19. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Elizabeth caught sight of Mrs. Hill watching the tableau with sad eyes as she was being manhandled down the hall. They both knew that despite caring for those at Longbourn as housekeeper for decades, Mrs. Hill was powerless to protect Elizabeth in that moment, no matter how much she wanted to. Still, Elizabeth took comfort in Mrs. Hill’s desire to help, especially when she had lost all trust in her own parents’ love and protection.

Jerking her arm out of her mother’s grip, Elizabeth walked down the hall to her father’s study with her head held high. Her parents could act however they wanted to. She was going to proceed with dignity. Once in the small room so filled with books and memories of a better time, Elizabeth stood before her father’s desk, her gaze looking past where he sat and out the window.

It was not long before her mother began her rant. “I blame you, Mr. Bennet, for allowing her to develop airs and take up manly interests. Look at her now, so full ideas that she has become blind to the realities of life and what she owes us.” Rounding on Elizabeth she continued, “All the work I put into seeing you out in society, the dresses the lessons and the fretting and worry and this is how you repay me. Despite all the care, feeding, and clothing we’ve provided for you throughout your entire life, how can you not show us gratitude and do what we ask?”

Facing her mother, eyes hard, Elizabeth let go of the tight lid she had been maintaining on her frustration. She retorted, “Mrs. Hill cared for me. Mrs. Anderson fed me. In fact, Jane and I took over the responsibility of planning meals for the family years ago. So I ensured that you were fed, and I created the budget that kept Longbourn afloat. As for clothes, yes, you saw me dressed, but never did you ask my opinion or my preferences when you chose my clothes, and you added so much lace I looked ridiculous. My Aunt Gardiner taught me to manage a household, and I taught myself to manage an estate when my father’s inattention risked the wellbeing of the estate we all rely on for support. Who exactly should be shown gratitude?”

On a roll, Elizabeth interrupted her mother’s attempt to reply, her words laced with defiance. “You claim I am blind to life’s realities, Mother, but I question if you truly comprehend the situation. If you somehow contrive my marriage to Mr. Collins and father should pass away, then I would be the mistress of Longbourn, not you.”

Mrs. Bennet looked nervous, but she managed to say, “Obviously you would give way to me. I am your mother, and I have more experience running a household.”

Laughing coldly, Elizabeth dispelled her mother’s misconceptions by saying, “If you were to trap me in a life of torment with that man, I would make sure to repay the favor at the first opportunity. Think, mother, that man is a fool. I could easily have you evicted from Longbourn the moment papa died. As you have never sought to save for such an outcome, I wonder how you will manage on two-hundred pounds a year. Which is all you will get in the interest of your dowry.”

Turning to her husband, Mrs. Bennet cried, “Thomas!”

Throughout the whole confrontation with her mother, her father had only watched as if enjoying an on-stage drama. When his wife seemed to ask for his help, he only laughed. “She has you there, Fanny. If our daughter marries Mr. Collins, she will be mistress of Longbourn and able to act as she sees fit.”

“But! I am her mother. She has to do as I say.” wailed Mrs. Bennet.

This only made Mr. Bennet laugh harder. Once he could bring himself back under his control, he said, “Leave us, Fanny. Your daughter and I must talk.”

Looking between her daughter and her husband, seeing that neither were doing as she wished, she began to cry and fled the room. As soon as her mother had left, Elizabeth faced her father, knowing the coming confrontation would be no easier. She began by saying, “It seems that you wish me to marry your heir.”

Shrugging, he leaned back in his chair. “Why not? Someone must marry him, and it would be nice to have an actual Bennet at the helm.”

Sighing, Elizabeth said, “I only wonder why you spent so much time educating me, allowing me to step in and run things.”

“I have long known that my heir was a fool and would be incapable of managing Longbourn. In fact, without help, I am sure he would run it into the ground with in two years. You are smart enough and have proven yourself these last few years. With you married to him, Longbourn has a future.”

Aghast, Elizabeth cried, “I have essentially been the lamb, unknowingly groomed and fed for an inevitable sacrifice.”

Placing his hand on his chin, Elizabeth watched as he pondered her words before smiling and saying, “That is a very apt analogy.”

