arms and ran to the table, begging for vellum and charcoal from David, who patiently put a scrap of vellum on the floor and handed the child a piece of charcoal to draw with.

Having young children of his own, David knew how to handle them.

"What's your trouble?" he asked his brother as Westley drew circles on the vellum. "Other than this child who already yells louder than most men I know and will probably take over Lioncross in a couple of years, what else ails you?"

Christopher smiled weakly at the sight of Westley now drawing on the stone floor. "He will be fearsome when his time comes," he said. Then, he sighed. "But he is strong and already opinionated. I have a feeling I will have just as much trouble with him as I am having with Cass."

David frowned. "What's wrong with Cass?"

Christopher sat heavily in the nearest chair. "He has asked permission to marry Brie."

David grinned. "Tell me something I do not know," he said dryly. "But why is this trouble?"

"Because I told him he had to wait."

David lifted his eyebrows. "I see," he said. "And he does not agree?"

"He does not."

The words came from Jax as the man entered the solar. He smiled humorlessly when the de Lohr brothers turned to him. "I apologize," he said. "I was departing the keep when I heard your voices. Is this a conversation I can be part of, too?"

Christopher indicated the nearest chair. "Considering we are speaking of your son, I think you'd better," he said. "I have not told David why I told Cassian that he had to wait."

Jax looked at David. "Because I told him to."

"Why?" David asked, puzzled.

Jax lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. "Because I want him to mature a little before he settles into marriage," he said. "I want him to experience life and gain some wisdom. I do not want him resenting Brielle ten years in the future because he feels he was saddled with responsibility too soon. I want him to understand what the responsibilities of a wife and family mean."

David held up a hand. "You do not have to explain this to me," he said. "Chris will tell you that I was terribly averse to marriage, even after I met my wife. Poor Emilie had to endure quite a bit while I matured."

"Then you understand."

David shrugged. "I understand that it is important for a man to mature and comprehend responsibility that is different from a command responsibility," he said. "Just because he is accomplished at one does not mean he is ready for the other. But the one thing Cass has that is different from my situation is that he wants to marry Brie. We have always known they would. Why not let them mature together?"

Jax thought that was an interesting perspective. "Then you do not think he should wait?"

"Why?" David said, looking between the two fathers. "Cass and Brielle have always loved each other. Five years is not going to change that, but it may cause them to resent the two of you. They may view it as trying to separate them. Just because they are young does not mean they do not understand what it is to love."

Christopher pursed his lips wryly. "Coming from my brother who did not wish to be married, ever," he said. "Very insightful, David. But would you feel the same way if we were speaking of one of your daughters?"

David grinned. "Probably not," he said. "I would more than likely chase Cass away with a big stick."

Christopher and Jax chuckled. "Truly, much of this is my doing," Jax said, sobering. "Cassian is my youngest child. I will admit that he was spoiled and doted on. We never denied him anything and now I am. I think that is at the heart of this problem– I have denied him when I've never done such a thing before, nor would I unless I felt it important. Mayhap I am selfish in thinking that I want him to be a good husband to Brielle but in order to do that, I feel that he must grow up a little. A wise and mature man would value his marriage, not take it for granted. I do not ever want him to take anything for granted."

"But you have also not been around him, every day, for several years," David pointed out. "Chris has. No slander intended, Jax, but I think Chris knows Cass better than you do. I'd be willing to wager that he is no longer that child you indulged. Chris, what do you think?"

Christopher didn't want to go against Jax. He'd told the man that. But he wasn't under the impression that Cassian was immature or needed to grow up, but he did need the wisdom that only came with age.

"I think they are both very young," he finally said. "I think that a few years of growth will not hurt them. If they really love each other, it will not make a difference."

"Nay, it will not. Nothing you do will hurt us."

A decidedly female voice came from the solar entry and the three of them turned to see Brielle standing there. Elegant and lovely Brielle. Before Christopher could speak, she stepped into the chamber.

"Whether you give us permission to marry tomorrow or in five years, it will not matter," she said, mostly to her father. "Cass loves me and I love him, and although I have never told you that to your face, Papa, you may as well know the truth. He is part of me and I am part of him, and no amount of time or separation will change that."

She was holding her temper better than Christopher thought she would. He knew that Cassian would tell her everything, but instead of being faced with tears and anger, she was actually quite calm.

He was impressed.

"Cass told you of our discussion last night, did he?" he asked.

She nodded. "He did," she said. "He is very upset. He feels betrayed."

Christopher cast a long glance at Jax, looking for the man's reaction. What he saw was sorrow. "I am sorry to hear that," he said after a moment. "He asked for your hand. I gave him permission with the condition that you wait five years. Just because he did not receive the answer that he wanted does not mean he has been betrayed."

Brielle's gaze lingered on her father a moment before looking to Jax. "He felt that you betrayed him," she said. "He thought he would have your support and when you did not support him against my father, he felt betrayed. He is very hurt."

Jax was pained to hear that though he already knew it. "That was not my intention," he said. "But since you are here and we are speaking of the subject, I will tell you what I told him. I do not want him marrying so young that in ten years, he realizes that he has missed out on growing up and experiencing life as a man without the responsibilities of a wife and children. I do not want him looking at you and resenting you for burdening him with that responsibility before he was ready."

