Chapter 5

The last coupleof weeks before school started, trickled by, then to Allison's relief, time sped up again. Her parents were unhappy with her for breaking up with Roger, but not entirely surprised, either. In fact, her mother made several caustic remarks during Labor Day weekend about Allison's inability to hold down a stable relationship. Daddy didn't say anything, but Allison could tell he was displeased, especially once school started, and her schedule became much more demanding. For her part, she was grateful for the new pace, much busier than summer. Between work, classes, and homework, she didn't have much time to visit with her parents and had plenty of excuses for turning down any dates.

A few of them came from Todd's frat brothers, guys she'd seen and had sex with at the gang bang he'd arranged—definitely not interested. The very sight of them just reminded her of Todd and the way he'd fulfilled her fantasies, opening her up to so many new experiences.

The entire fall semester was like living in a dream world on automatic. There were plenty of moments she had fun. Diana had come along to a happy hour Allison had gone to with Linda, Clara, and Sally, and the five of them had started spending more time together. It was nice to have other women friends. Allison had completely lost touch with her supposed "best friend," Chrissy. She'd stopped calling Chrissy, getting tired of listening to the girl's long vents and realizing she created a lot of drama herself. Once she'd stopped calling her former best friend, she realized Chrissy rarely called her, anyway. Since Allison wasn't instigating the phone calls, none ever happened.

Slowly, Allison was coming to accept Todd wasn't going to come back to see her again. He'd probably forgotten about her, but she found it impossible to forget about him. Maybe if she could find a guy, she was truly interested in dating, but Prince Charming never materialized. During a family dinner, her father informed her that Roger had been seen dating Veronica Adams, a snobby socialite Allison didn't particularly like, but she wished Roger well and hoped he was happy.

For the most part, she didn't miss having a boyfriend. She had her friends, her toys, and her fantasies.

There was plenty to amuse her around the house, too. Chad was staying over more often, which was nice because she found she truly enjoyed his company, and they'd become good friends. He was over often enough, she didn't think about Todd every time she saw him anymore. Obviously, she'd become accustomed to his presence. Things had taken an interesting turn with him and Diana. Apparently, she'd talked him into letting her try putting a butt plug in him, and he liked it.

Drunken girl talk had eventually led to Diana admitting she was trying out a lot of new stuff with Chad—bondage, domination, and submission—but Diana was on top, a dynamic that fascinated Allison and, at the same time, did absolutely nothing for her sexually. Although seeing Chad's waddle around the apartment after a night with Diana caused Allison some amusement, she was jealous of the blissfully happy look on his face.

Still, the two of them weren't serious. Allison had the suspicion deep down, Diana didn't want to be the one in control, and it had just been happenstance they'd found out that Chad didn't either. While she seemed to enjoy Chad's company and sex with Chad, it didn't seem to deepen their relationship. They were both still dating other people.

So, maybe no one was getting what they wanted.

The package came a few days before Christmas with a message written on the outside of the box in scrawling print.

* * *

Merry Christmas, Princess.

Your Secret Admirer

* * *

Todd.It had to be Todd. Allison's hands shook as she opened the box, wondering what he could have sent her. She almost laughed when she finally got it open and saw the sex toys, but her heart sank a little. Of course, sex—nothing to do with her personally—but it was still a present from him.

The first was obviously a vibrator. It was glossy silver but looked to be very high tech with an awful lot of buttons and dials on a box attached to it by a wire. Looking over the instructions, she saw it had ten speeds of vibration, could twirl inside her, pulse, vibrate rapidly, and also had little pearls at the bottom that could travel along the outside of the vibrator. There was also a little hummingbird sticking out of the top for her clit. Just looking at the very expensive instrument of pleasure made her body tingle with excitement.

There were also two suction cup thingies with tubes connecting them and a little squeeze ball. On top of each suction cup was a little bullet vibrator attached to it. The box for these said squeezing the ball while the suction cups were over her nipples would make a vacuum inside the cups, and the suction could be pleasurable or painful, depending on how many times you squeezed the ball. Just handling the toy made her nipples hard with anticipation.

