Chapter 5

5

K assadee

Later that Night

I knew exactly who was coming into my home in the middle of the night. Despite my request for time and space, Kennessy wouldn’t be able to rest until he knew I was okay. Since Siri couldn’t talk him out of coming over, she’d called and warned me that he was on his way. I quickly wiped away the tears that had slid down my cheeks. It didn’t matter how much time had passed—nights like tonight always triggered me and took me back to the night my college roommate was brutally murdered.

My brother’s steps were heavy as he stepped inside of my bedroom. It wasn’t hard for him to find me, since this was the only space that had a light on. I was seated in the egg chair on my balcony, looking out into the picturesque midnight sky and mountain view.

He took the empty seat next to me and cleared his throat. “I can’t rest until you do, sis.”

“I told you I was fine.”

I saw him look at the side of my face out of the corner of my eye. I’d been home long enough to shower and wash my hair. It was my plan to drink a bottle of Port and pass out, but thoughts of Camila had temporarily paralyzed me. All I’d been doing was sitting here crying.

“We might not be twins, but we’re close enough for me to feel your energy, Kassadee. I know you’re not all right.”

That was true. He was three years older than me, but our birthdays were in the same month, and our personalities were similar. I think all siblings went through that phase where they hated each other, especially brothers and sisters, but when we got past that, Kennessy and I became inseparable. Even when I wanted to hide things from him, I couldn’t. He wasn’t just my big brother; Kennessy was an extension of me. An extension of me that made my life so much better.

Licking the corner of my mouth, I fought back my tears.

“I know I can’t fix this…” His head shook and hung. “I can’t take away that pain. But I’m here, Kas.”

Sniffling, I wiped away my tears and released a shaky breath. “I just… feel like I should be over this by now. Like… Why is this still bothering me? How long is it going to take before I feel normal again?”

Kennessy didn’t respond right away. He took my hand into his and rubbed it with his thumb.

“You are normal, sis. It’s normal to grieve and be triggered. What you saw… that could break and taint even the strongest of people. You might not ever forget that situation, and that would be absolutely okay.” He paused and released a heavy breath. “I won’t apologize for defending you, ever, but I do apologize for triggering you. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking about Camila. I saw that nigga violate you and I wanted off with his fucking head.”

“I know, and even though it messed with me, I really do appreciate y’all. I’m blessed to have people in my life that look out for me. That’s what makes me feel even worse. I shouldn’t be sad because I was protected, but all I can think about is her. Then I think about Brandon and hate him even more. He ruined me that night and it feels like there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Before I could stop them, my tears started to pour even more rapidly.

Camila was one of three girls I shared an apartment with on campus my senior year. Siri shared the apartment with us along with Tiffany. We all got along well and built a genuine friendship. We had our catty moments here and there but the only thing that ever caused serious issues was Camila’s toxic relationship with Brandon. They spent their days fucking and their nights fighting. It got so bad that we sat her down for an intervention.

Nothing we said or did worked. Camila was blindly in love, or at least that’s what we thought. And maybe it was love… but it was fear too.

It was during our spring break that we learned their relationship had taken a violent turn. The rest of the girls and I had planned to go to Florida for the week. We missed our flight and decided to drive the next day, so we went back to the apartment and heard the grunts, screams, and smacks of Camila’s body against the wall.

We went to break it up immediately and Brandon left. She swore that was the first time it happened and that she was done with him, but that wasn’t true. We tried to convince her to press charges against him, but she didn’t. While Tiffany and Siri wanted to change roommates, I wanted to keep Camila close to ensure her safety.

For a while, Brandon was on his best behavior. A couple of months later, bruises on Camila’s ribs and back appeared. Then it was a busted lip and black eye. At that point, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I told her if she didn’t press charges against him that I would. That enraged him. He was upset with her for putting me in their business. Brandon beat her to the point where she was barely recognizable, and only then did Camila realize how unsafe their relationship was.

I felt so guilty.

Even though I knew it was for the best that she be away from him, I hated that he’d hurt her so badly because of me. Still, I figured the worst was over. She’d broken up with him and pressed charges, and Brandon was arrested.