For a moment Elizabeth hoped that there was something of her beloved father in the man before her, but then she saw his smile and she asked, “You would actually have me marry that man, mate with that man? What of my happiness and self-respect?”

“It has been a long time since I have been happy. I do not see why you believe yourself better than me.” Eyes starting to harden, Mr. Bennet continued, “And for marrying that man, and mating him as you so aptly put it, you will have to marry and mate someone. Why not my heir? It’s unrealistic to have higher expectations.”

Shaking her head, Elizabeth said, “Just like my mother, you have missed understanding something vital. Though women have few rights the world over, in England we have the right of refusal. You can force me to the altar, but I have the power to say no once I get there.”

Smiling, he countered, “Oh, but you do not reach your majority for another six months. That is a long time to resist your mother’s insistence. I will allow her to proceed however she wants to get you to comply or force the issue. At the very least, I am sure it will be a merry battle of wills.”

Had the man she had known throughout her childhood been a lie? A carefully crafted act to arrange things as he wanted them and, at his least, inconvenience. Had he never loved her? “I am surprised at you, Father, willing to wager Longbourn on such shaky odds. You know I will not comply and if by some slim chance I am forced, I will not be kind to mother and I am unlikely to have any control over that buffoon. What then? What of Longbourn and mother then?”

Shrugging, Mr. Bennet said, “I will be dead and certainly beyond caring.”

Feeling suddenly cold, Elizabeth turned to leave without another word. She got as far as the door before he commented, “If you think to leave and seek refuge with your aunt and uncle in London, know that I will just command your return from your Uncle Gardiner. As I said previously, you are still six months shy of your majority. I would suggest that you think before you act. The world is not a nice place, and it is not as if you have any friends among the great and good.” As she looked over her shoulder, Elizabeth caught her father’s gaze and heard him say, “Though if you choose to cast your lot away from Longbourn, I am sure you may find some form of worthy employment. I saw to your education, after all.”

It did not take long for Elizabeth to make it to her room and mechanically open her top drawer. She could not stay, not even to search out Jane. If she waited, her parents might realize what she was about and lock her in her room. As she collected all the money that she had kept on hand and shoved it roughly into her reticule, Elizabeth clamped down on her emotions. She could cry later. At the moment, she had to flee. Most of her savings were in an account with her Uncle Gardiner, but she would have enough to cover a few expenses, and she would not leave it behind with everything else.

She found she wanted nothing that her mother and father had so begrudgingly given her. Not the boots or the books or any of the clothes sewn with too much lace. She would leave it all. Only taking the time to grab her heavy shawl that had been a gift from her Aunt Madeleine, she left without even taking one last look around the room that had housed her for so long. After all, it was not the shelter she thought it was—it had just been the pen to keep her in until her parents were ready to lead her in the way they chose. A sacrifice on the altar of her parents’ selfishness and derision.

Georgianna sat on the stone bench with her head tilted back so she could soak in the sun’s rays. It was a beautiful autumn day, though chilly, and the little garden running alongside Netherfield was delightful. Taking a deep breath, she smiled at the sweet smell of it. It smelled of damp earth and fallen leaves and Georgianna could not get enough of it into her lungs. After spending so much time in London, with its smog-filled sky, Georgianna was relieved to breathe in the fresh air and cleanse her lungs of the city’s pollution.

“If you keep doing that, Miss Darcy, you are likely to faint,” commented Mrs. Annesley.

Giggling, Georgianna turned to her companion, replying pertly, “If fainting is the price I have to pay to get London out of my lungs, so be it.”

Reaching out, Mrs. Annesley replaced the shawl that had slid down Georgianna’s shoulder in a motherly fashion. Gazing out over the garden and fields beyond, she asked, “Your brother will be done discussing matters with Mr. Bingley and his steward soon. Do you know what you would like to do with him?”

Smiling up at the sun, Georgianna murmured, “I do not really know. Maybe I will ask him to give me a tour of the garden or some of the nearby lanes. Though it is getting rather cold to be out of doors for any length of time. Regardless, Miss Elizabeth is supposed to be coming this afternoon. I long for an extended discussion with her, where we can openly address the sadness that was clear in her eyes yesterday, and I hope she will feel comfortable confiding in me.”