The last toy in the box was an anal probe, eight inches long and two inches in diameter, covered with ridges, and was also a vibrator. All the batteries needed were packed inside the box.

At the very bottom of the box was a framed photo, wrapped in Christmas paper covered with penguins wearing little Santa hats. For a moment, she debated waiting until Christmas to open it or just throwing the entire box away. Curiosity won, and she pulled the paper off of the frame. It had four photos, vertically going in a line from top to bottom, four-by-six black and whites. The middle two were obviously taken when she was sleeping, her curls scattered across the pillow, the softness of her lips and face curving with a satisfied smile. The other two were of her and Todd at the restaurant he'd taken her to on their first and last "dates." In the one at the top, he looked smug, and she looked pissed, definitely from their first date. In the one on the bottom, the way they were looking at each other was filled with emotion—caring. They looked like a real couple, one deeply…

Crap. Allison dropped the frame and ran to get some tissues. Could she really keep this? Seeing the evidence of their emotions? Of the changes that had overcome her during their time together?

Why had he sent it? To remind her? Because he thought she was still seeing someone else and was jealous? To torture her?

Her heart ached as she looked at the last picture again. Damnit. She couldn't destroy it, but she couldn't leave it out either. Looking at it made her heart ache. Wrapping it back in the paper, Allison hid it in her closet. Returning to the box, she ran her fingers over the sex toys.

He'd picked these out for her, with her in mind, knowing she'd play with herself and think of him. Sudden heat flushed through her body, the last reaction she'd expected. It was ridiculous what the thought of him could do to her libido.

It was useless to admit she wasn't curious about the toys. Picking up the box, she took the whole thing into her bedroom and started putting batteries into the toys, turning them on, and watching them. Trust Todd to pick out toys that would push her boundaries. Other than the vibrator, would she have had the guts to buy any of these herself? The high-tech hummingbird was much more expensive than the simple beaver she'd bought.

Maybe she should try them out. Pulling her shirt over her head, her big breasts swayed gently as she placed each sucker over a nipple, holding them in place with one hand, then used her other hand to squeeze the ball.

Ooooh... The sensation was indescribable. Her nipples felt like they were being firmly pinched, crushed between someone's fingers, but at the same time, it was much firmer and encompassed the entire nipple, even pressure all the way around. Squeezing the ball again, her head fell back as little jolts of pain spiked her breasts, sending aroused tingles all the way down to her pussy. Oh, this was good, even better than the clamps. Squeezing the ball again, she moaned and looked down to see her little nibs sticking far into the suckers, along with the pink flesh of her areola. They looked a little disfigured. Turning on the vibrator on each of the suckers, she shuddered as the pleasure ran through her. This was almost as good as if Todd was here himself. The fact they were presents from him turned her on, even more—even if she didn't understand why he'd sent her anything at all.

Pulling off her pajama pants and thong, she climbed onto her bed on all fours. Her breasts hung down, nipples vibrating and tingling with pain. Sliding the probe into her pussy, she got it wet with her juices, pumping it in and out of a few times, liking its thickness and ripples. Bringing it up a bit further, she bent over a little more as she began to press it into her ass, wondering what those ribs would feel like in her tighter hole. They rasped over her sensitive nerves, making her shudder and whimper as she pressed it in. She had to work it in slowly as her body kept clenching around it, slowing her progress. The thick length stretched her so wonderfully. Had Todd thought about her doing this when he'd picked it out? Had he known the way the strange ridges would make her feel, how they would make her body pulse?

Twisting the end of the probe, she groaned loudly as it vibrated inside of her. The heady sensation made her thighs tremble, and she quickly turned over onto her back. Now her nipples were throbbing in their confinement, the vibrations outside and inside of her making her wild. Grabbing the hummingbird vibrator, she pressed it inside her. Already her body was building to a quaking orgasm, and she hadn't even touched her pussy.