Unfortunately, we didn’t realize how tight of a hold Brandon had on Camila. While he was awaiting his trial, he was writing Camila and talking to her on the phone. It took sixty-three days for him to see a judge, and on that day, Camila testified and said he wasn’t the man that attacked her. The charges being dropped put a battery in Brandon’s back. He got cocky and convinced himself he could do just about anything and she would stay with him.

By the end of the year, the beatings had stopped but he’d been cheating like crazy. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she broke up with him, and that’s what took him over the edge. I walked in on him literally beating her to death. I tried to stop him, but he was too strong. He ended up hitting me and knocking me out. By the time I came to, he was gone, and Camila was dead.

For years, guilt consumed me. It didn’t matter how much therapy I had or how many pastors my parents made me talk to. Them telling me I did all I could and it wasn’t my fault meant nothing to me.

Dali ended up going pro and I could barely stomach his matches because they were so triggering. As much as I wanted to support him, I eventually had to stop going. If I didn’t have a physical reaction, my anxiety flared. It became too difficult for me to separate what he did professionally from what happened to Camila. When I saw him in that ring, it wasn’t him and a willing opponent—it was Camila and Brandon as she literally fought for her life.

I think that was what angered me the most. Losing Camila hurt like hell, but I felt like Brandon had taken Dali from me too. I couldn’t be with a boxer because of the abuse I saw Camila endure. I couldn’t go to his matches and support him. I couldn’t tend to his wounds without seeing hers. It became too much, and I started to withdraw from the one man that had always been the safest space for me. It didn’t matter how softly and gently Dali handled me… if I saw him angry or aggressive, or any man for that matter, it triggered me.

It was a different kind of torture allowing the past to have this kind of power over me. The kind of power to keep me away from the first man I ever loved romantically. Cursing under my breath, I stood and leaned against the railing.

“You know there’s nothing he can ever do to hurt you or any other woman again, right?” Ken reminded me. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, sis. I’d die before I let that happen.” He stood and made his way next to me. “I would literally give my life for you.” Slowly, he turned me to face him. “I can’t get into your heart and mind, but if you tell me what I can do to help you, I promise I’ll do it.”

That only made me sadder because I wished I knew. I wished I knew what he could do. What I could do… to make this shit go away. But I didn’t, and that’s what made me feel so helpless. I hated feeling like I couldn’t control my emotions when I couldn’t control my surroundings. Covering my face, I shook my head. I was tired of crying and being sad and angry over this.

Kennessy pulled me into his arms and held me as I cried. That was all I needed, I suppose. Or at least the only thing I needed that he could give.

Five Nights Later

“Whew! It is crazy in here tonight,” Mona said.

She was my favorite cousin and I loved when we worked the same shift. They went by quicker and were a hell of a lot of fun. Tonight was more fun anyway because it was our second line dance night, and it was packed. I took the guys advice and got some flyers made. When I was off, I handed them out at places I believed I’d find people the events would appeal to, and it paid off.

I planned to thank Dali for the idea before he left. He’d been at the bar every night this past week to make sure I was okay. We didn’t talk, and we didn’t have to. Every evening, he came to my home and trailed me to work. He’d be back before my shift was over and make sure I made it home safely. I didn’t bother telling him he didn’t have to do it because he wouldn’t listen anyway.

This was what he did anytime I was triggered and feeling unsafe—even if the lack of security was only in my mind and heart. I knew there was no real threat to me physically, but as I worked through the memories of Camila and Brandon, Dali always made it his business to make sure I knew I was protected in all ways.

“I know, right? That means business is gonna be good,” I said, quickly making my way to the opposite side of the bar. The night wasn’t over yet, and I’d already made six hundred in tips.

“That means tips will be too!” she yelled over the music with a smile and wink.

After pouring the shot of Jack Daniels that one of my regulars requested, I walked it over and asked, “Can I get you anything else, love?”

“Just you.”

Flirting came with the job, and when the man was as fine as Hunter, I didn’t mind—at all. Not only was he fine but he was a successful dentist too. My eyes scanned his bitter chocolate-hued face, settling on his dazzling smile.

“What do you want that you can have, Hunter?”