Turning to Mrs. Annesley Georgianna worried her lip before continuing, “Do you suppose she might consider me too young to confide in?

Patting Georgianna’s knee, Mrs. Annesley answered, “No, my dear, if she has any hesitation confiding in you, it will not be because of your age.”

Eyes widening, Georgianna leaned forward, concerned by the implication that Lizzie might hesitate to confide in her. “Why do you think Elizabeth might not want to confide in me?”

Georgianna watched as Mrs. Annesley sighed, looking off into the distance for a moment before saying, “Miss Elizabeth is the type of person who is so used to being the one that others rely on, it might be difficult for her to accept help from others. It is not uncommon for individuals in such circumstances to measure their worth based on their deeds for others, mistakenly viewing vulnerability and seeking help as signs of weakness and failure.”

“Oh, but Lizzie could never be a failure!” cried Georgianna. “She does so much to help so many people. Just look at how much she has helped me and William!”

A melancholic half smile tugged at the corner of Mrs. Annesley’s lips, her eyes filled with an unmistakable sadness before she said, “It is not about what kind of person she is; it is about how she sees herself.”

Though what Mrs. Annesley said made sense to Georgianna, it only deepened her curiosity about the source of her wisdom. Turning to face her companion fully, she asked, “Where did you come by such wisdom? Not that I doubt you by any means. I am just curious.”

“It is a hard-earned knowledge, Miss Darcy.” Mrs. Annesley paused, and Georgianna wondered if she had asked too much of her.

But then looking over Georgianna’s shoulder at nothing much at all Mrs. Annesley continued saying, “I married a gentleman who, as a third son, had little in the way to support himself, let alone me, but we were in love and thought little of the hardships we faced. He joined the regulars in order to support us and I was determined not to be parted from the man I loved, so I followed him to the continent. It is how I met your cousin, the colonel, actually. I saw many things during my time with the troops and I came back a changed woman and a widow, but what is relevant now is that I often saw people who, like your Miss Elizabeth, took much on themselves. The issue with this kind of behavior is that it gradually becomes unbearable, and when everything inevitably crumbles, the weight of their perceived failures can overwhelm people. I saw it several times in soldiers who believed that their unwavering determination and tireless efforts could rescue every single person. My husband was such a man.”

Leaning over on the bench, Georgianna wrapped her companion in a hug and said, “Oh, Mrs. Annesley, I am sorry. I knew you were a widow, but I am sorry to admit that I had never thought how it came about.” Pulling back, she looked Mrs. Annesley in the eye and clasping her hands in her own, she added, “I do not know if it is exactly proper, but I want you to know that if you should ever want to talk about your husband, I want to listen.”

Smiling, albeit through a haze of tears, Mrs. Annesley said, “That is very kind of you, Miss Darcy. I will not hesitate should I feel the need.”

Georgianna hugged Mrs. Annesley again, glad to have learned something about the very compassionate woman. It was no wonder that she seemed so wise. Mrs. Annesley had seen more of the world than probably most woman and yet somehow, she had not let it drag her down into the darkness.

After releasing Mrs. Annesley and giving her some space, they sat together on the bench in peaceful silence. Georgianna relished the tranquility of nature and the gentle presence of the sun on her face. However, something drew her attention to the distant field.

Brows drawn in concern, Georgianna stood and moved a few steps toward the distant figure. “There is someone coming this way, and I think they may need help.”

Following Georgianna’s lead, Mrs. Annesley moved closer, shielding her eyes from the sun and agreed, “Yes, I believe you are correct. Go tell a servant to fetch your brother and Mr. Bingley. They should probably be made aware. I will see if I can be of aid.”

Elizabeth regretted not changing into her walking boots. It was all well and good to want to have nothing to do with what her parents had given her, but walking to Netherfield in her soft-soled shoes had been eminently foolish. She had not made it one mile before she had begun limping.

Still, Elizabeth had not stopped. She had trudged ahead. At that moment, all she knew was that she wanted to see Georgianna. She had promised that she would see her that day, and so she would. Elizabeth found herself at a crossroads, unsure of what to do about moving forward. However, she remained determined to honor her commitment before escaping her parents’ schemes.

