16. Evie

sixteen

Seven Years Ago

“Bye, Emma,” I yelled, waving at her.

She yelled and waved with the same vigor. “Bye, Evie. Don’t forget to do our Math homework.”

I rolled my eyes, dismissing her with a wave of my finger. Once I took a turn in my direction, I could no longer see her. Sniffing nothing in particular, I clutched the strap of my bag tighter.

As I wove between the sea of people going about their daily routines, I spotted familiar elderly neighbors chatting on stoops. “Hi, Ms. Jones.”

“Oh, hi darling. How was school today?”

“Fine. Thank you.”

I continued weaving my way through the sea of people until I cut another corner. This was the final street that led to our house. It wasn”t as crowded as the previous street, but it wasn”t deserted.

I still had quite a distance to cover. I could almost smell my mother’s cookies from here. The thought alone made me walk faster. Mother usually made cookies for me on certain days after school.

Most times she made them in the morning before she left for her small flower shop. But recently, she’d been around… a lot. It was because of her cancer. She was just recovering after years of battling with it.

Still, that didn”t affect the cookies.

She made sure to make cookies before my arrival. I loved my mom, and I wished she’d let me have cookies every day.

Trust me, Mom’s cookies were great. But her constant nag about how I shouldn”t abuse snacks was her response to my everyday cookie request. It’s good to satiate your sweet tooth, but it’s bad to do it every time. That was her favorite catchphrase.

She barely let me have cheat days. But that”s where Dad came in. He gave me cheat days... on the basis that I wouldn”t tell Mom, of course. I never did.

I picked up my pace when I almost reached our apartment building. I could already taste the cookies. With a huge smile, I arrived at our apartment building.

It was a tired-looking structure squeezed between taller, more imposing buildings. Like most of the buildings in the neighborhood, its brick facade was cracked.

The hallway was dimly lit and smelled musty as usual as I jumped the steps in twos. My excitement grew higher as I made my way to the sixth floor. I entered the hallway and, alas, was standing in front of our apartment.

Disappointment struck my stomach when I opened the door to find the apartment… dreary.

My stomach flipped when I didn”t see Mom in her usual spot. Somehow, I just knew something was wrong.

Mom was usually on the couch seeing her favorite Tv show. And Dad, if he’d returned from his shop, would be beside her. But now there was No one, nothing. Not my parents, not the smell of cookies.

Our cramped apartment seemed even smaller as I walked through it. The TV station was scrambled, and there still was no sign of my parents. Maybe they decided to stay in their room today.

I hurried to Dad’s room to find the door ajar. When I peeked through, he was on his wooden chair, staring into space.

“Dad?” My voice was tentative as I pushed the door open. He seemed to be in his own little world.

“Dad,” I called out a little louder. Instantly, he turned to me, eyes bloodshot.

I held my breath. Maybe it was the look in his eyes or the unusually quiet atmosphere, I asked. “Where’s mom?”

The silence that came after was deafening. Dad was never this silent. “She’s... You just need to freshen up and do your homework.”

On a normal day, I”d have obliged. But nothing about today was normal.

My voice broke. “Where’s mom?”

When he didn”t respond, I raced to her room. It was empty. “Mom!”

My legs carried me fast into the kitchen, the bathrooms, everywhere. “Mom!!”

I continued to yell for her until Dad hit me with the truth. “I”m sorry, Evie,” he cried. “Mom is gone.”

I froze, my head spinning in time. But she said she was getting better. She said she only needed rest. Suddenly I felt dizzy. Then I fell.

Mom is gone. There would never be any more hilarious laughter, no more snarky conversations, no more cookies.

***

Present Moment

Fuck. I shook myself back to reality. This wasn”t a memory I liked to relieve.

That day, I knew loss. I knew the meaning of grief.

Life wasn’t the same after Mom passed. Not for me and not for Dad. It was empty.

It took a while before I could get used to life without her. It took even longer for Dad.

I watched him struggle to pick himself back up and be there for me. I watched him struggle with business, and with bills until he finally decided to move to his hometown.

Only then did he start to pick himself back up. Even then, it wasn”t the same.

This only made me wonder what Sophie felt. I sometimes wondered what went through her head. Did she actively feel the loss of her mother? Or was it just the gory sights that affected her?

Surely, her brain must be mature enough to feel her mother’s absence. Perhaps she missed her mother?

No. It was beyond that. Trauma is an emotional response to a disturbing event that overwhelms an individual”s ability to cope.

Common reactions to trauma manifested in the form of anger, guilt, shock, and fear. But in Sophie’s case, it definitely was shock, confusion, and fear.

The little girl was scared, shocked, and confused, and the only way to buffer what she felt was by being in her head.

From our interactions, I could tell the state of her mental health. Aside from the selective mutism and her aversion to the color red, her PTSD was minimal. I was thankful for that.

And I couldn”t wait for more— to see more. My heart tugged lightly when I recalled the smile on his face when he heard his daughter smiled. I could not only imagine his happiness.

But I also didn’t miss the disappointment when he heard she hadn’t smiled since. I understood what he felt.

It was only a matter of time before she became her usual self. It was only a matter of time before Ethan had his daughter back.

My phone rang, and I answered it.

“Hello, Dad,” I smiled.

