Chapter 6

6

K assadee

The Past

After the Exchange of Their Virginities

Kassadee lay on her back, trying to regulate her breathing. She wasn’t sure how her first time was going to go, but she wasn’t expecting to feel so full, so euphoric, and yet somehow drained. The pain and soreness she’d already begun to feel had been worth it, especially since her first time had been with Dali.

Secret conversations and love notes started when she turned thirteen. Up until that point, they kept their distance from each other after sharing their first kiss. Kassadee swore Dali began to express interest in her because that was when her body started to develop, but Dali assured her that wasn’t the case. He said he didn’t want his friendship with her brother to be over, and Kennessy had made it clear to his friends that his sister was off-limits.

But the summer before she started high school… that changed.

For the last two years, Kas had been okay with their secret exchanges. It was exciting and made her feel special to have a bond with him that no one else knew about. Dali was a week away from leaving for college, and she wanted to give him something to remember her by while he was gone. In one of his letters, Dali confessed that he was still a virgin and saving himself for her. At first, she didn’t believe him, but she’d found a way to casually bring it up in conversation with her brother by asking him about his first time.

When she learned that Dali, in fact, was a virgin, Kassadee finally believed his feelings for her. She didn’t know how they were going to make a relationship work, but she was dedicated to it even more now.

“So…” She started, looking over at him. The soft sheen of sweat on his face coupled with his relaxed expression and lazy eyes made her smile. “What now?”

“Well, I’m going to shower when I’m sure my legs work again.”

Kassadee giggled. “No, I mean… with us. Like… How are we going to make a relationship work with you being in college? I know your schedule is going to be packed but—”

The heavy sigh he released caused her to stop speaking. Dali turned on his side and rested his weight on his elbow.

“Kas… I didn’t think you thought this meant we were going to be together.”

Her head tilted as she processed his words. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we agreed that we’d give each other our virginities before I left for school and before my eighteenth birthday next month, but things are going to be even crazier for me. I don’t think us starting a relationship right now is a good idea.”

Sitting up, she allowed her back to rest on the headboard. “Oh, so I was worth your virginity but not a real relationship?”

She scoffed as he tried to take her hand into his, but Kas pulled away.

“Come on, baby. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying I will have classes, work, and the wrestling team. This is about to be a huge adjustment for me. I don’t want to not be able to give this my all.”

“No, you’re lying. You don’t want to be with me because you want to whore around with college girls.”

As she hopped out of his bed, Kassadee ignored him calling her name.

“Look, I swear that’s not what this is. I even told your brother I wanted to be with you and he agreed that we need to focus on school… at least for our first year. I don’t want you to feel like I’m not giving you my time.” Dali stood and took her hands into his. “I won’t be living up the street from you anymore, Kas. I’ll be on campus only coming home for the holidays. Are you really going to be okay with that?”

Nibbling her cheek, Kassadee avoided his eyes as hers watered. “I wish you would have told me that before. Now, I feel like I wasted my virginity on you.”

Dali’s shoulders slouched and mouth hung open. As her tears fell, he wiped them away before pulling her into his arms.

“That broke my heart, Kassadee. I hate that you feel like it was a waste because I don’t. I’m sorry if I didn’t communicate better, and I hope you know I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

Without responding, Kassadee put her clothes on as her tears rapidly poured. She told him she was ready to go home and remained quiet on the drive there.

“Kas, baby, I—”

She hopped out of the car quickly and rushed inside of her home. After checking the time, she realized she only had two hours left before her brother got home from work. If he saw the distraught state she was in, she wouldn’t have to worry about distance keeping her and Dali apart because Ken would.