Ignoring her throbbing feet, Elizabeth moved one foot after another, knowing that she would reach Netherfield soon enough. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Elizabeth knew she was not thinking logically, but that part of her mind that should have cared was damaged.

Elizabeth could not worry about what she would do after she saw Georgianna. She could not determine how she might circumvent her parents from harming her and her sisters. The part of her that used to strategize and push forward with determination seemed to have disappeared. She had no choice but to put one foot after another and move forward in the only way she knew how.

She walked until suddenly she was stopped by hands on her shoulders and a firm voice drawing her back to herself. It took Elizabeth a moment to hear her name. “Miss Elizabeth!”

Blinking away some fuzziness, Elizabeth realized that Mrs. Annesley was before her saying something. Was she already at Netherfield? Again Mrs. Annesley spoke, and this time Elizabeth could understand her when she said, “Miss Elizabeth, look at me now, my dear. Have you walked all the way from Longbourn?”

Feeling like a broken doll, Elizabeth nodded. Part of her wanted to explain what had happened, but another part wanted to stay numb. Staying numb meant she did not have to face the anguish of her parents’ betrayal and the question of what she was going to do.

Elizabeth felt Mrs. Annesley wrap an arm around her shoulders and lead her onward. Looking around her, it bewildered Elizabeth to realize that she had reached Netherfield. It felt like only moments before she had walked through her old home and shut the door behind her for the last time.

Then Georgianna was there in front of her with tears on her face and something inside of Elizabeth shuddered. Elizabeth hated it when those she loved cried. It always made her want to help someone or hurt someone, depending on what was required.

Blinking again, Elizabeth heard Georgianna say, “Oh, Lizzie, whatever happened to you?”

Licking her numb lips, Elizabeth felt the need to reassure Georgianna. Her voice was oddly rough when she said, “I am all right, Georgie.”

As Elizabeth started feeling more like herself, she took in more of her soundings. They were not quite all the way to Netherfield, still in the grassy field that ran alongside the gardens. While it relieved Elizabeth that she had almost reached her destination, she wondered what she would do once she got there. Should she ask for help to get to London? Even if her father demanded her returned to Longbourn, her Uncle Gardiner could squirrel her away somewhere. He had contacts all over the world. Surely, he could help her. Elizabeth would go almost anywhere as long as it was not with that fool, Mr. Collins.

Elizabeth could feel Georgianna’s arm on her waist adding her support to Mrs. Annesley’s. She was just about to tell Georgianna that she was fine when she stepped on an uncomfortably sharp rock. The pain that went shooting up her leg would have sent her to her knees if not for the steady support from both of them.

“Miss Elizabeth,” Mrs. Annesley suggested, “perhaps we should wait for assistance to arrive?”

Elizabeth had always liked how capable she was, heading everywhere under her own power, but she knew she was going to have to stop soon. Her feet were constantly throbbing now, and it took most of her concentration to put one foot in front of another. Looking to the garden with the convenient bench, Elizabeth judged it to be possibly ten yards away. Surely, she could make it that far.

Glancing over at Mrs. Annesley, Elizabeth tried to smile, but found it oddly painful. So instead she said, “If you will help, I think I can make it to the bench just over there.”

Elizabeth could tell that Mrs. Annesley was not particularly happy about her suggestion, but despite the notch between her brows, she nodded and said, “All right, Miss Elizabeth, let us make our way to the bench.”

It seemed to Elizabeth that she struggled more in those last few yards than she had for the rest of the miles she had traversed to get there. She would never go walking out of doors without a sturdy pair of boots again. Elizabeth realized it was foolish of her to have not changed into her boots out of spite, but she could not go back and change it, so she pushed herself forward one step at a time.

Elizabeth finally reached the bench and sank onto it, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude as the weight lifted off her aching feet. Georgianna immediately sat down beside her, wrapping Elizabeth in a warm embrace and crying, “Oh, my dear friend, what has left you so altered?”

Leaning into the comfort that Georgianna offered, Elizabeth sighed, murmuring, “My parents happened.”