“I’ve missed my daughter”s voice so much. But she refuses to call me. She doesn”t want to know how I”m faring without her.”

Dad’s tone was playful, but I couldn”t help but be amazed by the veracity of his statement. I’d stayed close to two weeks without calling him. That never happened— even in college.

I swallowed the guilt in my throat. “Dad, you know I”m shuffling two jobs, and it”s… it”s a bit time consuming.”

Yeah, my jobs were definitely the only thing that caught my attention. Nothing else. Not a certain boss who drove me crazy in more ways than one.

“I know, Evie,” he sighed. “I just miss my baby girl.”

I smiled. “Your baby girl misses you too. But your baby girl is also on the verge of achieving her dreams.”

“And I”m proud of her,” his voice reduced. “We are proud of you.”

Tears pooled in my eyes. He never failed to remind me how proud he and Mom were.

“I just go about my day like plain ol’ me,” he chuckled. I could imagine him jabbing his elbow while shooting me a boyish grin. “Sometimes I feel like taking the next flight to come see you. But I’ve to remind myself that you”re not a kid.”

With a shrug, I nodded. “That”s right, dad. I”m a grown-ass girl.”

There was silence for a beat before he continued. “Lately, I”ve also been thinking about you know. About how I’ll be when you finally get married and, you know, have kids. I’ll be here in Minnesota j—”

My heart pricked at the thought. “But that’d literally be your dream come true. To see me loved by another more than how you love me.”

He breathed. “You”re right. When the time comes, it’d be a thing of joy.”

It surely will.

“And maybe happy tears too.”

I laughed. “You really had to sneak that in, uh?”

His laughter was even louder. “Okay, okay. You caught me.”

My cheeks hurt from how wide I was smiling. It was what my father did. He made me smile till everything else faded out, and it was just both of us here. Talking.

“How’s work going?”

“Ah, fine. I”ve actually been making sales, you know. Life is good on my end, too.” His last sentence had a bit of pride in it.

“I”m happy for you Dad.”

Comfortable silence settled between us when I remembered something. “Say, Dad. What… happened between Mr. Thorne and his late wife?”

He cleared his throat. “Well, they had some… Errmm... Issues. I don”t really have information on the whole gist. That”s why I never told you. Plus, that wasn”t your concern at the time anyway.”

But now? It was within my scope of professionalism, wasn”t it?

“But now, Dad?”

“Now, Evie, you’d just have to ask him.”

I restrained the urge to roll my eyes. Of course. There was a reason I was asking Dad instead. “But can”t you just tell me lit—”

The low vibration of the telephone interrupted me. Ah fuck.

“I see work calls. Bye-bye, dear. I love you.”

Begrudgingly, I muttered. “I love you too, Dad.”

When the call ended, I frowned at the telephone. I’d been less busy for about half an hour. And now, at a critical moment, the phone decided to ring.

I picked it up. “Evie, I need you in my office.”

My breath caught in my throat at the order. It was soft and kind, unlike the usual Mr. Thorne. It was also the first time he’d addressed me by my first name.

A bit confused, I exited my office and went to his. I knocked before entering. As usual, he was seated behind his desk. But instead of leaning backward against the chair, he leaned forward. Hands were clasped before him on the desk.

“You called for me, sir,” I said.

“I did. Have a seat.”

Was he being polite too?

I took my seat. Somehow, I felt a tad bit uncomfortable under his unnerving stare. Maybe it was because he was being different. Or because I couldn”t help the memories of what happened the last time I was here.

After the talk in his study, he’d given me the rest of the week to be with Sophie.

We didn”t see each other or speak to each other. After all, it wasn”t like there was anything to say. It was, yet again, another mistake.

And both of us had accepted that fact and moved on.

No. Only one of us had moved on. Him. Constant images of his lips against mine made it almost impossible to move on.

Curious gaze peered at me when I looked at him. His lips seemed even more red. Like he’d bitten them many times.

“I wanted to ask…”

This just kept getting better. He never asked. Only ordered.

“What other things will you need to… help Sophie.”

I furrowed my brows in confusion.

He cleared his throat. “I mean. Are…” He paused like it physically hurt for him to release his next words. “Are there any other new methods you’d like to try to help Sophie?”

Well, well, well. Look what we have here. The all-knowing Father finally acknowledged me as his daughter’s therapist.

“Not really, sir. Nothing aside from physical exercise and meditation for now.”

He nodded, inhaling a deep breath. I saw the wheels turn in his eyes before he spoke again. “Sophie used to be cheery. She liked to smile a lot… She was… still is my favorite part of the day.”

Was? So his wife wasn’t?

He breathed. “Sophie is one good thing that has happened to me since…” He trailed. His voice was strained.

Since?

“Since,” he finished. I could tell he was holding back from saying stuff. “When you… help my daughter, you’ll not only be helping her, but me too.”

I nodded very slowly. Though it happened spontaneously, this moment felt natural. This conversation between me and him felt… different.

“Having climbed many stages of the success ladder till this point, many people believe I have it all.” I watched him lower one of his palms to the table surface. “They think I’m… I can handle it all.”

Long lashes fluttered before blue orbs held me in place. “But Evie, you helping my daughter is the greatest support I can receive right now.”

Many emotions coursed through my body as I stared at him. One remained evident: shock.

Did this man just call me mid-work to admit… vulnerability to me?