Despite its girth, the vibrator slid in easily from all her juices. She let out a small cry as she turned the vibration on to pulse, feeling little shocks of pleasure in her wetness. Turning it to a steady vibration, she switched on the little hummingbird, her entire body arching as it hummed against her clit, vibrating the little nub. Her body was filled with pleasure and passion, her holes full of vibrating, gyrating toys—pleasure Todd had brought to her.

Turning the setting on the vibrator, so the little beads would start moving over its surface, she squeezed the ball on the suction cups again, crying out as the vacuum bit into her breasts painfully, her nipples completely distorted inside the suction cups. Flicking the hummingbird on to full blast, she held the vibrator inside her pussy and began pumping the one in her ass, screaming out her fulfillment, seeing Todd in her mind.

"Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck I'm cumming!! Oh, fuck... Oh God, Todd! I'm cumming!! I'm fucking cumming, Todd!! Oh, fuuuuck!!"

Her body thrashed, the vibrating toys driving her sensitive flesh over the edge as they hummed inside her and on her without stop. Sobbing her ecstatic pleasure, she frantically started turning them off as her orgasm continued. Finally, she was left exhausted and satiated on her bed, her insides quivering from the intense orgasm.

The man hadn't seen her in almost half a year, he was on the other side of the ocean, and he still managed to give her better orgasms than Roger ever had. On the other hand, maybe this present meant he was still thinking about her? Maybe even still had feelings for her? After all, when she could bring herself to a screaming, quaking orgasm, what did she need a man for?

Although she tore apart the insides of the box, looking for another note, some clue of what he'd been thinking when he sent the note, there was nothing. Allison put the toys away, disappointed. It was the best and worst Christmas gift she ever received. Best because it was from him and gave her hope. Worst because she was going to be utterly heartbroken if that hope was disappointed.

* * *

"Hey, Allison."

The soft voice behind her made Allison wince—Roger—as if this week hadn't been enough of a pain in the butt. After receiving the Christmas gift from Todd, Allison's holiday had taken a sharp turn for the worst. Diana was away with her parents in Aspen, skiing, which meant the apartment was lonely, and the friends she'd made at work had their own plans with families in town or were also out of town, so she was stuck alone a lot of the time unless she felt like being with her parents. That led to some pretty painful dinners with her mother, making sniping comments about her lack of a boyfriend and wondering why she hadn't hung on to Roger. Her father just ignored her and spent most of his time soliloquizing about his own life or talking to her mother about the upcoming holiday party.

Which is where she was now. Christmas had been two days ago, and she hadn't even had Chad's company because he'd spent the holiday with his mother this year. So, now it was Saturday night and her father's company holiday party. She was dressed in a long red velvet dress with a slit up the back and little chiffon cap sleeves. She was wearing her green Murano glass jewelry and her hair up in a delicate French knot. Unfortunately, her beauty didn't give her any confidence when she had to turn and face the man she'd broken up with.

"Hello, Roger," she said, putting a proper hostess smile. Turning her head, she smiled at his date. Was it just her imagination, or did it actually look like she was standing with her nose in the air? "Hello, Veronica. Are you two having a nice time this evening?"

Veronica gave a derisive little sniff, which made Allison's insides clench in anger. She might not entirely enjoy her parent's parties, but that didn't mean this bimbo could denigrate them. The low-cut purple dress and dripping silver necklace drew attention to her breasts, which Allison was pretty sure had been artificially augmented since the last time she'd seen them.

"We're having a wonderful time," Roger said, apparently unaware his date didn't seem to share the same opinion. That or he was just being polite. "Your parents throw a great party. You look fantastic, by the way."

Now Veronica was staring utter daggers at her. Allison smiled graciously, ignoring the artificial blonde's sneer. Her hair color probably wasn't any more real than her breasts.

"Thank you," she said, smiling up at him. Roger really was perfect, and she was still sad she didn't care for him as more than a friend. "You're looking pretty fantastic yourself. You too, Veronica. I love your dress." The blonde tossed her head, giving Allison the smallest smile possible.