“Tell me why I can’t have you,” he demanded softly, sliding his card in my direction.

“I don’t date customers.”

“Everyone in this damn town is your customer.”

“Exactly.”

I shot him a wink and walked away to clear his tab as he laughed. That was kind of true. Jasper Lane was such a small town that almost everyone knew everyone, and if you liked liquor and bar food, you’d been to Ever’s Pub at least once. It was the oldest bar in town and our customers ranged from early twenties to late eighties.

“Hunter still trying to get at you?” Mona asked, pressing buttons on the touch screen register next to me.

“Girl, yes.”

“If you don’t give his fine ass some play! I don’t know what’s been going on with you this year, but you are not the cousin I used to run the streets with.”

That got a good chuckle out of me. Mona and I used to go on several dates a week in our early twenties. I loved dating different kinds of men because it helped me learn what I liked and didn’t like. It also kept me from ever settling because I wasn’t used to dating good men or having good sex. Lately, though, dating was starting to feel played out. I wasn’t sure if it was because I knew the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and simply couldn’t or if it was because I was tired of dating the men in Jasper Lane.

“My dating life has been kind of dry this year, huh?”

“As hell. Give that man a chance, cuz. Have some fun and live a little!”

As I considered her words, my eyes shifted over to Dali. His attention was on his phone, and he was looking good as hell tonight himself. Gritting my teeth, I focused on the screen and cleared Hunter’s tab. Thinking about and looking at Dali would make it even harder for me to consider dating Hunter or anyone else for that matter.

I walked around the bar and made my way between Hunter’s legs.

“Ooh,” he almost moaned, spreading them wider slightly.

I handed him his card, and like he always did, he gave me a hundred-dollar tip. I slipped it between my breasts, directing his attention there.

“If you ask me out again, I’m going to say yes.”

As Hunter processed my words, a slow grin spread his lips.

“Can I take you out this weekend, Kassadee?”

“Yes.”

“Are you available Wednesday or Thursday to meet up for coffee or something? I want to get to know you a little better and plan a proper date so we can do this right.”

For some reason, that caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting him to put much thought into it.

“Um… sure. Thursday is better.”

“Cool. Let’s meet at Espresso Express at ten. Does that work?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Great. I’ll see you then.”

He stood and I tried to step back to give him space, but he gripped my waist and kept me in place. Hunter lowered himself to my lips and kissed me, stealing my breath. My hands went to his chest, and I kept them planted there to remain steady. It was a nice kiss… but it didn’t shock me or make my heart skip a beat like kissing Dali did. It didn’t cover my arms with chills like kissing Dali did.

Why in the fuck am I thinking about Dali right now?

When he pulled away, I licked my lips, savoring the mix of mint and whiskey that was on his breath.

“Have a good night, Kassadee.”

“Y-You too.”

As I watched him walk away, Mona squealed from across the bar. It took me a few seconds to process what had happened, but when I did, I went behind the bar and got back to work.

“Chile, Dali saw that shit and is pissed !” Mona said. “I saw veins popping out that man forehead and neck all the way back here before he left. I’m surprised he didn’t come over here and pop Hunter in his shit.”

Crap .

I thought about Dali, but not in the way I should. I didn’t think about him being here and possibly seeing that transpire. Was it my responsibility to guard his heart and feelings? Would he even care? I wasn’t his rib. His heart wasn’t my priority… if it even held romantic feelings for me at all.

The last thing I wanted to do was upset him, but I didn’t see a reason for him to be upset. A part of me thought Dali would come after me when he retired, but we were seven months into the year and that hadn’t happened yet. I figured he’d gotten over me even though I still loved and wanted to be with him. There was a time I believed loving someone romantically meant you had to try and be with them, but loving Dali changed that.

It didn’t mean I had to have him—it meant I wanted what was best for him… even if it wasn’t me. I’d never lie and say I didn’t want to experience him in that way, but I could honestly say, the love I had for Dali was healthy enough for me to not selfishly demand it be returned.

Since childhood, Dali cared for me, prioritized me, and gave me so many fun and unforgettable experiences and memories. Adulthood had complicated things enough between us, and I hoped seeing Hunter kiss me would not add to that.