Brielle pondered that. "It makes sense," she said. "In fact, I was coming into the keep to speak to my mother about all of this, but I heard you speaking of it and I thought that it is better that I speak to you. Although I understand your reasons, Cass feels that he has been humiliated. He feels that you think he is a child. You do not think that, do you?"

Jax frowned. "Of course not," he said. "He is a man with responsibilities, but the responsibility of a wife is greater than even the burden of command. There is a difference."

"And you do not think he is ready for it?"

Jax grunted softly, looking at Christopher for help, but Christopher wasn't going to give him any. This was something Jax had engineered so, in a sense, he needed to answer for it. When Jax realized that Christopher was going to let him deal with Brielle on his own, he returned his attention to her, looking into her brown eyes.

"May I call you Brielle?" he asked softly. When she nodded, he continued. "Brielle, please understand. I love Cass with every breath I take. He is my youngest child, a magnificent son that I still cannot believe belongs to me. Mayhap I do treat him as if he is still my youngest, but I assure you, I only want the best for him."

"And what if the best is me?"

"The best is you," Jax insisted quietly. "And I want him to treat you with the greatest of respect and admiration, and to be grateful for you. But I feel he needs to grow a little, as a man, to achieve that. Am I making any sense?"

As Brielle nodded, Westley grew tired of drawing on the stone floor and the vellum and ended up drawing a dark line up Jax's right boot and onto his breeches. Brielle bent over to move the child, but Jax called her off. He watched Westley draw black circles on his expensive leather boots. He even turned his boot sideways so Westley could draw on the inside of the shoe. All the while, Brielle watched him.

"You make sense, but I am not sure I agree with you," she said, watching Jax as the man fingered the top of Westley's golden head. "It is possible you still view Cass the same way you view Westley? Young and helpless? He's not, you know. I realize he's your youngest, but he's a grown man. He's not a little boy drawing on your shoes any longer."

Jax smiled weakly, thinking she might have figured out his deepest feelings about Cassian. "I will admit that I miss my children at this age," he said. "I have a few grandchildren now, you know. I sit and watch them play all day long."

Westley, growing tired with his boots, moved to his big, scarred hand and began drawing on his flesh. Christopher chuckled as Jax just sat there and let him, but Brielle was focused on the man because he seemed rather… sad. Perhaps sad that his last little boy was grown up whether or not he wanted him to be.

Maybe that was most of his problem.

She returned her attention to her father. "Papa, will you consider reducing your terms to two years?" she asked. "I think we could stomach that much more than five. Otherwise, Cass wants me to run away with him and marry against your wishes and I cannot stand five years of him making those demands."

Christopher frowned. "He asked you to marry him in spite of my wishes?"

She nodded. "He did."

That didn't please Christopher in the least. " And? "

"And I told him I would not. He is extremely angry about it."

Christopher sighed heavily. "He is going to be even angrier when I get finished with him," he said. "If he wants my blessing, asking you to go behind my back is not the way to achieve it."

Brielle held out a hand. "Not today," she said. "Please… not today. The anger and hurt are very fresh with him right now and I'm afraid what might happen if you confront him. Wait until tomorrow if you must. Let cooler heads prevail for today."

Christopher looked at David, who nodded his head in support. Unhappy about it, Christopher watched as Westley wedged himself between Jax's legs and drew on the man's right arm. Jax took the charcoal from the baby and drew a sun on the inside of Westley's left arm. Then he drew two eyes and a smiling mouth on his tunic. Westley laughed happily, the only bit of joy in a room that had nothing to offer by way of hope or happiness. Jax handed the charcoal back to the baby and stood up, gently turning the child back in Christopher's direction.

"I am afraid Cass is angry because of me, so I will do what I can," he said, sounding weary and sad. "Let me speak to him and see if I can calm him."

Brielle wasn't so sure it would work, but she didn't stop him. She watched the enormous warrior, covered with charcoal drawings, wander from the solar. When he was gone, and Westley was happily drawing on his Uncle David's boots, Brielle looked at her father.

"Cass feels particularly disappointed because you know him best," she said. "You have known him every day for over ten years and you could not tell his father that he was responsible enough for marriage."

Christopher wasn't going to tussle with her. "He will come to understand," he said. "Let the situation cool, Brie. Go about your business and leave Cass alone. Let him come to terms with the situation and he will resign himself to it, in time."

"Will you at least consider allowing us to marry in two years?"

He looked at Brielle. Both of his older daughters had been born wise, old souls, women with a maturity beyond their years. He couldn't, in good faith, deny her that. She was ready to make Cassian a fine wife even if Cassian was the one who needed the growth.

"I will," he said after a moment. "Tell Cass and mayhap he will feel better about the whole thing. Go, now, and take Westley with you before he scribbles over this entire chamber. I must speak with David."

Brielle smiled, going to her father and kissing him on the head before collecting Westley, who didn't want to leave his Uncle David. As Brielle hauled the screaming child out on her hip, Christopher turned to David.

"Now do you see what I meant when I first entered this room and told you there was trouble?" he said.

David nodded, brushing the charcoal off his breeches. "I do, indeed," he said. "If I were you, I would speak to Cass tomorrow after he's calmed down. Explain yourself again and he may see reason. I do not think you should let him stew too long."

Christopher sat back in his chair, thinking over an already-stressful morning and the day wasn't even half over yet.

He wondered what more was to come.

Or perhaps he didn't want to know, after all.