"You look so… festive," Veronica said. It sounded like it could be a compliment or an insult, depending on how Allison wanted to take it. She could see Veronica's silver nails digging into Roger's tuxedo jacket. Obviously, the woman was jealous. Not much that Allison could do to reassure her, not that she was sure she would if she could. Veronica would never believe her because that's not how she would behave if the roles were reversed. She was an eminently toxic personality.

"Excuse me," Allison said without acknowledging Veronica's words, trying not to enjoy the flare of temper in the other woman's eyes too much. "I see someone I should probably say hello to."

Fortunately, she wasn't lying. Her father's right-hand man had just arrived, and it gave her the perfect excuse to hightail it away from the couple before her contempt for Veronica came out of hiding. That poisonous woman didn't deserve Roger, but it's not like there was a lot Allison could do.

Diana showed up not too long after that. Allison gave her roommate a heartfelt hug, relieved she had someone she could walk around with rather than flitting from group to group on her own. The two girls giggled and relaxed as Diana told Allison all about Aspen and the cute guy she'd met and had a fling with. Allison chuckled, but couldn't help feeling sorry Diana and Chad obviously weren't going to become an item. In fact, over dinner, Diana was already eyeing the offerings around the room before dismissing them all as being ‘too stuffy.'

After the food was cleared away, a few people drifted toward the dance floor, some of the men—including her father—disappeared outside, which probably meant they were going to smoke cigars, and others table-hopped as conversations picked up again. Left alone at their table, Allison was about to tell Diana about the Christmas present Todd had sent and get Diana's opinion when Roger approached them.

"Good evening, ladies. Excuse me for interrupting, but I was hoping Allison would give me this dance?"

Even though she'd much rather stay and talk to Diana, there would be plenty of opportunity later, and she didn't want to hurt Roger's feelings again by rejecting him over something as simple as a dance.

"Yes, thank you." She put her hand in his and allowed him to help her to her feet.

Roger really was a wonderful dancer, and she relaxed as she let him lead her around the dance floor, weaving expertly between couples. Dancing was always one of the things she'd enjoyed doing most with him. He never stepped on her feet or ran her into anyone.

"How are you?"

"I'm doing well," she said. "Ready to finish my last semester of school."

"How's the job going?"

"Still loving it, to my parent's dismay." Allison grinned up at him, and he laughed. "I might even stay on there after I graduate. I really like the people I work with, and Human Resources is fascinating."

"Yes, I can't see you staying at home and spending all your time planning fabulous parties, although I'm sure you'd be good at it if you wanted to."

Allison made a disgusted face, and he laughed again. It was nice to dance with Roger, sharing jokes and conversation again. She realized she liked him quite a lot, but as a friend, not a romantic interest. Despite her yearning for Todd, she'd missed Roger's company, just not for the same reasons.

"How are you doing?" she asked. "Is my father treating you all right?"

"I think he was a little disappointed," Roger said, his voice lowering and softening. "But he doesn't treat me any differently." His hand tightened around her waist for a moment, and Allison sighed. At least their breakup hadn't changed anything significant for Roger. "Are you sure we… there's nothing…"

"No." She winced and shook her head, speaking in a low voice. "I like you a lot, Roger, and I can't deny I've missed your company, but in the way I miss Diana when she's not around. I like spending time with you and care about you as a good friend, but there's just no spark for me."

"There doesn't always have to be a spark," he said.

Startled, Allison looked up into his eyes. They were soft, warm, intelligent, with a hint of a spark, but she realized that was just sexual chemistry, not a romantic spark. It was a hidden side of him, he never brought out to play with sex. At that moment, she realized Roger's feelings for her didn't actually go any deeper than hers for him. He cared about her, loved her as a confidant and friend, wanted her to be happy—heck, wanted to make her happy—but sweeping romantic love? That wasn't in his eyes.

Surprising him, Allison grinned. "You aren't in love with me either," she accused.

Roger shrugged but couldn't help laughing at her. "I don't think I've ever been in love."

"Oh," she said, taken aback by that momentarily.

"I'm pretty sure my parents aren't in love, either, but they have a warm, wonderful, caring relationship. They're a good match. We are, too."

Allison thought about that for a minute, looking away from him. She saw Diana watching them with a look of speculation. Veronica was bright red and angrily glaring, looking ready to start spitting venom, and her parents were watching with speculation of their own, standing next to each other but not touching. Allison realized, for the first time in her life, she'd never seen any hint of her parents being in love, either. They were socially acceptable, compatible, and seemed to care for each other, but there was no romance between them… no spark.

She shivered, suddenly cold. Was that what she could expect for the rest of her life? A warm marriage with no real passion, trapped by the social expectations of her family and peers?

Then her eyes settled on Diana again. No, she'd seen Diana's parents. That was a true love match. They were happy. It's what she wanted. Allison shook her head and looked back into Roger's stunning green eyes.

"That's not enough for me. I don't think either of us should have to settle. You deserve more than that, Roger."

"We have wealth, status, power… almost anything we want," he said softly, his eyes entangled with hers. "I'm not settling, but there has to be some trade-off. One person can't have everything."

"I'd give up the rest of it for love," she said stubbornly.

Roger laughed again, the soft look on his face fading into real amusement and delight. "I bet you would. Other than you and Diana, I don't know of any other woman in our social set completely supporting herself."

She gave him a look of mock-shock. "You mean Veronica doesn't have a job?"

"Now, don't be mean," he chided as the song ended, then escorted her back to her seat. Diana smiled impishly at him when they got there.

"Brought her back to me?" Diana asked.

"Hello, again," he said politely. "And, yes. Unless you'd care to dance?"

"I'd love to," Diana said enthusiastically, obviously surprising him. She grabbed his hand and probably would have dragged him to the dance floor, but he put his arm around her waist and slowed her down to his pace. Allison saw her friend look up at him with surprise, and she almost laughed. Roger might be a gentleman, but he wasn't a pushover.

As she watched them whirl around the floor, she thought they made a pretty interesting couple. Diana was so petite, even in her high heels, she barely came up to his chin, and her long dark hair was a contrast to his blonde good looks. Diana looked incredible tonight too, with her hair flowing freely over her green and gold cocktail dress, the chiffon skirt swirling around her pretty tanned legs as Roger spun her around. She already had him cracking up at something she was saying, so much so, she actually saw Roger stumble for a step.

"You stay away from him, you bitch," a voice hissed in her ear. When Allison swiveled her head, she wasn't surprised to see Veronica's angry hazel eyes.

"He asked me to dance," Allison said mildly. "If you're jealous, you can talk to him about it." She turned away, confident in her knowledge Veronica wouldn't make a scene here. A moment later, the fuming woman stomped away, and the small ball of anxiety in Allison's belly relaxed. Well, so she hadn't been entirely sure Veronica wouldn't make a scene. She had a reputation for being a bit of a drama queen, but Allison was on her home turf since it was her parent's party, and it would have given her the advantage.

That woman truly didn't deserve Roger, but it's not like it was up to Allison. Obviously, he didn't have as high standards as she did when it came to romance, and maybe in some ways, he was right. Here she was, pining for a guy who was socially unacceptable to her parents and who she wasn't even sure returned her interest. If he hadn't sent that Christmas present, would she have been more amenable to Roger's suggestion that marriage could be satisfying with warm compatibility rather than romance and love? Possibly.

Now, she didn't know whether to be more or less thankful to Todd for the gifts.

That night, after getting home and talking with Diana about the party, Allison went to her room and rooted around in her closet. Sitting on her floor, she studied the frame she pulled out, for once looking more at herself than Todd. Happy. In that last picture, she looked so happy. In love. The way she'd seen other couples, the way Diana's mother looked at her husband. Was it so wrong to want that?

No. She wasn't ready to give up yet. She was only twenty-two years old, twenty-three next month. Unlike Roger, she knew how wonderful being in love could be. It was definitely way too early to give up on the idea of finding real love with someone she could spend the rest of her life with.